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Online User List [+] Online: (4): alexanderburns, harbingerwolf, sugoi, ThatFatMummy, anonymous(4).
asd
#217714 - baconbonanza
Reply +1
(09/19/2016) [-]
ive always wanted to fuck a midget. where does one go about finding one of these elusive creatures?
#217735 to #217714 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/20/2016) [-]
At a circus
#217717 to #217714 - anon
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
well, you could try posting an ad on craigslist.
#217694 - ishallsmiteyou
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
$20 CAD to feed myself over the next month. What buy?
#217709 to #217694 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
Looks like rice is the best option since it's the easiest to portion control.
Also FYI I'm pretty sure you can eat clovers hint hint.
#217701 to #217694 - jorgethemaster
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
Why only $20? Just make some money in your spare time, there's so many ways. Even if you only make let's say $100 for the month, that will be enough to prevent you from going hungry each day
#217705 to #217701 - ishallsmiteyou
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
No job and I live in a shitty part of London.
#217706 to #217705 - jorgethemaster
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
Having a job doesn't matter, today was my last day at my job and I think I'll be jobless until January. I wasn't fired, I quit cuz I want to focus on school. Even if you live in a shitty part of london, you must be doing something during the weekdays, like school. There's so many options you just gotta go out and look for them
I'm pretty close, living in Toronto, I'd help you out if you were here but london is a bit far
#217707 to #217706 - ishallsmiteyou
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
Well I sell the odd cabinet here and there I make at our school's woodshop, but I haven't had any orders in a long while, unfortunately. I do have one project in the works but it's more for me unless I find a buyer, turning a Buick seat into an armchair. I suppose someone out there'd want something like that.
#217708 to #217707 - jorgethemaster
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
There's people who want all kinds of things, but you gotta know what people want. For example I found a broken nexus 6 a while ago for really cheap, I bought it, fixed the screen then sold it and made a decent profit. $100+ It's little things like that that can add up and make you a solid amount of money for food and stuff
#217696 to #217694 - zerositnator
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
Rice is incredibly cheap and you can buy a lot of it and there's a lot of ways to cook it. Plus, it fills you up.

A sack of potatoes are moderately priced and go good with rice. Expend some salt and butter and you got a couple meals.

Learn to live on water.
#217688 - brantod
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
i keep losing at overwatch, how do i win?
#217721 to #217688 - majordegree
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
Sounds like a Hanzo/Genji syndrome.
#217724 to #217721 - brantod
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
wow thats funny because those are 2 of the heros i haven't played in competitve
#217727 to #217724 - majordegree
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
Ever seen/and or used this?
#217728 to #217727 - brantod
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
yeah, i use it when i re spawn after half a team wipe and i know we won't get back there to save the rest so i try to get use to go back in together instead of being staggered. whether they listen is a different answer however
#217771 to #217728 - majordegree
Reply 0
(09/20/2016) [-]
People hate it when I bring this up but you might be in the ranking you are supposed to be. Getting good at a game takes a long time and it will take a while to see that in your stats.
#217773 to #217771 - brantod
Reply 0
(09/20/2016) [-]
i understand that but the thing is, is that in sick of seeing no improvement
#217710 to #217688 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
Upload some gameplay footage of you so we can give critique.
Most of the time it happens because you're playing the wrong hero for the situation, meaning you're not adapting to the enemy comp. That or your team isn't cause obviously if you're the only healer then your hands are kinda tied in that regard.

Another issue is with offensive heroes not getting kills so you're not actually pushing/holding the objectives.
Another issue are tanks not actually tanking, a lot of reinhardts and dva like to charge right in cause they're tanky but end up in a 1v6, dying, and leaving their team in a 5v6 with no tank.
Another issue is just players being bad at their heroes, genjis that stay on the ground, reinhardts that don't shield, zarya that don't use her shields on teammates.

