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#258 - anon
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
So apparently I'm from another planet...... I last a short time but I can go again after that.... and again..... and again.... and again..... after about the 4th time just stop because it hurts......
#312 to #258 - anon
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
yeah i'm the same way lol
#250 - bitchplzzz
Reply +13
(12/10/2012) [-]
i still wouldn't be able to last maybe 7 minutes, even after empty nuts
#248 - xxkittypowaxx
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
if i can't trust you not to repost there's no point in trying to trust me
#247 - jsawesome
0
has deleted their comment [-]
#238 - atrolldad
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
my 1st time do to nervousness lasted almost 2 hrs went way down hill from there
#242 to #238 - strifethethird
Reply +13
(12/10/2012) [-]
i know that feel, i did this chick for almost an hour made her cum and whatnot, in the end she just got bored..
#251 to #242 - eiyven
Reply +4
(12/10/2012) [-]
Lucky. My first time, it took my like 30 extra minutes just to get hard enough to actually do it. I was freaking out, man.
#253 to #251 - strifethethird
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
eat out, that always helps, but not with every girl.... I've seen and smelled somethings...
#255 to #253 - eiyven
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
Lol she wouldn't let me. Took like 4 months in to the relationship for her to be comfortable with me doing that.
#257 to #255 - kittyhatesyou
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
Straight girls think that pussys are ugly.
#262 to #257 - eiyven
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
That's not even why. She used to be bi and a girl went down on her one time and she apparently had a horrible experience.
#236 - neelix
Reply +8
(12/10/2012) [-]
When I was 15/16 I was in this situation, able last for ages and whatnot, feltgoodman.jpg, being 24 now though I suffer from erectile dysfunction and/or delayed ejaculation due to desensitization from excessive porn use. If I'm going to be hitting on a girl I have to stop fapping and watching porn for a few weeks and give my body time to sort itself out and in the end it's lame because I pop so fast due to not fapping for weeks... Just my 2cents, some may consider it a warning :>
#298 to #236 - neokun
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
Oh god, thank you for this warning, I never knew desensitization was a thing.
#313 to #298 - neelix
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
You're welcome. Desensitization can happen with anything that feels good provided you do it often enough. It's not too much of an issue, it just means that if i were to be invited out to a party this weekend and meet an amazing chick then sex wouldnt really be an option. I guess that's good and bad in a way... mostly bad, though ;) Check out 'your brain on porn dot com' for more info if you wish :)
#267 to #236 - ironhidethegreat
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
#239 to #236 - anon
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
Stopped reading at 24. Get off funnyjunk. The only 24 y/os that should be here are the ones making money off the website.
#296 to #239 - anon
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
Anon has returned. You guys love sucking on my dick!!!
#278 to #239 - jalthelas
Reply +4
(12/10/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
#263 to #239 - flutter **User deleted account**
+1
has deleted their comment [-]
#240 to #239 - neelix
Reply +4
(12/10/2012) [-]
You're a funny little critter.
#234 - abachonk
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
Im kinda nervous, I'll have sex for the first time in a week.

I don't know what to expect.
#259 to #234 - jaigurudevaom
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
If it's her first time too, please go gentle
#235 to #234 - anon
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
Rub one out before, otherwise you wont last long
#245 to #235 - strifethethird
Reply +6
(12/10/2012) [-]
use a condom if you rub one out before or piss allot, semen stays in your urethra when you cum so you gotta flush it out. but still use a condom...... USE IT!!
#290 to #245 - gamutt
Reply +3
(12/10/2012) [-]
My buddy used a condom AND she was on the pill so he figured he could cum inside her. Mistake. Be careful, bro.
#351 to #290 - abachonk
Reply 0
(12/11/2012) [-]
Thank you all my dear funnyjunkers.
#232 - englman
Reply +14
(12/10/2012) [-]
MFW I use this technique, am still a virgin, and never saw any major flaws in this idea until now..
#237 to #232 - neelix
Reply +4
(12/10/2012) [-]
See my comment ;)
#241 to #237 - englman
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
Interesting. I'm 19 at the moment and have only experienced Psychological E.D. ONCE.
How much are we talking about when we say "too much" or "over-use", though?
#320 to #241 - neelix
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
I attributed my ED to anxiety and/or alcohol use to begin with, but after experimenting with a girl that I had told about the situation, for me it was clearly desenitization. It depends on a few different factors, really. I read stories of people that fapped up to 5 times a day and people that were prone to binge and chain-fap every few days. I was more consistent, having a fap daily or twice a day, but a larger contributor to my ED was the increasing extremity of the content of the porn I was watching. More extreme = more exciting = more desensitization to the real thing. The way you fap is another factor too - check out 'your brain on porn dot com' for more info if you wish :>
#332 to #320 - englman
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
I shall! Thanks bro:)
#231 - funnyjunkyeahyeah
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
Ok, for all you people getting butthurt about how long people say they lasted their first time.

