OB's Story pt 3. -ENLARGE- I'm writing this because I had inspiration. I was sitting there in Starbucks at a local Barns & Noble and thought "wow... I  OB Loves You
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OB's Story pt 3

OB's Story pt 3. -ENLARGE- I'm writing this because I had inspiration. I was sitting there in Starbucks at a local Barns & Noble and thought "wow... I

-ENLARGE- I'm writing this because I had inspiration. I was sitting there in Starbucks at a local Barns & Noble and thought "wow... I want to write this **** down." And so here is the third part. OB style.
Part 1: /channel/morbid-channel/OB+s+Story+pt+1/gyhTGtl/
Part 2: /channel/morbid-channel/OB+s+Story+pt+2/aMjTGnZ/
OB Loves You!
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Day 214
I managed to stay alive. Even with that thing bashing against the door every half
hour, I managed to get some sleep. I woke up this morning and the shade was
open, and the most horrid smell was on the air. I think they found another scientist
or something.“ really doesn' t matter to me though. They didn' t find me.
Earlier this morning when I woke up I wrote that entry. But things have changed
since then. I' noticed that there are no more oi those wretched things here. I
don' t know why they left but they are gone and I saw a pack of them walking away
from the building about 3 hours ago. I' been rig in this room now For about 15
hours. I am about to go and see if there is anything useful here, I' m gonna need it if
they are learning like they seem to be.
I' m back in this room again. There is no sign oi those things now. However I found a
lab technic an lying on the ilook about 5 minutes ago. He looked hurt and said he
hadn' t been bitten, but I think that was the fever talking. He is sitting about 20 ieet
away from me and is Just resting. Resting what a luxury.
I think I' m going to take a nap, I didn' t get much sleep last night.
Day 215
I knew I shouldn' t have trusted that Lats tech. He turned on me not an hour ago.
The only good thing about it was that I got a real good look at him. nice and close.
These things don' t have a pulse. Their eyes are white with very iew veins. Their
aace is extremely sunken in and they have no visible breathing.
When I woke up he was standing in the comer. I thought he might be okay but he
turned to me and I was so scared I broke my pencil in my gri 'm going to try to
find a weapon, these things are relentless. He hacked at me with his arms. They
were like giant clubs ging at me. I ran behind the desk and nipped it at h
It hit him and knocked him over so I took the broken part of my pencil and I stabbed
him in the chest. That' s when I noticed that he had no pulse to begin h took it
out and broke on a piece or the desk while he stumbled to get up. I think I killed
him with the chop to the neck from the broken desk piece but I am not sure. All I
care about is that I' m out of there now. I' m not staying in that bull ing anymore.
Day 218
That Lab Tech made me not trust anyone who looks like they have been attacked.
I met a woman who looked like she had been. She said she didn' t but I really
couldn' t be sure. I feel so horrible For what I did. I don' t know why, but I stabbed
her. I stabbed her in the head. I left the back end of my broken pen her temple
and I ran. I' m so out of Breath but I need to write. I need someone to understand.
These things are turning me into a monster or my own. I can' t look at anyone and
trust that they won' t try to eat me. she looked so scared. I Just can' t stop thinking
about her. I have to rest I Just ran an easy 3 miles from that truck. I' m only a iew
miles from Chicago though, hopefully things are better there. Maybe they will know
how I feel.
Day 219
I' m stopping to write real quick. I see that settlement on West street here in
Chicago. I' m hiding behind the post of a walmart building. They have shotguns and
other things. I don' t want to be on the rec g end of one of those, so I have to do
this right. I have to run up there, walking might seem like I' m one of those things.
But here it goes. Hopefully since this gash on my arm doesn' t look too bad
anymore they won' t worry.
Day 220
They let me in. THEY LET ME IN.' anally a place where I can be. A place where I' m
not alone. I don' t have to worry about behing slaughtered try those things. I' lost
my family, my everything.“ feels like I have some of that back now. I met Angela,
the elder woman of the camp. she showed me around and gave me a shack to live
even have a gun. I have watch duty tonight though. I' m going to bring this with
Nothing excl rig happened while I was out there. Just a single
one or those things came and ran into the gate. stupid thing eell
backwards and we blew his head on. My mate, Andy, was the one
showing me around the watch. He showed me pretty much
everything I need to know but he said rd be on my own tomorrow night
on the north e. in not too worried. They seem to stay away
from here From what I' seen.
Day 221
I was on watch of the North side today alone. There were 2 guys on the East, one
on the West and Two on the South side. There was only a pack oi 3 of them that
showed up tonight. The south guys got them. one of the rules is not to leave your
post for any reason. Even an attack. I guess I did the right thing because Andy
gave me a small pat on the back and a half extra ration oi bread while I was out
It' s time for rest now. I am so happy I found this place, I Finally feel like I have a
home again.
Day 222
Those things attacked us today. I' m surprised that any of us made it through. we lost
5 to the monsters eating them alone. I was only able to kill one or those bastards.
They were strong. VERY strong. At least compared to us normal people.
They killed Andy. One of them tore his arm straight off of his body and started eating
it like it was a chicken wing. Andy tried to shoot him with his left arm but before he
could another one of them grabbed his head and ripped it off of his shoulders.
The one friend I had left in the world. I don' t think I can write anymore today. we
hurried Andy and the othere aider we killed the last of those monsters and we had a
small ceremony for them. I have South Watch tomorrow. I don' t want to watch
anymore but I don' t want to leave and be alone again.
Day 225
I was on Watch this . A pack of them came out of the bui ings to the North
and slammed into our gates. They ate almost everyone, only me and a young woman
survived it. Her name is Jess. It looks like we' re going to stick together for a while for
the protec ion we' re used to. Besides she knows how to use that knife she has, I
don' t want to get in her way.
we' re leaving in the morning to look For another camp. They said there was one in
before the attack. Maybe we' ll go there.
Views: 82531 Submitted: 05/21/2012
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#46 - watawata
Reply +66 123456789123345869
(05/21/2012) [-]
Great story but all i could think of after the second paragraph
'i ran behind the desk and flipped it at him'
#100 - anon id: 85f97942
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/21/2012) [-]
#102 to #100 - oliphan
Reply +46 123456789123345869
(05/21/2012) [-]
#79 - tehtrollercoaster
Reply +45 123456789123345869
(05/21/2012) [-]
Can't get enough of this,waiting for more.
#169 - anserine
Reply +32 123456789123345869
(05/21/2012) [-]
> near dead guy looks injured

