Jokes from the USSR
about the USSR
A woman walks into a food store.
Do you have any meat?"
What about milk?"
We only deal with meat.
Across the street there is that
store where they have no milk."
Stalin summoned Radek and said,
I know you spread jokes about me.
It' s impertinent."
I am the Great Leader, Teacher,
and Friend of the people after all."
No, I' not told anybody this joke."
Brezhnev delivers a speech at the
opening ceremony of the Olympic games.
Keeping before his eyes the text
prepared for him by his aides,
and typed on an official stationery,
The aide whispers to Brezhnev' s ear:
Leonid ilyich, this is not o,
these are Olympic rings."
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
What will be the results of the next elections?”
We’ re answering:
Nobody can tell.” Somebody has stolen
yesterday the exact results of the next
elections from the office of the
Central committee of the USSR.”
Grandpa, thank you very much for the gift,
this pet snake."
s not a snake, boy.
It' s a cat from Chernobyl."
During the war, Stalin discussed with
Marshal Zhukov the plans for a new offensive.
What do you think, comrade Zhukov, what
direction should we choose for the attack?"
West, comrade Stalin."
Go and think, comrade Zhukov!"
As Zhukov walked out,
he muttered, "What a pig'."
Stalin' s secretary overheard
the Marshal and reported to Stalin.
Zhukov was ordered back to Stalin' s office.
Whom did you have in mind when you said
What a pig?‘ Stalin asked.
Of course, I meant Hitler," Zhukov said.
Then whom did you have in mind,
comrade ?" Stalin said.