Zombie Prophet

AS BY MAX BROOKS ftr- ', y q
7. GET GUT OF 'Etti. :i' . liyit, GET ONTO THE BIKE.
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Submitted: 08/10/2012
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#62 - chenito (08/11/2012) [-]
>aquire boat
>zombies cant swim 12 miles offshore
>become a pirate, raiding others with the same idea as you.
>live as a rich anarchist pirate lord
User avatar #67 to #62 - skwerl (08/11/2012) [-]
Good idea, except zombies do not require air and can slowly travel aimlessly underwater. You'd still need a strong defense on an island since a zombie could pop up every couple days.
#83 to #67 - fitchy (08/11/2012) [-]
and...what if...sharks like..ate the zombies, then you had zombie sharks.....dude.....guis....guis srsly guis....guis....zombie sharks....guis........srsly
and...what if...sharks like..ate the zombies, then you had zombie sharks.....dude.....guis....guis srsly guis....guis....zombie sharks....guis........srsly
#97 to #83 - perfide (08/11/2012) [-]
I love you
#136 to #83 - hillbillypowpow (08/11/2012) [-]
they would die from the toxic meat
User avatar #258 to #136 - danihollywood (08/11/2012) [-]
and then they would become zombies
because zombies
User avatar #404 to #67 - whiteyswag (08/11/2012) [-]
Zombies=dead bodies
dead bodies float=wut

User avatar #528 to #404 - werttit (08/11/2012) [-]
holy **** they would just walk over the water
User avatar #575 to #404 - kaukasus (08/11/2012) [-]
not in all stages of decomposition
User avatar #111 to #67 - fozzoul (08/11/2012) [-]
well, theres water pressure. go deep enoug and the pressure can trash a submarine like a piece of paper. no air, or not, they wont live after being complete mashed together.
#529 to #67 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
Have you ever tried walking under the water, it's impossible.
#311 to #67 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
As much as I like the concept of zombies I'm going to call ******** on that... Also does anyone know if zombies can poop?
User avatar #317 to #311 - skwerl (08/11/2012) [-]
Zombies have no functional stomach, intestines, etc., so yes they can poop, but it'd come out the way it came in and they'd have to eat a lot to force it through.
#192 to #67 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
what if thats the reason for the zombies in minecraft?
#156 to #67 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
You're so funny, you forget they're still made of meat.

After a few days they will all be just bones thanks to our pal the sun. What if they don't get meat to renew their energies? And they will still need water.

