George Carlin. . dcat Religion has actually convinced people that there' s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of eve
x
Click to expand

George Carlin

dcat
Religion has actually convinced people
that there' s an invisible man
living in the sky
who watches everything you do, every
minute of every day,
And the invisible man has a special
list of ten things he does not want
you to do.
And if you do any of these ten things,
he has a special place, full of fire and
smoke and burning and torture and
anguish, where he will send you to
live and suffer and burn and choke
and scream and cry forever and ever
til the end of time!
But He loves you.
...
  • Recommend tagsx
+2995
Views: 71008
Favorited: 304
Submitted: 06/03/2012
Share On Facebook
Add to favorites Subscribe to ThumbItUp submit to reddit

Comments(842):

[ 842 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#914 to #53 - bahrami (06/04/2012) [-]
**bahrami rolled a random image posted in comment #244 at Arrested motherfucker **
This roll is a roll that I rolled to show your picture, how my rolled picture looks like while you did not roll a picture using the roll picture roll function of the site. roll
#916 to #914 - HarvietheDinkle (06/04/2012) [-]
I understand what you're trying to say...

but what
#477 to #53 - anon (06/04/2012) [-]
But this is actually funny. JB posts are just calling him a girl and whatnot. avatards are just stupid jokes not everyone can get. But this guy is a famous comedian so clearly people think he's funny
#456 to #53 - anon (06/04/2012) [-]
I just realised this has the potential to be worse than ponytime, bendingtime and 			***************		 combined. Because while those were bad, at least people got over them reasonably quickly.   
   
But if FunnyJunk were to ever enter an Atheism phase... it might never come out, morphing into AtheistJunk, full of 12 year olds pushing their beliefs on everyone and failing to be funny.
I just realised this has the potential to be worse than ponytime, bendingtime and *************** combined. Because while those were bad, at least people got over them reasonably quickly.

But if FunnyJunk were to ever enter an Atheism phase... it might never come out, morphing into AtheistJunk, full of 12 year olds pushing their beliefs on everyone and failing to be funny.
User avatar #572 to #456 - tkfourtwoone ONLINE (06/04/2012) [-]
So what would the problem be?

I for one desire an Atheist Earth. Who are you to deny my dream?
-12
#645 to #572 - lordmoldywart has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #656 to #645 - tkfourtwoone ONLINE (06/04/2012) [-]
An Atheist Earth would mean that there would be no religion on the planet. Nobody would try to prove nothing. So you're obviously missing the point or can't imagine the whole picture.
Know something? Read some Asimov, you'll see a very pleasant perspective of the future where the word "religion" is almost forgotten

And sitting on the fence is to me a very the equivalent of being unable to have an opinion. Like a stoner who watches a debate between 2 president candidates.
-15
#661 to #656 - lordmoldywart has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #666 to #661 - tkfourtwoone ONLINE (06/04/2012) [-]
I'm sure you can. Why read at all, for that matter?
-17
#672 to #666 - lordmoldywart has deleted their comment [-]
#920 to #656 - anon (06/04/2012) [-]
Actually, an Atheist earth wouldn't mean that at all. In fact, there would still be religion. Atheistic religion. Buddhism, paganism, secular humanism, Darwinism, etcetera.

Ergo, you're an idiot.
User avatar #922 to #920 - tkfourtwoone ONLINE (06/04/2012) [-]
How can Darwinism be a religion? Seriously?
User avatar #908 to #656 - koobzacc (06/04/2012) [-]
An Aryan Earth would mean that there would be no race on the planet. No one would be racist. So you're obviously missing the point or can't imagin the whole picture.
Know something? Read some Adolf Hitler, you'll see a very pleasant perspective of the future where the word "race" is almost forgotten.

