The Egg. Awesome Game<br /> /funny_pictures/1417627/FUN/. The Egg By: Andy Weir You were on your way home when you died. It was a car accident. Nothing pa The Egg Awesome Game<br /> /funny_pictures/1417627/FUN/ By: Andy Weir You were on your way home when you died It was a car accident Nothing pa
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The Egg

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The Egg
By: Andy Weir
You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly
remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a
wife and two children. It was a painless death. The
tried their best to save you, but to no avail.
Your body was so utterly shattered you were better
off, trust me.
And that' s when you met me.
What... what happened?" You asked. "Where am
You died," I said, . No point in
mincing words.
There was a... a truck and it was skidding..."
Yup," I said.
Yup. But don' t feel bad about it. Everyone dies," I
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you
and me. "What is this place?" You asked. "Is this the
More or less,'' I said.
Are you god?" You asked.
My kids... my wife," you said.
What about them?"
Will they be all right?"
That' s what I like to see," I said. "You just died and
your main concern is for your family. That' s good
stuff right there."
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn' t
look like God. I just looked like some man. Or
possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure,
maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the
Don' t worry," I said. "They' ll be fine. Your kids will
remember you as perfect in every way. They didn' t
have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will
cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be
fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it' s any
consolation, she' ll feel very guilty for feeling
Oh," you said. "So what happens now? Do I go to
heaven or hell or something?"
Neither," I said. "You' ll be reincarnated."
Ah," you said. "So the Hindus were right,"
All religions are right in their own way," I said.
Walk with me."
You followed along as we strode through the void.
Where are we going?"
Nowhere in particular," I said. "It' s just nice to walk
while we talk."
So what' s the point, then?" You asked. "When I get
reborn, I' ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all
my experiences and everything! did in this life won' t
Not so!" I said. "You have within you all the
knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You
just don' t remember them right now."
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders.
Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and
gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human
mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are.
It' s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see
if it' s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into
the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you'
gained all the experiences it had.
You' been in a human for the last 48 years, so you
haven' t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your
immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long
enough, you' d start remembering everything. But
there' s no point to doing that between each life.''
How many times have I been reincarnated, then?"
Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different
lives." I said. "This time around, you' ll be a Chinese
peasant girl in 540 AD."
Wait, what?" You stammered. "You' re sending me
back in time?"
Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only
exists in your universe. Things are different where I
come from."
Where you come from?" You said.
Oh sure," I explained "I come from somewhere.
Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I
know you' ll want to know what it' s like there, but
honestly you wouldn' t understand."
Oh," you said, a little let down. "But wait. If I get
reincarnated to other places in time, I could have
interacted with myself at some point."
Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only
aware of their own lifespan you don' t even know it' s
So what' s the point of it all?"
Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? You' re asking me for
the meaning of life? Isn' t that a little stereotypical?"
Well it' s a reasonable question," you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. "The meaning of life, the
reason I made this whole universe, is for you to
You mean mankind? You want us to mature?"
No, just you. I made this whole universe for you.
With each new life you grow and mature and become
a larger and greater intellect."
Just me? What about everyone else?"
There is no one else," I said. "In this universe,
there' s just you and me."
You stared blankly at me. "But all the people on
All you. Different incarnations of you."
Wait. I' m everyone!?"
Now you' re getting it," I said, with a congratulatory
slap on the back.
I' m every human being who ever lived?"
Or who will ever live, yes."
I' m Abraham Lincoln?"
And you' re John Wilkes Booth, too," I added.
Tm Hitler?" You said, appalled.
And you' re the millions he killed."
And you' re everyone who followed him."
You fell silent.
Every time you victimized someone," I said, "you
were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness
you' done, you' done to yourself. Every happy
and sad moment ever experienced by any human
was, or will be, experienced by you.''
You thought for a long time.
Why?" You asked me. "Why do all this?"
Because someday, you will become like me.
Because that' s what you are. You' re one of my kind.
You' re my child."
Whoa," you said, incredulous. "You mean I' m a
No. Not yet. You' re a fetus. You' re still growing.
Once you' lived every human life throughout all
time, you will have grown enough to be born."
So the whole universe," you said, "it' s just..."
An egg." I answered. "Now it' s time for you to move
on to your next life."
And I sent you on your way.
Views: 69940 Submitted: 12/27/2010
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> hey anon, wanna give your opinion?
#23 - vitreosity
Reply +94 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
So wait... I've fapped... to MYSELF???
#108 to #23 - anon id: 0d97fd39
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
This first time I read this, it was a series of posts on /b/. I believe the combo breaker exactly like this:

#542 to #108 - anon id: 23d09d9d
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
I believe you are correct. Haha.
User avatar #33 to #23 - obrien
Reply +27 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
thousands of times

#12 - Girondins
Reply +65 123456789123345869
(12/27/2010) [-]
So i actually wrote this?
#60 - HIMTheSixSixSix
Reply +50 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
so wait...technically i will never have sex with anyone...i'll have just masturbated?!

User avatar #940 to #60 - jezzuschrizzist
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
it shouldn't be much of a difference for you. :D
User avatar #65 to #60 - rpursley
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
i second that
User avatar #75 to #65 - skorne
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
or you could look at in the way that masturbating is the same thing as having sex, so we've all had way more sex than we thought
User avatar #116 - GoryImages
Reply +46 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
At first I was like "Oh goddammit, reading time."
And then I was like "****, is this gonna end in everyone doing the dinosaur?"
And finally I was like "...dude."
User avatar #121 to #116 - holymolyinvoker
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
I was kinda thinking the same thing.
User avatar #122 to #121 - GoryImages
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
Hey me. How's it going?
User avatar #134 to #122 - mariox
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
Hey me, we should "masterbate" sometime.
User avatar #125 to #122 - holymolyinvoker
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
Not much me. But me, I have a question. If I have sex with you, (hypothetically speaking of course), would that be considered sex? Or Masturbation?
User avatar #130 to #125 - GoryImages
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
#144 to #130 - anon id: ea665aea
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
Can't rape the willing
#1094 to #144 - NotSafeForWork **User deleted account**
-2 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
#1226 - FlashBangZ
Reply +27 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
am i the only one that imagined that Morgan Freeman was God?
User avatar #1387 to #1226 - Aradin
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
User avatar #1250 to #1226 - cbshizznit
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
imagined...? or know he is god
#194 - golden
Reply +26 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
User avatar #229 to #194 - megatj
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
**megatj rolls 771,833,068** what do you mean? i haven't had sex yet. (dubs and it happens within the week)
#233 to #229 - golden
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
Congrats, 33.
User avatar #234 to #233 - megatj
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
and 77
#210 to #194 - anon id: 34facd4e
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
exactly what i was thinking...
#208 to #194 - ahumnigga
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
isnt that masterbation
#1251 to #194 - OSSTempest
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
not if you're a virgin.
#1456 to #1251 - anon id: 0aa07cb1
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
win :D
User avatar #1478 to #1456 - TheOvermind
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
But you're not. He can't be because then how could we have been born?
User avatar #119 - kloudnein
Reply +26 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.
#1181 - whitewolfone
Reply +24 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
I read that entire thing in Morgan Freeman's voice.
#1209 to #1181 - toxicsocial
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
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#305 - Whatsatroll **User deleted account**
+22 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
#646 - Lolhugenoob
Reply +21 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
Having sex... WITH YOURSELF?!?!?!?!?!
Having sex... WITH YOURSELF?!?!?!?!?!
#657 to #646 - tronck
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
#655 to #646 - Veri
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
#658 to #655 - Lolhugenoob
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/28/2010) [-]
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