Slap Chop Fail.. Lawl.. Ce, so I got a slapchop. This dirty son of a bitch Vince Convinced me that this invention would save time, and help me eat healthy. Vinc
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Slap Chop Fail.

Ce, so I got a slapchop.
This dirty son of a bitch Vince Convinced me that this invention would save time, and help me eat healthy.
**** Vince and his goddamn nuts.
fettuccine, linguine, martini, my weenie you douche bag.
Let me tell you what this holy terror of a kitchen utensil nothing.
Let' s look at a few things:
1. This thing is made of plastic and has a sharp blade hooked to a sprung and a plunger.
This is a poor combination to begin with.
Z. The slapchop is about the size of a Coffee grinder, which means to you need to slapchop size your food prior to actually using the
slapchop. In order to do that you need a knife, ifl have a knife in my hand already I may as well chop the ****** vegetable right then
and there.
3. One slap for large sizes, 2 to slaps for smaller sizes, three slaps for a tine daftic. **** you.
Here' s what it actually goes like, One slap, twist and pry on plunger because vegetable is wedged in the cutting mechanism. Two
slaps, still ******* wedged and no the last shap.... why? because the ******* blade didn' t actually cut anything.. itjust did a
quarter turn with potato stuffed inside. Three slaps, another quarter turn and now your potato is wedged so far into the *******
machine the plunger won' t aome out.
Now since the veg is stuffed deep inside this devil contraption you must now take the damn thing apart, easier said than done. Vince
says "its easy as one two three" **** YOU VINCE!
Its easy to take apart sans potato stuffing however Once those blades are full it becomes more difficult.
Picture this, a slapchop full of potato. the plunger is stuffed all the way to the bottom so you cael undo the top part, and it won' t turn
enough to pry the bottom protector part off.
Now keep in mind that this contraption has a sharp ******* blade in it... so using your fingers to pry out the potato chunks is ill advised.
What do you do? Get a tool if course.... now because you already had to cut your vegetable to slapchop size you happen to have a
knife close by,
It only makes sense to use that to dig out the jammed Veg.
Oherro.. at this point the slapchop is no longer a slapchop, it suddenly becomes a spring loaded vegetable cannon!
As soon as you wiggle a tiny piece of the vegetable in question out of harms way you can fully expect to get showered in large chunks
of potato (or onion, or peppers}... remember these are large chunks that tly fast and hard.... because this stupid ******* device hasn' t
actually CUT ANYTHING!
I am going to personally kill the man that invented this goddamn thing... in fact I' m going to use it on his nuts.... because Vince says it
works great on nuts... in fact so well that we are going to love his nuts.
...
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Submitted: 03/12/2010
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Comments(130):

[ 130 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#26 - Letitfly **User deleted account** (03/12/2010) [-]
THAT RANT WAS ******* AMAZING!!! i love u. Im gonna go beat up some hookers just for this.
#139 to #26 - Letitfly **User deleted account** (03/13/2010) [-]
yay 24
User avatar #35 to #26 - PICKLExFUCKER (03/12/2010) [-]
this rant WAS ******* amazing and your comment just made it even better :D
+1
#120 to #26 - freedomfromlife **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #105 - ThatCoolGuy (03/13/2010) [-]
This guy is nuts
User avatar #108 to #105 - cavsallday (03/13/2010) [-]
i c what u did thar
User avatar #95 - Masterpoda (03/13/2010) [-]
use oxy clean on it.

the universe will explode
+8
#112 - IamKingNothing has deleted their comment [-]
#119 to #112 - SgtMike (03/13/2010) [-]
true
#1 - SimonBelmont **User deleted account** (03/12/2010) [-]
If this doesn't make it to the top I've lost faith in humanity.
User avatar #2 to #1 - XpiffleX (03/12/2010) [-]
Agreed. This is awesome.
User avatar #85 - kensislayer (03/13/2010) [-]
This is why i miss Billy Mays...we didnt have to deal with this **** .
User avatar #88 to #85 - JamieHyneman (03/13/2010) [-]
or his nuts
#93 to #88 - anon (03/13/2010) [-]
BUST SOME MOAR MYTHS
User avatar #17 - airguitar (03/12/2010) [-]
Hahahaha that was hilarious. Vince can NEVER replace Billy Mays
#110 - anon (03/13/2010) [-]
You gotta slap it like a $1000 a night hooker. That's what Vince does.
User avatar #113 to #110 - TheConmyster (03/13/2010) [-]
I don't think she loved his nuts.
User avatar #111 - potatoguy ONLINE (03/13/2010) [-]
i was ten seconds away from buying one of these... thank you so much
u are a hero
#87 - Riichyz (03/13/2010) [-]
Made me laugh lol. "fettuccine, linguine, martini, bikini... suck my weenie you douche bag." best part!
User avatar #14 - FunnyPicturesLol (03/12/2010) [-]
It works less than a Nigra!
User avatar #59 - Beastwood (03/12/2010) [-]
go dry your tears with a ShamWow
User avatar #106 - lolanderson (03/13/2010) [-]
I have the exact same problem. Slapchop is a peice of **** .
#81 - JMILL (03/12/2010) [-]
have you seen the remix to that comercial? it made me ****** lol
User avatar #107 to #81 - PrimeTimeCigarillo (03/13/2010) [-]
. . .Your Avatar is very distracting.
User avatar #103 - slapchoppin (03/13/2010) [-]
**** you
#48 - anon (03/12/2010) [-]
why buy a slapchop

the greatest kitchen utensil: a woman
0
#49 to #48 - TheErwinRommel **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#52 to #48 - misssammichmaker **User deleted account** (03/12/2010) [-]
oh hell yes.
#97 - redeyedbunny (03/13/2010) [-]
I didn't get the Slap Chop from an infomercial, but I got something identical to it in a store. That story at the top is completely true. That thing doesn't work unless you chop something up into itty bitty pieces. By then it's like, "why bother getting this thing dirty, I'll just give everything one more chop with the knife."

If you think this thing works bad, cleaning it is a downright nightmare. It's composed of about four pieces that need to be taken apart and cleaned. Let me tell you, cleaning those zig-zag blades is no picnic. I have pretty slender fingers, and I find it hard to clean in the small areas. Forget about getting a sponge in the top, because that's just impossible to get to. Then you have to put it back together again.
User avatar #131 to #97 - huntrshado (03/13/2010) [-]
"Pretty slender fingers" Lol.
#143 to #131 - redeyedbunny (03/15/2010) [-]
Yeah, or good "guitar fingers."
User avatar #82 - PteParts (03/12/2010) [-]
Well I know what I'm buying in bulk and giving to my family for Christmas this year.
User avatar #27 - Charmeleon (03/12/2010) [-]
i died with "holy terror of a kitchen utensil"
User avatar #69 - Monkeyhaterz (03/12/2010) [-]
**Monkeyhaterz rolls 205,071,988** The pampered chef chopper, which the ****** slap chop is designed after, actually works quite well.
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