Peter Sagan grabbin dat ass.
It all started when our (former porn) star, The Pope, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling barely worried, The Pope groped a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he realized that his beloved Bat was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Rick Astley. The Pope had known Rick Astley for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Rick Astley was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... clueless. The Pope called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Rick Astley picked up to a very mad The Pope. Rick Astley calmly assured him that most albino cats grimace before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually sassily turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting The Pope. Why was Rick Astley trying to distract The Pope? Because he had snuck out from The Pope's with the Bat only nine days prior. It was a sassy little Bat... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before The Pope got back to the subject at hand: his Bat. Rick Astley panicked. Relunctantly, Rick Astley invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Bat. The Pope grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Rick Astley realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Bat and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if The Pope took the tricked out go kart, he had take at least two minutes before The Pope would get there. But if he took the Go-Kart? Then Rick Astley would be very screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Rick Astley was interrupted by three funny-smelling OPs that were lured by his Bat. Rick Astley panicked; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he skillfully reached for his banana and aptly poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Go-Kart rolling up. It was The Pope.