When you occasionally have had a really bad day, and you lust need to
take it out on someone, don' t take it out on someone you know, take it
out on someone you don' t know, but who really deserves it!
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I' d forgotten to
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear: 'Get the right l'** ing
number!', and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn' t believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn' s correct number to call her, I found that!
had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled ‘You' re an ',
and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in
my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
day, I' d call him up and yell,
You' re an asshole!‘
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the
I' m calling to see if you' re familiar with our Caller ID Prgram?'
He yelled 'Nol' and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, 'That' s because you' re an
asshole!', and hung up.
one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited tor.
I hit the horn and yelled that I' d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot
I noticed a ‘For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his
number on speed dial), I thought that I' d better call the BMW asshole,
I said, 'ls this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said, Yes, it is.'
I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said, Yes, I live at 34 Oratree Blvd, in Fairfax.
It' s a yellow ranch style house and the car' s parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What' s your name?'
He said, 'My name is Don Hansen,'
I asked, 'when' s a good time to catch you, Don?‘
He said, Tm home every evening after mm.'
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?‘
He said, Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you' re an asshole!‘
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea...
I called asshole M.
He said, 'Hello.'
I said, ‘You' re an asshole!‘ (but I didn' t hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me,'
I said, 'Make me,'
He asked, ‘who are you?‘
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?‘
I said, ‘Asshole, I live at 34 Oratree Blvd, in Fairfax, it' s a yellow ranch
style home and, I have a black Beemer parked in front.‘
He said, Tm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers.'
I said, Yeah, like I' m really scared, asshole,' and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hella, asshole.‘
He yelled, 'lfl ever Md out who you are...'
I said, ‘You' ll what?'
He exclaimed, Tll kick your ass,'
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here' s your chance. I' m coming over right
Then I hung up and immediately called the Police, saying that I lived at
34 Oratree Blvd in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill
my gay lover.
Then I called Channel T News about the gay war going down on
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.
I got there lust in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of
each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter, and
surrounded by a news crew.
Now, I feel MUCH better!
Anger management really does work!