The Egg. Awesome Game<br /> /funny_pictures/1417627/FUN/. The Egg By: Andy Weir You were on your way home when you died. It was a car accident. Nothing pa

The Egg

The Egg
By: Andy Weir
You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly
remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a
wife and two children. It was a painless death. The
tried their best to save you, but to no avail.
Your body was so utterly shattered you were better
off, trust me.
And that' s when you met me.
What... what happened?" You asked. "Where am
You died," I said, . No point in
mincing words.
There was a... a truck and it was skidding..."
Yup," I said.
Yup. But don' t feel bad about it. Everyone dies," I
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you
and me. "What is this place?" You asked. "Is this the
More or less,'' I said.
Are you god?" You asked.
My kids... my wife," you said.
What about them?"
Will they be all right?"
That' s what I like to see," I said. "You just died and
your main concern is for your family. That' s good
stuff right there."
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn' t
look like God. I just looked like some man. Or
possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure,
maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the
Don' t worry," I said. "They' ll be fine. Your kids will
remember you as perfect in every way. They didn' t
have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will
cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be
fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it' s any
consolation, she' ll feel very guilty for feeling
Oh," you said. "So what happens now? Do I go to
heaven or hell or something?"
Neither," I said. "You' ll be reincarnated."
Ah," you said. "So the Hindus were right,"
All religions are right in their own way," I said.
Walk with me."
You followed along as we strode through the void.
Where are we going?"
Nowhere in particular," I said. "It' s just nice to walk
while we talk."
So what' s the point, then?" You asked. "When I get
reborn, I' ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all
my experiences and everything! did in this life won' t
Not so!" I said. "You have within you all the
knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You
just don' t remember them right now."
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders.
Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and
gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human
mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are.
It' s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see
if it' s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into
the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you'
gained all the experiences it had.
You' been in a human for the last 48 years, so you
haven' t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your
immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long
enough, you' d start remembering everything. But
there' s no point to doing that between each life.''
How many times have I been reincarnated, then?"
Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different
lives." I said. "This time around, you' ll be a Chinese
peasant girl in 540 AD."
Wait, what?" You stammered. "You' re sending me
back in time?"
Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only
exists in your universe. Things are different where I
come from."
Where you come from?" You said.
Oh sure," I explained "I come from somewhere.
Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I
know you' ll want to know what it' s like there, but
honestly you wouldn' t understand."
Oh," you said, a little let down. "But wait. If I get
reincarnated to other places in time, I could have
interacted with myself at some point."
Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only
aware of their own lifespan you don' t even know it' s
So what' s the point of it all?"
Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? You' re asking me for
the meaning of life? Isn' t that a little stereotypical?"
Well it' s a reasonable question," you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. "The meaning of life, the
reason I made this whole universe, is for you to
You mean mankind? You want us to mature?"
No, just you. I made this whole universe for you.
With each new life you grow and mature and become
a larger and greater intellect."
Just me? What about everyone else?"
There is no one else," I said. "In this universe,
there' s just you and me."
You stared blankly at me. "But all the people on
All you. Different incarnations of you."
Wait. I' m everyone!?"
Now you' re getting it," I said, with a congratulatory
slap on the back.
I' m every human being who ever lived?"
Or who will ever live, yes."
I' m Abraham Lincoln?"
And you' re John Wilkes Booth, too," I added.
Tm Hitler?" You said, appalled.
And you' re the millions he killed."
And you' re everyone who followed him."
You fell silent.
Every time you victimized someone," I said, "you
were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness
you' done, you' done to yourself. Every happy
and sad moment ever experienced by any human
was, or will be, experienced by you.''
You thought for a long time.
Why?" You asked me. "Why do all this?"
Because someday, you will become like me.
Because that' s what you are. You' re one of my kind.
You' re my child."
Whoa," you said, incredulous. "You mean I' m a
No. Not yet. You' re a fetus. You' re still growing.
Once you' lived every human life throughout all
time, you will have grown enough to be born."
So the whole universe," you said, "it' s just..."
An egg." I answered. "Now it' s time for you to move
on to your next life."
And I sent you on your way.
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Submitted: 12/27/2010
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#12 - Girondins (12/27/2010) [-]
So i actually wrote this?
User avatar #116 - GoryImages (12/28/2010) [-]
At first I was like "Oh goddammit, reading time."
And then I was like " **** , is this gonna end in everyone doing the dinosaur?"
And finally I was like "...dude."
User avatar #121 to #116 - holymolyinvoker (12/28/2010) [-]
I was kinda thinking the same thing.
User avatar #122 to #121 - GoryImages (12/28/2010) [-]
Hey me. How's it going?
User avatar #134 to #122 - mariox ONLINE (12/28/2010) [-]
Hey me, we should "masterbate" sometime.
User avatar #125 to #122 - holymolyinvoker (12/28/2010) [-]
Not much me. But me, I have a question. If I have sex with you, (hypothetically speaking of course), would that be considered sex? Or Masturbation?
User avatar #130 to #125 - GoryImages (12/28/2010) [-]
#144 to #130 - anon (12/28/2010) [-]
Can't rape the willing
#1094 to #144 - NotSafeForWork **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#60 - HIMTheSixSixSix (12/28/2010) [-]
so wait...technically i will never have sex with anyone...i'll have just masturbated?!

