George Carlin. . dcat Religion has actually convinced people that there' s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of eve George Carlin dcat Religion has actually convinced people that there' s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do every minute of eve
Upload
Login or register

George Carlin

dcat
Religion has actually convinced people
that there' s an invisible man
living in the sky
who watches everything you do, every
minute of every day,
And the invisible man has a special
list of ten things he does not want
you to do.
And if you do any of these ten things,
he has a special place, full of fire and
smoke and burning and torture and
anguish, where he will send you to
live and suffer and burn and choke
and scream and cry forever and ever
til the end of time!
But He loves you.
...
+2995
Views: 71113 Submitted: 06/03/2012
Leave a comment Refresh Comments (842)
[ 842 comments ]
Anonymous comments allowed.
98 comments displayed.
#53 - HarvietheDinkle
Reply +276
(06/04/2012) [-]
#456 to #53 - anon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
I just realised this has the potential to be worse than ponytime, bendingtime and *************** combined. Because while those were bad, at least people got over them reasonably quickly.   
   
But if FunnyJunk were to ever enter an Atheism phase... it might never come out, morphing into AtheistJunk, full of 12 year olds pushing their beliefs on everyone and failing to be funny.
I just realised this has the potential to be worse than ponytime, bendingtime and *************** combined. Because while those were bad, at least people got over them reasonably quickly.

But if FunnyJunk were to ever enter an Atheism phase... it might never come out, morphing into AtheistJunk, full of 12 year olds pushing their beliefs on everyone and failing to be funny.
#572 to #456 - tkfourtwoone
Reply +14
(06/04/2012) [-]
So what would the problem be?

I for one desire an Atheist Earth. Who are you to deny my dream?
#645 to #572 - lordmoldywart
-12
has deleted their comment [-]
#656 to #645 - tkfourtwoone
Reply +9
(06/04/2012) [-]
An Atheist Earth would mean that there would be no religion on the planet. Nobody would try to prove nothing. So you're obviously missing the point or can't imagine the whole picture.
Know something? Read some Asimov, you'll see a very pleasant perspective of the future where the word "religion" is almost forgotten

And sitting on the fence is to me a very the equivalent of being unable to have an opinion. Like a stoner who watches a debate between 2 president candidates.
#920 to #656 - anon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
Actually, an Atheist earth wouldn't mean that at all. In fact, there would still be religion. Atheistic religion. Buddhism, paganism, secular humanism, Darwinism, etcetera.

Ergo, you're an idiot.
#922 to #920 - tkfourtwoone
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
How can Darwinism be a religion? Seriously?
#908 to #656 - koobzacc
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
An Aryan Earth would mean that there would be no race on the planet. No one would be racist. So you're obviously missing the point or can't imagin the whole picture.
Know something? Read some Adolf Hitler, you'll see a very pleasant perspective of the future where the word "race" is almost forgotten.

TL;DR you have just as good an argument for atheism as hitler did for aryanism :(
#913 to #908 - tkfourtwoone
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
I'm sorry, but it's not the same thing at all
#925 to #913 - koobzacc
Reply 0
(06/05/2012) [-]
In what way? :(
#661 to #656 - lordmoldywart
-15
has deleted their comment [-]
#666 to #661 - tkfourtwoone
Reply +13
(06/04/2012) [-]
I'm sure you can. Why read at all, for that matter?
#672 to #666 - lordmoldywart
-17
has deleted their comment [-]
#488 to #456 - saone
Reply -7
(06/04/2012) [-]
At least we can be sure that new generations will be raised right.
#477 to #53 - anon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
But this is actually funny. JB posts are just calling him a girl and whatnot. avatards are just stupid jokes not everyone can get. But this guy is a famous comedian so clearly people think he's funny
#914 to #53 - bahrami
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
**bahrami rolled a random image posted in comment #244 at Arrested motherfucker **
This roll is a roll that I rolled to show your picture, how my rolled picture looks like while you did not roll a picture using the roll picture roll function of the site. roll
#916 to #914 - HarvietheDinkle
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
I understand what you're trying to say...

but what
#69 to #53 - angreif
Reply +97
(06/04/2012) [-]
you can beat a dead horse to water, but you can't look him in the mouth
#586 to #69 - karloemb
Reply +29
(06/04/2012) [-]
#241 to #69 - HarvietheDinkle
Reply +25
(06/04/2012) [-]
what
#912 to #69 - AwesomeAnonomous
Reply +2
(06/04/2012) [-]
Dude   
   
Do you mind if I make this my FJ status?
Dude

Do you mind if I make this my FJ status?
#924 to #912 - angreif
Reply +1
(06/04/2012) [-]
feel free
#12 - tkfourtwoone
Reply +78
(06/04/2012) [-]
Logic>Religion

