keys to success. . How To not‘ fail lite vit the Blithe: editors) GETA REAL JOB. STEP 1. BELIEVE IT OR NOT. I IF YOU' RE READING THIS. You SHOULD PROBABLY LOCK
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How To not‘ fail lite
vit the Blithe: editors)
GETA REAL JOB.
STEP 1. BELIEVE IT OR NOT. I
IF YOU' RE READING
THIS. You SHOULD
PROBABLY LOCK INTO
TECH SUPPORT OR
SOMETHING ELSE
BROTIP, If YOU' RE
WEARING A PAPER
HAT, IT' S NOT
IMPORTANT: THIS STEP WILL SUCK DONKEY
BALLS. IF YOU' RE DOING IT RIGHT, IT WILL
MAKE YOU MISERABLE AND SLOWLY DRAIN
YOUR LIFE FORCE, GRADUALLY MAKING 1::
YOU AN WORKPLACE HERO. It,
******* DO IT ANYWAY, FAGGOT.
STEP 2 IS; DO NOT SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY ON LITTLE
RESIN FIGURINES OF ANIME GIRLS TAKING A
**** ON THINGS AND LOOKING CUTE.
IN FACT, ACTION FIGURES ANY SORT ARE PROBABLY A BAD IDEA.
STEP :5; THERE ARE NO GIRLS ON THE INTERNET.
THERE ARE DEFINITELY NO GIRLS ON YCHAN.
WHY THE **** ARE YOU HERE?
THAT' S RIGHT, YOU DON' T ******* mow. I' LL TELL YOU
WHY YOU' RE HERE. FEAR. FEAR OF FAILURE, FEAR OF SUCCESS,
FEAR OF LIFE. You DON' T WANT To TAKE RISKS AND POSSIBLY
GET HURT. You WANT To LIVE IN A NICE LITTLE MATRIX
WITH YOUR BRAIN Mann INTO THE ,
ENCASED IN YOUR ow Goo AND EATING YOUR OWN **** .
I' LL BET You THOUGHT THE POINT OF STEP ONE WAS To Mun SOME MONEY.
RIGHT? GET A LITTLE BLING To SPEND ON THE BITCHES? WILL. IT WAS. BUT IT
ALSO ACCOMPLISHING: THE VITAL STEP OF GETTING You THE **** our or YOUR
MOTHER' S BASEMENT ON A REGULAR AND EXPOSING You To THE
MASSIVE FIT or Sum THAT Is RELATIONS. LIVING AND
WITH OTHER: IN THE REAL WORLD " A WHIRLING Ans: OF
BURNING FIGS. BUT ONCE YOU' RE IN IT. You GET CALLOUSES THAT
ALLOW You To ENDURE IT. THINK OF IT AS GAINING BY FIGHTING MONSTERS.
COROLLARY TO STEPS 1 THROUGH F.
I don' t have to be a
contributing member or
society: I have
ASPERGERS.
MDII BMT.
DEPRESSION In “IUD ' I' Y
mm ' I' DEM DISEASES
In HEN IE THEY WEIR I' ' [VIII
DISEASES HIDE " DD S' I' IEE look "
HIDE DD STEVEN
TIM DID “Ill “III Emil VIII “Ill m.
on a, GO WHERE THE GIRLS ARE.
what you mean: should go out
Do You WANT To DATE
A HOLLABACK GIRL?
THIN NCI. DON' T GO CLUBBING.