Tonnes of reasons and just asking "how do I win?" is way too vague since we don't know what's wrong. All else fails go make a team and play with them.
#217704 to #217688 - tikitaco
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
Stop playing and realize that there's no winning
#217697 to #217688 - rokkai
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
get good at two or three heroes and play the role you're comfortable with the most, avoid getting tunnel vision.
#217699 to #217697 - brantod
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
I play about half of the heros to a pretty good degree imo but my issue is it feels like nothing i do has any affect. its like im throwing myself at a wall but its not giving. it feels like I've been stuck on the same dark souls boss for about 50 hours of game time
#217700 to #217699 - rokkai
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
then it's just not good enough my dude. there is always room for improvement.
shit teammates are really annoying but you will always get them so focus on yourself instead. learn the tips and tricks of each map and utilize them just like you do with heroes.
and watch your positioning in the game. you may be doing the right thing at that moment but let's say if your team is just too passive and you get caught, you'll be the one to blame since it's now a 5v6.
#217692 to #217688 - alstorp
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
Situational awareness, think before you act, imagine which courses of actions would benefit the entire team the most
#217689 to #217688 - anon
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
Quick Play doesn't matter. Don't think about it too much.

Competitive is different. It is best to get a good team comp going and build chemistry early on. Each map has its quirks and you should learn where the chokepoints are and how to denfend them or attack them. It's all about teamplay and taking advantages of group-ups. The only people who should stray away from the team are flankers like Reaper and Genji. Once you get a pick-off or one of their players dies, whether it be Symmetra or Bastion or whatever, you all go in and attack. A 6 on 5 assault wins 9/10 if you have competent teammates. On defense, watch the chokepoints and try to get the attackers to space out and don't let them gang up on you. Watch where you are at all times and have good spacial awareness for flankers like Tracers, Genji, et cetera. There are more, but they are mostly nuances you learn while you play.
#217691 to #217689 - brantod
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
issue is i have 200hours in the game now and i still keep losing and i don't get why
#217679 - crixuz
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
i cant sleep without masturbating. what do i do?
#217801 to #217679 - insominus
Reply 0
(09/21/2016) [-]
Why'd you come here to brag?
#217806 to #217801 - crixuz
Reply 0
(09/21/2016) [-]
If I was id talk about my schlong
#217702 to #217679 - tikitaco
Reply +1
(09/19/2016) [-]
You've already associated your bed with masturbating. Try changing location maybe?
#217693 to #217679 - alstorp
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
Force yourself to sleep, eventually you will fall asleep no matter what, then tackle the habit from there
#217690 to #217679 - oxidoferroso
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
Don't sleep
#217698 to #217690 - rokkai
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
#217687 to #217679 - anon
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
masturbate more
#217665 - muffintime
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
what an I supposed to think of this...? I can say I've never had the ladies man charm but I've had a few girls who told me they had a crush on me...

Today my Ex-Girlfriends best friend (My ex was the only girl I've ever did anything with and she cheated on me) told me this after she found out I haven't even talked to a girl since my ex cheated on me " Do you not realise how good looking you are"... Is she just trying to boost my confidence since she feels bad for what her friend did to me or what? I know this might seem pathetic to some of you but this kind of stuff is new to me since I used to be fat and overweight but now I"m in pretty good shape..
#217711 to #217665 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
Show us pics fam.
#217703 to #217665 - tikitaco
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
Just say, "Are you serious?". Is it really that hard?
#217667 to #217665 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
1: ask her " are you saying that to boost my confidence, or are you trying to give off one of those signals, cause you gotta tell me now cause i am confused af gurl god damn".

2: congratulations on the weight loss bro! if you keep lifting we might do poses together one day!
#217663 - muffintime
0
has deleted their comment [-]
#217662 - dehumanizer
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
I really fucked up, its all my fault, im a piece of shit.
#217712 to #217662 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/19/2016) [-]
Well duh
#217680 to #217662 - jorgethemaster
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
What happened?
#217686 to #217680 - dehumanizer
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
i fucked up a friendship and hurt that person
#217733 to #217686 - lgninjaleetful
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
i didnt know you had friends
#217742 to #217733 - dehumanizer
Reply 0
(09/20/2016) [-]
had
#217743 to #217742 - lgninjaleetful
Reply 0
(09/20/2016) [-]
poor poor memer
#217745 to #217744 - lgninjaleetful
Reply 0
(09/20/2016) [-]
you should end that suffering somehow

