inb4 religion war. . Dear Christfags. I have recently converted to christianity. I do need seine advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of Gods
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inb4 religion war

Dear Christfags.
I have recently converted to christianity. I do need seine advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of Gods
Laws and how to feller them.
A friend of mine claims that this applies to "Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can' t I own Canadians?
ltl. N
I I weild like to sell my daughter into slavery. as sanctioned in Exodus alih In this day and age, what do you think wouid be fit
fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uru: bearishness - Lev. I 5: . The problem is how do I tell? I have tried
asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a hull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev. I ' The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing
to them. Shouldv smite them?
Sabbath. Exodus 35: 2 clearly death. . er shield
tidbit?
this? Are there ‘degrees ?
20/ 20, er is there some here?
3. Most ofmy get their hair trimmed, including the hair temples, even thouth this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 192?. How die?
Sh kknow: from Lev. 1168 makes , iff wear tkaes?
Ith My uncle has adimn. He violates Lev. : Iel' by planting two different crew in the , as does his wife by wearing garments made different kinds if
thread (cotton/ polyester blend He also tends to curse and blasphemy: a let. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trebble if getting the whole town together to
stone them? - . we just burn them to death at agrivate family affair, like we do with pimple who sleep with their inclass? (Lev. 20: 14)
I know yon have studied these things extensively andthey enjoy considerable energise in such matters, so I' m confident you can help. Thank yeu againsed reminding
us that Gods ward's eternal interchanging-
I. Leviticus 25: 44 states that I may pissess slaves, both male imafemale. provided they are purchased hem neighboring nations.
...
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Submitted: 03/31/2012
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Comments(61):

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#6 - alfredlanning (03/31/2012) [+] (1 reply)
1. You can't own Canadians because Canadians aren't from a neighboring nation. Canadians don't actually live in Canada; they live in Greenland and commute to Canada. That's why they make Greenland look so big on maps.

2. The market fluctuates, but it's mainly determined by how thick the Russian accent of your buyer is, and whether or not you're Liam Neeson.

3. Dogs can easily be trained to determine this.

4. You managed to kill a bull, so I don't see why not. I recommend shooting them out of a giant slingshot.

5. See #5

6. Eating shellfish is much worse than homosexuality. Homosexuality is relatively victimless. Eating shellfish means you're depriving the residents of Bikini Bottom of delicious Krabby Patties.

7.There's a sliding scale. 20/20 vision means you can touch the altar, legally blind means you have to keep at a fifty foot radius. Consult your optometrist for intermediate distances, as they vary depending on your prescription.

8.See #5. Slingshot.

9. No need to worry; footballs have been made out of synthetic leather for years. Though if you actually call it pigskin while touching it, you'll burn in hell, so watch out for that.

10. Your more progressive communities will actually have state-sponsored stoning services. Just give their address and their sin, and they'll airdrop a giant stone onto them by next morning. They'll even handle cleanup for an extra fee. Though, I'd like to point out again: slingshot.
#3 - anonymous (03/31/2012) [-]
lol i enjoyed reading that
#1 - capslockwut (03/31/2012) [+] (1 reply)
I can assure you at least 60% of Christians aren't aware of these things. Gj OP.
User avatar #16 - kindofcool (04/01/2012) [+] (12 replies)
The funny thing about this post is that it makes references back to the Old Testament. Go back and look. Every single one. People who want to bash Christianity need to understand that the Old Testament is history! It's not the "code of conduct." That is the New Testament. There is a story in the Old Testament about a girl getting foreskins for her birthday! It is simply history and anyone who takes it for more is a fool.

Sincerely, I'm-Not-Even-A-Christian
#24 to #16 - grassbear (04/01/2012) [-]
while the Old Testament is filled with crazy **** the New Testament is filled with hypocritical **** .
We should fear God (Matthew 10:28)
We should love God (Matthew 22:37)
There is no fear in love (1 John 4:18)
#12 - lordmoldywart (04/01/2012) [+] (11 replies)
God's word isn't eternal or unchanging, Jesus overturned most of the rulings from the old testament, in the new testament.

Old testament - eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth (Bible tells us to exact revenge on those who harm us);
New testament - Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek (to avoid violence)

Christianity is based on the life and teachings of Jesus, so whatever he says goes in that religion.

Christians: 0
Atheists: 0
Me: 1
#34 - rosietheamazon (04/01/2012) [-]
i think people will stop bitching and moaning about the old testament when people stop applying it to modern standards that encroach on others' rights.
#9 - thelastolympian (03/31/2012) [-]
I'm going to hell for laughing at this.
I'm going to hell for laughing at this.
#29 - anonymous (04/01/2012) [-]
lol at content
how come he attacks christianity and never even touches the new testament? he should just attack jews in that case
User avatar #20 - amusedrhino (04/01/2012) [+] (1 reply)
It's just not funny anymore. It's gone from funny jokes to just mean mockery of a religion. It's annoying. I ain't even Christian.
#5 - tinylikespie (03/31/2012) [-]
This man deserves a ******* medal.
Pic somewhat related
#55 - natgurl (04/01/2012) [-]
Comment Picture

User avatar #46 - nmathreeofive (04/01/2012) [+] (3 replies)
do i have colored text

User avatar #47 to #46 - nmathreeofive (04/01/2012) [-]
no I do not.

#11 - chowbot (04/01/2012) [+] (1 reply)
#67 - chasermlol (04/02/2012) [-]
lol @ cheesus

(captcha was 69) (tee-hee)
#37 - anonymous (04/01/2012) [+] (2 replies)
exodus and levitucus is old testament, so unless ur jewish, read the new testament which says listen to the law of your government, unless corrupt against god. our gov. says slaves are illegal, so tat answersmost of the slave things. however the menstrual thing, sadly cant be helped XD
+1
#48 to #37 - bucketoffist **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #8 - houseofbrick (03/31/2012) [+] (1 reply)
Agnostic here: I'm getting bored of picking **** out of the Old Testament to show how crazy Christianity is because it's only the insane Christians who doggedly follow the Bible's every law rules they pick and choose are right and wrong.

How about some work on the New Testament and from Catholic Saints (like that one who says that NO Christian should EVER have sex)?
User avatar #15 to #8 - Daeiros (04/01/2012) [-]
i like that one, i haven't heard that before. We should launch a massive campaign to push that rule, then 100 years from now, one less crazy group ruining the world.
#7 - anonymous (03/31/2012) [-]
This was copy/pasted from a letter to some politician, I have it in my reaction folder somewhere, nice try being original. (not that the 4chan op will read this)
#44 - sandwicheater (04/01/2012) [-]
maybe I have colored text too
#2 - anonymous (03/31/2012) [-]
moar than 60%
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