And how will those bones move without muscle? Magic?
#298 - TomHamilton ONLINE (08/11/2012) [-]
>take Pete's car
>drive over to Mum's
>go in
>take care of Philip
>"I'm so sorry, Philip"
>grab Mum
>go over to Liz's place
>hole up
>have a cup of tea
>wait for this whole thing to blow over.
#384 to #298 - slamweiss (08/11/2012) [-]
Good **** , te da un mano arriba
User avatar #582 to #298 - niconicodouga (08/11/2012) [-]
Love that movie.
User avatar #303 to #298 - danytheop (08/11/2012) [-]
thought it was the pub they would stay at.
User avatar #518 to #298 - iaaron (08/11/2012) [-]
I just recently rewatched this movie a few weeks ago. It's a lot funnier when you're older lol
#4 - supremetaco (08/10/2012) [-]
But swords are inefficient.
User avatar #9 to #4 - Onemanretardpack (08/10/2012) [-]
If you read the book, he's talking more about machetes and long knives
User avatar #562 to #9 - admiralen (08/11/2012) [-]
hes a gun nut, he knows about most things
User avatar #41 to #4 - chinkyeyedjoe (08/10/2012) [-]
Is that highschool of the dead? :3
#597 - stuffir **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #642 to #597 - rangerofgondor (08/11/2012) [-]
and cloverfield..
#641 to #597 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
tell that to the movie Quarantine
User avatar #688 to #641 - jordoguy (08/11/2012) [-]
Quarantine is a ****** rip off of the much superior film REC
User avatar #643 to #641 - youngfearless (08/11/2012) [-]
yeah but everyone was bound to die in the movie anyway, they wouldn't let anyone out
#686 to #643 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
And cloverfield
User avatar #256 - BadRobot (08/11/2012) [-]
"They feel no fear, why should you?"
Because they're trying to eat me.
#234 - wryme (08/11/2012) [-]
Haha, look at all the faggots in the comments who think they'll be badass in a zombie apocolypse.
Haha, look at all the faggots in the comments who think they'll be badass in a zombie apocolypse.
User avatar #561 to #234 - admiralen (08/11/2012) [-]
just cause youre a pussy dont mean the rest are
#513 to #234 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (08/11/2012) [-]
I'll be dead in a few days, I have no thoughts of me being hardcore, I am weak and frail.
User avatar #245 to #234 - lizzarro (08/11/2012) [-]
**** , I know I'm going to be Jesse Eisenberg if there is a real apocalypse. I have no delusions of badassery.
User avatar #77 - tiptoebythewindow (08/11/2012) [-]
Blades don't need reloading? Someone has clearly not played DayZ...
User avatar #5 - champaigne ONLINE (08/10/2012) [-]
Bikes are a terrible idea in the zombie apocalypse.You can only carry a small bag worth a couple days of supplies, whereas in a car you can carry a months worth. Sure bikes don't need fuel, because YOU ARE THE FUEL. Food and water is going to be just as difficult to obtain as fuel, and considering how much youll need to eat to keep up your energy that small bag of supplies is going to last you 2 days before you need to resupply. And aside from that do you really want to fight zombies after riding for 10 miles? Conditioned or not you're going to be tired. And last but not least, if you're riding down the street with zombies chasing you and hit a rock, dead end, or one runs out in front of you while you're pedaling for your life and knocks you over, you're dead meat. How would you like to end the zombie apocalypse by falling over on your bike?
User avatar #90 to #5 - rottens (08/11/2012) [-]
But on the other hand there are tricycles, one wheel in the back, two in the front, with a giant square space in between of the two wheels, good for carrying massive loads, in this case, supplies, of course it still cant carry as much as a car, but its very close, and less sound.
User avatar #104 to #5 - COMMENTSforTHUMBS (08/11/2012) [-]
I think hybrids and cars with solar panels are a good idea in the zombie apocalypse...
Just saying
User avatar #342 to #104 - champaigne ONLINE (08/11/2012) [-]
I totally agree. A prius wouldn't be too bad either, as much as I hate to say it lol. Quiet, low fuel consumption, and surprisingly fast initial acceleration. Wouldn't take so many hits from a hord tho, but thats the tradeoff
User avatar #7 to #5 - kingarther (08/10/2012) [-]
That is why cities are a gamble, More food and water sure but more zombies too.
Just like you said cars are useful but they make lots of noise and if it breaks down in a city your trapped.
Bike offer more mobility and are easy to hide and run quiet.
Yes you can get knocked off but you can be on the move again faster than crashing a car.
User avatar #24 to #7 - champaigne ONLINE (08/10/2012) [-]
Well you dont drive the car into the city. Just don't do it. Thats a terrible idea to begin with.
Sure a car makes a lot of noise, but who cares? By the time the zombies get near you'll be long gone, and even if they did youre still in a car made of metal. If worse came to worst just pick up some speed, cut the engine, and ride silently for a couple miles before starting it up again.
Bikes aren't more mobile than cars. No idea why you even wrote that sentence.
And lastly, don't crash the car... Problem solved
User avatar #25 to #24 - kingarther (08/10/2012) [-]
Sorry I meant maneuverability
#82 to #25 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
why not simply keep a bike in your car for traveling shorter distances? Like just going out to get some supplies or refilling your water or to get a tank a gas from somewhere you haven't been? hell you could just ******* duct tape it to the top of your car and you wouldn't even be using up much more room.
#94 to #82 - kingarther (08/11/2012) [-]
Dear God, An Anon right...
I did not think of this
User avatar #113 to #82 - champaigne ONLINE (08/11/2012) [-]
I completely agree
#558 - kornadth (08/11/2012) [-]
just sayin'
#264 - allion (08/11/2012) [-]
let's be honest here. if there is a zombie apocalypse, most of us won't survive, no matter how badass you say you are
User avatar #270 to #264 - alexzerian (08/11/2012) [-]
i don"t know, Some people are freaking smart and organize well. I doubt zombies will run like olympic sprinters.
#283 to #270 - idkmyusername (08/11/2012) [-]
All you really need is to be able to run... i'm assuming due to deteriorating lungs that the zombies would not have good cardiovascular capabilities, thus preventing them from running very long. if zombies don't breathe, same thing with the legs.
#302 to #283 - anaklusmos (08/11/2012) [-]
if they don't breath then why does their cardiovascular capabilities even matter? they'll keep on running until their legs literally decompose then they'll crawl. Their one major advantage is that since they don't feel pain and don't register damage they can go on indefinitely if their body can hold itself together. they're determined, single minded and aren't scared of **** .
#316 to #302 - idkmyusername (08/11/2012) [-]
You have a valid point, and i said "if zombies don't breathe" meaning that they might or they might not. But they will be physically impaired from all the rotting, so if you can outrun a gimp on steroids, you can outrun a zombie.
You have a valid point, and i said "if zombies don't breathe" meaning that they might or they might not. But they will be physically impaired from all the rotting, so if you can outrun a gimp on steroids, you can outrun a zombie.
User avatar #326 to #316 - chevah (08/11/2012) [-]
Also, zombies are the living dead, the body is dead, it's still dying and rotting, but it's somehow alive, so if everyone just went underground or something we could just wait for them to rot to death? Just my theory, cant take that long surely.
User avatar #328 to #326 - idkmyusername (08/11/2012) [-]
what if the zombies are necromatic?
User avatar #333 to #328 - chevah (08/11/2012) [-]
I don't understand, could you explain?
User avatar #339 to #333 - idkmyusername (08/11/2012) [-]
Like, risen from the dead by an ancient curse; not a disease/chemical
User avatar #344 to #339 - chevah (08/11/2012) [-]
I'm not sure, I don't really believe in that stuff, but what do I know, I guess that could be very possible, If that would be the case, I suppose we'd somehow have to break the curse, I don't know what mental case would do that anyway, they're only endangering themselves and the rest of humanity.

