Slap Chop Fail.. Lawl.. Ce, so I got a slapchop. This dirty son of a bitch Vince Convinced me that this invention would save time, and help me eat healthy. Fuck Slap Chop Fail Lawl Ce so I got a slapchop This dirty son of bitch Vince Convinced me that this invention would save time and help eat healthy Fuck
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Slap Chop Fail.

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Ce, so I got a slapchop.
This dirty son of a bitch Vince Convinced me that this invention would save time, and help me eat healthy.
Fuck Vince and his goddamn nuts.
fettuccine, linguine, martini, my weenie you douche bag.
Let me tell you what this holy terror of a kitchen utensil nothing.
Let' s look at a few things:
1. This thing is made of plastic and has a sharp blade hooked to a sprung and a plunger.
This is a poor combination to begin with.
Z. The slapchop is about the size of a Coffee grinder, which means to you need to slapchop size your food prior to actually using the
slapchop. In order to do that you need a knife, ifl have a knife in my hand already I may as well chop the fuckin vegetable right then
and there.
3. One slap for large sizes, 2 to slaps for smaller sizes, three slaps for a tine daftic. fuck you.
Here' s what it actually goes like, One slap, twist and pry on plunger because vegetable is wedged in the cutting mechanism. Two
slaps, still fucking wedged and no the last shap.... why? because the fucking blade didn' t actually cut anything.. itjust did a
quarter turn with potato stuffed inside. Three slaps, another quarter turn and now your potato is wedged so far into the fucking
machine the plunger won' t aome out.
Now since the veg is stuffed deep inside this devil contraption you must now take the damn thing apart, easier said than done. Vince
says "its easy as one two three" FUCK YOU VINCE!
Its easy to take apart sans potato stuffing however Once those blades are full it becomes more difficult.
Picture this, a slapchop full of potato. the plunger is stuffed all the way to the bottom so you cael undo the top part, and it won' t turn
enough to pry the bottom protector part off.
Now keep in mind that this contraption has a sharp fucking blade in it... so using your fingers to pry out the potato chunks is ill advised.
What do you do? Get a tool if course.... now because you already had to cut your vegetable to slapchop size you happen to have a
knife close by,
It only makes sense to use that to dig out the jammed Veg.
Oherro.. at this point the slapchop is no longer a slapchop, it suddenly becomes a spring loaded vegetable cannon!
As soon as you wiggle a tiny piece of the vegetable in question out of harms way you can fully expect to get showered in large chunks
of potato (or onion, or peppers}... remember these are large chunks that tly fast and hard.... because this stupid fucking device hasn' t
actually CUT ANYTHING!
I am going to personally kill the man that invented this goddamn thing... in fact I' m going to use it on his nuts.... because Vince says it
works great on nuts... in fact so well that we are going to love his nuts.
Views: 41552 Submitted: 03/12/2010
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#26 - Letitfly **User deleted account**
Reply +26 123456789123345869
(03/12/2010) [-]
THAT RANT WAS ******* AMAZING!!! i love u. Im gonna go beat up some hookers just for this.
#139 to #26 - Letitfly **User deleted account**
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
yay 24
User avatar #35 to #26 - PICKLExFUCKER
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/12/2010) [-]
this rant WAS ******* amazing and your comment just made it even better :D
#120 to #26 - freedomfromlife [OP] **User deleted account**
+1 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #105 - ThatCoolGuy
Reply +18 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
This guy is nuts
User avatar #108 to #105 - cavsallday
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
i c what u did thar
User avatar #95 - Masterpoda
Reply +12 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
use oxy clean on it.

the universe will explode
User avatar #17 - airguitar
Reply +12 123456789123345869
(03/12/2010) [-]
Hahahaha that was hilarious. Vince can NEVER replace Billy Mays
#112 - IamKingNothing
+8 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
#119 to #112 - SgtMike
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
User avatar #59 - Beastwood
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(03/12/2010) [-]
go dry your tears with a ShamWow
#1 - SimonBelmont **User deleted account**
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(03/12/2010) [-]
If this doesn't make it to the top I've lost faith in humanity.
User avatar #2 to #1 - XpiffleX
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(03/12/2010) [-]
Agreed. This is awesome.
User avatar #85 - kensislayer
Reply +7 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
This is why i miss Billy Mays...we didnt have to deal with this ****.
User avatar #88 to #85 - JamieHyneman
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
or his nuts
#93 to #88 - anon id: d9d46813
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
User avatar #103 - slapchoppin
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
**** you
User avatar #98 - CescVanArshavin
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
i couldnt have ranted better myself. The slap chop is a complete piece of **** no doubt
#99 to #98 - anon id: b987f466
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
Your a dumbass for buying the **** Englishman.
#100 to #99 - ysef
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(03/13/2010) [-]
and you are a fag for being an anon and for not respecting someone who supports arsenal