Tard Stories 17 (18 in desc.). 16: /channel/4chan/Tard+Stories+16/TlGvDGy/ 18: /channel/4chan/Tard+Stories+18/LcRvDYp.. >5th grade. >leave class to go to the bathroom >walk in to see tard taking a in urinal >tard stares at me >he starts to clap his hands and bark l roll post
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[ 358 comments ]
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#7 - Klusterpuck (01/05/2012) [-]
>5th grade.
>leave class to go to the bathroom
>walk in to see tard taking a **** in urinal
>tard stares at me
>he starts to clap his hands and bark like a seal
>i run out of bathroom
>turn around and see normal kid walk out of bathroom
>we looked at each other and walked away
>a few days later i see non tard kid at recess
>he stares at me for a few seconds
>starts clapping his hands and barking like a seal
>mf every time i've seen him since
User avatar #48 to #7 - chewythewolftwo (01/05/2012) [-]
This is one of the best I've read
#138 to #7 - stebok (01/06/2012) [-]
I like how this one sort of has a happy ending.   
   
gif unrelated.
I like how this one sort of has a happy ending.

gif unrelated.
User avatar #14 to #7 - finalfantasyfan (01/05/2012) [-]
You, sir, have made me guffaw in a loud manner.
#96 - remsaman (01/06/2012) [-]
>Year 8
>in a private school
>school ends 10 minutes before others
>school ended, walking home
>pass by a 'special' school(tard central)
>tard centrals bell rings
>oh god no
>hundreds of tards pour out the front gate almost simultaneously
>three almost get hit by a car, even though the speed limit was 5 KMPH
>watch as a biker, who was passing the school at the time, turns around with a horrified look on his face
>biker fails to pick up enough speed to escape the tsu-tardy
>he gets surrounded by tards
>one rips off his helmet and runs away
>suddenly realise im standing in their path
> **** **** **** ****
>run
>running past a small indent in the wall
>hand pulls me in
>its a teacher at the school
>he keeps hold of me until the hundreds of tards run past
>lets me go and apologizes
>give him a nod and walk off


#297 to #96 - perfectionx (01/06/2012) [-]
You god amongst men, Tsu-tardy got me cracked up all day.


Mfw the teacher pushed you back in yelling "LONG LIVE THE KING!"
#113 to #96 - anon (01/06/2012) [-]
Reminds me of Lion King
Tards= Wilda Beasts
0
#296 to #113 - perfectionx has deleted their comment [-]
#269 - herebedragons (01/06/2012) [-]
>15 years old, with tard in science class
>copying down note, with tard two seats over, no one in between us
>look over, tard is fapping, nearing climax MFW
>tard cums in hand, makes a piercing scream as he does so
>looks for something to wipe his tard cum on
>looks at me
> **** .jpg
>lunges at me, yelling; whole class is frozen in fear, including teacher and tard wrangler
>I barely ******* dodge, and run to the back of the class towards door #2 (classroom has 2 doors)
>bad idea, door is locked from outside
>tard closing in, no escape , make split second decision
>spartan kick him in chest with combat boots (I was a punk rock kid)
>retard goes sprawling back, clutched at chest with cum-covered hand, wiping it on himself
>I ******* haul ass to the first door, with tard close behind
>sprinting down the hall, heavy boots slowing me down and making a tremendous noise, alerting all the classes
>several people look out, see me running, with tard covered in cum in tard dick flopping about making slapping noise close behind
>he starts beating off again, I notice tard wrangler is close behind
>several people scream, I nearly **** myself with terror; tard is yelling
>tard wrangler does ******* flying football tackle, knocking tard to ground, just as he cums a second time.
>drags tard by his ******* ankles (only place not covered in cum or **** /piss)
>Tard looks me in eye; says I GET YUO MAGNEWS
>I get in ******* **** for kicking tard (broke two ribs of his)
>tards never in any of my classes again. I get treated like a hero
>Still have flashbacks
User avatar #299 to #269 - jigglepuff (01/06/2012) [-]
You have no idea how much i ******* lol'd
#303 to #269 - professortoast (01/06/2012) [-]
<---Down the hall
<---Down the hall
#330 to #269 - rubylol (01/06/2012) [-]
Oh god lol! Also what type of boots. Yours seem to be the best for self defence against tards e.g docs...!
User avatar #392 to #330 - herebedragons (01/07/2012) [-]
Generic black, steel toe, heavy sole, not good for running.