Because Greeks got it right about 2k years ago
#467 to #12 - renaissancemanxx
Reply -5
(06/04/2012) [-]
If you had a kid, I'd imagine you would love him, and want only the best for him, never seeing any harm befall him. Yet, I'd also imagine that you would, in fact, if it was his heart's desire, let him skateboard, or ride a bicycle, knowing full well that it would be quite possible for him to fall and injure himself. Just as a child learns from falling multiple times to ride the bike, humanity has the free will to do what it pleases and strive forward from our faults and mistakes. There would be no point in life if we had already been granted perfection. Epicurus did not think enough.
#583 to #467 - tkfourtwoone
Reply -2
(06/04/2012) [-]
Yeah, but that would be me educating my child. Not whispering in a stranger's ear so he can write down the laws for my child to follow
#640 to #583 - renaissancemanxx
Reply +1
(06/04/2012) [-]
Who is whispering in a stranger's ear?
#641 to #640 - tkfourtwoone
Reply -3
(06/04/2012) [-]
Prophets, men of God, etc
#658 to #641 - renaissancemanxx
Reply +1
(06/04/2012) [-]
Where did I mention God telling people what to do? That was not my point at all. I was justifying the fact that just because suffering exists does not directly insinuate that God is neither omnipotent nor benevolent.
#254 to #12 - anon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
if you're referring to epicurus you need to add another 300 years to that
#311 to #12 - anon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
greeks?.aristotles and plato both believed in god as the demiurg and the primary cause, and aristotles is considered the father of logic, apart from c00l pictures with quotes of philosophers you dont even know,do you actually have any knowledge about the things you talk about?
You<culture
#315 to #311 - anon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
*demiurge
#333 to #311 - tkfourtwoone
Reply -2
(06/04/2012) [-]
What I do know is that Greeks were more than tolerant towards different branches of philosophy and existentialist theories, hence both their Pantheon of Gods and beliefs in primary cause and so on and so forth
#485 to #12 - anon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
God is not a sentient being like you or I. He does not have the same thought process of us. God is not a being, God is. If you understand God, than that is not God. If he had the same thought process, then he would be human (Or at least, closer to human than an omnipotent being should)
#556 to #485 - anon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
First, I believe somewhere in the bible it said how he made us in his image.
Second, you claim to know how good thinks and if god were to exist you wouldn't know **** about him other than bible-speak. So sit your ass down, you're embarrassing yourself.
#517 to #485 - tkfourtwoone
Reply -1
(06/04/2012) [-]
And may the Force be with you too!
#788 to #12 - rockamekishiko
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
God is able but he does not because that way human choose the path ourselves. Is that so hard to understand? we are free to do what ever the **** we want but if we do bad stuff we go to hell. Just like if you steal, you go to jail, does that mean that the US for example doesn't give its citizens freedom?
#35 - arawan
Reply +72
(06/04/2012) [-]
#256 to #35 - pawtucketpanda
Reply +8
(06/04/2012) [-]
#227 - tomanydiscos
Reply +45
(06/04/2012) [-]
Am i the only one who thinks the devil is the good guy, all he does is chill out and punish murders/rapists all day and hands out free fruit...
#258 to #227 - anon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
And tortures a ******** of people for all eternity... but yeah
#271 to #258 - justatest
Reply +1
(06/04/2012) [-]
remind me how do they get in the hell in the first place? ohh yeah yeah the god sent them there
#790 to #271 - rockamekishiko
Reply -1
(06/04/2012) [-]
people send themselves there.
#936 to #790 - justatest
Reply 0
(06/05/2012) [-]
yep perfect example of religion dumbing down society
#938 to #936 - rockamekishiko
Reply 0
(06/05/2012) [-]
yeah, just like people send themselves to jail. Do you blame the government for sending people to jail? technically they do but only as a consequence of the crime a person committed .
#939 to #938 - justatest
Reply 0
(06/05/2012) [-]
Ok i presume u are a chistian... so by the chirstians you can go to hell only in one way if you don`t exept jesus in your heart and that`s the only way... u can murder rape etc... so do you mean if u don`t do that you send your self to hell and thats ok?
#946 to #939 - rockamekishiko
Reply 0
(06/05/2012) [-]
I don't think you go to hell for not believing in christ. My best friend is atheist but if there is a God, I don't think he'll go to hell because he is a good person. I believe people go to hell for murder, rape, and hateful acts towards others knowingly.
#947 to #946 - justatest
Reply 0
(06/05/2012) [-]
ok so maybe your not a christian then but deist?
#948 to #947 - rockamekishiko
Reply 0
(06/05/2012) [-]
I believe in Christ. All he said was to love each other, how can that be so wrong that people hate the religion?
#949 to #948 - justatest
Reply 0
(06/05/2012) [-]
I bet you didn'`t read your bible, but i get were u are coming from because i once was a christian too... and let me tell you know i fell like a moron for believing in that ****... no offence to you, just my personal experience. If you want to debate me more about this topic i be more then happy.
#950 to #949 - rockamekishiko
Reply 0
(06/05/2012) [-]
I don't want to debate it really but, yes I've read most of the bible.
#951 to #950 - justatest
Reply 0
(06/06/2012) [-]
ok so you view your god just, moral and good? couse you know were are parts in the that suports rape, slavery murder and etc... by the way do you believe in evolution? just want to know your reasoning.
#952 to #951 - rockamekishiko
Reply 0
(06/06/2012) [-]
yes, i do believe in evolution, anyone who doesn't is stupid to deny all the evidence. I don't agree with the bible completely. it was written by men throughout the ages and then put together by men during the first century. I think some passages don't belong there, some were left out. sure it is claimed to be inspired by God but not written nor assembled by any god.
#953 to #952 - justatest
Reply 0
(06/07/2012) [-]
yey evedence for evolution :) whats your take on abiogenesis then?
#954 to #953 - rockamekishiko
Reply 0
(06/07/2012) [-]
I dont think it's possible. That's where my God comes in. such complex organisms to form out of nothing with DNA to dictate and evolve by itself... that would be like putting a bunch of metal pieces together and throw in a computer and expect a robot to come alive.
#955 to #954 - justatest
Reply 0
(06/07/2012) [-]
given ~14 Billion years why not.. I understand your example and its ok to some degree... Life has very little chance to start, whats why its so rare in the universe.
#956 to #955 - rockamekishiko
Reply 0
(06/07/2012) [-]
