The Egg. Need a map of Europe?: /funny_pictures/2655850/Need+a+map+of+Europe+Why+not+Zoidberg/. The Egg By: Andy Weir You were on your way home when you died. I
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The Egg

The Egg
By: Andy Weir
You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly
remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a
wife and two children. It was a painless death. The
tried their best to save you, but to no avail.
Your body was so utterly shattered you were better
off, trust me.
And that' s when you met me.
What... what happened?" You asked. "Where am
You died," I said, . No point in
mincing words.
There was a... a truck and it was skidding..."
Yup," I said.
Yup. But don' t feel bad about it. Everyone dies," I
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you
and me. "What is this place?" You asked. "Is this the
More or less,'' I said.
Are you god?" You asked.
My kids... my wife," you said.
What about them?"
Will they be all right?"
That' s what I like to see," I said. "You just died and
your main concern is for your family. That' s good
stuff right there."
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn' t
look like God. I just looked like some man. Or
possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure,
maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the
Don' t worry," I said. "They' ll be fine. Your kids will
remember you as perfect in every way. They didn' t
have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will
cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be
fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it' s any
consolation, she' ll feel very guilty for feeling
Oh," you said. "So what happens now? Do I go to
heaven or hell or something?"
Neither," I said. "You' ll be reincarnated."
Ah," you said. "So the Hindus were right,"
All religions are right in their own way," I said.
Walk with me."
You followed along as we strode through the void.
Where are we going?"
Nowhere in particular," I said. "It' s just nice to walk
while we talk.''
So what' s the point, then?" You asked. "When I get
reborn, I' ll Just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all
my experiences and everything! did in this life won' t
Not so!" I said. "You have within you all the
knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You
just don' t remember them right now."
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders.
Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and
gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human
mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are.
It' s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see
if it' s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into
the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you'
gained all the experiences it had.
You' been in a human for the last 48 years, so you
haven' t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your
immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long
enough, you' d start remembering everything. But
there' s no point to doing that between each life.''
How many times have I been reincarnated, then?"
Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different
lives." I said. "This time around, you' ll be a Chinese
peasant girl in 540 AD."
Wait, what?" You stammered. "You' re sending me
back in time?"
Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only
exists in your universe. Things are different where I
come from."
Where you come from?" You said.
Oh sure," I explained "I come from somewhere.
Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I
know you' ll want to know what it' s like there, but
honestly you wouldn' t understand."
Oh," you said, a little let down. "But wait. If I get
reincarnated to other places in time, I could have
interacted with myself at some point."
Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only
aware of their own lifespan you don' t even know it' s
So what' s the point of it all?"
Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? You' re asking me for
the meaning of life? Isn' t that a little stereotypical?"
Well it' s a reasonable question," you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. "The meaning of life, the
reason I made this whole universe, is for you to
You mean mankind? You want us to mature?"
No, Just you. I made this whole universe for you.
With each new life you grow and mature and become
a larger and greater intellect."
Just me? What about everyone else?"
There is no one else," I said. "In this universe,
there' s Just you and me."
You stared blankly at me. "But all the people on
All you. Different incarnations of you."
Wait. I' m everyone!?"
Now you' re getting it," I said, with a congratulatory
slap on the back.
I' m every human being who ever lived?"
Or who will ever live, yes."
I' m Abraham Lincoln?"
And you' re John Wilkes Booth, too," I added.
Tm Hitler?" You said, appalled.
And you' re the millions he killed."
And you' re everyone who followed him."
You fell silent.
Every time you victimized someone," I said, "you
were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness
you' done, you' done to yourself. Every happy
and sad moment ever experienced by any human
was, or will be, experienced by you."
You thought for a long time.
Why?" You asked me. "Why do all this?"
Because someday, you will become like me.
Because that' s what you are. You' re one of my kind.
You' re my child."
Whoa," you said, incredulous. "You mean I' m a
No. Not yet. You' re a fetus. You' re still growing.
Once you' lived every human life throughout all
time, you will have grown enough to be born."
So the whole universe," you said, "it' s just..."
An egg." I answered. "Now it' s time for you to move
on to your next life."
And I sent you on your way.