It is quite common for an individual's first time to last a long time, because they've only orgasmed during masturbation for so long, they've become conditioned to it and orgasms under other circumstances become more difficult to achieve.
#228 - gregy
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#226 - pieliker ONLINE
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
This actually sums up my first time (without the break-up). It was in the back of my girlfriend's car for an entire hour and I never got to finish... :c
#220 - cerealisticbeing **User deleted account**
+1
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#214 - bdowns
0
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#209 - soadakk
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#208 - Lostdemon
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
i would make a comment on something true, relevant, and somewhat funny, but it was start a ********* and paint my comment red.
#200 - genericnewfag
Reply +43
(12/10/2012) [-]
Apparently I'm the only virgin on FJ.
#280 to #200 - jalthelas
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
**jalthelas rolled a random image posted in comment #15 at watchu gonna do faggot? **   
   
   
   
That is where you're incorrect, my good man!
**jalthelas rolled a random image posted in comment #15 at watchu gonna do faggot? **



That is where you're incorrect, my good man!
#243 to #200 - guiguito
Reply -2
(12/10/2012) [-]
wait u srlys?
#229 to #200 - nigeltheoutlaw
Reply +2
(12/10/2012) [-]
You haven't been here long, have you?
#279 to #229 - jalthelas
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
Of course not, his username has newfag in it.
#222 to #200 - cerealisticbeing **User deleted account**
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#221 to #200 - cerealisticbeing **User deleted account**
0
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#217 to #200 - itemmaaan
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
I am sadly too
#223 to #217 - elkhemist
Reply +6
(12/10/2012) [-]
you're both the only virgin on FJ?
woah...
#224 to #223 - itemmaaan
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
No
#225 to #224 - elkhemist
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
oh okay then
#205 to #200 - ccarpio
Reply +31
(12/10/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
#211 to #205 - adxminisgay **User deleted account**
+13
has deleted their comment [-]
#195 - plumphat
Reply +73
(12/10/2012) [-]
Okay... After reading some of the comments, I just want to enlighten some of you on a few things.

1) Bragging about your sex life on the internet is about retarded. I realize you are trying to get other people to think you are actually worth something, but let's face it. You're not.
2) Talking about your sex life on the internet, but with the "intention" of not bragging is equally retarded. "Oh, hurr hurr, I didn't know 2 hours was a long time! That's how long I had sex my first time!" Shut up. No it's not. Basically, it's still going to make you sound like a douche that doesn't know what they're talking about.
3) Keep that **** to yourself. There is absolutely NOTHING impressive about your sex life. Even if you think there is, there isn't. Plus no one really cares.
4) If something FUNNY happened during sex, then that would be something worth sharing. For instance, one time when me and my girlfriend were having sex, her chihuahua started licking my leg. See what I did there? I didn't claim to be lasting longer that anyone. Nor did I mention my premature ejaculation (oops). All that you know about me is that I have sex with my girlfriend, and her chihuahua has a strange fetish for my hairy leg.
5) ‎"What sexuality you are is not the most interesting thing about you. Your personality and the person you are is much more interesting." - Hugh Jackman
6) Instead of trying to impress people on the internet with your BS stories, try making them laugh instead. Or enlighten them with new information. Or try to help someone instead who might be ignorant on the whole sex scene.
7) Any of you who are getting discouraged about not lasing more than an hour, don't worry about it. I didn't have sex prior to this year. Hell yeah I sucked my first time. And I'm not super great still, but at least I'm trying to improve... I have a girlfriend that loves me regardless of my poor performance. She knows I'm inexperienced, but she also knows I'm putting in effort.

