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QUICK, WHAT IS THE MOST POWERFUL POKEMON IN THE WORLD?
GET THAT DICK OUT OF YOUR EAR
AND PAY ATTENTION GODDAMMIT
71% OF THE PLANET' S SURFACE IS WATER
90% OF LIFE IN THE WATER IS MAGIKARP
100% OF MAGIKARP' S BODY IS PURE PAIN
NO MATTER WHERE
You GO, YOU WILL
NOT BE SAFE.
Let' s give you some simple numbers so you
can comprehend Just how fucked you are,
20 base HP.
1 base attack
80 base speed.
If it' s raining, then its speed DOUBLES.
SWEET GANDHI' S TITS, THAT' S TERRIFYING
Well, guess what? We' re just getting warmed up. It' s
time to show you the deadly attacks Magikarp can use.
A Magikarp that lives for years can use this to LEAP OVER MOUNTAINS.
You can' t even walk over one without losing your breath.
Pictured: A pebble to a Magikarp.
That' s 10 kilograms of solid death being thrown right at your fat face.
If you can somehow get Magikarp to 1 HP, this move gets a base power
of 200. That sound was your bowels leaving your body in sheer terror.
Because fuck your grass types. As a bonus, Magikarp becomes even more
invincible than it nunnally is for one turn.
IF THAT' S SOMEHOW NOT ORGASMIC ENOUGH
FOR YOU, LOOK AT ITS SHINY FORM.
I It I In
Every single word in that title is literal.
w HEY at
Put your pants back on, we' re not done yet.
SPEAKING OF ORGASMIC
Magikarp is in the DRAGON egg group. That
means that the following Pokemon are lining up
to have sex with it:
THIS IS IN ADDITION TO ANYTHING VAGUELY .
AND IT CREATES EVEN MORE MAGIKARP.
Here' s another terrifying stat for you, pussy
Now, I know what your self is thinking.
You' re right, it does have one terrible downside.
ITS EVOLUTION IS COMPLETE GARBAGE.
Not that " matters anyway. The B button was invented for a reason.
on '' MAGIKARP.