40 out of 65 Ways to Anoyy Voldemort
12. Buy him eye drops for "that dreadful redness".
13. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic "My sir, you look particularly menacing today."
14. Taunt him about his middle name. "Marvolo? What's that, a washing detergent?"
15. Keep a "good-behavior chart". Award points and give out gold stars.
16. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
17. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there...
18. Tell people "he's really just a big softie".
19. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
20. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
21. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
22. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
23. "Did you ever even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?"
24. Encourage him to "think happy thoughts"!
25. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
26. Sign him up for yoga class. Insist it is to "cleanse his soul".
27. Buy him a stress ball.
28. Hide his wand. Make him play the "hot and cold" game in order to get it back.
29. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.
30. Call him "Tommy-boy".
31. If you're feeling gutsy, call him "Voldie-poo".
32. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
33. Whack him in the arm and say "mosquito" - every few minutes.
34. If he asks you about his choice of robes, say he looked better under the turban.
35. Begin any question you ask him with "Riddle me this!" Emphasize on Riddle.
36. Imperio his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of "All Things Bright And Beautiful".
37. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colors and glitter.
38. Throw him a Carebears-themed birthday party. Bake him a scar-shaped cake.
39. Tell him what Snape's really up to.
40. Politely exclaim now and again that you don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles.