I got Jealous when I found out my
wife spent minutes alone with
some other guy the other day....
I' had to spend " years with
when people ask me what I do, I tell
them I test rape alarms.
It sounds better than saying I' m a
Apparently it you listen to a Justin
Bieber song backwards you can
hear messages from Satan.
Even worse though is it you play it
forwards. you hear Justin Bieber.
This girl came up to me today and
said she recognized me from
I was confused.
I' d never met herbivore.
I dont see rascism as a lite choice.
but as a disease.
A disease brought over by those
tucking triggers from Africa
It was my first night at home with
my wife since I came back from the
war in Afghanistan. I was waiting
for her in bed as she was having a
Then she came out with a towel on
her head and I shot her.
I Just had a great holiday in China
everything is so cheap. Especially
the prostitutes I must have slept
with a dozen different ones.
It isn' t premarital sex it you have
no intention of getting married
I hate people that leave their dogs
Especially when they just sit there
barking at my kids the whole time
I' m in the pub.
Maths problems. the only place
where someone can buy
60 watermelons and no one
Why does Beyonces sing 'to the
left, to the left'?
Cos everyone knows blacks don' t
have any rights
What' s better than winning a gold
metal at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.