Haunter semi-related.
#311 to #195 - Seventeen
Reply -1
(12/10/2012) [-]
way to go the other way with the whole bragging about your sex life, buddy! by the end of that i was starting to feel like you were letting go of some really deep-seated concerns. don't worry, i'm sure your performance is at least average!
#334 to #311 - plumphat
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
No part of my comment was bragging. Perhaps you read it incorrectly...
#336 to #334 - Seventeen
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
that's what i said, you went completely the other way with it xD i think you misunderstood my comment!
#337 to #336 - plumphat
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
Wow... we're stupid. lmao
#288 to #195 - garbleflab
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
This summed up everything I had to say about this post in one convenient package. Shall we dance?
This summed up everything I had to say about this post in one convenient package. Shall we dance?
#291 to #288 - plumphat
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
Yes we may.
Yes we may.
#284 to #195 - jalthelas
Reply +2
(12/10/2012) [-]
I wouldn't be able to talk about my sex life even if I wanted to, being that I haven't begun one. Does anybody know where I can buy a cheap one? I looked all over the AH, and even asked in trade chat. Nobody is willing to sell theirs.
I wouldn't be able to talk about my sex life even if I wanted to, being that I haven't begun one. Does anybody know where I can buy a cheap one? I looked all over the AH, and even asked in trade chat. Nobody is willing to sell theirs.
#283 to #195 - hadzz
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
How do you feel about the 'forever alone' people that complain out never having sex?
#285 to #283 - hadzz
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
*about
#289 to #285 - plumphat
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
It sucks that some people are unable to have something that they really, really want.
For a lot of people that are virgins, they want sex, but are unable to get it...
For the most part, it is their own fault. Whether it be from standards that were set too high, not understanding how to flirt/pick up girls, or other reasons, they are still able to FIX it and get laid if they really wanted to.
Now there is a lot of ****** advice out there, so these people are usually just lost and don't know who to listen to, or quite frankly, how the **** to get a girl in bed with them.
To be honest, all you have to do is try. Just ******* try. Persistence. Try and fail, but every time you will learn another way NOT to score with a chick. Eventually you will figure out how it works.

So basically what pissed me off is when guys (mainly) complain about the ******* friend zone. Honestly, grow the **** up. You have the tools to fix your damn problem, stop trying to get spoon-fed vagina and go earn it like a ******* man.
#270 to #195 - eyeblowbarrs
Reply +4
(12/10/2012) [-]
worth the read
#264 to #195 - darkspawns
Reply +4
(12/10/2012) [-]
Speaking of dogs during sex I was having sex with my girlfriend and her ******* dog licked my ass not the cheek either the my actual ass hole -_-
#265 to #264 - plumphat
Reply +2
(12/10/2012) [-]
That's rough, buddy.
#266 to #265 - darkspawns
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
Yeah instant boner kill.
#269 to #266 - plumphat
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
It's like pushing a reset button, which is terribly awful for the girl if she's doing something like giving you a blowjob. She doesn't want to be down there anymore than she has to... haha
#271 to #269 - darkspawns
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
Yeah but I know what you're saying with number 7 I'm pretty inexperienced myself my current girlfriend is the only one I've had sex with when I was 18 (I'm 19 now b day was Saturday :D) and I usually don't go more then 15-20 minutes but she still orgasms so it's fine but still working on getting better. It can be really discouraging I've had more then 1 mental cock block before, it's rough especially when she's really in the mood.
#272 to #271 - plumphat
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
My girlfriend only gets in the mood when:

1) I'm playing video games without her
2) She's had between 1 sip and 6 beverages of alcohol (anything past that is just sloppy)
3) After I finish a workout. Come the **** on, really? I'm dead ass tired and sweaty. Keep you filthy succubus hands away from me.
4) After I've been gone all day.
5) Anytime I have other **** to do (like study for finals)
6) Anytime between midnight and 3am when I have something important the next morning.
#244 to #195 - anon
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
This is a philosophy that should be consider in most "bragging" cases. Like the yesterday I was in the comment section of a humon post about girls in the UK having higher voices. I twitched a little at the failed subtle bragging of a girl being a "gamer girl". She said she didn't think she have a high voice because she was a "tomboy" and "gamer girl" (I play games myself, but who the **** refers to themselves as A GAMER GIRL).
It's like you said, you mention the funny, interesting, relevant info, but why say something like that? Just taking away the "girl" part would've done a difference, though it's still pretty messy cause I don't see how being a gamer affects your voice.
I don't really believe in the term Gamer Girl or whatever. Cause if you're a gamer, that's it. You don't need to verify gender, that's just making the diffrence bigger when there really is none.

Sorry I don't know why it bothers me so much I think it's just cause I don't like people widening the gender sterotype cleft. It's the same when Im playing LoL, or whatever the game(There's ragers errywhere), and someone insults someone like "Imma cut off your pea sized dick", and they reply with a "hehehee, but you can't cause Im a girl ;)".
Ugh.. It's a insult made in a fit of rage, it's not like they're actually going to do so why bother? And if they do come to yor house to do that SUPRISE MOFO SUPRISE!
#268 to #244 - plumphat
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
I hate "gamer girls". Not only do they usually suck, but they're also ****** to listen to for the exact reasons you explained.