If someone was trying to raise someone from the dead it'd most likely be a loved one they want to be alive again, then the person who's doing the curse/spell would tell them 'there is a consequence' and this would probably be it.
User avatar #348 to #344 - idkmyusername (08/11/2012) [-]
yea, i don't believe it either. But i always consider all angles.
User avatar #350 to #348 - chevah (08/11/2012) [-]
Yeah, I mean if zombies would be possible in the first place who's saying it couldn't have been a curse to start it
User avatar #294 to #283 - angelojuusan (08/11/2012) [-]
Zombies also suffer from intense rigor mortis.
User avatar #296 to #294 - idkmyusername (08/11/2012) [-]
so the moral of the story: Enroll is some endurance training, like me.
User avatar #299 to #296 - angelojuusan (08/11/2012) [-]
It's not listed on the 10 rules, but Brooks does recommend endurance training.
#293 to #264 - anaklusmos (08/11/2012) [-]
don't need to be a bad-ass, just smart.
User avatar #713 to #264 - mattythebeaver (08/11/2012) [-]
It depends what the zombies are like
If it's l4d zombies, we're all ****** no matter what.
If it's the zombies from HOTD, it'll be simple enough.
User avatar #68 - thereddestofrobins ONLINE (08/11/2012) [-]
Movies have taught me only one way to survive a zombie apocalypse, be a camera man.
#510 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (08/11/2012) [-]
>Can't ride bike (Never learnt, I couldn't keep my balance, failed miserably at it no matter how hard I tried.)
>Can't drive
>Hospital and Cemetery very close
>Australia, guns are very uncommon
>Fire Station with axes right next to cemetery

Police station would be my best bet for a weapon in a zombie apocalypse. But it would probably be looted by the time I got there or there would be people who would kill me for any supplies I might have.

