target. please subscribe. What a retired husband does After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most me
Home Original Content Funny Pictures Funny GIFs YouTube Funny Text Funny Movies Channels Search
Buy your amazon goods through FJ's link.
Just click this link and search for any product you want. FJ gets a commission on everything you buy.

hide menu

target

please subscribe

What a retired husband does
After I retired, my wife insisted that I
accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get
in and get out. Equally unfortunate,
my wife is like most women - she
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear
wife received the following letter
from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your hus-
band has caused quite a commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this
behavior and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store.. Our
complaints against your husband, Mr.
Samuel, are listed below and are
documented by our video survial-
lance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of con-
doms and randomly put them in
other people' s carts when they
weren' t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in
Housewares to go off at in-
dermals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato
juice on the floor leading to the
women' s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee
and told her in an official voice, 'Code
3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away'. This caused the employee to
leave her assigned station and re-
beive a reprimand from her Superfy-
sor that in turn resulted with a union
grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing
the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk
and tried to put a bag of M& Ms on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION -
WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the
camping department and told the
children shoppers he' d invite them in
if they would bring pillows and blan-
kets from the bedding department to
which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if
they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can' t you
people just leave me alone?'
were called.
9.. September 4: Looked right into
the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling
guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antiheroes-
sants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the
store suspiciously while loudly hum-
ming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto depart-
ment, he practiced his 'Madonna
look' by using different sizes of fun-
Nels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack
and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announce-
ment came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and
screamed 'OH NO! IT' S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting
room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Heyl There' s
no toilet paper in here.' One of the
clerks passed out.
...

Show All Replies Show Shortcuts
Show:   Top Rated Controversial Best Lowest Rated Newest Per page:
Order:
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#2 - ahoybokchoy (04/28/2011) [-]
There are no guns in Target.
There are no guns in Target.
User avatar #3 - lexarcommander ONLINE (04/28/2011) [-]
old joke. look up 100 ways to get kicked out of walmart
#1 - babyjezus (04/28/2011) [-]
i ROFLed...... the first time i saw this
i ROFLed...... the first time i saw this
 Friends (0)