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What a retired husband does
After I retired, my wife insisted that I
accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get
in and get out. Equally unfortunate,
my wife is like most women - she
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear
wife received the following letter
from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your hus-
band has caused quite a commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this
behavior and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store.. Our
complaints against your husband, Mr.
Samuel, are listed below and are
documented by our video survial-
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of con-
doms and randomly put them in
other people' s carts when they
weren' t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in
Housewares to go off at in-
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato
juice on the floor leading to the
women' s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee
and told her in an official voice, 'Code
3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away'. This caused the employee to
leave her assigned station and re-
beive a reprimand from her Superfy-
sor that in turn resulted with a union
management to lose time and costing
the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk
and tried to put a bag of M& Ms on
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION -
WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the
camping department and told the
children shoppers he' d invite them in
if they would bring pillows and blan-
kets from the bedding department to
which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if
they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can' t you
people just leave me alone?'
9.. September 4: Looked right into
the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling
guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antiheroes-
11. October 3: Darted around the
store suspiciously while loudly hum-
ming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto depart-
ment, he practiced his 'Madonna
look' by using different sizes of fun-
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack
and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announce-
ment came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and
screamed 'OH NO! IT' S THOSE VOICES
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting
room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Heyl There' s
no toilet paper in here.' One of the
clerks passed out.