1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’ re a big girl. If it' s
up, put " down. We need " up, you need " down. You
don’ t hear us complaining about you leaving " down.
1. Sunday sports. les like the full moon or the changing oi
the tides. Let " be.
1. Shopping Is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of " that way.
1. crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help
solving it. That' s what we do.
Sympathy Is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for " months Is a problem. See a
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after T Days.
1. If you won’ t dress like the Victoria’ s Secret girls, don' t
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you’ re fat, you probably are. Don' t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and
one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how
you want " done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and
neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only up colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve u.
1. If " itches, " will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will
act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don' t want an answer to,
Expect an answer you don’ t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear Is fine... Really.
1. Don' t ask us what we’ re thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape.'
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the couch tonight;