The Egg. Need a map of Europe?: funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/2655850/Need+a+map+of+Europe+Why+not+Zoidberg/. The Egg By: Andy Weir You were on your way home whe
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The Egg

The Egg
By: Andy Weir
You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly
remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a
wife and two children. It was a painless death. The
tried their best to save you, but to no avail.
Your body was so utterly shattered you were better
off, trust me.
And that' s when you met me.
What... what happened?" You asked. "Where am
You died," I said, . No point in
mincing words.
There was a... a truck and it was skidding..."
Yup," I said.
Yup. But don' t feel bad about it. Everyone dies," I
said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you
and me. "What is this place?" You asked. "Is this the
afterlife?"
More or less,'' I said.
Are you god?" You asked.
My kids... my wife," you said.
What about them?"
Will they be all right?"
That' s what I like to see," I said. "You just died and
your main concern is for your family. That' s good
stuff right there."
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn' t
look like God. I just looked like some man. Or
possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure,
maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the
almighty.
Don' t worry," I said. "They' ll be fine. Your kids will
remember you as perfect in every way. They didn' t
have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will
cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be
fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it' s any
consolation, she' ll feel very guilty for feeling
relieved."
Oh," you said. "So what happens now? Do I go to
heaven or hell or something?"
Neither," I said. "You' ll be reincarnated."
Ah," you said. "So the Hindus were right,"
All religions are right in their own way," I said.
Walk with me."
You followed along as we strode through the void.
Where are we going?"
Nowhere in particular," I said. "It' s just nice to walk
while we talk.''
So what' s the point, then?" You asked. "When I get
reborn, I' ll Just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all
my experiences and everything! did in this life won' t
matter."
Not so!" I said. "You have within you all the
knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You
just don' t remember them right now."
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders.
Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and
gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human
mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are.
It' s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see
if it' s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into
the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you'
gained all the experiences it had.
You' been in a human for the last 48 years, so you
haven' t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your
immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long
enough, you' d start remembering everything. But
there' s no point to doing that between each life.''
How many times have I been reincarnated, then?"
Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different
lives." I said. "This time around, you' ll be a Chinese
peasant girl in 540 AD."
Wait, what?" You stammered. "You' re sending me
back in time?"
Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only
exists in your universe. Things are different where I
come from."
Where you come from?" You said.
Oh sure," I explained "I come from somewhere.
Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I
know you' ll want to know what it' s like there, but
honestly you wouldn' t understand."
Oh," you said, a little let down. "But wait. If I get
reincarnated to other places in time, I could have
interacted with myself at some point."
Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only
aware of their own lifespan you don' t even know it' s
happening."
So what' s the point of it all?"
Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? You' re asking me for
the meaning of life? Isn' t that a little stereotypical?"
Well it' s a reasonable question," you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. "The meaning of life, the
reason I made this whole universe, is for you to
mature."
You mean mankind? You want us to mature?"
No, Just you. I made this whole universe for you.
With each new life you grow and mature and become
a larger and greater intellect."
Just me? What about everyone else?"
There is no one else," I said. "In this universe,
there' s Just you and me."
You stared blankly at me. "But all the people on
All you. Different incarnations of you."
Wait. I' m everyone!?"
Now you' re getting it," I said, with a congratulatory
slap on the back.
I' m every human being who ever lived?"
Or who will ever live, yes."
I' m Abraham Lincoln?"
And you' re John Wilkes Booth, too," I added.
Tm Hitler?" You said, appalled.
And you' re the millions he killed."
And you' re everyone who followed him."
You fell silent.
Every time you victimized someone," I said, "you
were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness
you' done, you' done to yourself. Every happy
and sad moment ever experienced by any human
was, or will be, experienced by you."
You thought for a long time.
Why?" You asked me. "Why do all this?"
Because someday, you will become like me.
Because that' s what you are. You' re one of my kind.
You' re my child."
Whoa," you said, incredulous. "You mean I' m a
No. Not yet. You' re a fetus. You' re still growing.
Once you' lived every human life throughout all
time, you will have grown enough to be born."
So the whole universe," you said, "it' s just..."
An egg." I answered. "Now it' s time for you to move
on to your next life."
And I sent you on your way.
...
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+134
#42 - miggo **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [+] (14 replies)
#50 - tanus (09/25/2011) [+] (3 replies)
Now you're getting it!
#84 - datyoungass (09/25/2011) [+] (3 replies)
every time you ****** someone, you've ****** yourself
#219 - preblegorillaman (09/25/2011) [+] (3 replies)
-so I really am alone?
User avatar #67 - samturnip (09/25/2011) [+] (1 reply)
hey you reading this....i'm you.
#228 - tahtaznkid ONLINE (09/25/2011) [+] (1 reply)
anybody else read this in Morgan Freeman's voice??
+35
#528 - justfortehpronz **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [+] (1 reply)
User avatar #220 - jlyoung (09/25/2011) [-]
I swear I would have killed myself if that ended with something like everyone walk the You need to login to view this link was simply too beautiful.
User avatar #4 - frankhopper (09/24/2011) [+] (2 replies)
lol TLDR didn't read. it's probably not even a funny joke anyway lol
User avatar #14 to #4 - paulpaulpaul (09/25/2011) [-]
Man when I get reincarnated as you I am going to throw my self off a building.
#24 - vortexmetal (09/25/2011) [+] (1 reply)
#17 - romeman (09/25/2011) [-]
i believe that when you die your reincarnated in a different dimension. And you carry your past lives in your mind every time your reincarnated. By this theory i can believe that i can be a Pokemon in the next life.
+18
#263 - heroofwinter **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#175 - chozobozo (09/25/2011) [+] (2 replies)
LOL EVERY TIME YOU HAD SEX U HAD SEX WITH YOURSELF
#163 - onionlord (09/25/2011) [-]
Hahha, If he has sex, he's actually 						*******					 himself !!! :D
Hahha, If he has sex, he's actually ******* himself !!! :D
#435 - AceFactor (09/25/2011) [-]
So wait... I've fapped.... to MYSELF???
#786 - extremistavenger (09/25/2011) [+] (2 replies)
So every time I call OP a faggot, I'm calling my self a faggot...I'm sorry me.
#335 - highlarious (09/25/2011) [-]
**highlarious rolled a random image** How i feel after reading this...
+15
#511 - zerozone **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
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