FUNNYJUNK READ!. OK, just to say a few things. <br /> 1. I am changing the title to Pyromantis-X<br /> 2. I will be continuing this story under the  DarkFall
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FUNNYJUNK READ!

OK, just to say a few things. <br />
1. I am changing the title to Pyromantis-X<br />
2. I will be continuing this story under the username PyromantisX. dont bother sending &quot;darkfall&quot; any messages or anything. srry for those of you who already have.

Tags: DarkFall
We all hate Twilight. That' s a well known fact. Fm relatively new to this site, But it
only tool: me a happyhour to mature that out. And I agree.
I have always enjoyed reading books. I have also made several {failed} attempts at
writing one, although from the fragments of what I have written, people say it would
Be a great book if only I ' it.
Well here is ' s answer to twilight. If this makes it to the top ‘ID, I will
Begin writing a new book in all the bloody glory of a true vampire story. No sparkly
gay map. cheek it out below.
Davida]!
H was supposed to he a gener: testing : slightly more guarded than most,
but still maintaining the appearance a mid security level lat}. on chickens, rats,
birds, and other animals were carried out in the upper levels.
Below however, no one walla knew wt: at happened down there, no one except tor the
three scientists who had security clearance , high enough leveled enter the dungeon like
lo . some said that screams could he heard ‘From hemione the thick titanium blast:
doors, while others tried to shut them up.
one thing was certain, the truth was tar worse than EHW one suspected. Genetic
testing was taking place on humans. H imans whose onle fault: had tween a pattern oi: D NA
deemed as adequate tor testing by E. V. E. These men and women were accused with false
crimes, and sentenced to death row: ode’ weren' t dead.
Neural stimulation, phisical shock, gene operatics, and ‘tar more was upon
these individuals. Gradually, theg changd. Thee} grew taller, stronger: smarter. Their ii: -‘one
structure changed com widened, thickened, small protrusions began
l] ranching o utr, aurther reinforcing theire} odins. Foremost among these we re two incredible’
sharp teeth. Theg were , and had small grooves d own the side. Later on, their
would grow small packets at poison that uld drain down these ducts when wanted.
There were over these test; subjects. H alt them died. Twenty were ,
lumps deformed human farest, with minimal hrafn activity Three clicl not experience at-: 3
dramatic results. The ‘Final two experienced the } c: Iare changes ‘From all atthe rigorous
testing and experiments.
N' o one will ) lg know tonsure what happened there. week
no communication, and complaints about husbands and tethers not returning home,
CA/ C, sent: out: a task torso to discovercard had happened. As the ch, er. OPE soldiers
walked carefully through the lal: , looking tor someone alive. Theg ‘Found no one.
There were no bodies at all blood was splattered on walls, the floor, and everywhere their
looked. The shattered titanium doors invited the soldiers to enter the atthe
Th e y were never heard ‘From stairs.
If you enjoyed this, " mit believe I am saying this..} thumbs it up.
Remember, I will only continue to write this if this reaches the top -Io. Pm and mm
vampire sparkly map. Thumbs up for blood!
...
  • Recommend tagsx

Comments(339):

[ 339 comments ]

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #312 - darksamus (01/14/2010) [-]
I enjoyed it. What was here was intriguing enough to make me read more. As a small criticism, your writing appears to be little unsophisticated, almost unfinished. But, even so, it was clear and engaging.
User avatar #175 - Recaffeinated (01/14/2010) [-]
I was too lazy to read this.
#14 - DarkFall (01/14/2010) [+] (4 replies)
I have decided to write the next chapter. even though this didn't reach the top 10, there were definitely people interested. i guess I'll see how it goes. i will definitely be putting a lot more time into this one, so watch for it. im gonna try and have it posted in about 10 hours. thats midnight for me. if not, i'll get it posted tomorrow. thx for support and suggestions. :D
User avatar #317 - patriotic canadian (01/14/2010) [+] (2 replies)
sort of reminds me of the maximum ride books (highly reccomend those)


i think this is a good backstory. some first person narritive would be great ^_^

do want :)
User avatar #286 - radon (01/14/2010) [-]
Anybody else see the resemblance to Black Mesa, post cascade?
+4
#165 - WASSAAAAAAAAAAAAP **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #136 - garykn ONLINE (01/14/2010) [-]
i am totally holding you to this. write the book.
#2 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [+] (4 replies)
that was vague, ambiguous, and lacked any real plotline.
Keep trying, don't give up.