hmmmmmm
#217746 to #217745 - dehumanizer
Reply 0
(09/20/2016) [-]
easier said than done, fam

who will shit up the broad without me?
#217695 to #217686 - jorgethemaster
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
I'm guessing it wasn't intentional, if it wasn't then just explain the situation to them and be very sorry about it but make sure they understand that you didn't mean for that outcome to happen
#217713 to #217695 - dehumanizer
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
GIF
no, its best i leve them alone...
#217666 to #217662 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
if you really truly fucked up, then i hope you will learn from it. Don't despair over it, just move on and accept what has happened, knowing that you won't do it again.

stay strong Tovarisch
#217726 to #217666 - anon
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
i wouldnt bother with this faggot
#217668 to #217666 - dehumanizer
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
>have you cuddled another person

are you trolling me?
#217669 to #217668 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
>ANOTHER LIVING BEING
#217670 to #217669 - dehumanizer
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
it would be really gay to hug my roommate
#217671 to #217670 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
look man. if you really need to cheer up, just tell your roommate you feel down and that you need a hug. dont do anything weird, just say that's how it is. if he declines, then accept it, and hug your waifu pillow.

FYI i'd totally hug you, regardless if you were some sweaty naked landwhale or a cereal killer. i hope you get better soon!
#217672 to #217671 - dehumanizer
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
I dont deserve a hug
#217673 to #217672 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
no but you might need one

what someone "deserve" doesnt always equal to what they need.

"the mentally insane man killed another man. he deserved to be executed for his mortal sin, but instead he was taken under the wing of a friendly nomad, who taught him to live on the road and cherish the help of strangers. soon, the insane man became sane, and he parted ways with the nomad, and returned to the place which he had committed his sin. He started working for free for the townspeople, picking up trash, helping old women across the road, donating his blood ETC, and before he knew of it he was a successful human who was helping others who were lost like he was once, to find their way."
#217674 to #217673 - dehumanizer
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
others have tried before and i have failed them, this is how i fucked up...
#217675 to #217674 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
so you're just going to KYS?
#217676 to #217675 - dehumanizer
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
That would be the easy way out, i will continue to roam the earth. Tommorow brings me things i would not dreem today, but lets hope i dont fuck it up again.
#217677 to #217676 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
like bruce lee once said: do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a hard one.
#217678 to #217677 - dehumanizer
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
...and then he died
#217642 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
ok guys so i got my hands on a sweet-ass hammerhead, and now i want to turn it into a warhammer. a hella cool decorated warhammer like the ones you see in 40K

The two areas that are used for hitting will be blank. (which is why they arent depicted in this pic)
The 8 corners of the long sides will have lightnings on them.
the 2 sides will be decorated with a circle with a celtic cross in the middle, and a skull with wings in front of it. also on both sides will be my initials and my birth date under the skull, and on one side it will say GLORIA FORTIS MILES, and the other ADVERSUS ET ADMORSUS.

what i need help with, is the top and the bottom of the hammerhead (right). i dont know what kind of decoration to put there! if yall have any ideas, please tell me and i'll post results once i'm finished.
#217643 to #217642 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
update: i think i am gonna draw crosses(8) on the bottom of the hammer, and on the top will be two cross patties (you know the ones you see on the nazi tanks) and two rods of asclepius. any input is valued though. also, its my first time engraving, so i might not be able to do the extremely complex drawings just yet.
#217644 to #217643 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
there we go. any input is valued.
#217635 - anon
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
need your help. quick back story so that you understand what im asking.

im a foregin student and i came to the US 3 years ago and im studing to get my degree. in my country, studying abroad is a huge advantage. it looks great in your resume and in a country like the US? if i graduate with an ok GPA being hired with a good pay is almost graunteed. so every one seeks this opportunity. so my government decided to help students so they set up a government funded program. if you can afford the first semester and speak english good enough to study, the government will pay the univirsity fees.

now thats great. but here is what i need help with. im already part of this program but as i said before, almost everyone wants to join, including my cousin. now problem is, my cousin does not speak english and hes not the type that does well in school either. but he wants to join any way. his father however, even though he can afford it, is not willing to let him join. now my cousin wants my help to convince his father to let him join the program.