When the apocalypse comes, I will likely die.
#532 to #510 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
according to the book, police stations and hospitals should always be avoided. Cemetarys are safer because zombies won't be able to get out of their grave
User avatar #537 to #510 - marking (08/11/2012) [-]
Dig a hole fill it with enough food to last 5 years, wait all that time. when you come out all zombies will be dead because of decay and you will have survived. They cant find you if your hole is deep enough, therefore you wot be heard, you wont be smelled, and you basically invisible.
User avatar #749 to #537 - decay (08/12/2012) [-]
I'm sorry they'll be dead because of what?
User avatar #750 to #749 - marking (08/12/2012) [-]
Decay. Their bodies will rot and fall apart. Unless they mutate, but without a working body system that is able to generate energy by grabbing it from the consumed flesh theyve eaten I dont see how they will.
User avatar #754 to #750 - decay (08/13/2012) [-]
So their bodies rotting and falling apart is what?
User avatar #755 to #754 - marking (08/13/2012) [-]
User avatar #756 to #755 - decay (08/13/2012) [-]
Whelp I've been mentioned three times during the discussion
User avatar #757 to #756 - marking (08/13/2012) [-]
I know.
User avatar #554 to #510 - anotherponyaccount (08/11/2012) [-]
Australia? just get a massive pet spider or train a group of wasps to work for you
User avatar #564 to #554 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (08/11/2012) [-]
That...would work. Actually, theres a ******** of woods and **** , I could just go play out there and make my way to Alice Springs. If I got there by summer or during summer, zombies would probably be ****** . Why? Because it can reach 40 degrees celcius there in summer, and if I remember right, heat = faster decaying.
User avatar #567 to #564 - anotherponyaccount (08/11/2012) [-]
well there i have assisted in possible further survival
#559 to #510 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
aaaw come here - you need a hug! Yes you dooo - just get on that bike (:
#484 - braviary (08/11/2012) [-]
I'm going to be honest, if there was a zombie apocalypse I'd probably one of the first to go. If not, I'd probably kill myself and end it anyway.
User avatar #507 to #484 - usarnaem (08/11/2012) [-]
..but shall this really be the end of you?
#526 to #484 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
dude thank you I'm not trying to be a douche but not even more than half the people who say they are ready for a zombie apocalypse are actually ready, or even half the population, if or when this virus hits its gonna going to hit hard as **** air borne, scratch, bite, or whatever. It seems like everyone has this idea from video games and movies that they are going to be super human, immune, or some tactical zombie survivor genius but I'm sorry to be a debby downer but no if this happened most if not all the population would be ****** .
tl;dr if a zombie apocolypse occured mostly everyone would be screwed, easier said than done
#534 to #526 - minutes (08/11/2012) [-]
well i got an bomb bunker with food for almost a month and weapons next to my house (i love my paranoid rich dad <3) so i would propably survive pretty long
User avatar #417 - whiteyswag (08/11/2012) [-]
Assuming that "zombies" are reanimated corpses/beings with basic motor skills and a very basic nervous system, there are many reasons a zombie "apocalypse" wouldn't last long.

1. Perhaps the most important one, zombies are, or would be, composed of dead/decaying flesh, and in nature we have these spectacular creatures called DECOMPOSERS. Eventually, actually rather quickly, these decomposer's would break down all of the tissues that let the zombies function, rendering them a pile of bones.

2. Since zombies have no fear, they have no sense of self well being, which means they will get into all sorts of situations physically which will render them unable to function i.e. walk, crawl, climb.

3. Let's say that the zombie apocolypse makes it into the summer months, now if you are in a region like the southern United States during a summer like this, the decomposition rate would be accelerated considerably, also the heat would help certain gases that are released during decomposition, to be released in larger amounts, resulting in exploding zombies, much like the Boomers in L4D.

4. So many people have guns, so if the dead were walking and eating brains, all the rednecks in my county would pull out their AR's and shotguns and singlehandedly quarantine our little part of Texas.

