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#50 - broorb (05/06/2012) [-]
I find it kind of upsetting, the idea that a guy wouldn't want to be friends with me unless I let him get in my pants.

Like, what are we supposed to do, say yes to every guy that invites us, not necessarily because we feel the same way, but because we're obligated to string him along so as not to hurt his feelings? Is that what you want?

Because that sounds like a whooole lot of heartache, bro.
User avatar #105 to #50 - lolollo (05/06/2012) [-]
I love how the only difference between friendship, and a relationship to you is sex, yet it's the guy's fault.
User avatar #115 to #105 - commontroll (05/06/2012) [-]
Not really dude. You can easily be in a relationship and not have sex.
User avatar #121 to #115 - lolollo (05/06/2012) [-]
That's...I know...that's half of my point...

...what's the point of your comment exactly?
User avatar #125 to #121 - commontroll (05/06/2012) [-]
Wait... are you saying with her comment she's saying sex is all the separates it? If that's what you're saying, my bad. However, a lot of guys on here only think about the sex part of a relationship, and think getting out of the friend-zone is getting laid.

Sorry for my misunderstanding bro.
User avatar #192 to #125 - lolollo (05/07/2012) [-]
Yeah, I definitely see that to, but it's mostly a negative stereotype that makes the rest of us look bad.
#111 to #105 - broorb (05/06/2012) [-]
please don't twist my words. let me phrase it differently - I'm saddened by the idea of a boy avoiding my company because I do not see him as a mating-partner, a potential lover, a person whose hand I want to hold in that way. How about this (I assume you're male) - hypothetically, if you had a crush on me, and I led you on because I felt sorry for you, how would you feel?

what I mean is, I don't like the idea of never being able to befriending a guy I don't want to go out with. that's all, bro.
User avatar #118 to #111 - lolollo (05/06/2012) [-]
Your decisions are your own business. Personally, I'd think you were stupid for willingly allow yourself to enter a relationship you didn't want to be in. I'm not saying that women are supposed to say yes to every guy who comes by and asks them out, I'm saying that a lot of what I see is that a girl DOES like a guy, but can't see themselves liking them "in that way", and a lot of the time it's because of sex, which is evident in your comment. I'll note a girl's physically attractive qualities within the first 30 seconds of seeing them. I'm guessing you do the same with whichever gender you feel attracted to, but that doesn't automatically mean I want them as a girlfriend. Someone isn't "girlfriend material" until I feel like I can understand them on a more personal level, where I can go to them with ANY problem and they'd understand both the problem, and possibly how to deal with it. My roommate's a pretty swell person, as is his girlfriend, but they're friends because we get along, and that's about it.

Is sex a factor when it comes to dating? Yes, but it's pretty black and white to go yelling at guys who freak out over being friendzones because it's automatically about sex and NOTHING else.
#145 to #118 - broorb (05/07/2012) [-]
back up a sec, I see what happened:
what I said
"the idea that a guy wouldn't want to be friends with me unless I let him get in my pants."
as opposed to what you interpreted:
"the fact that guys don't want to be friends with me unless I let them get in my pants."

User avatar #194 to #145 - lolollo (05/07/2012) [-]
Yes, that's partially it, though that just makes me want to ask what personally happened to you since very rarely do people say things in that light without some kind of personal experience.

It's also because you're being partially unfair of OP. I know it's probably the safest bet to say that it's about sex, but when that's all you resort to for the sake of safety, you cause quarrels with those of us who don't.
#198 to #194 - broorb (05/07/2012) [-]
(I'mma reply to your other comment here, since I've not got the mental capacity to continue two different conversations with one person at the same time, hahaha) It's not just op - it seems to be a lot of guys on FJ, who seem to think that girls and boys can't be mates. It bugged me how he used the idiotface for the girl who requested that they remain friends, as though it was a stupid thing to suggest - yes, I've been in both positions, yes, it's painful, but I've also been in the ignored position and in the laughed-at position, and friends is by far the best lot.

it's not that she's being thick - which is what he's suggesting - it's that she doesn't want to hurt him further. and THIS suggests that the guy are just in it for sex; NOT the friendship. that's what's bugging me.

you've still got me all wrong, sir, no matter how many times I say it. no, there isn't a story I'd like to get off my chest - it just hurts to see people with such a lonelifying attitude, that's all. :p
User avatar #203 to #198 - lolollo (05/07/2012) [-]
I'd find it idiotic if a girl made the point of just wanting to be friends after I've portrayed my feelings to them, I'd find it idiotic since you'd much rather delude yourself into thinking that the relationship is going to go right back to the way it was. It's not, I'm sorry. It can seem like it from the outside, but it becomes complicated. I have a friend who friendzoned a girl. She told him how she felt, but he didn't share the same feeling. They decided to stay friends, but there's still this tangible field of awkward surrounding the entire situation. I've walked into it a few times and eventually said that he's gonna need to tell me what's going on if he wants me to react a certain way to certain situations. That doesn't happen with friends who are legitimately just friends. That awkward exists because there's that difference in what either party wants out of the relationship.