You MAY NOT REALIZE IT. BUT FULLY HALF THE cm THE PLANET "
FEMALE, YOU DON' T HAVE To soo; UP To AN ASININE SUBCULTURE THAT You
DON' T JAST BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME SINGLE GIRLS
THERE, THERE' S SINGLE GIRLS EVERYWHERE, jun Go Do SOMETHING You
ALREADY ENE IN PUBLIC r . WARHAMMER . WHATEVER,
I GUARANTEE THERE WILL In AT LEAST ONE FEMALE THERE EVENTUALLY,
IN PUBLIC" MEANS SOMEWHERE WHERE
YOU HAVE AN IDENTITY. YOU WILL NOT PICK
UP CHICKS ON YCHAN, BUT IT IS POSSIBLE TO
PICK' EM UP ELSEWHERE ONLINE
STEP F. FIND A RANDOM CHICK WAIT UNTIL
SHE EXPRESSIVE SOME DESIRE, AND THEN SPEND
A LUDICROUS AMOUNT OF MONEY ON A GIFT,
NOTE: Do not Walt
untll you Find the
perfect" chm. she
does not most. my
for a T or an II, w
IMPORTANT
Spernd at least LWD hundred dollars, Ideally closer to tear hundred
less I: Just Chump change at thrs step The key I:
net attach to the DD net feel new that thrs female ewes
Van something That‘: net a , that‘: a trade Just It to her
then forget about It It' s cast eat Into the wilderness It' s gene
hct Icke, It‘: no bry deal lo hey, I heard Vou Iiked pens
Thought I' d yet Vou a grass It' s met, whatever ND heed m thank he
net, do “or attempt thrs step with were than One female at Once
That‘: net hedging your bets That‘: Just sabotaging your Own efforts
And chau' t she marr' t {Ind eat she They always {Ind out You
never outsmart the , even If your IQ Is twice theirs
SATP Start No 571:
Did the bitch In , latt out
question express appreciation
for the gesture?
wart about a month,
do It agent win a
deterrent ouch
Wait about a month, do it
again with the same bitch
Clam that you actually
had no romantic
intensions, and that you
lust gave her a metric
ton pogs
because you' re a
naturally generous guy
Has she picked up
on your Intentions yet?
Has she med to use the "just
menus“ speech on you?
No [iar; rapa,
mean what wk t
It means you can proceed to step I
STE!’ 7; PREPARE FOR THE SUCK.
WHAT. You THOUGHT THE
SUI} PART WAS OVER?
Uh yeah l' I
thought ths was where the sucking stopped
AND OH HOW WRONG You WERE,
A MAGORITY cm THE FOLLOWING THINGS ARE
ALL GUNS To HAPPEN To YOU, IF YOU' RE
Luau, THEY WON' T HAPPEN ALL AT ONCE,
was ,,“ Cm W," wot some Tau' m lass year
Ovarian the guts mm?
SEES GOING ? vow’ FIND our
To GET MAD SHE' S GOING TOGO T .Vml‘ H the out she in as -I my
AND STOP ) hose math liable. I A I
TALKING To WITHOUT ONCE we
You FOR No IN in Moon mu She' s gong to be my and completely repulsed by
one the pom! sole
LEI ALONE to : .
L: things m theredrock. and
won' t return the favour.
She' s vmrzgm take Cavour money
She doesn' t We any ofyour Items She SM: .
only wants to hang wth hat own hands ' _ _
all ofthem are Inbred meams Iron re guilty to look at her and realize that No .
you' re not actually attracted to her any male.
shes gulala to Inch tangs In Dcau' ll {Ind eat shes a terry -
her we that you don' t care about, then,
when you try to cheer her up, shell tell
you youre and accuse you of
not actually callig about her.
WHAT THE **** ?
WHAT DO I DO?
KEEP GANG. sum IT UP. DEAL
WETTE THE **** , AND REEF LOVING HER To
THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY REGARDLESS,
ARE YOU ON
CRACK? WHY?
BECAUSE r AS You SHOULD HAVE LEARNED DURING STEP
ONE r You CAN NEVER TELL HOW MUCH You was
What in the **** are
you talking about?
D f.' LOOK. You REMEMBER HOW MUG] STEP
ONE ? WITH THE ENDLESS
TORMENT OF LIFE IN THE WIRING
Fun: Ans: m HUMAN INTERACTION?
Yeah, that' s what: had to go
through to get the money tor step so
AND WHY Do You THINK STEP ONE
so ? WHAT FUNDAMENTAL
FACET cm HUMAN NATURE MARE: DEALING
WITH OTHER RUE} SUCH
PAIN IN THE RECTUM THAT IT MARE: You
LONG FOR A ELECTRONIC ?
I I don‘ I know I lust know that It sucks Hard other people all suck
Why Is It that everyone other than me Is a complete douchefags
HERE' S THE KEY, THE KEY To ALL LIFE. ACTUALLY. so ******* LISTEN UP.