similar to this:

http://www . fcsurplus . ca/shopping/products/112-Foot-Wear-Accessories/306753-Magnum-Stealth-Force-80-Ta ctical-Unit-Combat-Boots/

remove spaces
0
#390 to #269 - herebedragons has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #271 to #269 - herebedragons (01/06/2012) [-]
I have moar, i you want

User avatar #282 to #271 - vivial (01/06/2012) [-]
do share, please
User avatar #276 to #271 - doctorfailkins (01/06/2012) [-]
moaaaaaaaaaaar pl0x
#280 to #276 - herebedragons (01/06/2012) [-]
(before above incedent)

-Tard named dhairya
-We call him diarrhea
-gym class, 8th grade
-doing warm ups (stretching, pushups etc.)
-super cool gym teacher, never yells, but gets in **** with principal sometimes
-decides to let tard lead the pushups
-he begins, but instead of dropping shoulders, we moves his hips, so he basically is humping the ground
-making loud noises, grunts, shrieks, crazy ****
-entire class trying to contain laughter, cool teacher turns around and notices this tard frantically humping the ground making ******* tard noises
-teacher totally looses his **** , laughing his ass off, rolling around on the ground, tard still hasnt noticed
-we start laughing; tard gets up runs straight into a wall
- ******* goes ******* , hitting himself, running around, never seen anyone look so confuser as this tard with a dent in his head;
- teacher still ******** himself with laughter
- ******* tard runs off
-MFW we never got caught
-still my fav teacher
#391 to #280 - herebedragons (01/07/2012) [-]
(Someone archive this 			****		)    
   
-grade 9, like a boss    
- tard named chris    
-I was lonely kid, literally know friends, before above incident so no fame.    
-sitting eating lunch by myself    
-notice chris has lined up to buy some 			****		 from the lunch lady    
-tard wrangler is trying to teach tard about money    
-chris completely baffled about the concept    
-5 minutes go by with little progress, but then he starts to get it.    
-notices cash register full of money    
-grabs it and tries to lift it shouting MOONNNNNNIIIIEIIEIEIEIEIGGGLAARAGBBALLB????    
-bolted to table, which is part of floor, so even this mighty tard-ercules cant move it    
-keeps trying straining from the effort    
-so much strain he throws up    
-			*******		 all over the register, in the register    
-shouts OOHH!    
-slams the thing shut, puke dripping from it    
-shoves pizza down pants and tries to run out    
-doesnt get half way across cafeteria till he pukes again, slips in it and knocks him self out on a bench    
-puke and 			****		 everywhere    
-MFW janitor has to clean up 			****		, puke and mushy pizza
(Someone archive this **** )