i know my cousin, he doesnt work hard when it comes to studying and he doesnt have the language to understand lecture in a foregin language. he doesnt have a chance. im not here being arrogant, whats the chance of a guy that cant speak or understand english to succeed in studying in the US where everything is taugth in english, expect for language classes? there is no way.

so now i have a choice, what should i do? refuse to help him? which we will then hate me and think im looking down on him thinking that hes not capable? or convince his father to let him join a program that would set him up to fail for sure?

excuse the spelling errors. auto correct is not working for some reason.
#217715 to #217635 - brownskin
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
I work at the University of Illinois during the Winter months, and if he can't speak english, he just won't succeed. I'm sure you're aware of the IELTS, and if he doesn't pass that with ~70%, even shit schools here will straight up deny him. We get hundreds of applications annually that we deny solely on that basis.

Then even if he somehow gets in, based on the motivation and work issues, he'll fail out pretty quick. It takes a lot for a primary-English student to graduate, and international students get no special treatment whatsoever. It's literally against policy. He is almost guaranteed to fail and get kicked out of the program.

My best suggestion is to direct him to the admissions department of whatever schools he's looking at, or the International Students' office. There are admissions advisors who can help him determine if he can succeed at the school, and the International office will likely have specialists who will know more about the program he's looking to join and hopefully they can let him down easy .

Otherwise maybe help him look for cheaper schools in your home country or help him look for a job at home until he can learn English or improve his work ethic at the very least
#217640 to #217635 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
If he hates you for being able to judge him objectively, then fuck him. tell him what you think, tell him to take a look at his options from an introspective angle, then explain the cold hard facts about the education to him.
#217638 to #217635 - focalanemo
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
I'm kinda in the same boat here. A cousin from abroad wants to come to my country to study in english and I also know she isn't capable of doing it.
Despite this I think you should still help the person but try to make them realize that a study like that is very hard.
#217634 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
The latest wwindows 10 update keeps giving me BSOD. Before that, it wanted to update twice and I couldn't care less, but it failed those two times resulting in a waste of time. I kept putting off the update and then it wouldn't give me a choice anymore and then updated my computer. The update finally went through, but now I keep getting BSODs.

Anyone know anything of this? It's giving me a process died or something like that as the error on the blue screen. I'm thinking of just sfc scan. Might be hardware though because I also noticed after the windows update that my cpu fan has been going nuts on literally every game I play when it's been fine prior to their forced bullshit update.
#217626 - shadowdoogen
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
Online dating isn't working, I may be alone forever. But I went out to the lake today, which was nice.
#217632 to #217626 - paradox
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
as a recently divorced man you dont want it. just get your dick wet every now & then & do what makes you happy.
#217633 to #217632 - shadowdoogen
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
Why do you think I'm doing online dating?
#217628 to #217626 - mondominiman
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
Have you tried lowering your standards? Maybe a nice chunky girl to get things rolling
#217630 to #217628 - shadowdoogen
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
I did, she was a bitch, spent 50 bucks just to pay my way to see her, and she ignores me for half the time I was there. Then when I pointed it out to her, she got pissy at me.
#217624 - anon
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
When is it right to say fuck it and ask the girl out?
#217718 to #217624 - anon
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
"Don't wait for the iron to be hot to strike, strike so the iron is hot."
#217681 to #217624 - jorgethemaster
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
You don't wait for the right moment, you make it. You most likely won't get that moment you're waiting for, where you're both alone and she's waiting for you to ask her out. Just ask her casually and hope for the best, be confident and don't do it while she's busy
#217625 to #217624 - shadowdoogen
Reply +6
(09/18/2016) [-]
When she laughs at your stupid jokes.
#217627 to #217625 - kober
Reply +4
(09/18/2016) [-]
That's .. surprisingly good advice, actually.
#217629 to #217627 - shadowdoogen
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
I was afraid I was going to get thumbed down, but I'm dead serious. If a girl laughs at your jokes, or puns, no matter how corny had bad they are; she's into you. Although telling dead baby jokes and racist jokes may not be the best option.
#217641 to #217629 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
goddammit thats why i cant keep them
#217664 to #217641 - muffintime
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
#217591 - anon
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
co worker girl talked to me today, shes a qt 3.14 too