or so we think, i think it's pretty much impossible to have the structure necessary to begin life and then how did it dictate itself to reproduce? there were no chances for selective breeding, survival of the fittest or anything like that. It was a single cell that had to stay alive on its own. for the DNA to structure perfectly...
#957 to #956 - justatest
Reply 0
(06/08/2012) [-]
I think time realativity theory is imposible, but thats only my natural reaction couse i don`t travel in near speed of light, but the fact is a fact and it takes tame to wrap your head around it. By the way i get that u believe in god for the reasons above, but i don`t understand why are u a christian, not a diest... why do you think christianity is the one true religion? or you thing that all monothiestic religions are worhiping the same god?
#958 to #957 - rockamekishiko
Reply 0
(06/08/2012) [-]
They ARE worshiping the same God, allah, yaweh, jahova - same God. Also about that time thing. I heard about how einstein described or explained the theory that time stops when you go at the speed of light; a bus leaving a clock tower and the clock will stop moving. But that is only because the photons are not reaching the person, yeah once the person stop they'll come with a delay but that doesn't mean the clock stopped if you explain this to a blind person it is all irrelevant. I think about it how we see stars but they have changed, some blew up but we are looking at the past.
#960 to #958 - justatest
0
(06/09/2012) [-]
so you basically it does not matter in with church you go? but i assume you only go to christian ones... why do different religions have different holly texts? different commandments? I don`t argue that you don`t know what you are talking about i think your point of view just trying to justify your beliefs, because if you talk to a fundamentalist you might get killed on sabbath for working and some **** :D you know the violent history of religions.
#711 to #227 - avyon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
i have not studied the bible too much but i belive that the bible says that every human that dies eather goes to heaven or hell depending on how they lived thier life but in hell when you get there the devil does not punish you, he infact tells you that he will give you whatever you want if you torture others, and you will go up the ranks of his army to fight against the angels, because when lucifer fell he took 1/3 of heaven with him and he has been fighting to reclame heaven from then until now.
i have not studied the bible too much but i belive that the bible says that every human that dies eather goes to heaven or hell depending on how they lived thier life but in hell when you get there the devil does not punish you, he infact tells you that he will give you whatever you want if you torture others, and you will go up the ranks of his army to fight against the angels, because when lucifer fell he took 1/3 of heaven with him and he has been fighting to reclame heaven from then until now.
#937 to #711 - justatest
Reply 0
(06/05/2012) [-]
what`s a good movie script.
#320 to #227 - BritishNarwhal
Reply +2
(06/04/2012) [-]
No you aren't I think I may have heard that same thing over 9000 times.
#284 to #227 - harlowhunter
Reply +3
(06/04/2012) [-]
go was just jealous of how good hell was so he started talking **** about it
#262 to #227 - payhemseht **User deleted account**
+9
has deleted their comment [-]
#702 - royaldoofus
Reply +29
(06/04/2012) [-]
#462 - slashtrey
Reply +28
(06/04/2012) [-]
#175 - hipsophobadon
Reply +23
(06/04/2012) [-]
**hipsophobadon rolled a random image posted in comment #551 at To get things straight. ** mfw im atheist and see god peoples
#185 to #175 - mrgreatnames **User deleted account**
0
has deleted their comment [-]
#21 - infamoustrapper
Reply +23
(06/04/2012) [-]
This image has expired
if god isn't real then how come he looks like this?
athiests = 0
christians = 1
#573 to #21 - hauntzor
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
No, he looks like this
#41 to #21 - Schiffy
Reply +2
(06/04/2012) [-]
#55 to #21 - yodasoda
Reply +2
(06/04/2012) [-]
I still have that book somewhere
great lies to tell small children...book was the ****
#223 to #55 - infamoustrapper
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
i just read it again today! now im using a lot of the pictures as reaction pictures or whatever theyre called haha
#405 to #223 - yodasoda
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
Read suicide bunnies or suicide rabbits
#860 to #405 - infamoustrapper
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
This image has expired
i have!
#891 to #860 - yodasoda
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
I only have 1 small book, ITS NOT ENOUGH, I WANT MORE
MORE CUTE BUNNIES KILLING THEMSELVES IN DISTURBING WAYS
#893 to #891 - infamoustrapper
Reply -1
(06/04/2012) [-]
don't we all? i'm pretty sure theres atleast 3 or 4
#22 to #21 - wheresthefudge
Reply +21
(06/04/2012) [-]
If evolution is true, then why does blacks?   
Atheists =0   
Christians =2
If evolution is true, then why does blacks?
Atheists =0
Christians =2
#23 to #22 - infamoustrapper
Reply +15
(06/04/2012) [-]
This image has expired
if God doesn't exsist then who killed the dinosaurs?
athiests = 0
christians = 3
#24 to #23 - wheresthefudge
Reply +11
(06/04/2012) [-]
**wheresthefudge rolled a random image posted in comment #5547124 at FJ Pony Thread **
However:
If God's so smart, then why purple does not rhyme?
Atheists =1
Christians=3
#34 to #24 - niggerlips
Reply +6
(06/04/2012) [-]
************ rolled a random image posted in comment #27 at Dear christians ** if god is real than why does my flippity floppity floop?   
atheist = 2   
christians = 3
************ rolled a random image posted in comment #27 at Dear christians ** if god is real than why does my flippity floppity floop?
atheist = 2
christians = 3
#40 to #34 - lordromz
Reply +10
(06/04/2012) [-]
**lordromz rolled a random image posted in comment #82 at Love and lust **
If God didn't exist, then who was phone?
atheist=2
christians=4
#43 to #40 - iudicoletum **User deleted account**
+12
has deleted their comment [-]
#234 to #43 - jakols
-1
has deleted their comment [-]
#167 to #43 - toodpd
-8
has deleted their comment [-]
#25 to #24 - shiningbacon
Reply +1
(06/04/2012) [-]
#27 to #25 - wheresthefudge
Reply -1
(06/04/2012) [-]
Well I'm certainly going to trust wiktionary {.} Everyone knows that when you let anybody add anything to an encyclopedia, it's always right {.}   
Meanwhile, those definitions do not exist in an academically recognized dictionary.    
I will, however, accept &quot;door hinge&quot; as an acceptable rhyme to &quot;orange&quot;.   
SCHOLAR'D
Well I'm certainly going to trust wiktionary {.} Everyone knows that when you let anybody add anything to an encyclopedia, it's always right {.}
Meanwhile, those definitions do not exist in an academically recognized dictionary.
I will, however, accept "door hinge" as an acceptable rhyme to "orange".
SCHOLAR'D
#243 to #27 - Chuckaholic
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
All the wikis have mods so the edited **** has to be approved.