TL;DR i'm not losing any sleep about a zombie apocalypse.
User avatar #430 to #417 - wajaba (08/11/2012) [-]
I've got no sweat in my home either, we would have polite zombies who ask if they can eat your brains, if you didn't catch on im canadien :D
#473 to #417 - sirtywell (08/11/2012) [-]
Not only that, but humans are not only their main source of food, they also are their means of reproduction and their most dangerous predator.
User avatar #503 to #417 - flifli (08/11/2012) [-]
Most Popular Zombie Apocalypse Is Disease So Your Ideology Wont work
User avatar #521 to #417 - urbanvibes (08/11/2012) [-]
i still think you would see more guns in ghetto neighborhoods by far, especially when its new years you can tell how many people have guns in your nieghborhood if your in the ghetto, last new years, i heard gunshots for 9 hours straight non stop almost and you could hear atleast 4 per block
User avatar #621 to #417 - daentraya (08/11/2012) [-]
My strategy would be to get all the food, and alot of dahm water, and climb somewhere high. Maybe the roof of our house, if we can get up there. And then bring an axe and knives, and camp up there until they're gone
User avatar #480 to #417 - BerryLicious (08/11/2012) [-]
User avatar #437 to #417 - rubydude (08/11/2012) [-]
I figure "zombies" will likely be live people with functional organs, affected by some virus that makes them go insane. Like when people are on bath salts, but it's something contagious.
User avatar #444 to #437 - whiteyswag (08/11/2012) [-]
Ahhh, human rabies. Interesting theory, but nothing a M134 Gatling can't fix.
User avatar #462 to #437 - iHAXnoobs (08/11/2012) [-]
that's not a zombie, its an infected person, like residents evil.
User avatar #566 to #462 - admiralen (08/11/2012) [-]
more like 28 days later :P
User avatar #461 to #417 - iHAXnoobs (08/11/2012) [-]
if your trying to be super realistic about it zombies couldn't happen because rigger mortem sets in within four minutes and then they are very stiff and when it wears off your muscles turn to jelly and they wouldn't be able to move, except for the first four minutes.
User avatar #434 to #417 - xXsTeVeXx (08/11/2012) [-]
Looks like you read that Cracked article.
User avatar #442 to #434 - whiteyswag (08/11/2012) [-]
That I did brother, that I did.

It really opened my eyes to the unlikeliness of a zombie apocalypse, and made me focus my attention to robots.
User avatar #445 to #442 - xXsTeVeXx (08/11/2012) [-]
Dude, come on. We got like 50 years before that has a chance of happening. By that time we'll be half into our graves. But the biggest danger to modern society:
Rabid fangirls or pure human stupidity.
#727 to #445 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
Airborne rabies?
If all else fails, there's still ebola
User avatar #440 to #434 - PubLandlord (08/11/2012) [-]
exactly what I was thinking
#452 to #417 - justthisonepost **User deleted account** (08/11/2012) [-]
Nanobots, or an infection that renders you with only basic motor skills and primal urges for human flesh, not killing you but rendering complicated thought processes impossible.
#481 - bulbakip (08/11/2012) [-]
I'm pretty sure any zombie apocalypse would be like this with a "rage virus"
#535 to #481 - minutes (08/11/2012) [-]
i love this movie its most of the time really realistic
- zombies are just infected not really dead
-they die no matter where you shoot them
- they die to starvation
- they are fast as ****
the only unrealistic thing is that they only go out at night what makes litteraly no sence
User avatar #581 to #535 - bulbakip (08/11/2012) [-]
who goes out only at night?
#726 to #581 - minutes (08/11/2012) [-]
most of the zombies in 28 days later or am i wrong? sry watched the movie like 3 years ago last time
User avatar #745 to #726 - bulbakip (08/11/2012) [-]
welli its still realistic. im not sure of the night part either.
User avatar #524 to #481 - Gandalfthewhite (08/11/2012) [-]
id rather kill myself than deal with them ******* . they run like usain bolt
User avatar #336 - obesehobbo (08/11/2012) [-]
#110 - anon (08/11/2012) [-]
>Blades don't need reloading

How long can you swing that blade around before you get so tired you simply pass out?
Same thing goes for the bike, you WILL get tired and need rest.
And good luck carrying all the things you need on your bike.
Including fuel for it. (That would be food)
User avatar #381 to #110 - hauntzor (08/11/2012) [-]
Not to mention you'll get guts and diseased meat particles on yourself from all the slashing and swinging. Not exactly sanitary if you're not wanting to get infected.

#108 - braedenclarkejanze (08/11/2012) [-]
Blades don't need reloading..
#141 - lordalpaca (08/11/2012) [-]
Blades don't need reloading eh?
User avatar #143 to #141 - omensixsixsix (08/11/2012) [-]
I love you for doing that.
User avatar #606 - celticspirit (08/11/2012) [-]
Hey guise! i got a good idea for next series of deadliest warrior... why don't we, now listen closely this is the good part, why don't we compare two warriors on how long they would survive in a zombie apocalypse?
User avatar #638 to #606 - wrought (08/11/2012) [-]
Sounds great!
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