Human beings are programmed to notice the imperfections
of others more than the imperfections of themselves.
so watt, you mean
THAT' S RIGHT, THE WHOLE TIME
EVERYONE WAS MAKING YOUR LIFE
sum. You WERE THE SAME
THING RIGHT RAGE To THEM AND
DIDN' T EVEN NOTICE, BECAUSE
YOU' RE JAST AS MUG] cm A
PRIOR AS THEY ARE,
You thought: You were actually:
You were Just heme Sucking Just as hard as
it decent. everyone around you.
person.
You were getting even
I/ nth the Jerks by
hang a on of a Jerk
yourself, but nowhere
near as big of a Jerk
as those Jerks.
You were tryong hard
to be E, pretty "me Not completely sucking.
guy-
You were making (bath
crazy An actual passable f ) F
sai: : es for nace guy.
everyone around you.
Eeing a colossal
who escalated
the way past what
already was.
5 And and that means that this whole time We
been sayme: was a mos guy and complaing
that all the girls were out with jerks
THAT' S RIGHT, You WERE run
As BIG A KKK, AND HAD THE ADDED
DISADVANTAGE m BEING HIDEOUS,
Jesus tuck, no wonder nobody
wanted to go out with met
What do: do‘? I dam want to he a
douchebag Ilka those ******** do
tech support tort How can: not sucka
AH. WELL THAT LEADS NATURALLY INTO...
STEP 8; mum To In WHAT You WANT To In.
You Shot who In the what now’)
Loan You KNOW THAT ‘THE SECRET’ ****
YOUR MOM Is INTO? WHERE You WRITE DOWN
THE THINGS You WANT AND THEM
AND THEN THE UNIVERSE DELIVERS?
You mean the retarded cut **** ? How
she' s pragma to hem: that shell be a ’)
YEAH. THAT,
IT DOESN' T ACTUALLY WORK
well, , myth ******* ousted
BUT, we MOST RETARDED CUTIE, IT' S REID ON
SOMETHING r SOME HIDDEN, DISTORTED HEIDI OF
WISDOM THAT ACTUALLY WORKS AND HAS .
AND THIS IS ACTUALLY SORT m KEY To LIFE NUMERO
DOS. HERE, so PAY ATTENTION To THE RED **** ,
Habitually pretending something about
yourself is true will eventually make it true.
WHAT' S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN ACTUALLY
GENEROUS. SELFLESS PERSON AND A GUY WHO run
PERFORMS GENEROUS AND SELFLESS ACTS ALL THE TIME?
One a miserable Wing bastard who ISM
actually at all, and who Is
doang **** he hates tor Merlot mothes?
YES.
BUT I ALSO WOULD HAVE ACCPTED UK YEAR’,
THAT' S PRETTY (105! To THE TURNAROUND TIME. I
HERE. YEAH, You STICK WITH THE
IURIS » Mum ACT FOR A v
YEAR r SIX MONTHS, IN SOME CASES r AND [ In
so INGRAINED THAT [TL]. BECOME THE NEW YOU,
And I can be a miserable
doorman all the time
AH, BUT THERE' S THE KEY. You run FRIEND YOU' RE NOT
MISERABLE. AND. AS PART or THE SAME DI!“ -no YOU AREN' T.
Brd I Don‘ t Want
To Be A Doormat
cant I just use this seraching);
**** to make myself a kickass
************ who tucks **** up
and doesn‘ t take **** from people?
HOW: THAT BEEN so FAR. nun} LEE?
LOOK THAT APPROACH MIGHT BEAR SOME
FRUIT LS You HAD FROM SOME SORT
of FELINE, BUT YOUR ANCESTORS *******
PRIMATES, MILLION: of YEAR: or EVOLUTION
HAVE INGRAINED TIMIE ASSOCIATION BETWEEN
ALTRUISM AND SUCCESS IN YOUR ,
LOOK HERE' S YOUR FAMILY TREE CIRCA THREE MILLION BC YOU' GOT THREE
KINDS OF MALES. HERE. THE JUVENILES (THEY' RE THE ONES SUCKING ON TIT:
ALL DAY). THE ADULT: (THEY' RE THE ONE: THE TRIBE) AND THE
OUTCASTS (THEY' RE THE ONES SCAVENGING ON THE OUTSIDER'S OF THE YACC)
YOUR BRAIN. LIKE IT OR NOT, IS BASED ON THIS TEMPLATE. YOUR FUNDAMENTAL
PERSONALITY " ONE OF THREE OPTIONS r BABY. ADULT. OR COMPLETE ASS] -IDLE.
