Don't taze me bro. . POCKET TAZER mat weekend aaw at Lain: E‘! Pawn Shop that Spa" at. rm interent- The tier:: t: ' i was Coll 15th ' and I aha It-: ii: kirie f
x
Click to expand

Don't taze me bro

POCKET TAZER
mat weekend aaw at Lain: E‘! Pawn Shop that
Spa" at. rm interent- The tier:: t: ' i was Coll 15th ' and I
aha It-: ii: kirie fer .a We e:: i: ta' a for my wife Julie. W hat I kdarrie
the weer were to be ashirt lived, with he krr. -
affect an ':/Oll .assailant, allotting her ._ Iate torrie to retreat to
WAY TCC ECCL!
Lorrie gatory short, I boo.. pht we / ice brought it home, I loaded
towe AAA batteries, in the d. arn thing and _ dahed the _ . Nothing! I
waa , f learned, hoa/ vertry, that if I pata‘ ied the button and
preceed it .against .a metal a:_ erface at the Barrie turne,' I' d get the blue
art. of . electricity darting b. at. f.. .: forth between the ppr' pi‘ iga.
Cliam, ad I w. home wine with thia new toy, thinking to myself that it
tcqi! ' t be all that bad with oraly twp tripleeh batteries, right? There I
a. at in my recliner, my Cait Eur. adie locking ch intensley while I aha reading
the directions, .and thinking thet I really needed to try this t: hing cut an
a flaw Eu blood moving target. I atleat admit I theweight about amasing
Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of t She is ELM?
a aweet cat, But, if I w. wing to (give. this t: hing to my wife to protect
herself aag. ain't , I did want acme .. France that it wt: -aid
work as, unadvertised, Am I wromg?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
grasses, perched delicately an the bridge of my npoe, in the
hand, and tater in .annother. The directions said that a
burst whittle shock and disorient racial‘ assailant; .a forasecond burst waa
supposed to came E-. Karna and .a major bss, of bodily ;
a / burst purportedly make year‘ assailant flop an
the (ground like .a fish cf water. Arer/ langer than three
be wasting the batteries.
I' m sitting there, acne, Gracie he :jigg era with her head cocked to the
side ,' to aw, 'dain' t do it ******* ,' retraining that a the amend burst
from such a tiny little ale thing hot all that bad. I decided to
give. myself El the l: -Mat pat for heck of it. I touched the
mange ta my naked thigh, pushed the . attain, and . .
I' m pretty' awe Mike. Tyson ran in -, the a: ide door, picked me up
in the recliner, body a! -ari' i med Lia both an the t: arnet_. tater‘ and over
and ever‘ .aghori. I . recall waking up tin ttry" aide in the fetal
position, with team: in rm tel/ E'S, body attaking wet. both nippler an fire,
to be , with my left arm t_ 1_ icked tinder my body'
in the added , and strugling in rm leg? The Cat ', daft. S making
atic_ inda I had . 1/ rela. l" heard before, clinging to a pitt_ t_ ire frame
harming above. the fireplace, obviously in an interrupt to torward getting
by rm body all tater the lil/ rec m,
Note If "/LLI Ea. . l" feel co -spelled to 'rrid_ ' yourself with a , the
mite of C. there rid amt h thing .a the _ erat when
OLI zap yourself! "ibn will mat let gt: of that thing Artil it dia: : edged
from '/our h. arid by a thre. akiria abaout an the ., A three
erat wtih_ ild be / belove.,
A criing_ ite er E: -Ci later, f collected CIT/ (that We I had left), at up
arid / ray/ eded the . My bent reading . were an the
mantel of the firael. ate. The recliner I_ iabide down and .abowt it feet
gr at: from where it orignally ma. / ' it. epa, right thigh and both
nipples, were ad! twitching. My face felt like it had been amt up with
Novocain, and my matte IT: lip weighed , I had naa , war‘ the
drooling l
Apparentally I pooped an ureself, but waa tee . Iinb to knew for are
and my aerial of smell was: gene. I a. aw a faint armpie alltid above my
head which I believe t.. aerie fro m my hair. I' m still looking for my . It: a
and I' m offering a significant reward for their safe reta. Irn!
Pa. .. My wife, can' t stop laughing . my , hated the
gift, and naaw regularly threatened me with it!
...
  • Recommend tagsx
+1721
Views: 42063
Favorited: 358
Submitted: 03/06/2011
Share On Facebook
Add to favorites submit to reddit

Comments(442):

[ 442 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
+25
#324 - sevant **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #345 to #324 - rjake (03/06/2011) [-]
lol
+10
#327 to #324 - sevant **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
+2
#335 to #327 - TrainerRuby **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#243 - PoopedInDaFridge (03/06/2011) [-]
Him  
<--
Him
<--
+3
#357 to #336 - dammitbuttfuck **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#367 to #357 - Rascal (03/06/2011) [-]
spidey thread! :D
+1
#372 to #367 - dammitbuttfuck **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
0
#371 to #367 - dammitbuttfuck **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #386 - cryptiikxi (03/06/2011) [-]
when he said he go it to protect his wife from muggers i read it as protect herself from *******
User avatar #393 to #386 - fiftytwofruitcakes (03/07/2011) [-]
**fiftytwofruitcakes rolls 35,589** cincos for white power!
#388 to #386 - Dudads (03/07/2011) [-]
same thing
#329 - Rascal (03/06/2011) [-]
+1
#360 to #329 - dammitbuttfuck **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#347 to #329 - hisnipples (03/06/2011) [-]
why am i on fire!?!?
#294 - americanjam (03/06/2011) [-]
I guess you can call it...*shades on* a shocking experience.
#99 - Ulmer (03/06/2011) [-]
do it, ******* .
#375 - Dincorta (03/06/2011) [-]
Shocking story, bro.
Shocking story, bro.
#331 - geodukemon ONLINE (03/06/2011) [-]
HERE'S THE TL;DR VERSION

I got a taser for my wife, tried it, and ROFLstomp'd myself.
#248 - pedobearsepicness (03/06/2011) [-]
and its a great way to stay in shape
#235 - dracomalfoyy (03/06/2011) [-]
I found your nuts.
+15
#204 - pooptypeuptysyrup **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#392 - nsfwdavid (03/07/2011) [-]
Anyone else tempted to try this after reading it?
User avatar #399 to #392 - whitenoodle (03/07/2011) [-]
i have a cop who lives next door im asking him to taze me
#133 - Qwertybobbins (03/06/2011) [-]
In paragraph 3 I automatically changed the word mugger to ****** before I read it

Am I a bad person?
#148 to #133 - putyournaninacan (03/06/2011) [-]
OH HELLNAW
OH HELLNAW
#2 - kokovo (03/06/2011) [-]
I freaking lol'd 5 or 6 times while reading this
#330 - ssurtrebor **User deleted account** (03/06/2011) [-]
I expected a "Get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur" story.

I am disappoint.
+4
#364 to #330 - dammitbuttfuck **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #369 to #364 - peejay (03/06/2011) [-]
and get ur arms t-rexxin'
#4 - mnhorseshoes (03/06/2011) [-]
TO THE FRONT PAGE!!!!!!!
[ 442 comments ]
Leave a comment
 Friends (0)