I dont remember what it was about, but it was friendly idle chatter, I miss human interaction that had more meaning beyond business

#217682 to #217591 - jorgethemaster
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
Go to places that are of your interest. Eg, if you like a certain type of music, or maybe a video game, find a club to join. Or a sports team. Lots of people go to those alone and make friends there. If you're shy or anything just slowly try to come out of your shell and make an effort to talk to people and eventually that'll grow into friendship that goes outside of the group or club or sports team
#217622 to #217591 - alexanderburns ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
same happened to me today
could have gone better
#217595 to #217591 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
Well maybe if you didn't post as anon you'd get more long lasting conversations since at this point no one knows who you are.

If you wanted that kind of conversation go on omegle.
#217596 to #217595 - lgninjaleetful
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
fine
#217598 to #217596 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
ur gunna git lotsa buddies now mayne
things are lookin up
#217599 to #217598 - lgninjaleetful
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
really?
#217600 to #217599 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
Yeah buddy things are gunna take a turn for the better!
#217601 to #217600 - lgninjaleetful
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
i hope so
#217583 - hackhazardly
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
Im out of weed. wanna talk?
#217586 to #217583 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/18/2016) [-]
You should cook something for the munchies.
#217592 to #217586 - hackhazardly
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
I don't have the munchies bc im out of weed
#217593 to #217592 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/18/2016) [-]
Prepare for future munchies.
#217602 to #217593 - hackhazardly
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
but I dont have any
#217603 to #217602 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/18/2016) [-]
What, are you quitting weed forever?
#217604 to #217603 - hackhazardly
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
U know, ur one one of the best
#217605 to #217604 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/18/2016) [-]
Oh stop it you, you're making me blush.
#217606 to #217605 - hackhazardly
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
It must be an aussie think
#217607 to #217606 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/18/2016) [-]
I thing you might be onto something there.
#217608 to #217607 - hackhazardly
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
U should shitpost and then argue with people in the comments
#217609 to #217608 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/18/2016) [-]
I do that quite often, thanks for noticing.
#217612 to #217609 - hackhazardly
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
Ur like the ken m on FunnyJunk exept way more subtle
#217613 to #217612 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/18/2016) [-]
That's really flattering, thanks buddy.
#217614 to #217613 - hackhazardly
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
I aint ur buddy pal
#217615 to #217614 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/18/2016) [-]
I aint your pal friend
#217616 to #217615 - hackhazardly
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
I aint your friend guy
#217617 to #217616 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/18/2016) [-]
I aint your guy mate
#217618 to #217617 - hackhazardly
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
I aint ur mate mister
#217619 to #217618 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/18/2016) [-]
I aint your mister chump
#217620 to #217619 - hackhazardly
+1
(09/18/2016) [-]
I ant you chump mark
#217610 to #217609 - hackhazardly
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
I didnt
#217611 to #217610 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/18/2016) [-]
That's the trick to shitposting.
#217582 - masterreposter
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
If I put India ink into a spray bottle and sprayed onto cloth seats, would it help with the faded color of both were black?
#217587 to #217582 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
I'm pretty sure indian ink is for paper not clothes and you're just gunna make an absolute mess.

Like, if you ever wash your clothes you're gunna get ink fucking everywhere.