Does OP only want sex, yes it does seem that way, but I'd much rather fight for the possibility that he is one of the decent users here.
#206 to #203 - broorb (05/07/2012) [-]
ah, I meant, "there's no need to call anyone idiotic" - my apologies
#205 to #203 - broorb (05/07/2012) [-]
I agree with you, but that's not what I'm talking about.
"Does OP only want sex, yes it does seem that way" <- this kind of person is what I'm talking about.
You're making a mountain out of a molehill. I've been friendzoned and gotten over my feelings, and we're still good friends to this day. Hell, people have divorced and remained friends - just because you're not able, doesn't mean no one else is, and just because some girls are able, doesn't make them stupid for asking.

If she values you as a friend, she'll want to stay friends - is that so weird? all you have to do is say "I'm sorry - I don't think I can do that. I need some space for a while" and she'll understand. There's no need to call anyone unless the person brazenly hurts the other.
User avatar #208 to #205 - lolollo (05/07/2012) [-]
That;s the thing though, she values me as a friend when I value her as more than just a friend. Have you friendzoned anyone? What was the reason for that difference? Why did you only view them as a friend and not as more than that? I have reasons for several women who I've friendzoned (none of them are really that positive in nature). It's when a girl says "I just don't" that I have issues with, yet we're expected to go immediately back to the way things were. And yes, I understand what it means to just need space, but how much time and how much space? How do you reinsert yourself into the group? How do you know? Those questions needing to be asked are what I'm getting at. How much time was it before you and your ex were back to the way things were before you expressed your feelings? (by the way, that is the story I was getting at before)

And I don't view it as making a mountain out of a molehill when you fight for one of your personal values.
#210 to #208 - broorb (05/07/2012) [-]
In which case you're not the kind of guy I'm arguing about - the kind of guy who doesn't want to be friends with a girl unless he can **** her. you're clearly not like that, since you're bringing friendship into it and different levels of feelings, while ******* or *********** is pretty black and white, and that seems to be what this comic was about; 'well in that case if you won't go out with me we can never talk again'.

I'm not arguing against how painful and tricky it is to be friendzoned - I'm arguing against the stereotype that some blokes are giving men as a whole: a stereotype wherein none of you want to be friends with us.

the amount of space necessary varies, and there's no choice but to figure it out yourself via trial-and-error, but you get there eventually. it doesn't kill you, and you learn from it in the end. in the end, we're young, and in terms of love what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. the best piece of advice I was given was 'get over it'. it's long but sure.
User avatar #211 to #210 - lolollo (05/07/2012) [-]
I was going to say, if you say YOLO, I was going to end the conversation right there...for srs...

But yeah, I think "We can never talk again" is a bit final, but there's still that felling of "Yeah, things are going to be different now, and I'd much rather not get yelled at for noticing that." I think your whole "sex" thing set me off because I've seen it too many times where noticing that fact will lead a guy to automatically get chastised for just wanting sex. I'm not blaming you, just the trend in general. You were just the medium since you can't yell at a trend (and you brought it up). This is most likely just a misunderstanding brought up from a naturally horrible trend in human behavior.
#212 to #211 - broorb (05/07/2012) [-]
Very true. I guess I just see it as a shame that a friendship between a girl and a boy has to end because one doesn't reciprocate the feelings of another, but if keeping the friendship going hurts one of them then it's not gonna be a happy road; as for the guy wanting sex and getting chastised it, that is just a fact of life - after disney, the concept of a ********* is difficult for a lot of girls to appreciate, and it's not till we're all a lot older - like, university and after - that sex for fun is suddenly optional and totally ok to (a lot of) women, I think.

Hahaha no worries, I'd sooner cut myself than throw yolo at you. :p
User avatar #130 to #118 - commontroll (05/06/2012) [-]
I completely agree with this. I think though, the main thing that causes guys on FJ to complain about the friendzone is that they want to get laid, and aren't looking for companionship.

Does the friend-zone suck? Yes. It does. Could it be worse? Oh yeah.

In the end though, I think way too many people just act like it's way worse than it is.
User avatar #195 to #130 - lolollo (05/07/2012) [-]
I can see your point, though I'm not a fan of the idea of just going straight for the "He just wants sex" option.
User avatar #197 to #195 - commontroll (05/07/2012) [-]
I don't think either of us are saying that they're just in it for sex. But if you're rejected for a relationship, and you refuse to even be friends with the girl because of it, that's kind of dickish. I can understand why they would want to do it, but I can also understand why somebody would murder over something trivial. Still a dick move to murder somebody for a Klondike Bar.

