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My grandfather always said,
Don' t watch your money; watch your health.
So one day while I was watching
my health, sameone stole my money. It was my
grandfather. (Jackie Mason)
I was so ugly when I was born,
the doctor slapped my mother,
He nny Youngman)
I feel serry for peeple who don' t drink
or do drugs. Because someday they' re going
to be in a hospital bed, dying,
and they won' t know why. (Redd Fess)
My sister was with twe men in ene
night. She meld hardly walk after that.
Can you imagine? Two dinners!
After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist
said something that brought tears
to my eyes.. He said, "No hable '
I can' t think cf anything verse after
a night of drinking than waking up next
to sameone and net being able to
remember their name, or how yen met, or why
they' re dead. (Laura )