TL;DR you have just as good an argument for atheism as hitler did for aryanism :(
User avatar #913 to #908 - tkfourtwoone ONLINE (06/04/2012) [-]
I'm sorry, but it's not the same thing at all
User avatar #925 to #913 - koobzacc (06/05/2012) [-]
In what way? :(
#488 to #456 - saone (06/04/2012) [-]
At least we can be sure that new generations will be raised right.
User avatar #69 to #53 - angreif (06/04/2012) [-]
you can beat a dead horse to water, but you can't look him in the mouth
User avatar #241 to #69 - HarvietheDinkle (06/04/2012) [-]
what
#912 to #69 - AwesomeAnonomous (06/04/2012) [-]
Dude   
   
Do you mind if I make this my FJ status?
Dude

Do you mind if I make this my FJ status?
User avatar #924 to #912 - angreif (06/04/2012) [-]
feel free
#525 - beststiffler (06/04/2012) [-]
Nope not getting into the argument this time
#21 - infamoustrapper (06/04/2012) [-]
This image has expired
if god isn't real then how come he looks like this?
athiests = 0
christians = 1
#573 to #21 - hauntzor (06/04/2012) [-]
No, he looks like this
User avatar #55 to #21 - yodasoda (06/04/2012) [-]
I still have that book somewhere
great lies to tell small children...book was the ****
User avatar #223 to #55 - infamoustrapper (06/04/2012) [-]
i just read it again today! now im using a lot of the pictures as reaction pictures or whatever theyre called haha
User avatar #405 to #223 - yodasoda (06/04/2012) [-]
Read suicide bunnies or suicide rabbits
#891 to #860 - yodasoda (06/04/2012) [-]
I only have 1 small book, ITS NOT ENOUGH, I WANT MORE
MORE CUTE BUNNIES KILLING THEMSELVES IN DISTURBING WAYS
User avatar #893 to #891 - infamoustrapper (06/04/2012) [-]
don't we all? i'm pretty sure theres atleast 3 or 4
#22 to #21 - wheresthefudge (06/04/2012) [-]
If evolution is true, then why does blacks?   
Atheists =0   
Christians =2
If evolution is true, then why does blacks?
Atheists =0
Christians =2
#23 to #22 - infamoustrapper (06/04/2012) [-]
This image has expired
if God doesn't exsist then who killed the dinosaurs?
athiests = 0
christians = 3
#24 to #23 - wheresthefudge (06/04/2012) [-]
**wheresthefudge rolled a random image posted in comment #5547124 at FJ Pony Thread **
However:
If God's so smart, then why purple does not rhyme?
Atheists =1
Christians=3
#34 to #24 - niggerlips (06/04/2012) [-]
**			**********		 rolled a random image posted in comment #27 at Dear christians ** if god is real than why does my flippity floppity floop?   
atheist = 2   
christians = 3
** ********** rolled a random image posted in comment #27 at Dear christians ** if god is real than why does my flippity floppity floop?
atheist = 2
christians = 3
#40 to #34 - lordromz (06/04/2012) [-]
**lordromz rolled a random image posted in comment #82 at Love and lust **
If God didn't exist, then who was phone?
atheist=2
christians=4
+12
#43 to #40 - iudicoletum **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
-1
#234 to #43 - jakols has deleted their comment [-]
-8
#167 to #43 - toodpd has deleted their comment [-]
#27 to #25 - wheresthefudge (06/04/2012) [-]
Well I'm certainly going to trust wiktionary {.} Everyone knows that when you let anybody add anything to an encyclopedia, it's always right {.}   
Meanwhile, those definitions do not exist in an academically recognized dictionary.    
I will, however, accept "door hinge" as an acceptable rhyme to "orange".   
SCHOLAR'D
Well I'm certainly going to trust wiktionary {.} Everyone knows that when you let anybody add anything to an encyclopedia, it's always right {.}
Meanwhile, those definitions do not exist in an academically recognized dictionary.
I will, however, accept "door hinge" as an acceptable rhyme to "orange".
SCHOLAR'D
#28 to #27 - shiningbacon (06/04/2012) [-]
I am not saying it's reliable, just relevant
I am not saying it's reliable, just relevant
#29 to #28 - wheresthefudge (06/04/2012) [-]
Irrelevant.
#30 to #29 - shiningbacon (06/04/2012) [-]
Still, the level of 			*****		 I give is in the negatives.
Still, the level of ***** I give is in the negatives.
User avatar #243 to #27 - Chuckaholic (06/04/2012) [-]
All the wikis have mods so the edited **** has to be approved.