Anyway, I'm not at all saying all guys want sex, because I am a guy and I'm not looking for that. I just find it stupid when the people who claim they're good guys then say that the end prize is sex, or always talk about sex and stuff. It just doesn't work that way.
User avatar #201 to #197 - lolollo (05/07/2012) [-]
It's mainly where broorb said "the idea that a guy wouldn't want to be friends with me unless I let him get in my pants". No, it's not as generalizing as I may have made it out to be, but still, why bring up sex yourself? You let THEM bring up sex and THEN yell at them for being dicks.
#131 to #130 - broorb (05/06/2012) [-]
User avatar #132 to #131 - commontroll (05/06/2012) [-]
So, all three of us agree and were misunderstanding each other? I'm okay with this.
#136 to #132 - broorb (05/06/2012) [-]
god I hope so, hahaha
#127 to #118 - broorb (05/06/2012) [-]
Nonono, you're misinterpreting me - I'm getting annoyed at guys who think it's that way! Oh dear, I totally didn't men to come across that way. Ok, from this comic, what I received was that the guy asked out the girl, who said nobutcanwestayfriends and he's laughing at the idea of being friends with a girl he can't go out with. that's what's upsetting me. I never mentioned it being about sex and nothing else, but plenty of guys on here seem to think it's about relationships and nothing else - that you can't be friends with a girl. it's that attitude that I'm arguing against.
User avatar #193 to #127 - lolollo (05/07/2012) [-]
Neither did the guy in the comic. Yes, it's probably about sex, but it could very well be because he can't bring himself to remain friends with someone who doesn't reciprocate his feelings, which isn't that immoral. Have you ever tried to stay friends with someone you liked, but didn't feel the same way about you? It tears at you. And I'll be honest, it's more the fact that you felt it necessary to bring sex up at all that I was commenting on. Is there a story you'd like to get off of your chest?
User avatar #68 to #50 - commontroll (05/06/2012) [-]
I get really pissed off by these guys who are just in it for sex and claim they're being friend-zoned. If they really liked the girl, they'd rather be friends than not know her at all. I'm speaking from experience. If you can't be friends with a girl, it's gonna be a challenge to be more than friends. Some of my best friends are girls, some of them I have never liked, some of them I used to like. My best friend is the girl I like, and at one point she hadn't said a word to me for five months. I'd rather be in the friendzone any day than go through that again, and then some asshole complains about the girl wanting to just be friends.
#77 to #68 - broorb (05/06/2012) [-]
I totally agree. It's sad that something like a crush can come between friendships, I mean, what happened to that follow-up conversation where one person's like "are things gonna be weird between us now?" and then the other goes "no no no, not at all!"

Now it's all like U DON LIEIK ME? GO FK URSELF, lmao
User avatar #83 to #77 - commontroll (05/06/2012) [-]
Yeah, the girl I like, I told her I was starting to like her, last July or so. She didn't like me back, and I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship anyway, and that I just wanted to be open with her about how I feel, so she would be aware of it and not accidentally hurt me and me be all upset about it.

If a man is unwilling to be just friends, then he would have just been a terrible boyfriend. A good relationship needs to be between two people who can enjoy hanging out and being just friends, otherwise it will grow stale and fall apart.
#87 to #83 - broorb (05/06/2012) [-]
That's such a mature approach, how you dealt with it, being all chill about it but ensuring for both your sakes that she didn't accidentally hurt you. Your lady friends are lucky, bro.

True, that - and also, if a man can't be friends with women, how is he ever going to figure out how to understand them? I'm not saying women are predictable, but some lads act like we're bloody aliens, and the way to dispel that is to just get to know us without constantly focusing on the content - and access - of our knickers.
User avatar #117 to #87 - commontroll (05/06/2012) [-]
Agreed. I think it makes it a lot easier in some ways to wait till marriage, because I'm not looking for sex, so instead I'm looking for somebody I can just... be with. Too many people on funnyjunk are just beta scumbags, and then just say they're nice guys being friend-zoned. Even though really they're after the same thing as the 'scumbags' who are more confident.
#135 to #117 - broorb (05/06/2012) [-]
True. It doesn't matter how a guy looks - it's aalll about confidence. true, good looks (usually) bestow confidence, but imagine a scene with 2 guys: a short overweight guy with a moustache, who is ******* hilarious and displays confidence with the ladies, and a tall fellow with a strong jaw and srs broody eyes and a 5o'clock shadow (hnggh) but who says very little and stares at his shoes most of the time. who goes home with the girl? the confident one, 9 times out of 10. and confidence is not encouraged by festering in a pool of beta kids moaning about their sexlives.

