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User avatar #526 - comicallymorbid (06/29/2013) [-]
So I was talking to my girlfriend about nicknames the other day, and I say, "You know what? I think I'm gonna call you Bambi."
"Why is it because of my beautiful eyes?"
"No, because I killed your mother."

How to you get 100 babies into a bucket? A blender.
How do you get them out again? DORITOS

Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? She had no arms.

Why don't Jews shower? They aren't falling for that one again!

What's the difference between a group of boy scouts and a group of Jews? The boy scouts came back from camp.

Yesterday, I told my friend that I wanted to ride that thing from Harry Potter.
He said "What, the broom?"
"No, Hermione."

My son's school phoned the police because I was recording the school nativity play with a video camera. How was I meant to know It's illegal to film the kids in the changing rooms?

The Mccann's are trying to relieve themselves from there grief with a holiday in Las Vegas. Gerry Mccann forced a shy smile and quipped to reporters as he got on the plane "What goes on in Vegas, Stays in Vegas"
Yes Gerry and apparently what goes to Portugal stays in Portugal.


#489 - modernclassmusic (06/28/2013) [-]
how many babies does it take to paint a house red...   
   
depends how hard you throw them
how many babies does it take to paint a house red...

depends how hard you throw them
User avatar #401 - mrblueftw (06/28/2013) [-]
How do you get a baby in a bowl?
Blender.
How do you get it out?
Chips.
#343 - DoktorHax (06/28/2013) [-]
whats do you call a baby with a broken jaw?



Deepthroat
User avatar #293 - bighairyfart (06/28/2013) [-]
If two Asians have a retarded baby, what do they name it?

Sum Ting Wong
User avatar #281 - nighthawxx (06/28/2013) [-]
where did the little girl go when the bomb went off?
everywhere
#274 - queefquizzler (06/28/2013) [-]
What do you call a lonely student?   
A survivor of Sandy Hook Elementary School.   
   
What do I call a girl that can run faster than me?   
A virgin.   
   
How do you get a black man down from a tree?   
Cut the rope.   
   
What do you do when a 						********					 bleeding out on your front lawn?   
Stop laughing and reload.   
   
What do a Jew and a Ferrari have in common?   
They both scream when you turn on the gas.   
   
Why are the palms of 						********					 hands white?   
There's a little bit of good in everyone.   
   
These are mostly racist not brutal
What do you call a lonely student?
A survivor of Sandy Hook Elementary School.

What do I call a girl that can run faster than me?
A virgin.

How do you get a black man down from a tree?
Cut the rope.

What do you do when a ******** bleeding out on your front lawn?
Stop laughing and reload.

What do a Jew and a Ferrari have in common?
They both scream when you turn on the gas.

Why are the palms of ******** hands white?
There's a little bit of good in everyone.

These are mostly racist not brutal
#203 - starrk (06/27/2013) [-]
How do you know your sister is on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
#189 - johnnygat (06/27/2013) [-]
Not really a joke but...
#158 - akatsukipain (06/27/2013) [-]
womens rights
#38 - ceratosaurus (06/27/2013) [-]
How do you make a baby float?

take your foot off its head
User avatar #32 - trojandetected (06/27/2013) [+] (1 reply)
two peanuts walking down a street one was a salted.

im going to hell for that sorry if this offends anyone
#306 - tmdarby (06/28/2013) [-]
what do you call an empty beer can in the ditch
an indian artifact

what do you call a full beer can in the ditch
a RARE indian artifact
#282 - cityoftroy (06/28/2013) [-]
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan
#278 - sackit ONLINE (06/28/2013) [+] (3 replies)
Wait i got one more!!
Why do Rihanna sin to the left to the left?
.....
Becuase black people have no rights
#233 - anonexplains (06/27/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Why are you copying from Reddit you stupid **** ?
User avatar #240 to #233 - dagold (06/27/2013) [-]
Seriously? This joke has been around for decades.
User avatar #208 - jakecrafted (06/27/2013) [-]
A man walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. To his left he sees a jar full of hundreds and hundreds of $20 bills.
He asks the bartender: What's the jar for? Bartender: It's a challenge, you pay $20 to hear the challenge, if you complete the challenge, you get to keep everything in the jar.
The man puts $20 into the jar and the bartender proceeds to explain the challenge.
Bartender: You must complete three tasks, 1) Drink a gallon of hot sauce without making a face, 2) Pull a loose tooth from a grumpy pit bull, and 3) bring an old lady to her climax.
The man decides to drink a bit first before he attempts the challenges. An hour or so later when he is really drunk, he begins the challenges.
He drinks the gallon of hot sauce like a champ, he makes no face at all except for a few tears rolling down his cheeks.
Next he goes into the room where the dog is. While he's in there all that is heard are screams, barks, and something hitting against the door.
When he finally comes out, bloodied, battered, and clothes torn, he asks: So where's the old lady with the tooth?
User avatar #206 - darksideofthebeast (06/27/2013) [-]
A boy asks his dad "daddy, daddy, What's a pedophile?"
The dad said "Shut up and keep licking my balls"
#178 - flixoe ONLINE (06/27/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

He had no arms.

*Knock knock*

(Who's there?)

Not the boy.
User avatar #169 - valorcore (06/27/2013) [+] (3 replies)
What's red and is crawling up it's mothers legs?

A homesick abortion
i am a horrible person
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