Loan THIS IS NOT A DIFFICULT CONCEPT. .
YOUR ANCESTORS WERE THOSE WHO WERE
AT BEING A PART OF AND
MAINTAINING A TRIBE, AS LONG AS YOU' RE
OUTSIDE cm THAT TRIBE, YOU' RE To
In MISERABLE. AND GENERALLY
A Puma: r BECAUSE THOSE OF YOUR
ANCESTORS WHO COULDN' T HACK IT IN A
SOCIETY ONLY MANAGED To CONTRIBUTE
To YOUR CERES In EATING AND
WOMEN. MUCH AS You
MIGHT LINE TO, You AREN' T GONG To
FIND TRUE FULFILLMENT OUTSIDE THE
TRIBE. AND You WON' T FEEL INSIDE THE
TRIKE UNTIL YJA' RI K Kl PERSON. ()
WHAT ARE YOU, A CREATIONIST? focuse)
EVILLY DO YOU THINK TH} GOG)
more ALWAYS WIN IN THE MOVIES‘?
Because of a medieval tradition or some: ?
control through mental by
such as the Church’?
YES, THERE IS/ WAS A VAST CONSPIRACY
In AUTHORITY FIGURES THROUGHOUT 5
HISTORY To MAKE THE PICUTE Doom
ALTRUISTIC AND SUBMISSIVE In TELLING
THEM STORIES THAT ENCOURAGED
BEHAVIOUR. BUT WHERE DID
THE AUTHORITY FIGURES GET THE IDEA?
You REALLY THINK THEY SAT DOWN
AND CONSCIOUSLY DECIDED To CONTROL
SOCIETY THROUGH A CAMPAIGN OF
DELIBERATED MISINFORMATION? ****
THAT. THE POWERS THAT BE SIMPLY
AREN' T THAI COMPED' ' L
Everyone around you, iron: the Wino on the street
to the President of the United States, is an evolved
ape just I he yourself, and has thought patterns
that are based on the same tribal dynamic.
What the **** does any of this
have to do with getting me a In
who take in the pamper!
EVERYTHING, DUMBASS.
WHAT KIND of CRA MAGNON GOT ALL THE
TAIL? You REALLY THINK THE FEMALE
WERE To THE
OR THE SCAVENGER OUTSIDERS?
FEMALES DIG ALPHA MALES.
AND ALPHA MEMEDOM IS MORE THAN JAST Goa)
HAIR AND was (THOUGH THOSE
...
+348
Views: 45620
Favorited: 169
Submitted: 02/02/2010
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Comments(374):

[ 374 comments ]

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #55 - eldeeko (02/03/2010) [+] (1 reply)
this guy deserves a PHD or something...
#185 - anon (02/03/2010) [+] (2 replies)
you little ******** . . . i bet your wrote this on a laptop because you are on a beach with women falling all over you lining up to ride you . . and not from "your mothers basement" ********
User avatar #188 to #185 - JimmyValmer (02/03/2010) [-]
someone has not completed step 1 yet...
#262 - anon (02/03/2010) [+] (8 replies)
Girls don't want an alpha male, cause that means control. In todays society, girls are actually dominant according to research, cause all the men aren't man enough to do anything for each other.
And buying expensive gifts doesn't work, this is called to them as "smothering" and will, in the end, make them break up with you.
However, if you don't "smother" them, then they'll say they don't get enough attention, and they'll break up with you.
It looks like the creator is kind of a lowlife himself.
User avatar #264 to #262 - DailyBullshit (02/03/2010) [-]
Smart men know the difference between "smothering" and "giving in moderation"
#113 - atheistanon **User deleted account** (02/03/2010) [+] (3 replies)
how to be a man (the shorter and BETTER version)
1 - get a decent job ($8/hr is not a decent job...)
2 - do things you like (volunteer somewhere - you'll like it trust me - plus chicks love volunteering - it's a triple win situation)
3 - meet women that do what you do and DON'T throw gifts at them. that IS creepy. become friends first then ask them out on a date (movies make for HORRIBLE dates... the point of a date is for her to learn more about you and vica verca not see avatar for the 4th time)
4 - this comic portrays other people as all annoying and horrible. change your perspective and actually TRY to LIKE people - find nice and awesome people and this becomes easy. ENJOY people's company and people will enjoy YOUR company!!!!

