Churchill Anecdotes. Five words are too many.. Funny Anecdotes At a public extent: Lady Nancy Astor: If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee! Chur Churchill
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Churchill Anecdotes

Churchill Anecdotes. Five words are too many.. Funny Anecdotes At a public extent: Lady Nancy Astor: If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee! Chur

Five words are too many.

Tags: Churchill
Funny
Anecdotes
At a public extent:
Lady Nancy Astor: If I were your wife I would put
poison in your coffee!
Churchill: And if I were your husband I would drink itl
Shortly before George Bernard Shaw' s 1913 may Pygmalion
received its first English performance at
His Majesty' s Theatre in London fort April It, 1914},
Shaw sent: the following telegram to Winston Churchill I
AM RESERVING one TICKETS FOR YOU FOR MY PREMIERE,
COME AND BRING A FRIEND - IF HAVE ONE.
Churchill sent this telegram to Shaw in reply ',
TC) BE PRESENT FOR THE FIRST PERFORMANCE,
WILL ATTEND THE SECOND - IF THERE IS ONE.
Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk, and what' s more,
you are disgustingly drunk.
Churchill: Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what' s
more, you are disgustingly ugly.
But tomorrow I shell be sober and you will
still be disgustingly ugly.
Churchill with a young woman:
Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for
five million pounds?
Woman: My goodness, Mr. Churchill .r. Well, I suppose ...
we would have to discuss terms, of course MK.
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Woman: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman
do you think I am?!
Churchill: Madam, we' already established that.
Now we are haggling about the price.
In the Urinals of the House of Commons,
upon the entry of Clement Attica
Churchill moves to the far end of the room:
Attlee: My dear Winston, I hope that despite being
adversaries in the house, we could be
Friends outside of it.
Churchill: Ah Clement, I have no quarrel with you,
but in my experience, when you see something
that' s big and works well, you tend to want
to nationalise it.
There WILL be a part 2.
...
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Submitted: 05/07/2012
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Comments(119):

[ 119 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#96 - rmoran ONLINE (05/08/2012) [-]
Churchill: Will you sleep with me for..
Me: YES
#68 - slikmonkey (05/08/2012) [-]
Women to Churchill's butler
Woman: I need to speak to Mr. Churchill
Butler goes to fetch him and comes back: I'm sorry, Mr. Churchill is in the bathroom
Woman: I need to speak with him NOW!
Butler goes back up and comes back down: Mr. Churchill says that he can deal with only one insolent **** at a time.
#6 - madeyegubbins (05/08/2012) [-]
One morning Churchill was woken by an aid who informed him ''Sir I am most awfully sorry to have to tell you this; but there has been a bit of a scandal, one of our back bench M.P.s was found with a guardsman in the bushes in st James park and the papers have got a hold of the story.''   
Churchill replied, ''last night?''   
''...well yes prime minister''   
''wasn't it cold?''   
the aid said ''actually yes Prime minister one of the coldest this year''   
He sat back in bed and said ''Makes you proud to be British doesn't it?''
One morning Churchill was woken by an aid who informed him ''Sir I am most awfully sorry to have to tell you this; but there has been a bit of a scandal, one of our back bench M.P.s was found with a guardsman in the bushes in st James park and the papers have got a hold of the story.''
Churchill replied, ''last night?''
''...well yes prime minister''
''wasn't it cold?''
the aid said ''actually yes Prime minister one of the coldest this year''
He sat back in bed and said ''Makes you proud to be British doesn't it?''

#33 to #6 - itzmob (05/08/2012) [-]
I....I don't get it. Explain please
User avatar #39 to #33 - deltadeltadelta (05/08/2012) [-]
youtube.com/watch?v=mbEenHXmmy4

Two gay guys going at one another in a park during one of the coldest nights in 30 years.
#40 to #39 - itzmob (05/08/2012) [-]
Cold buttsex? Where's the funny?
User avatar #42 to #40 - deltadeltadelta (05/08/2012) [-]
Two British guys were having sex in a park, at night, in winter. He says he's proud because of the resilient nature of the British people.

If you don't think Churchill's quote is funny, then to each their own. I thought it was funny.
User avatar #46 to #42 - itzmob (05/08/2012) [-]
British jokes aren't really my cup of tea.