Blorenge is a hill in wales, Gorringe is a surname in Britain. Use Google to look em up if you wish.
User avatar #33 to #24 - roastedcatboners (06/04/2012) [-]
turtle. close enough.
#174 to #22 - anon (06/04/2012) [-]
"blacks" have adjusted for being in the desert and on the sun all day, so they grew more pigments in their skin and this goes over to their children too (a great example for evolution).

they also say the first humans were in africa, so the "whites" lost their pigments due the less exposing to sun.

if god would exist and it would be a human-like creature, he would be black (Morgan Freeman)
#739 - aviators (06/04/2012) [-]
DON'T EVEN WASTE YOUR TIME SCROLLING DOWN.
#784 to #739 - jedimindtrcks (06/04/2012) [-]
I am so glad you warned me, scrolled down right into the center of the ********* .
#227 - tomanydiscos (06/04/2012) [-]
Am i the only one who thinks the devil is the good guy, all he does is chill out and punish murders/rapists all day and hands out free fruit...
#258 to #227 - anon (06/04/2012) [-]
And tortures a ******** of people for all eternity... but yeah
#271 to #258 - justatest (06/04/2012) [-]
remind me how do they get in the hell in the first place? ohh yeah yeah the god sent them there
User avatar #790 to #271 - rockamekishiko (06/04/2012) [-]
people send themselves there.
#936 to #790 - justatest (06/05/2012) [-]
yep perfect example of religion dumbing down society
User avatar #938 to #936 - rockamekishiko (06/05/2012) [-]
yeah, just like people send themselves to jail. Do you blame the government for sending people to jail? technically they do but only as a consequence of the crime a person committed .
#939 to #938 - justatest (06/05/2012) [-]
Ok i presume u are a chistian... so by the chirstians you can go to hell only in one way if you don`t exept jesus in your heart and that`s the only way... u can murder rape etc... so do you mean if u don`t do that you send your self to hell and thats ok?
User avatar #946 to #939 - rockamekishiko (06/05/2012) [-]
I don't think you go to hell for not believing in christ. My best friend is atheist but if there is a God, I don't think he'll go to hell because he is a good person. I believe people go to hell for murder, rape, and hateful acts towards others knowingly.
#947 to #946 - justatest (06/05/2012) [-]
ok so maybe your not a christian then but deist?
User avatar #948 to #947 - rockamekishiko (06/05/2012) [-]
I believe in Christ. All he said was to love each other, how can that be so wrong that people hate the religion?
#949 to #948 - justatest (06/05/2012) [-]
I bet you didn'`t read your bible, but i get were u are coming from because i once was a christian too... and let me tell you know i fell like a moron for believing in that **** ... no offence to you, just my personal experience. If you want to debate me more about this topic i be more then happy.
User avatar #950 to #949 - rockamekishiko (06/05/2012) [-]
I don't want to debate it really but, yes I've read most of the bible.
#951 to #950 - justatest (06/06/2012) [-]
ok so you view your god just, moral and good? couse you know were are parts in the that suports rape, slavery murder and etc... by the way do you believe in evolution? just want to know your reasoning.
User avatar #952 to #951 - rockamekishiko (06/06/2012) [-]
yes, i do believe in evolution, anyone who doesn't is stupid to deny all the evidence. I don't agree with the bible completely. it was written by men throughout the ages and then put together by men during the first century. I think some passages don't belong there, some were left out. sure it is claimed to be inspired by God but not written nor assembled by any god.
#953 to #952 - justatest (06/07/2012) [-]
yey evedence for evolution :) whats your take on abiogenesis then?
User avatar #954 to #953 - rockamekishiko (06/07/2012) [-]
I dont think it's possible. That's where my God comes in. such complex organisms to form out of nothing with DNA to dictate and evolve by itself... that would be like putting a bunch of metal pieces together and throw in a computer and expect a robot to come alive.
#955 to #954 - justatest (06/07/2012) [-]
given ~14 Billion years why not.. I understand your example and its ok to some degree... Life has very little chance to start, whats why its so rare in the universe.
User avatar #956 to #955 - rockamekishiko (06/07/2012) [-]
or so we think, i think it's pretty much impossible to have the structure necessary to begin life and then how did it dictate itself to reproduce? there were no chances for selective breeding, survival of the fittest or anything like that. It was a single cell that had to stay alive on its own. for the DNA to structure perfectly...
#957 to #956 - justatest (06/08/2012) [-]
I think time realativity theory is imposible, but thats only my natural reaction couse i don`t travel in near speed of light, but the fact is a fact and it takes tame to wrap your head around it. By the way i get that u believe in god for the reasons above, but i don`t understand why are u a christian, not a diest... why do you think christianity is the one true religion? or you thing that all monothiestic religions are worhiping the same god?
User avatar #958 to #957 - rockamekishiko (06/08/2012) [-]
They ARE worshiping the same God, allah, yaweh, jahova - same God. Also about that time thing. I heard about how einstein described or explained the theory that time stops when you go at the speed of light; a bus leaving a clock tower and the clock will stop moving. But that is only because the photons are not reaching the person, yeah once the person stop they'll come with a delay but that doesn't mean the clock stopped if you explain this to a blind person it is all irrelevant. I think about it how we see stars but they have changed, some blew up but we are looking at the past.
#960 to #958 - justatest (06/09/2012) [-]
so you basically it does not matter in with church you go? but i assume you only go to christian ones... why do different religions have different holly texts? different commandments? I don`t argue that you don`t know what you are talking about i think your point of view just trying to justify your beliefs, because if you talk to a fundamentalist you might get killed on sabbath for working and some **** :D you know the violent history of religions.
#711 to #227 - avyon (06/04/2012) [-]
i have not studied the bible too much but i belive that the bible says that every human that dies eather goes to heaven or hell depending on how they lived thier life but in hell when you get there the devil does not punish you, he infact tells you that he will give you whatever you want if you torture others, and you will go up the ranks of his army to fight against the angels, because when lucifer fell he took 1/3 of heaven with him and he has been fighting to reclame heaven from then until now.
i have not studied the bible too much but i belive that the bible says that every human that dies eather goes to heaven or hell depending on how they lived thier life but in hell when you get there the devil does not punish you, he infact tells you that he will give you whatever you want if you torture others, and you will go up the ranks of his army to fight against the angels, because when lucifer fell he took 1/3 of heaven with him and he has been fighting to reclame heaven from then until now.
#937 to #711 - justatest (06/05/2012) [-]
what`s a good movie script.
User avatar #284 to #227 - harlowhunter (06/04/2012) [-]
go was just jealous of how good hell was so he started talking **** about it
#320 to #227 - BritishNarwhal (06/04/2012) [-]
No you aren't I think I may have heard that same thing over 9000 times.
+9
#262 to #227 - payhemseht **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#35 - arawan (06/04/2012) [-]
#493 - prophetofexile (06/04/2012) [-]
I can finally use this.
User avatar #251 - Marker (06/04/2012) [-]
People will believe you if you tell them there's an invisible man in the sly, but not if you tell them that the paint on that bench is still wet.

