I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone
ATILT: Hello, this is ANT.
ME: is this AT& T.
ME: This is AT& T.
AT& T: Yes! This is , may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?
ME: May I ask who is calling?
ME: DIE, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down far a solid 5 minutes thinking that,
surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to
my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
AT& T: is this Mr. Byron?
ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
ATILT: Yes, this is AT& T M..
ME: This is AT& T?
ME: The phone company.
ME: I thought you said this was AT& T.
AT& T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
ME: I already have a phone.
AT& T: We aren' t selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer
you IO cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
ME: Now, that' s IO cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
ATILT: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that' s
right! 24 hours a day!
ME: 7 days a week.?
AT& T: That' s right.
ME: 365 days a year.?
ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That' s amazing!
We think sal
ME: That' s quite a sum of money!
AT& T: Yes, sir, it' s amazing how it adds up.
ME: DIE, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly midst one big one at
the end of the year for the full , 550; and if you send an annual check,
can I get a cash advance?
AT& T: Excuse me?
ME: You know, the IO cents a minute.
AT& T: What are you talking about?
ME: You said you' d give me IO cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a
week, 365 days a year. That comes to per day, per week and
560 per year. I' m just interested in knowing how you will be making
AT& T: Oh, no, sir. I didn' t mean we' d be paying you. You pay us IO cents a
ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you' ll give me Itl
cents a minute, that I' ll give YOU IO cents a minute? is this some kind of
subliminal telemarketing scheme? I' read about things like this in the
Enquirer, you know.
AT& T: No, sir, we are offering IO cents a minute for
ME: THERE YOU GD AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?
AT& T: Sir, I don' t think that is necessary.
ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
At this paint, I begin trying to finish my dinner.
SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?
SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our IO cents a
SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
ME: " had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to
suppress my laughter and I had to be Careful not to produce a snort.) No,
actually, I was just waiting for someone to
get back to me so that I could sign up far the plan.
SUPERVISOR: Elk, no problem, I' ll transfer you back to the person who was
ME: Thank you.
laas on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end
this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at
the other end of the phone.
AT& T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up
for our plan.?
ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family"
thing because I' m an only child and N really like to have a little brother...