I do, however, enjoy playing with girls that can just playing the ******* game like a normal person.
#213 to #195 - adxminisgay **User deleted account**
0
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#210 to #195 - SemiAnon
Reply +15
(12/10/2012) [-]
I do like how your stance on this is "everyone who lasts longer than I did is a liar."
I do like how your stance on this is "everyone who lasts longer than I did is a liar."
#219 to #210 - plumphat
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
I consider myself alpha. Anything past that is a lie. Just like cake and intelligent Justin Beiber fans.
#207 to #195 - bearpirate
Reply +10
(12/10/2012) [-]
The first three times I had sex consisted of me entering my gf at the time for about two seconds and then pulling right back out to cum.

BETA AS **** YO!
#202 to #195 - xxpathofpainxx
Reply +4
(12/10/2012) [-]
I approve of this post. Shows how everyone can not be a douche in today's society (which seems inevitable). Also the story was funny too.   
   
However I do not have a story to share because I'm a virgin, and my gf is too, we're both planning to wait until the right time to have it. Like marriage. Or past 6 months into the relationship. Go figure.
I approve of this post. Shows how everyone can not be a douche in today's society (which seems inevitable). Also the story was funny too.

However I do not have a story to share because I'm a virgin, and my gf is too, we're both planning to wait until the right time to have it. Like marriage. Or past 6 months into the relationship. Go figure.
#204 to #202 - plumphat
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
I waited until I was 22. My current GF is who I lost it to. I received a LOT of offers since I was about 17 or so... It was very hard waiting that long, but I'm glad I did. Some people are vigrins by choice. Most females in my experience (at least not the ****** ones, since I tend to date more intelligent people) actually loved the fact that I was a virgin... Obviously you have a gf now so you don't need to worry about it. But to everyone else, don't be afraid to tell people that ****! Don't lie about having sex. Because if you're a virgin then have sex, and suck. She won't care as much. If you LIE... then she'll think you just suck in general.
#215 to #204 - adxminisgay **User deleted account**
+2
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#218 to #215 - plumphat
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
Haha, my bad. I wasn't trying to sound douche-like. Just felt it could be necessary info in case someone else is in the same boat
#305 to #218 - anon
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
"I wasn't trying to sound douche-like"

"2) Talking about your sex life on the internet, but with the "intention" of not bragging is equally retarded."
#206 to #204 - xxpathofpainxx
Reply +6
(12/10/2012) [-]
eeeeexactly. She prefers to wait and for me to wait, and loves the fact that I am a virgin still, despite all the temptation that has been bombarded my way (ex's, skanks, 12 year old hoes [which are a thing, I've asked my younger brother and he agrees with that statement], etc.) and personally sex is not the main course of the relationship. if you're just in a relationship for sex then its going to fail when either member is dissatisfied. I prefer to call sex the "side dish" of a healthy relationship.
#197 to #195 - bostpost
Reply +27
(12/10/2012) [-]
this is you trying to dig a hole in the fabric of funnyjunk's idiocy. Good intentions though.
this is you trying to dig a hole in the fabric of funnyjunk's idiocy. Good intentions though.
#198 to #197 - plumphat
Reply +6
(12/10/2012) [-]
I've written things on here before that has hopefully enlightened some people.

I don't intent on changing every user's mind on certain things. Let's face it, most people on this site are kids and/or idiots. But maybe someone will see it and think, "oh yeah, maybe I should stop acting like that. This guy seems to know what he's talking about"
#193 - RamDozer
Reply +6
(12/10/2012) [-]
Okay, a woman just dumped a guy because he was actually good in bed?

I...I don't know, I don't know! I don't know what to ******* say anymore! I will never understand women!
#201 to #193 - maucorn **User deleted account**
+1
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#216 to #201 - adxminisgay **User deleted account**
+2
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#191 - amuro
-5
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#199 to #191 - anon
Reply 0
(12/10/2012) [-]
i also didn't. i went to a hooker payed 50€ ****** her for 30 minutes and didn't come.
she was my first time with somebody having sexual intercourse.

I say this as anon so you can reply
#203 to #199 - amuro
Reply +1
(12/10/2012) [-]
LOL, in my case i was drunk in a party and i hook up whit a friend of mine.

I endure it all but i dont recall much of what i felt when i slept whit her.
#190 - slashtrey
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has deleted their comment [-]