R.I.P. George Carlin
#397 - anon (06/04/2012) [-]
cum on guys, there are 3 things you don't argue about whith other people.   
Music,   
Politics,   
and Religion.   
all you will acomplish is rustling someones jimmies.
cum on guys, there are 3 things you don't argue about whith other people.
Music,
Politics,
and Religion.
all you will acomplish is rustling someones jimmies.
User avatar #731 to #397 - shfiftyfive (06/04/2012) [-]
thought it was money, politics and religion
User avatar #407 to #397 - zraven (06/04/2012) [-]
...All hail the flying spaghetti monster?
#412 to #397 - alekksandar (06/04/2012) [-]
>cum on guys

no thanks
#414 to #412 - anon (06/04/2012) [-]
i did that on purpose
#157 - Carnictus (06/04/2012) [-]
Why is this kind of this 			****		 brought up on the Internet anyways? If I wanted to hear about religion, I'd go over to my grandmas house..
Why is this kind of this **** brought up on the Internet anyways? If I wanted to hear about religion, I'd go over to my grandmas house..
#439 to #157 - anon (06/04/2012) [-]
#259 - yodacan (06/04/2012) [-]
>See a George Carlin post
>click
>see it's about religion
>MFW
#19 - chooseme (06/04/2012) [-]
starting a 			*********		 in the least original way posible are we?
starting a ********* in the least original way posible are we?
#47 - colonelbyers (06/04/2012) [-]
As a christrian I really don't care what you believe in I'm not gonna shove my beliefs down your throat so I respect that you not do the same.
#851 - extremrune ONLINE (06/04/2012) [-]
[ 842 comments ]
Leave a comment
 Friends (0)