-grade 9, like a boss
- tard named chris
-I was lonely kid, literally know friends, before above incident so no fame.
-sitting eating lunch by myself
-notice chris has lined up to buy some **** from the lunch lady
-tard wrangler is trying to teach tard about money
-chris completely baffled about the concept
-5 minutes go by with little progress, but then he starts to get it.
-notices cash register full of money
-grabs it and tries to lift it shouting MOONNNNNNIIIIEIIEIEIEIEIGGGLAARAGBBALLB????
-bolted to table, which is part of floor, so even this mighty tard-ercules cant move it
-keeps trying straining from the effort
-so much strain he throws up
- ******* all over the register, in the register
-shouts OOHH!
-slams the thing shut, puke dripping from it
-shoves pizza down pants and tries to run out
-doesnt get half way across cafeteria till he pukes again, slips in it and knocks him self out on a bench
-puke and **** everywhere
-MFW janitor has to clean up **** , puke and mushy pizza
User avatar #356 - ihasthepancakemix (01/06/2012) [-]
>me in 4th grade
>go into bathroom, see tard at urinal with pants at ankles
>ew
>see bully tard go up to him and slap his ass cheeks
>I am disgusted at the bully tards behavior and tell him that was stupid of him
>he smacks the pissin tards butt even more
>the pissin tard thinks it's funny that the bully tard is smacking his ass
>pissin tard sharts on bully tards hand while laughing
>bully tard punches pissin tard in the back of the head and runs out of bathroom without cleaning hands
>pissin tard falls and holds head and cries
>i am shocked and don't know what to do
>i leave the bathroom with a pokerface and I laugh once i am in a safe area
>feel guilty about laughing
>go home and play ocarina of time
#366 to #356 - anon (01/06/2012) [-]
">Go home and play ocarina of time"
Like a baawwsss
#166 - HellsSponge (01/06/2012) [-]
>tard in my class a few years ago, pretty sure he's autistic
>sucks pinkie and programs HTML all day
>rages easily about stupid computer ****
>I go over to him one day in highschool with my friends
>I intend to make him rage
>I ask him why he is so bad at programming unix (I know it's not unix)
>tard rages out, jumps up with tard yell
>I back up
>he starts screaming at me that its not unix
>throws keyboard
>i duck
>hits other kid, kid cries
>tards wrangler steps in and wrangles him
>he gets pulled off to some tard school
>I hear later that year that he made a tard website for all the tard kids at the tard school
>I have to look
>I go to the tard website
>I look at it
>site is well-designed but full of retarded ****
>site is just a bunch of pictures the tards found and thought were funny
>all the pictures have tards commenting on them
>comments are complete gibberish
>laugh hysterically at site
>leave ****** site we should ignore
0
#381 to #166 - lolfish has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #384 to #381 - xxTheJesterxx (01/06/2012) [-]
he did... at the beginning it says "leave ****** site we should ignore" as a joke, when you post 9 g a g without the spaces its ****** site we should ignore
#169 to #166 - holyshitxd (01/06/2012) [-]
Did NOT see that coming. pinkie!!
#263 - lederpina (01/06/2012) [-]
>Be lederpina on fj
>Have an autistic brother
>Comes in my room and snatches dog after getting bitten 30 times without flinching
>Sets dog down in the hallway
>Walks away
>Comes back 15 minutes later screaming my name
>Says we're out of cheese
>Leaves the house
>Comes back 6 hours later with cheese