voila
#119 - anon (02/03/2010) [-]
zepdrummer and thepoomister.
in the time it took for you to read and make this post, someone with asperger's could have memorized all the atomic masses for all the major elements. Bill Gates and Albert Einstein are both suspected of having Aspergers. Gates probably doesn't say yes or no because of pricks like you. I don't know why anyone should listen to someone who has invested so much of their time complaining about other people complaining.
Aspergers is a social disorder. If you also recall, Bill Gates owns a part of Apple. So, if you ever become "successful," an ignorant son of a bitch like you will be exploited because of your stereotype for billions, just like Steve Jobes.
User avatar #268 - jesusvandam (02/03/2010) [-]
Huge ******* thumbs up here. Every male needs to read this ASAP.
User avatar #147 - LarryPlatt (02/03/2010) [+] (1 reply)
Narrated by Courage Wolf
User avatar #128 - burningblade (02/03/2010) [-]
I didnt know Stephen Hawkings middle name was ******* thats an awesome middle name
#76 - anon (02/03/2010) [+] (1 reply)
wow
must have taken a while to make
key to success: don't waste your time telling people to get a life when you are the person that needs one
#17 - UniquelyAnonymous **User deleted account** (02/02/2010) [-]
Find who made this and give that man (or woman) a ******* book contract.
#9 - anon (02/02/2010) [-]
I thought this was just gonna be a funny "Get out of the house, nerds" thing, but it actually had some good insight :O
User avatar #6 - LeanPocket (02/02/2010) [-]
Little piece of epic.

+1 internets for you.
#328 - LOUDcarBOMB (02/03/2010) [+] (1 reply)
the guide of TRUE life!!!!!
#331 to #328 - anon (02/03/2010) [-]
Wall of Text hits for 999999 dmg. It was super effective
#294 - wahwahweesnaw (02/03/2010) [+] (8 replies)
did anyone actually read this??
#137 - anon (02/03/2010) [-]
As a female I agree with the statement that females dig alpha males. Its very true. So, all you dumb ***** out there reading this TAKE NOTE, we like men who can get **** done and who are confident. So stop sniveling about **** and do it.
User avatar #255 - DailyBullshit (02/03/2010) [+] (5 replies)
I read this whole thing... jeez.. i'm at a loss for words. I am going to make a female version of this since i'm a chick and i know how real women work. Sure there are stupid,gold digging, self righteous bitches out there, and i god-damn hate them. But there are those of us who are nothing like anything in this post. Will deliver. Give me 24 hours.


p.s. there are girls on 4chan. i'm one of them.
inb4 tits or gtfo, pics or it didn't happen, thats what she said, fat, ugly, dork or whatever other insult ya got.

peace.
User avatar #266 to #263 - Mefromsomewhere (02/03/2010) [-]
So... you have a computer room in the kitchen?
#241 - Emseeem **User deleted account** (02/03/2010) [+] (2 replies)
I'm a girl...
Girls are on the internet.
By the way, we don't really need expensive gifts. I'd be just as happy with flowers or chocolates. Something sweet like that.
#245 to #241 - rawrrrrrr (02/03/2010) [-]
*thinks to self* (dont say it, dont say it, dont say it............ugggghhhhhhhhhhcannottttresissssttttt.....AHHHHHH)

or a brand new pair of oven mits for you to use in the kitchen!
#120 - anon (02/03/2010) [+] (8 replies)
i want to let you know that depression is ******* real. do you know what it is like to want to literally kill yourself everysingle second of every single day? no of course you dont. i suffered from depression for about 6 months and let me tell you it is the worst feeling in the world. the worst. you can argue with me about that but unless you have suffered from depression YOURSELF your arguement is pointless. my mom also has depression and takes about 4 or 5 pills for it. so it is a real ******* disease. so shut your ******* mouth.
User avatar #135 to #120 - PatrickEpicFace (02/03/2010) [-]
YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID, DRINK BLEACH
User avatar #81 - Dutchmanjoel (02/03/2010) [-]
Greatest post Ever...

And the time he put in to it... As like he has no job...
User avatar #33 - JacobElliott (02/03/2010) [+] (4 replies)
Nice, but aspergers and depression are real disorders, its just that attention whores who pretend to have them ruin it for the people who actually do.
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