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#490 - hellood
Reply +7
(06/28/2013) [-]
Whats the difference between a catholic priest and a zit?

A zit usually waits till your in your teen before it comes on your face

(pic related)
#371 - gowestyoungman
Reply +7
(06/28/2013) [-]
What noise did the baby make when it was put in the blender?

I don't know, I was too busy masturbating
#396 to #371 - kaycie
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#352 - samxdaxman
Reply +7
(06/28/2013) [-]
There's a teacher, a lawyer, a priest and 3 children on a plane. The pilot has a heart attack and died. There's 3 parachutes. The teacher says "Save the children!", the lawyer says "**** the children!" And the priest whispers "Do you think there's time?"
#59 - thekingofwubs
Reply +7
(06/27/2013) [-]
The Human Race.
#3 - bettythemale
Reply -7
(06/27/2013) [-]
Black people are black and bad. They're equal to an obsolete farmtool. Instead of collecting dust like a good useless farmtool, they collect welfare. There's a fact that 60% of the black population have committed a federal crime of being black, but only 30% of this majority is convicted of this crime. We need your help to stop black people from being black.
#4 to #3 - SgtBaha
Reply +7
(06/27/2013) [-]
wat
wat
#537 - doeskfcdeliver
Reply +6
(07/02/2013) [-]
Whats the largest thing in a baby's body?   
My dick   
   
Whats the difference between a white dead baby and a black dead baby?   
10 minutes in the over.   
   
Whats the difference between a trampoline and a baby?   
You take off your cleats before jumping on a trampoline.   
   
How do you stop a 4 year old from choking?   
Take your dick out of its mouth.   
   
Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon?   
Ones fun to hit with a sledgehammer and the other is a watermelon.   
   
How do you know your sister is on her period?   
Your dads cock tastes like blood.
Whats the largest thing in a baby's body?
My dick

Whats the difference between a white dead baby and a black dead baby?
10 minutes in the over.

Whats the difference between a trampoline and a baby?
You take off your cleats before jumping on a trampoline.

How do you stop a 4 year old from choking?
Take your dick out of its mouth.

Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
Ones fun to hit with a sledgehammer and the other is a watermelon.

How do you know your sister is on her period?
Your dads cock tastes like blood.
#558 to #537 - artige
Reply +1
(12/15/2013) [-]
#547 to #537 - thelamalord
Reply +3
(07/21/2013) [-]
how do you stop a baby from crawling in cirkels?

you nail its other hand to the ground
#520 - maximorussell
+6
has deleted their comment [-]
#470 - absolyst
Reply +6
(06/28/2013) [-]
How long does it take a black person to take a ****?   
   
About 9 months.
How long does it take a black person to take a ****?

About 9 months.
#447 - potatophucker
Reply +6
(06/28/2013) [-]
my job
#569 to #447 - lollypopalopicus
Reply 0
(10/24/2015) [-]
Heh. Nice one.
#404 - boomheadshot
Reply +6
(06/28/2013) [-]
Q: whats green and hangs from a tree in my front yard.
A: a ****** and i can paint him any color i want.
#381 - bigsaltyballs
Reply +6
(06/28/2013) [-]
why do girls like jesus?


< because he's hung like this
#405 to #381 - beardedpants
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
I dont get it.
#412 to #405 - alreadyexiststho
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
being "hung" means youve got a big dick.
#421 to #412 - beardedpants
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
It was so obvious.
#379 - mrmontombo
Reply +6
(06/28/2013) [-]
A man is on his way to the bar when he notices a girl tied to some railroad tracks. He untied her and then had crazy sex for the next 45 minutes. When he finally gets to the bar he tells his buddy why he was late. He brags about all the crazy positions they did. His buddy asked "Did you get any head?" The man replied "No, I couldn't find it."
#297 - mymiddleleg
Reply +6
(06/28/2013) [-]
How do you kill a bus full of retards?

Smear poison on the windows
#188 - flixoe
Reply +6
(06/27/2013) [-]
What spins around and screams until it explodes?

A baby in a microwave
#107 - luigicart ONLINE
Reply +6
(06/27/2013) [-]
how many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
none
#69 - frutus
Reply +6
(06/27/2013) [-]
We should donate mosquito nets to Africa,
to prevent mosquitos from getting aids.
#62 - impaledsandwich
Reply +4
(06/27/2013) [-]
Devil's Island is a famous prison for hardened criminals, like a South American Alcatraz. It's very well-guarded, and the geography and terrain make escape all but impossible. You don't even want to try.