User avatar #150 to #113 - itzmob (05/09/2012) [-]
(☞゚∀゚)☞
#45 to #33 - anon (05/08/2012) [-]
dick big enough to **** even tho its cold as balls
#3 - thatguyyoumightno ONLINE (05/08/2012) [-]
he was probably still drunk the next day anyway...
#133 - makemebaconsammich (05/08/2012) [-]
Madam, all babies look like me
#82 - JaxieConners (05/08/2012) [-]
Don't act like you're not impressed.
#23 - twatmissile (05/08/2012) [-]
wasnt there a post just like this yesterday about badass things churchhill said?
#35 to #23 - geraldbostock (05/08/2012) [-]
It was about many historical figures, but it made me decide to make one particularly on Churchill.
User avatar #37 to #35 - Hreidmar ONLINE (05/08/2012) [-]
Thank you for doing so, these are hilarious. I still have to say, though, you left out my favourite one - "Must you fall asleep while I'm speaking?" "No, it's purely voluntary"

Then again, that one was in yesterday's post, so I assume you didn't want to rile the very single-minded repost police on this site.
#1 - oilyniller (05/07/2012) [-]
even badasser then hitler.
User avatar #107 to #1 - qazaibomb (05/08/2012) [-]
then hitler what?
#149 to #107 - oilyniller (05/09/2012) [-]
then hitler farted the jews to death
#2 to #1 - nippuhl (05/08/2012) [-]
This image has expired
He couldn't jam out like Hitler.
#57 to #2 - atomicnutter (05/08/2012) [-]
No but he couldn't jam like Darth Vader.
User avatar #104 to #2 - sweateagle (05/08/2012) [-]
[url deleted]
+26
#119 to #114 - AnonTheTerrible **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #129 to #119 - hazardousfool (05/08/2012) [-]
I like the part when Nicholas Angel rides the match 5 in that movie
#125 to #119 - anon (05/08/2012) [-]
It's a show, dumbass.
#130 to #125 - ahj (05/08/2012) [-]
0/10. Pathetic
#111 - MGK (05/08/2012) [-]
#124 - offspring (05/08/2012) [-]
Winston Churchill + Teddy Roosevelt > GOD.
+3
#134 to #124 - derpygroovs **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #136 to #134 - offspring (05/08/2012) [-]
"Death had to take Roosevelt sleeping, for if he had been awake, there would have been a fight." - Thomas R. Marshall
+1
#140 to #136 - derpygroovs **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #141 to #140 - offspring (05/08/2012) [-]
>Teddy Roosevelt
>Arnold Schwarzenegger
>Yip Man
>Winston Churchill
>Miyamoto Musashi

Those are my role models.

#154 to #134 - nebraksa corn (05/09/2012) [-]
Andrew Jackson: Nickname was 'old hickory'. Why such a lame nickname? Well he had a hickory cane that he would beat people senseless with. First president have an assassination attempt on, survived because both of the assassins pistols misfired and Jackson went on to beat the assassin to near death until his aides pulled him away. Also loved dueling. One duel he allowed his opponent to fire first and took the hit as if it were a bee sting. Jackson's shot was to the face.
#4 - derblastermaster (05/08/2012) [-]
That last one...wow
#99 - tippidyt (05/08/2012) [-]
The word married in Danish is called gift, which is also the danish word for poison.
#94 - slicerv (05/08/2012) [-]
**slicerv rolled a random image posted in comment #42 at the shortest horror story **
#127 - phonerstonerboner (05/08/2012) [-]
Churchill was half British, half american and when ever he had a comeback like this or he became aggressive he would always say "I guess my American side showed up."   
   
The more you know!
Churchill was half British, half american and when ever he had a comeback like this or he became aggressive he would always say "I guess my American side showed up."

The more you know!
#153 to #127 - anon (05/09/2012) [-]
Yeah that really didn't happen..
User avatar #24 - naziyahtzee (05/08/2012) [-]
[replying to a letter from someone he didn't like]
Sir, I am in the smallest room of the house. Your letter is in front of me. Very soon it will be behind me.


That guy was a ******* legend.
#11 - HunterAsesino (05/08/2012) [-]
haters gonna hate
#43 - pavichokche (05/08/2012) [-]
Yeah? Well you're stupid cunt.
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