User avatar #940 to #60 - jezzuschrizzist (12/28/2010) [-]
it shouldn't be much of a difference for you. :D
User avatar #65 to #60 - rpursley (12/28/2010) [-]
i second that
User avatar #75 to #65 - skorne (12/28/2010) [-]
or you could look at in the way that masturbating is the same thing as having sex, so we've all had way more sex than we thought
#23 - vitreosity (12/28/2010) [-]
So wait... I've fapped... to MYSELF???
#108 to #23 - anon (12/28/2010) [-]
This first time I read this, it was a series of posts on /b/. I believe the combo breaker exactly like this:

#542 to #108 - anon (12/28/2010) [-]
I believe you are correct. Haha.
User avatar #33 to #23 - obrien (12/28/2010) [-]
thousands of times

#1181 - whitewolfone (12/28/2010) [-]
I read that entire thing in Morgan Freeman's voice.
User avatar #119 - kloudnein (12/28/2010) [-]
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.
#646 - Lolhugenoob (12/28/2010) [-]
Having sex... WITH YOURSELF?!?!?!?!?!
Having sex... WITH YOURSELF?!?!?!?!?!
#655 to #646 - Veri (12/28/2010) [-]
#305 - Whatsatroll **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#1147 - alucord (12/28/2010) [-]
So every time you had sex, you were masturbating?
#632 - tahtaznkid (12/28/2010) [-]
is it weird that i read all of that in a voice similar to that of Morgan Freeman?
User avatar #634 to #632 - festivejo (12/28/2010) [-]
same O.o
#651 to #634 - anon (12/28/2010) [-]
Guys your me and i'm morgan freeman so we read it in our own voice.
#637 to #632 - wietepiet (12/28/2010) [-]
I read that all in Morgan Freeman's voice as well XD
User avatar #643 to #632 - lokiwins (12/28/2010) [-]
Same, damn bruce almighty -__-
#22 - UserGhost (12/28/2010) [-]
Really puts the taunt *stop hitting yourself* into perspective.
Really puts the taunt *stop hitting yourself* into perspective.
User avatar #1201 - superstephenm (12/28/2010) [-]
It doesn't matter if it's a repost. Since he was the OP in some otherlife.
#1196 - thefunnyside (12/28/2010) [-]
I'm Dsend, Miley Cyrus AND Justin Bieber?

#1191 - Rahmaniac (12/28/2010) [-]
I was expecting something about getting on the floor and walking the dinosaur.
#403 - animegamergirl (12/28/2010) [-]

so.. i'm justin bieber? o_o

#126 - CaptainObviousMan (12/28/2010) [-]
So wait, that means I'm still a virgin, because every time I thought I was having sex, I was actually just masturbating with myself...
User avatar #838 to #126 - Pharmon (12/28/2010) [-]
Or every time you were masturbating you were having sex
User avatar #19 - chucknorrisTHEGAME (12/28/2010) [-]
So every thumb I give, I give to myself... and I'm still only level 4...
#16 - anon (12/28/2010) [-]
so im gay.... a women... justin beiber... Edward.... and a troll....

*shoots himself*
#39 to #16 - MrMoose (12/28/2010) [-]
You just reincarnate again so,

You're ****** .
User avatar #758 to #16 - cakeater (12/28/2010) [-]
why did you use gay as an example 3 times?
#1246 - ThePawel **User deleted account** (12/28/2010) [-]
Reading that whole **** , I was waiting for a punchline, A pun, Something that would make me laugh. But before that occurred, I was at the end of it. Wasted my time on reading that, Might aswell waste another minute to type this comment.

This is FUNNY junk, So i would appreciate if people would at least post something funny..
User avatar #1275 to #1246 - Deathborne ONLINE (12/28/2010) [-]
So when you **** somebody your really just ******* yourself. There's your punchline.
User avatar #1265 to #1246 - OMGitsTWiST (12/28/2010) [-]
But, according to this post, YOU posted it.
#1271 to #1265 - ThePawel **User deleted account** (12/28/2010) [-]
So you're calling me a "brokenidiot"?
User avatar #1272 to #1271 - OMGitsTWiST (12/28/2010) [-]
No, i think im calling myself a "brokenidiot"
x.x i cant handle this.
#206 - KoRnJD (12/28/2010) [-]
Comment Picture
#223 to #206 - anon (12/28/2010) [-]
Sad Doctor is sad.
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