> says he wasn't bit: obviously attacked

> trust him
#109 - darman
Reply +21 123456789123345869
(05/21/2012) [-]
User avatar #244 - ColeTheUber
Reply +18 123456789123345869
(05/22/2012) [-]
I find this to be poorly written, and frankly pathetic.
Here's some advice.
1) Space out the action. You gave us nothing more than "Infection appears. One saw me. I thought I was okay. I ran. I moved for a few days. I found survivors. They died. I moved on." Jerking from one plot to another is no way to tell a story.
2) What is stopping you from calling them zombies? Every culture in the world has a story about the dead rising, so there is no reason that your protagonist should call them "things" or "creatures," call them what they are. You don't leave anything to the imagination.
3) I get that you're going for the whole "hastily written journal" kind of flow, but there is no reason that you can't expand on the stories. You go from saying "He gave me an extra ration of bread" to "he is my one true friend" without any real reason WHY he is your one true friend. I gave a homeless man some change today. It doesn't make him my best friend ever.
4) A whole camp, which has survived for so long, does not become wiped out from two zombie raids. If a group has survived for so long, it wouldn't make this mistake.
5) Your sentences seem choppy and poorly written. I'm probably the only person who gives a damn about this, though.

1/10 overall
The story is copy/paste of almost every zombie story ever created. I'd suggest you scrap the whole idea and start fresh.
#287 to #244 - akabara
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(06/12/2012) [-]
1) If you were writing a journal with the living dead after you, you wouldn't be concerned with spacing out the action, but just getting everything that happened on paper.
2) What inuar said.
3) If it was the end of the world and someone was nice to you, you'd become friends pretty fast. This wasn't written for an audience. It was written to retain sanity.
4) He did mention that the new zombies were stronger than normal. Hooray for reading comprehension.
5) Refer to #1