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Submitted: 09/24/2011
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#219 - preblegorillaman (09/25/2011) [-]
-so I really am alone?
User avatar #527 to #219 - kyzfrintin (09/25/2011) [-]
This should be top rated comment..
#858 to #527 - preblegorillaman (09/27/2011) [-]
but then again, it was just me thumbing myself unknowingly...
#857 to #527 - preblegorillaman has deleted their comment [-]
#84 - datyoungass (09/25/2011) [-]
every time you ****** someone, you've ****** yourself
User avatar #95 to #84 - invadersoup (09/25/2011) [-]
Then wouldnt it technicaly have been masturbation...?
User avatar #158 to #95 - erwinrommell (09/25/2011) [-]
No masturbation is done by 1 person on himself, when there are 2 people that is called sex. You **** yourself, and also I am you and you are me, I am talking to myself
#528 - justfortehpronz **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #800 to #528 - RidersOnTheStorm (09/25/2011) [-]
Videos of myself.*
#228 - tahtaznkid (09/25/2011) [-]
anybody else read this in Morgan Freeman's voice??
User avatar #684 to #228 - herptothaderp (09/25/2011) [-]
You mean my voice?
User avatar #67 - samturnip (09/25/2011) [-]
hey you reading this....i'm you.
#42 - miggo **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#201 to #42 - vrox (09/25/2011) [-]
Yes. Lets do it.
#540 to #201 - DroganTheGreat (09/25/2011) [-]
So would it be accurate to say that the whole religion only has one follower? Or... That since, according to the post, we're all one person.. you just made a religion about yourself? :O Just saiyan...
User avatar #578 to #42 - bmran (09/25/2011) [-]
you know i think it have some real potential to be a successful cult...
if we really want to we can do it...
#583 to #578 - miggo **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #699 to #593 - dadsabrat (09/25/2011) [-]
I'm in as well and I'm making it a religion on facebook.
User avatar #850 to #699 - Snowplows (09/26/2011) [-]
make a page for it
User avatar #859 to #850 - dadsabrat (09/27/2011) [-]
maybe some other time. i have to work tonight. idk what i would put on it though. can anyone else make one?
User avatar #60 to #42 - PrInCeOfDeMiSe (09/25/2011) [-]
What will we call it?
User avatar #89 to #60 - annogram ONLINE (09/25/2011) [-]
#100 to #60 - miggo **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#144 to #42 - neng **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#43 to #42 - John Cena (09/25/2011) [-]
#48 to #43 - TheGrandDistractor **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#50 - tanus (09/25/2011) [-]
Now you're getting it!
#52 to #50 - tanus (09/25/2011) [-]
But I'm Freddie Mercury too :D
#62 to #52 - John Cena (09/25/2011) [-]
and your me!
#70 to #62 - John Cena (09/25/2011) [-]
And I'm an idiot who can't spell!
#175 - chozobozo (09/25/2011) [-]
#189 to #175 - John Cena (09/25/2011) [-]
You're the resident expert on that subject.
#182 to #175 - DFrumpyOne **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#163 - onionlord (09/25/2011) [-]
Hahha, If he has sex, he's actually 			*******		 himself !!! :D
Hahha, If he has sex, he's actually ******* himself !!! :D
#17 - romeman (09/25/2011) [-]
i believe that when you die your reincarnated in a different dimension. And you carry your past lives in your mind every time your reincarnated. By this theory i can believe that i can be a Pokemon in the next life.
#786 - extremistavenger (09/25/2011) [-]
So every time I call OP a faggot, I'm calling my self a faggot...I'm sorry me.
#793 to #786 - shabooty **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#435 - AceFactor (09/25/2011) [-]
So wait... I've fapped.... to MYSELF???
#335 - highlarious (09/25/2011) [-]
**highlarious rolled a random image** How i feel after reading this...
User avatar #621 - DrownedFish (09/25/2011) [-]
Lsd is a hell of a drug...
#511 - zerozone **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#492 - frsonciate **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#748 - bagofcandy (09/25/2011) [-]
So 10 minutes ago I was fapping to a picutre of me?
#708 - John Cena (09/25/2011) [-]
So every time you have sex, you're just ******* yourself...
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