One day one of the prisoners, a relatively new guy, was out doing normal prisoner stuff when he overheard some guards saying how strange it was that no prisoners ever tried "Jack's Route" off the island. Of course, the prisoner was curious, so he asked the guards, and they said he had to ask the warden. So, of course, he did.

Jack's Route was something put in place by a previous warden (presumably named Jack something) as the one way off the island, available only to someone who has truly earned their freedom, the warden explained. There were three tasks that made up the Route: the first was to swim to a nearby island through a strait notorious for having very angry sharks and alligators. Once on the smaller island, he had to climb up one side of the mountain in its center and remove the infected tooth of a mountain lion called Ol' Dismemberer. Finally, assuming he had survived, he had to go down the other side of the mountain to the shack of an old woman who had lived alone for the past fifty years. She hadn't had a man in even longer than that. The warden told the prisoner that if he could do all those things and swim back to Devil's Island, a boat would take him to freedom. He accepted.

The next day, the whole prison turned out to see the nutjob who was going to actually try doing Jack's Route. No one had ever done it before. They assembled on the beach, and the man of the hour was there, fired up and ready to go. At the warden's signal, he dove into the water and swam as fast as he could. Things were going quite well; he was a strong swimmer, and made it about a hundred yards before he was pulled under. The crowd on the beach watched him come up, then go back down, multiple times, with violent splashing each time.

(To be continued)
#64 to #62 - impaledsandwich
Reply +6
(06/27/2013) [-]
Finally the brave prisoner washed up on the far shore, his clothes torn to shreds and blood everywhere. The crowd figured he must be dead. To their amazement, he got up, dusted himself off, and started climbing the slope to the lion's cave!

It was a very steep climb and very rocky, so the whole time he was bombarded by falling pebbles, rocks, and the occasional boulder. What he couldn't dodge he took like a man and went right through. Those in the crowd who had bet against him were getting nervous. He was going strong.

He eventually arrived at the cave at the top of the mountain. He stood at the opening, gathering his courage, and walked in bravely. Even from Devil's Island the crowd could hear the almost instant roars and growls coming from out of that cave, echoing across every surface for miles around. More than once the prisoner was thrown out of the cave, but each time he got back up, looking worse than the last time, and strode right back in, resulting in more horrible, blood-curdling screams and howls.

This dragged on for half an hour, and some of the crowd had gotten sick from it. The screams finally died down, and there was silence for a long minute. To everyone's amazement, the prisoner, covered in blood and wounds and wearing little more than tatters, stumbled out of the cave and yelled, "Now where's that lady with the bad tooth?"
#106 to #64 - karmakoala
Reply +2
(06/27/2013) [-]
Best comment i've ever read.

I made you something in paint to show my grattitude
#109 to #106 - impaledsandwich
Reply +1
(06/27/2013) [-]
Well thanks, karmakoala. I'll just put this on my fridge, where I can see it everyday! You're a real artist!
#113 to #109 - karmakoala
Reply 0
(06/27/2013) [-]
it was a frog
#118 to #113 - impaledsandwich
Reply 0
(06/27/2013) [-]
A beautiful frog! Very... uh... creative!
#409 to #64 - anon
Reply 0
(06/28/2013) [-]
i'm missing something, can someone explain?
#570 to #409 - lollypopalopicus
Reply 0
(10/24/2015) [-]
He got it the other way around. He ****** the lion instead, and was about to go pull the old woman's tooth.
#65 to #64 - naruske
Reply 0
(06/27/2013) [-]
I waited 6 minutes for this joke, and i don't get it. FML
#80 to #65 - cannibislover
Reply +1
(06/27/2013) [-]
i dont get it.
#138 to #80 - spankyy
Reply 0
(06/27/2013) [-]
He was supposed to **** the old woman, and pull the lion's tooth. He did it the other way around. He had sex with the lion and was gonna pull the old lady's tooth.
#66 to #65 - naruske
Reply +1
(06/27/2013) [-]
NVM I GET IT, red thumbs incoming
#67 to #66 - impaledsandwich
Reply +2
(06/27/2013) [-]
There there. It'll all be okay. Only dreams now...
#33 - worlddestroyguy
Reply +6
(06/27/2013) [-]
whats great about babys?

you can have anal and oral sex at the same time with them

#293 - bighairyfart
Reply +5
(06/28/2013) [-]
If two Asians have a retarded baby, what do they name it?

Sum Ting Wong
#281 - nighthawxx
Reply +5
(06/28/2013) [-]
where did the little girl go when the bomb went off?
everywhere