User avatar #264 to #263 - lederpina (01/06/2012) [-]
>Have a dog named Penelope
>Retard brother picks her up
>She growls and squirms
>Tell him to put her down
>Runs away screaming "I LOVE PEE PEE"
>Puts her in his room
>Collects other 3 dogs
>Stays in there with door locked for 5 hours
>Tell him dinner's ready
>He goes down stairs
>Rescue the poor creatures
>Smacks me across the face
>I slam my door shut and locked it
>Screams for 10 minutes while banging his fists.
>Goes to his room and watches Disney channel while falling asleep.
Typical day in my house.
He also likes dogs a lot.
And cheese.
#192 - kaneparker (01/06/2012) [-]
&gt;Be home schooled   
&gt;It was my idea   
&gt;Have no friends now   
&gt;I'm the tard.
>Be home schooled
>It was my idea
>Have no friends now
>I'm the tard.
#289 - anon (01/06/2012) [-]
>Have an autistic sister
>She's still young
>One day I decide to buy her a present.
>Buys her a stuffed animal.
>Gives it to her.
>She growls at me, headbutts my gut, and starts chasing me in circles barking.
>Bites my ass.
>Ass is now bleeding.
>Official butthurt.
>She lets out a tard battle cry and headbutts with all her tard might.
>Knocks me over.
>Jumps on my gut.
>Walks away like nothing happened.
>MFW
#133 - LTB (01/06/2012) [-]
My favorite part about this story posts is that even after I've finished reading the content theres always some more stories in the comments.
My favorite part about this story posts is that even after I've finished reading the content theres always some more stories in the comments.
+48
#123 - Rome **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #360 to #123 - PhoenixD (01/06/2012) [-]
Completely LOST IT at "IT'S GOODNIGHT IRENE"
#131 to #123 - anon (01/06/2012) [-]
This one deserves the next comp.
#153 to #123 - liquidassassin (01/06/2012) [-]
HOLY 			****		 MY IMAGINATION TOOK OVER THIS EPIC SCENE
HOLY **** MY IMAGINATION TOOK OVER THIS EPIC SCENE
#87 - snipersaurusrex (01/06/2012) [-]
>Be in 8th Grade
>World History
>Tard sitting next to me
>Teacher cracks a really bad pun
>Tard gets up
>Death stare at the teacher
>Wrangler trys calming the tard down
>Wrath of Tard invoked
>Tard yells "NO" at wrangler, using the Thu'um of Tards.
>Tard, maintaining stare, walks up to teacher.
>Teacher tries calming him down.
>Tard just repeatedly shouts "NAWT FUNEE" over Wrangler and Teacher's voices
>Entire class just silent but the tard yells
>Tard starts pissing himself
>Teacher tells him to stop
>Tard delivers the kick of destiny right to the teacher's testicles
>Wrangler gets up, tries taming Tardicus
>Tard throwing Punches of Fury
>More wranglers come in
>Tard has his pants off
> ******** and pissing everywhere
>Rest of us get sent to library
>MFW
User avatar #106 to #87 - heroicnapkin (01/06/2012) [-]
lol hahahahahah the Thu'um of Tards
#43 - ICanThePowerr (01/05/2012) [-]
> 6th grade
> In science class, dissecting lamb heart
> Tard Dominic has an attendant in the room that gets called to office
> Tard is alone with a ************* scalpel
> He starts slicing into his basketball shorts
> He's now in his whitie-tighties
> He rips them off
> Huge ******* tard cock (I'm not gay, but he was 12 and it looked like he had a flaccid 8 inch dick)
> Girls screaming as he starts masturbating
> Since the attendant is gone, everyone is too afraid to stop him (Like a 85 yr old teacher was there)
> We sat there in horror as he finished all over the girl like 5 ******* feet away from her, at this point she's crying
> He roars 'DAHHHH DAH DAHHHHHH" and sprints out the room
> What the actual ****
+1
#76 to #43 - graywulf **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #49 to #43 - ICanThePowerr (01/05/2012) [-]
3rd to last line. I mean 'away from him' not 'away from her'. My bad.
#3 - greatguygabe (01/05/2012) [-]
>Be in 5th grade
>In hallway
>2 tards getting ready for gym
>All of the sudden, 1 tard climbs on top of other
>Starts humping other tard
>Half the class watching now
>Tard 2 likes it, full on dry hump
>Whole class is watching now
>Tard 1 screams out some sort of tard orgasm
>Teacher comes in and pulls them into room
>More moaning
>Screaming
>Tards come out into the hall again
>Full on ************
> ***************************** .jpg
>Gym starts.
#278 - entorin (01/06/2012) [-]
&gt;me be in 4th grade   
&gt;playing kickball with friends   
&gt;tard wants to join   
&gt;some kid kicks ball over fence   
&gt;tard says &quot;ill gat dat&quot;   
&gt;climbs over fence   
&gt;slips while going over fence   
&gt;lip gets caught on top of fence   
&gt;dangles for a second then falls   
&gt;MFW this happened
>me be in 4th grade
>playing kickball with friends
>tard wants to join
>some kid kicks ball over fence
>tard says "ill gat dat"
>climbs over fence
>slips while going over fence
>lip gets caught on top of fence
>dangles for a second then falls
>MFW this happened