Then again I've never heard of it before so gain of salt there buddy
#217597 to #217587 - masterreposter
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
I guess I'll use clothes dye. But it was for cloth seats
#217579 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/17/2016) [-]
Girlfriend doesn't want sex before marriage. Ukranian, catholic christian. We live 1500km away from each other, she plans to study in my country within the next year. (I'll be 1 year into my university).
How do i convince her? anything i can do to ease her into it?
#217631 to #217579 - paradox
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
if you truly care about her or love you wont care about sex. virgins are highly overrated any way. im a mild expert on this subject since my ex wife was a virgin. just let it be. but in the mean time work as much as you can. seriously get fucking jacked. nobody wants to move to another country to be with some one who is not the most attractive person in the room. you dont want pussy. you want long term serious comittment from some one you can comfortabley be yourself around. if you have that sex will come naturally.
#217588 to #217579 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
Well first off stop being such a fucking horndog.
The less pressure you put on em the more likely you're gunna get dat poon tang, also just ease her into it with stuff like holding hands, hugs, kissing, that kinda stuff before going for the big one. Probably best to save that for a special occasion or something.
#217639 to #217588 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
but man, muh hormones!
#217645 to #217639 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
That's what jerking off is for.
#217646 to #217645 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
but it's not nearly as fullfilling as sex
#217647 to #217646 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
That's what fleshlights are for
#217649 to #217647 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
answer me, oh great one
#217650 to #217649 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
Sorry, internet went goofy for a bit.
Here you go

chinalert.com/2010/09/13/make-your-own-fleshlight/
#217651 to #217650 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
>implying i haven't already tried that
we don't have a microwave. doesn't work in an oven, it just falls apart pretty much.
#217652 to #217651 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
The hell kinda household doesn't have a microwave?

Anyway go get one of these then.
#217653 to #217652 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
seesh dude, you're trying to give me options that i already tried and never worked
the kinda household that doesn't have a microwave is that my dad says 1) it's unnecessary and 2) MUH DANGEROUS RADIATION (my family's not the brightest when it comes to science)
#217654 to #217653 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
Well shit.
Have you tried proposing to your girlfriend?
#217655 to #217654 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
we plan on it. long-distance proposals don't work out though, so i want to wait until she's in my country. we've been together for a year and a half before i moved away, now we've been in long-distance contact for about 4 years. hopefully she's going to come here this christmas, and if not i'll try to get a job while studying so i can visit. shit's expensive (270 euros for a two way trip, where any neighboring country would cost like maybe 100 or less)
#217656 to #217655 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
u cn du it buddeh
Also you've kinda got yourself locked in right now with no options due to lack of funds and personal abode.
#217657 to #217656 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
haha right isn't it funny
fucking save me b0i I want to die. Long distance is the wurst.
#217658 to #217657 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
Make a money and go to her then propose then bone her every single night.
#217659 to #217658 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
>tfw she wants to give me a rimjob... but only after marriage
>tfw futa fetish >tfw she wants to f u c c me with a strapon

why are christian girls always this wild but conservative at first @_@
#217660 to #217659 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
Because they aren't being open about it because religion but they get turned on by doing the weird shit because of being told its weird shit by religion.
#217661 to #217660 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply +1
(09/18/2016) [-]
makes sense.
>tfw complementary fetishes
(don't actually have a latex feitsh, but you get the point. this edit needed to be made.)
#217648 to #217647 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
>tfw still live with parents, no own bank account, and will continue to live with parents because university is biking-distance close so no way to get that smuggled into the house
i guess i could set up like a postal box? help me with that, never really send or receive much mail. can i just tell them to keep it at the carrier and have me pick it up?
#217573 - muchname
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
my iphone SE won't turn on and randomly stopped working, it's been charging for ten odd minutes and won't turn on? Fuck off with le get betr phone memays
#217589 to #217573 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
It's an apple phone so just take it to an apple store and get it replaced under warranty.
#217572 - ishallsmiteyou
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
I have $60 Canadian and I need a hat that will keep my head warm in our shit winters and not fall apart after a month. Wat buy?
#217590 to #217572 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
Yeah a ushanka is pretty good like what gooby said.
For an even cheaper alternative go for beanies, not as warm but still kinda warm.
#217621 to #217590 - ishallsmiteyou
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
I settled on this, I have a permanent 25% discount code on this site. Took a good look at the ushankas but I'm a fan of having a brim.

www.armynavydeals.com/asp/products_details.asp?SKU=SLovWLhat&catid=1250&ItemName=Slovanian%20Wool%20Patrol%20Hat
#217623 to #217621 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
Nice nice.
I'm personally not a fan of that strap thing on top but whatever floats your boat man.

