laas driving on Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in
a beat up tnick:
He decides to tum in front of me without a blinker.
I accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this,
woman Jumps in front of my carwash her
She proceeds to yell in my window, "Hey, slow down you
idiot!" I' m a , mellow guy by nature, so I ignore
tum around and drive up next to her.
Do you have a problem?‘ lash:
Yeah, why are you driving like an idiot?"
l was driving like an idiot? How, exactly.‘
You were speeding. Iwatched you."
You were? I see. How did you measure my speed?" [Ever
l heard you."
So, you measured my speed by ear?"
l can hear."
How fast did you HEAR me going?"
Look" she says, "I don' t have to take this. Here comes a
cop. l' ll wave him dowg
THE POLICE? This woman is a trip. She waves him down,
and proceeds to tell him that she observed me speeding.
What happened?" he asks. Ilold him the story, and told
him that I accelerated to an indicated 33 mph tthe speed
limit is 35} to avoid a collision.
Are those mufflers legal?" Ethel asks.
She' s pushing it. I reply, "l have a C. A. ll. B. exemption for
them." I give the paperwork's the cop.
She tries to find another thing to screw me with. She
says "What about those big tires? They CAN' T be legal." I
began feeling little overheated gears in the back of my
head start to tum.
These tires were available on the 1970 Boss 429, "l told
the cop," Which makes them street legal as a
Ethel gets angry. She whines, "So you' re not going to
give out any tickets to this 'r'""""'?"
The cop says, "No, I am not.‘
l' about had it. So I say, "Sir, this woman told you
that she left the street at the comer, and she met up
with my car here. According to Title 39, pedestrians
have to cross the street at a right angle. This woman
admitted she crossed at a angle, which is a
What?" The cop looks confused.
Also, she told you that she walked in front of my car
to stop me. A citizen can' t detain someone without
probable cause, under Terry v. Ohio tmy new favorite
case). Since she couldn' t measure my speed, she had
no probable cause to detain me. That is an indictable
The cop says, "But, I didn' t see any of this."
But," I said, "l did, and, as an officer of the Court, I can
demand her arrest. I' ll agree to dismiss the Illegal
Detention charge, but Iwant her cited for not crossing at
a right angle and Hazardous Conduct on a Public Street.‘
The cop called his Lieutenant, and after the cop told the
story, he authorized the summonses.
She went home with . 00 worth of traffic tickets, and
they are worth a total ofyour points against her license,
as well as the appropriate insurance surcharge!
II MESS WITH ME