Props for you for waiting till marriage. although it is great to experiment for experience's sake, I think it was in Good Will Hunting that someone said "You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy." ssso true, that.
User avatar #139 to #135 - commontroll (05/06/2012) [-]
Yeah, I mainly just want it to be something special, versus just every time I'm dating some chick. It leaves nothing for just your spouse. That's how I see it.

Yeah, it's weird though, other than the 5 o'clock shadow (stupid blonde hair) that's basically how I look, and I have the confidence and being funny and all. Never had a single girlfriend. So, I think I'm the Captain America of the Friendzone.
#140 to #139 - broorb (05/07/2012) [-]
Hahahaha, I see. Could be the 5oclock shadow that's doing it, I can teach you how to do that with makeup... :p nah I kid, lmao.

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?
User avatar #141 to #140 - commontroll (05/07/2012) [-]
Eighteen. And I'm not hitting on girls like, five years older than me.
#155 to #141 - broorb (05/07/2012) [-]
ps. ok so, I was reading some of the comments you've posted on other **** , the ones that got like over a hundred thumbs, and giggling at some of them, then I went over your profile and saw the "nice to know you're stalking me." I was like ...ssshi -hideface- hahaaa
User avatar #157 to #155 - commontroll (05/07/2012) [-]
Hahaha yeah, I had a pretty good run the other night, thumb wise.
#142 to #141 - broorb (05/07/2012) [-]
I figured you'd be young - your personality's basically older than you are, bro. stick it out for a bit, you think too differently for the girls around you just yet, but once you get into full swing at uni, or if you move near a uni, it'll get a lot easier :p and the beauty of it is, once you're 21, 22, you'll be what aallll the 18yrold girls are looking for - confident, good looking, and slightly older. (I'm an 18yrold girl, I can vouch for that, hahaha)
User avatar #160 to #142 - commontroll (05/07/2012) [-]
Yeah, it sucks being mature. Though a lot of girls I know are mature for their age as well. But yeah, I don't expect a serious relationship at all until I'm in my twenties, simply because it's very rare for two people around our age to be mature and into mature people.
User avatar #65 to #50 - ganoninthepit (05/06/2012) [-]
That's a good point. On the same token though, if someone's really attracted to you.. Being "just friends" would be a hell of a pain.

not to say you should lie, either.
#72 to #65 - broorb (05/06/2012) [-]
That is true - however, calling a girl a dumb bitch for wanting to stay friends is bang out of order. when the situation is reversed, we'd be heartbroken if not only did the guy reject us, he also said 'and because you fancy me we can never talk again'. I know guys' minds are wired differently but we couldn't do that to a guy - reject him and then also request to break contact. lemme know if I'm not making sense, hahaha
User avatar #76 to #72 - ganoninthepit (05/06/2012) [-]
That's a good point. I guess it would vary situation to situation but dumb bitch is a bit out of line.
That said, it might be hard to keep the friendship going.
#81 to #76 - broorb (05/06/2012) [-]
yeah, true. it's fine for the girl, but she's gotta acknowledge that it'll be difficult for the guy, and give him some space if he looks like he needs it, yeah.
User avatar #69 to #65 - commontroll (05/06/2012) [-]
It's worse to not be around them at all. If they really like the girl, they would rather just be friends than never talk to her.
User avatar #74 to #69 - ganoninthepit (05/06/2012) [-]
Not necessarily. It's a pain. Being around them all the time reminded that you can't be with them. I don't blame them for that of course, but you'll just be lying to yourself and to them. It's one thing if it's a small crush that fades, but when you really like someone it's usually not that easy.
User avatar #80 to #74 - commontroll (05/06/2012) [-]
You're talking to somebody who is in that boat bro. I've been in the ignored zone, and it's way worse after being best friends to suddenly not being talked to for five months. Anybody who complains about the friendzone doesn't know how terrible it is to not be friends if you truly want them to be happy.

I'd take being with my best friend who will never date me, over never talking to them again and moving on to the next girl.
User avatar #82 to #80 - ganoninthepit (05/06/2012) [-]
I guess it depends on how strong the feelings and friendships are to begin with. i've been in the situation and I'd rather not be involved with it again. Though it'd probably hurt more to be told " **** off" over it... It's not something I'd really like to repeat.
User avatar #84 to #82 - commontroll (05/06/2012) [-]
It's not enjoyable, I'll say that, but I'm just saying that if somebody would rather never speak to them again, than be in the friendzone, they probably didn't really like them, so much as like the idea of liking them, or just wanting in the girl's pants.
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