At least it looks warm
#217580 to #217572 - goobyman ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
any of those en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ushanka
they're fucking awesome. trust me.
#217561 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/17/2016) [-]
help my boy Cyrogen, he has 670 pushups to go!
#217575 to #217561 - burpy
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
He has his whole life to catch up to it
#217559 - vozel
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
How tf do you swallow pills

i try letting the water take it down with me or just trying to get the pills as deep down as i can or even just throwing it down and drinking

it just ends up getting stuck on my tongue

the only time it worked was when my brother fucking dunked the thing down my throat (which was fucking awesome by the way)
#217716 to #217559 - brownskin
Reply 0
(09/19/2016) [-]
Dude, I fucking promise you that it's 100% mental. You are fully capable of swallowing the pills without assisstance.

I've been able to swallow pills like it's nothing my whole life, and I was genuinely surprised when I found out people had trouble with it

Just let the pill go to the back of your throat and swallow like it was literally anything else you eat

Real tip tho my roommate uses peanut butter yes, like a fucking dog. That's where they got the idea from . Get a spoonful of the stuff, stick the pill in, and just eat it. They used to gag hardcore bit now it's no problem
#217683 to #217559 - jorgethemaster
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
I did it for the first time a couple weeks ago, never used to be able to but I found out how I can do it easily
Put some water in your mouth, enough to swallow in one gulp but not too little. Put the pill in the water then stick out your tounge, yea it'll look funny but who cares. It'll push the pill back behind your tounge and it'll mix in the water, then just swallow all the water. It'll get lost in the water and you won't even feel it that much, it gets a million times easier after you do it once
#217576 to #217559 - kober
Reply +1
(09/17/2016) [-]
Put pills in mouth, fill with water, press chin to chest, swallow.
#217577 to #217576 - vozel
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
it gets stuck on my tongue, i try to let it flow with the water but it ends up getting stuck further in the back onstead
#217560 to #217559 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
well just throw them in your moth and have a glass of water ready, then just swallow. it doesnt hurt or anything, you'll barely feel it
#217564 to #217560 - vozel
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
i'm not hesitant because of the pain or struggle, it just gets stuck on my tongue something, it's like my throat is really tight
#217565 to #217564 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
show me
#217566 to #217565 - vozel
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
eat me, gaylord
#217567 to #217566 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
omfg yes

but forreal, maybe use some coconut oil to help get the pill to slide down? iunno...
#217568 to #217567 - vozel
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
so do you like, get coconut oil by squeezing the pimples of a teenage coconut?
#217569 to #217568 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
no you buy it.
#217570 to #217569 - vozel
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
do the stores get it from factories where they kidnap coconuts who are breaking out with acne and harvest their pimple-infested faces
#217571 to #217570 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply +2
(09/17/2016) [-]
i dont know i just buy it from Any'kmanek The Dark One. I read about him in a newspaper , and it said i could meet him at a crossroad if i buried the bone of an Ancient Unholy Bloodgod in the middle of it. I have a few of those bones so i buried one and Any'kmanek The Dark One appeared in front of my eyes and unsheathed his sword and asked why a simple mortal like me would summon him. and thats how i met him.

anyway, he sells you these urns with coconut oil in them. they are black and red with ornaments that look like skulls and bones and stuff on them, and the light around them kind of sorta bends like a black hole yknow? anyway, apparently he doesnt take cash or credit card, but instead he has this piece of paper that he wants me to write my name on with the blood of an infant. it says something like "Thou shalt receive one Necrotic Urn Of Grogg'kurzëk The OrKish Anal Rapist's Coconut Lube for the price of thine everlasting essence of life."

its really good for rubbing on your skin, and its healthy too! i dont recommend rubbing it in your behind region though, because it starts tickling and you cant stop laughing. hope this helped!
#217574 to #217571 - vozel
Reply 0
(09/17/2016) [-]
can you drink it
#217636 to #217574 - smartythechicken ONLINE
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
i mean, its not a good idea cause its hydrophobic and it can probably fuck up your stomach acids, but then again, if you have sold your soul to get coconut oil then what can stop you from chugging the shit?
#217637 to #217636 - vozel
Reply 0
(09/18/2016) [-]
right

can i friend you, you're really helpful with demons and shit and i need a guy with connections, know what i'm saying?