Blorenge is a hill in wales, Gorringe is a surname in Britain. Use Google to look em up if you wish.
#28 to #27 - shiningbacon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
I am not saying it's reliable, just relevant
I am not saying it's reliable, just relevant
#29 to #28 - wheresthefudge
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
Irrelevant.
#30 to #29 - shiningbacon
Reply +1
(06/04/2012) [-]
Still, the level of ***** I give is in the negatives.
Still, the level of ***** I give is in the negatives.
#33 to #24 - roastedcatboners
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
turtle. close enough.
#174 to #22 - anon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
"blacks" have adjusted for being in the desert and on the sun all day, so they grew more pigments in their skin and this goes over to their children too (a great example for evolution).

they also say the first humans were in africa, so the "whites" lost their pigments due the less exposing to sun.

if god would exist and it would be a human-like creature, he would be black (Morgan Freeman)
#460 - slashtrey
Reply +21
(06/04/2012) [-]
#289 - feeniks
Reply +12
(06/04/2012) [-]
Am i the only one here that does not give a flying **** about religion?
Am i the only one here that does not give a flying **** about religion?
#292 to #289 - Sunset
+21
has deleted their comment [-]
#312 to #292 - anon
Reply 0
(06/04/2012) [-]
by commenting you are not keeping your mouth shut

Retard
#313 to #312 - Sunset
+15
has deleted their comment [-]