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#526 - comicallymorbid
Reply +5
(06/29/2013) [-]
So I was talking to my girlfriend about nicknames the other day, and I say, "You know what? I think I'm gonna call you Bambi."
"Why is it because of my beautiful eyes?"
"No, because I killed your mother."

How to you get 100 babies into a bucket? A blender.
How do you get them out again? DORITOS

Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? She had no arms.

Why don't Jews shower? They aren't falling for that one again!

What's the difference between a group of boy scouts and a group of Jews? The boy scouts came back from camp.

Yesterday, I told my friend that I wanted to ride that thing from Harry Potter.
He said "What, the broom?"
"No, Hermione."

My son's school phoned the police because I was recording the school nativity play with a video camera. How was I meant to know It's illegal to film the kids in the changing rooms?

The Mccann's are trying to relieve themselves from there grief with a holiday in Las Vegas. Gerry Mccann forced a shy smile and quipped to reporters as he got on the plane "What goes on in Vegas, Stays in Vegas"
Yes Gerry and apparently what goes to Portugal stays in Portugal.


#489 - modernclassmusic
Reply +5
(06/28/2013) [-]
how many babies does it take to paint a house red...   
   
depends how hard you throw them
how many babies does it take to paint a house red...

depends how hard you throw them
#401 - mrblueftw
Reply +5
(06/28/2013) [-]
How do you get a baby in a bowl?
Blender.
How do you get it out?
Chips.
#322 - alltimetens
Reply +5
(06/28/2013) [-]
How do you circumcise a hill-billy?




You kick his sister in the jaw.
#321 - afrosquid
Reply +5
(06/28/2013) [-]
What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob?
She always swallows
#293 - bighairyfart
Reply +5
(06/28/2013) [-]
If two Asians have a retarded baby, what do they name it?

Sum Ting Wong
#281 - nighthawxx
Reply +5
(06/28/2013) [-]
where did the little girl go when the bomb went off?
everywhere
#274 - queefquizzler
Reply +5
(06/28/2013) [-]
What do you call a lonely student?   
A survivor of Sandy Hook Elementary School.   
   
What do I call a girl that can run faster than me?   
A virgin.   
   
How do you get a black man down from a tree?   
Cut the rope.   
   
What do you do when a ******** bleeding out on your front lawn?   
Stop laughing and reload.   
   
What do a Jew and a Ferrari have in common?   
They both scream when you turn on the gas.   
   
Why are the palms of ******** hands white?   
There's a little bit of good in everyone.   
   
These are mostly racist not brutal
What do you call a lonely student?
A survivor of Sandy Hook Elementary School.

What do I call a girl that can run faster than me?
A virgin.

How do you get a black man down from a tree?
Cut the rope.

What do you do when a ******** bleeding out on your front lawn?
Stop laughing and reload.

What do a Jew and a Ferrari have in common?
They both scream when you turn on the gas.

Why are the palms of ******** hands white?
There's a little bit of good in everyone.

These are mostly racist not brutal
#203 - starrk
Reply +5
(06/27/2013) [-]
How do you know your sister is on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
#189 - johnnygat
Reply +5
(06/27/2013) [-]
Not really a joke but...
#158 - akatsukipain
Reply +5
(06/27/2013) [-]
womens rights
#38 - ceratosaurus
Reply +5
(06/27/2013) [-]
How do you make a baby float?

take your foot off its head
#492 - iliketheporn
Reply +4
(06/28/2013) [-]
What did the boy get for his birthday?

Cancer.

What did that same boy get for christmas?

Nothing, he didn't live that long.
#453 - thunderxcatsxhoooo
Reply +4
(06/28/2013) [-]
How do you get a gay to **** a woman?

**** in her cunt.
#413 - atrumaliger
Reply +1
(06/28/2013) [-]
A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.
#416 to #413 - ipwnallnubz
-4
has deleted their comment [-]
#418 to #416 - atrumaliger
Reply +4
(06/28/2013) [-]
"Post your most brutal joke"

*Posts*

*Gets called out for tr0lling not 1 minute later*
#414 to #413 - atrumaliger
Reply +2
(06/28/2013) [-]
ps close the boarders

Share if you love freedom
#372 - ThickMcRunFast
Reply +4
(06/28/2013) [-]
What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?

*******.
#360 - scotlandhome
Reply +4
(06/28/2013) [-]
A baby seal walks into a club...
#169 - valorcore
Reply +4
(06/27/2013) [-]
What's red and is crawling up it's mothers legs?

A homesick abortion
i am a horrible person
#195 to #169 - curveball
Reply 0
(06/27/2013) [-]
You made the joke, I laughed at it. I think that says a lot about the both of us.
#217 to #195 - valorcore
Reply 0
(06/27/2013) [-]
are we married now?
#382 to #217 - anon
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
Yes
#160 - Kaelus
Reply +4
(06/27/2013) [-]
Why do black people only have nightmares?


Because we shot the only one who had a dream.
#126 - ctenop
Reply +4
(06/27/2013) [-]
A woman has a baby, after several hours of not being allowed to see it, the doctor comes in. The doctors says "We have some good news, and some bad news". "Well, tell me the bad news first" the woman says. The doctor replies "Bad news, your baby is ginger, good news is that it's dead"