mat weekend aaw at Lain: E‘! Pawn Shop that
Spa" at. rm interent- The tier:: t: ' i was Coll 15th ' and I
aha It-: ii: kirie fer .a We e:: i: ta' a for my wife Julie. W hat I kdarrie
the weer were to be ashirt lived, with he krr. -
affect an ':/Oll .assailant, allotting her ._ Iate torrie to retreat to
WAY TCC ECCL!
Lorrie gatory short, I boo.. pht we / ice brought it home, I loaded
towe AAA batteries, in the d. arn thing and _ dahed the _ . Nothing! I
waa , f learned, hoa/ vertry, that if I pata‘ ied the button and
preceed it .against .a metal a:_ erface at the Barrie turne,' I' d get the blue
art. of . electricity darting b. at. f.. .: forth between the ppr' pi‘ iga.
Cliam, ad I w. home wine with thia new toy, thinking to myself that it
tcqi! ' t be all that bad with oraly twp tripleeh batteries, right? There I
a. at in my recliner, my Cait Eur. adie locking ch intensley while I aha reading
the directions, .and thinking thet I really needed to try this t: hing cut an
a flaw Eu blood moving target. I atleat admit I theweight about amasing
Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of t She is ELM?
a aweet cat, But, if I w. wing to (give. this t: hing to my wife to protect
herself aag. ain't , I did want acme .. France that it wt: -aid
work as, unadvertised, Am I wromg?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
grasses, perched delicately an the bridge of my npoe, in the
hand, and tater in .annother. The directions said that a
burst whittle shock and disorient racial‘ assailant; .a forasecond burst waa
supposed to came E-. Karna and .a major bss, of bodily ;
a / burst purportedly make year‘ assailant flop an
the (ground like .a fish cf water. Arer/ langer than three
be wasting the batteries.
I' m sitting there, acne, Gracie he :jigg era with her head cocked to the
side ,' to aw, 'dain' t do it dipshit,' retraining that a the amend burst
from such a tiny little ale thing hot all that bad. I decided to
give. myself El the l: -Mat pat for heck of it. I touched the
mange ta my naked thigh, pushed the . attain, and . .
I' m pretty' awe Mike. Tyson ran in -, the a: ide door, picked me up
in the recliner, body a! -ari' i med Lia both an the t: arnet_. tater‘ and over
and ever‘ .aghori. I . recall waking up tin ttry" aide in the fetal
position, with team: in rm tel/ E'S, body attaking wet. both nippler an fire,
to be , with my left arm t_ 1_ icked tinder my body'
in the added , and strugling in rm leg? The Cat ', daft. S making
atic_ inda I had . 1/ rela. l" heard before, clinging to a pitt_ t_ ire frame
harming above. the fireplace, obviously in an interrupt to torward getting
by rm body all tater the lil/ rec m,
Note If "/LLI Ea. . l" feel co -spelled to 'rrid_ ' yourself with a , the
mite of C. there rid amt h thing .a the _ erat when
OLI zap yourself! "ibn will mat let gt: of that thing Artil it dia: : edged
from '/our h. arid by a thre. akiria abaout an the ., A three
erat wtih_ ild be / belove.,
A criing_ ite er E: -Ci later, f collected CIT/ (that We I had left), at up
arid / ray/ eded the . My bent reading . were an the
mantel of the firael. ate. The recliner I_ iabide down and .abowt it feet
gr at: from where it orignally ma. / ' it. epa, right thigh and both
nipples, were ad! twitching. My face felt like it had been amt up with
Novocain, and my matte IT: lip weighed , I had naa , war‘ the
Apparentally I pooped an ureself, but waa tee . Iinb to knew for are
and my aerial of smell was: gene. I a. aw a faint armpie alltid above my
head which I believe t.. aerie fro m my hair. I' m still looking for my . It: a
and I' m offering a significant reward for their safe reta. Irn!
Pa. .. My wife, can' t stop laughing . my , hated the
gift, and naaw regularly threatened me with it!