#273 - anon (01/06/2012) [-]
> Be in library
> Tard and tard wrangler reading book
> I know tard wrangler
> Tard wrangler says "Alfie is reading, would you like to help him?"
> Reluctantly agree
> Tard throws book at me, screaming and crying, won't accept help from non-tard wrangler
> Tard zooms out of library in his electric tard cart
> Tard wrangler chases him
> What the **** just happened?
> Every time I see tard around school he zooms after me in his tard cart screaming "I KNOW YOU, YOU READ IN LIBRARY"
> Tard wrangler apologises every time for having brought this fate upon me
> Tard comes into my form room at lunch one time after seeing me through the door
> We go through the usual being chased/screaming greeting
> Friends sat in circle on floor (it's a drama classroom so there are no tables)
> Tard expertly weaves in and out of friends like they are cones
> Crashes into friend
> Friend almost suffers death by tard cart
> All this happens because I tried to help a tard be educated


User avatar #386 to #273 - bustacapps (01/06/2012) [-]
I died at "death by tard cart"
#208 - pigfucker (01/06/2012) [-]
>10th grade
>tard in class
>turned out to be a pretty nice guy and didn't do crazy awesome ****** up **** like in the stories.
> **** you. at least its a true story
#143 - yourmomiswatching (01/06/2012) [-]
>Be in 9th grade
>pervy tard at our school always trying to touch girls boobs
>one day he decides to hide behind the door and grab at girls
>I'm walking in and he reaches his hand around the door and grabs my man boob (I'm pretty fat)
>Didn't know it was him at the time
>ram the door into the wall because I thought it was just some asshole trying to bug me about my weight
>YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT
>tard-zilla shoves door open at max power level
>enough force to knock me over
>tard comes out from behind door mad as a ******* wasp (with a boner because he thought he grabbed girl boob)
>Sees me and realizes he just tried to molest a guy's man boob
>Is so embarrassed that he pees himself
>mumbles something in tardees
>sprints out of the room with a piss trail after him
>girls are laughing because he tried the same thing to them
>oh god lol
>he is expelled for sexual harassment because girls speak up about he tried the same to them for years
>feel like a hero
>never see him ever again

User avatar #150 to #143 - liquidassassin (01/06/2012) [-]
you must have huge moobs if he got a hard on from you, don't worry. im a fat ass too
User avatar #157 to #150 - yourmomiswatching (01/06/2012) [-]
Not really huge but very firm. Feels almost like a real boob.
User avatar #151 to #150 - kiteshock (01/06/2012) [-]
any of us not?
#154 to #151 - liquidassassin (01/06/2012) [-]
probably not.. that's why most of us are single
User avatar #312 to #154 - blackzero (01/06/2012) [-]
Actually i have this lady friend. legit shes only a friend cause we're both... 'commited' anyways

i told her about this and she laughed her ass off and she was like ' i dont know if i should laugh at this around my boyfriend cause his mom works with tards'

both had a good lawl.
#369 - exoh (01/06/2012) [-]
&gt;hanging with my friend at his place   
&gt;he has an older autistic brother (roughly 5'8 at this point and probably close to 250lbs) and a younger mildly autistic ADHD brother (4'7 and probably around 60 lbs)   
&gt;playing mortal kombat when he tells me &quot;hey wanna have a lot more fun?&quot;   
&gt;being curious say yes   
&gt;calls down his brothers from upstairs and tells me to grab a laser pointer and follow his lead   
&gt;come back and see his tard little brother in tighty whities and a luchador mask while carrying a broom and tard older brother in a plastic knight helmet and carrying a hose   
&gt;confused as 			****		   
&gt;friend has a laser pointer and yells &quot;MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!&quot; and points the laser pointer on his older brother, i do the same but at his younger brother.   
&gt;tardese screams from both ends that seep into my soul and then all hell breaks loose   
&gt;luchador tard is a 			*******		 monkey and tries climbing on the older tard and trying to punch him in the head   
&gt;older tard summons tard strength with a huge bellowing yell and throws him into a door   
&gt;luchador tard tries lancing with the broom but fails horribly and falls   
&gt; larger tard sits on top of him and claps while repeating the word hose   
&gt;friend yells &quot;finish him!&quot; in his best shao khan voice   
&gt;giant tard picks up little luchador as if it was nothing   
&gt;bellows another scream and runs to back porch and throws luchador tard off the edge of the porch   
&gt;friend sits there laughing while i realized i just witnessed   
&gt;mfw   
   