Plus this isn't the place to try this. This is funnyjunk, not "Hey can you tell me if my short story is decent as I am an aspiring author?"
User avatar #4 to #3 - JackSchidt (01/14/2010) [-]
I disagree with 2--I found the opening very riveting--and personally no matter what the outcome of posting, you should finish the story.
#332 - xXTheDarkWolfXx **User deleted account** (01/15/2010) [+] (2 replies)
So, genetic experiments in a laboratory created weird monsters and the government sent a bunch of soldiers into the lab to kill **** ? Wow. Literature is starting to become really unoriginal.
#336 to #332 - Razorbackist **User deleted account** (01/17/2010) [-]
Okay then, hows this for a storyline?:
A scientist is somewhere near Kenya, Africa, conducting studies of local medicine women and their treatments for harsh diseases. Half way through a treatment, the scientist insults the woman about her techniques and ridicules her healing powers. In anger, the woman curses the scientist to assume a beast-like form every twenty or so days. every day, he would grow and devolve a little more. He, not believing only in science, tries to find a cure for his "disease" which he calls Lycanthropus genetitis. He keeps looking for cures in the forests and jungles of Africa. He is determined to stop his condition before it gets too serious.

Up to your standards of a werewolf novel?
#291 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [+] (1 reply)
NOW YOU'VE STARTED READING THIS DON'T STOP. YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEAREST POSSIBLE FRIDAY BY THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.TOMMOROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. NOW YOU'VE STARTED READING THIS. DON'T STOP. THIS IS SO FREAKY.
1. say your name 10 times
2. say your mom's name 5 times
3. say your crushes name 3 times
4. paste this to 5 other pictures. if you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday. but if you read this and do not paste this, then you will have very bad luck. SEND THIS TO 5 PICTURES IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN YOU'RE DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH'S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORKS
User avatar #298 to #291 - KabulMan (01/14/2010) [-]
I really really reallllllyy dislike you and I hope you get explosive diarrhea, and die. Have a nice day asshole.
#254 - soviergn (01/14/2010) [-]
just a suggestion but if you want a really honest opinion find the appropriate section on 4chan (something thats not /b/ though posting it there would be funny) and give it to them.
User avatar #253 - GrammarOne (01/14/2010) [-]
I honestly must say that I like this, great concept and idea, the only thing I have a problem with is it sounds a lot like other vampire films/books (Excluding Twilight) what I think you need is something to seperate it from the crowd and make it stand out... other than that I love it!

Sincerely, Grammar One.

PS. I think Darkfall sounds better than "Pyromantis-X."
User avatar #132 - AsevnX (01/14/2010) [-]
Please finish. You iz amazing!
User avatar #60 - WarPigs (01/14/2010) [-]
YO DAWG I HERD YOU LEIK VAMPIRES SO WE PUT DIGNITY IN YOUR VAMPIRES SO THEY CAN SUCK BLOOD WHILE TWITARDS CRY :3
User avatar #18 - squeaky (01/14/2010) [-]
very good. very very good. write the book
User avatar #310 - tylerwebb (01/14/2010) [-]
this was really cool, i would read it, if you were going to make it into a book though, one suggestion would be maybe to talk about how the scientists created them. stuff like that. while i was reading it, it really reminded me of MGS II when snake first meets Vamp. but its good. i like it
#223 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [+] (5 replies)
I didn't vote up or down, but i want to say this:

Too many big words. When you have this, the story doesn't flow. 150 pages of second-guessing the meanings of what you just read and stopping at each one to remember or look up what it means is distracting as hell.

KISS - KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID
#225 to #223 - funnyjunkwatcher (01/14/2010) [-]
what big words are hurting your brain? is it 'titanium' 'rigorous' or 'adequate' because those words are just so hard to understand!
User avatar #74 - BmanX (01/14/2010) [-]
That actually seems like it would turn out be a great book. I'd read it.
User avatar #54 - PyromantisX (01/14/2010) [+] (2 replies)
Hey everyone, this is me, the author. add me to friends to keep up to date on the story. ive got enough people asking me to continue that i will. however many thumbs i get.

dont be shy. send me a PM if you got ideas or suggestions or anything at all.

on a sadder note... my pants just ripped... :(
User avatar #23 - altech (01/14/2010) [+] (1 reply)
I'm all for it under one condition. The condition that you never, EVER make ANYTHING in the Papyrus font again. For the love of god please don't, it physically hurt my brain reading this. Other than that I love where it's going.
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