It's actually pretty unique. Most zombie movies have groups and the people are safe when they get to colonies.
#288 to #287 - ColeTheUber
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/12/2012) [-]
I really do not want to do this. But if you insist on replying to an older comment of mine, I suppose I will take the time to reply back.
1) I did not explain myself well enough here, it seems. Life does not flow this quickly. The author's intent was to entertain the reader with a story. The point of a journal-style narrative such as this is to be as descriptive as possible in a short time frame. If this was a real life situation, then maybe someone under this circumstance would not take the time to write down everything. Then again, in a real life circumstance, a smart survivor would not write down anything as it was happening. They would wait until they were safe and away from danger, and would have time to focus on writing. Writing in a survival situation is done to pass the time and to entertain the author, and yes, in most situations it is thought out and follows a typical narrative plot line (i.e. The Diary of Anne Frank).
2) I never felt as though inuar's comment pertained to this story much. As the author writes in the next part of the story, the female companion suddenly remembers something called zombies that she read about once. The characters distinctly think of them as living dead, and they are constantly thought of as humans (such as in the case of the guy that the protagonist recognized). No reason was given in the story that would even relate to inuar's comment, and yet, in the next installment, it is obvious that the zombie mythos exists, and has existed. And the protagonist is fine with that.
3) "This wasn't written for an audience"... Yes it was. It was written, and posted on a website for people to view. I highly doubt that the author was in a survival situation when this was written, so it was written for an audience. And in any survival situation where supplies are limited and tensions are high, friendship is rare. Most people have just witnessed someone close die, which makes survivors mistrusting of strangers.
User avatar #289 to #288 - ColeTheUber
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(06/12/2012) [-]
4) Yes, hooray for reading comprehension. Look at what I said again: "If a group has survived for so long, it wouldn't make this mistake." Think about it this way: if you shot pigeons every day for months, at every chance you get, and thought about nothing but killing pigeons, eventually you’d be pretty damn good at killing pigeons. A well garrisoned area that survived for such a long time, fighting the exact same enemy over and over again would not fall in a matter of two days.
5) Again, THIS IS NOT A REAL LIFE SITUATION. If anything is written to entertain a real life audience, it is imperative that it is written for a real life audience. So unless the author was being mauled by a zombie while s/he was writing this, there is no excuse for poor sentence structure. Again, I reference the Diary of Anne Frank. It may not be a perfect example, it may not be a matter of having your arms and legs torn off, but in a situation where even the scratching of a pen could give away her location, Anne Frank had proper sentence structure.

Also, no, it is not unique. Stop fooling yourself.
Good night.
User avatar #265 to #244 - inuar
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2012) [-]
i don't agree with you when you say he should just call them zombies, not all zombie stories calls the "things" zombies, there is an anime where they also call them things. the author gave an explanation for that, one girl said that by calling them "things" they were refusing to think of them as human beings, or that they were humans at some point, therefore it made it easier for them to kill them, because they were nothing more than monster. like a protective mechanism for the mind, so i think that the fact that he decided to call them things instead of zombies it's pretty clever.
User avatar #259 to #244 - theoriginalbastard [OP]
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2012) [-]
You must wait... You will find out as it goes along, not everything happens all at once ;) and It originally wasn't going to be a big long thing but it is now due to everyone liking it so much. And to top it off if you were writing a journal in a post-Zombie infected world would you worry about how you write?
User avatar #264 to #259 - ColeTheUber
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2012) [-]
I'm not saying that I wan't you to reveal every plot point all at once. But you can expand on the story a little more. As I said, it seems like you're jumping around too much.
And why would you even keep a journal in an infected world? What point would there be in the first place? If you're going through the trouble of writing a journal in such an event, you might as well take a few extra minutes to work on what you want to say.
User avatar #250 to #244 - siredvard
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(05/22/2012) [-]
Constructive criticism
#190 - lordcaligula
Reply +14 123456789123345869
(05/22/2012) [-]
#193 to #190 - jcococola
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(05/22/2012) [-]
protip: If you dont want to read it, skip
User avatar #279 to #193 - lordcaligula
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(05/23/2012) [-]
Is it sad I read that in princes voice?
#107 - ThatDeadGuy
Reply +14 123456789123345869
(05/21/2012) [-]
these should be made into a book, MOAR!
#69 - whitenail
Reply +14 123456789123345869
(05/21/2012) [-]
Bring on part 4!
#165 - Yojimbo
Reply +13 123456789123345869
(05/21/2012) [-]
< MFW I live in Nevada "Don't lead them here, they'll follow you!!!"
< MFW I live in Nevada "Don't lead them here, they'll follow you!!!"
User avatar #240 to #165 - bionicpanda
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2012) [-]
I live in Las Vegas.
Tell me where you live so i can rape you... in the anus.
User avatar #255 to #240 - Yojimbo
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2012) [-]
...did I say Nevada, I mean to say Nebraska! haha, Reno