in the end his mom came home and saw the damage to the little luchador and im not allowed back.
>hanging with my friend at his place
>he has an older autistic brother (roughly 5'8 at this point and probably close to 250lbs) and a younger mildly autistic ADHD brother (4'7 and probably around 60 lbs)
>playing mortal kombat when he tells me "hey wanna have a lot more fun?"
>being curious say yes
>calls down his brothers from upstairs and tells me to grab a laser pointer and follow his lead
>come back and see his tard little brother in tighty whities and a luchador mask while carrying a broom and tard older brother in a plastic knight helmet and carrying a hose
>confused as ****
>friend has a laser pointer and yells "MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!" and points the laser pointer on his older brother, i do the same but at his younger brother.
>tardese screams from both ends that seep into my soul and then all hell breaks loose
>luchador tard is a ******* monkey and tries climbing on the older tard and trying to punch him in the head
>older tard summons tard strength with a huge bellowing yell and throws him into a door
>luchador tard tries lancing with the broom but fails horribly and falls
> larger tard sits on top of him and claps while repeating the word hose
>friend yells "finish him!" in his best shao khan voice
>giant tard picks up little luchador as if it was nothing
>bellows another scream and runs to back porch and throws luchador tard off the edge of the porch
>friend sits there laughing while i realized i just witnessed
>mfw

in the end his mom came home and saw the damage to the little luchador and im not allowed back.
#340 - pandamaniac (01/06/2012) [-]
>last October, cousins 15th b-day party
>people start dancing , including tard cousin.
>aunt tries to tell her not to dance in the middle.
>tells her to dance at the edge of the group.
>tard cousin start to yell no.
>she runs like there's no tomorrow
>drop kicks birthday girl and starts break dancing screaming like an ape.
>me looking like retarded seal clapping,
>i was laughing at some thing else.
>tard cousin screams at me and drop kicks me.
>mom yells at me for laughing
>mfw i get in trouble and she doesn't
#359 to #340 - phartzilla (01/06/2012) [-]
now THAT'S funny! (kinda)
#233 - anon (01/06/2012) [-]
Tried to make an account for this but I'll just stay anon a while longer then
I was working as a chef in a godforsaken place up in the wilderness somewhere in Norway at a farming school, and this farming school used to take tards in as students.
>Chef at Farming school in Norway
>tell a joke to my boss(who was awesome btw)
>the joke goes like this: "a friend of mine is working as a nightguard at a insane asylum, and one of his routines is to check that there are no loonies out of their rooms at night. On his inspection he hears a crackling sound from the room where a guy who hit his head and is only speaking english after the incident. He opens the door to find the guy with his dick in a bag of nuts. My friend asks "what the hell are you doing?" the guys response is "I''m ******* nuts!!"
>see that one of the tards overheard the joke
>tard laughs really hard, and starts ******** his pants
>tard then walks into the kitchen and pulls his dick out and starts humping everything including my boss while yelling "AAIM LYK THE GUY IN THE STORIES,AYM FOKKINGS NUTS"
>boss hits tard and runs out
>tard stares at me
>everyone knew who told him the joke...
I got alot more gonna share with you if you like, and I hope that I get to create m account soon ^^,
#250 to #233 - tundertail (01/06/2012) [-]
Well most Norweigans are retarded i know i live in this stupid country.
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