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#179437 - womanexplain
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has deleted their comment [-]
#179504 to #179437 - itszyzzbrah
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
She could start by cutting dem rolls and getting in shape... if she's already a skinny cunt, then I dont see why she's cutting. She ugly? Add some makeup. That'll get dem bitches mirin'.
User avatar #179477 to #179437 - amonahan
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
Don't mention it. Don't bring it up. Acknowledge that it's there, but don't make a big deal about it. She's obviously self conscious about her self (who isn't) and the more everyone keeps pointing it out and making it obvious the more she will do it. If you had a mole on your face and every day people said "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST LOOK AT THAT MOLE, GET THAT REMOVED ITS HIDEOUS." It'd make you pretty depressed on top of the self consciousness. My advice?

Be a friend to her. Don't bring it up. Do other things with her. Take her out places. Have fun with her. Make her life fun. If she sees happiness instead of depression then she will stop.
#179447 to #179437 - confusedasian
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
www.coldsteel.com/   
   
   
   
      
   
   
   
   
Why she self harmin' in the first place?
www.coldsteel.com/








Why she self harmin' in the first place?
#179448 to #179447 - womanexplain
-2 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
#179456 to #179448 - anon id: bb817414
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Thanks for playing into the stereotype that women can't take jokes. I was starting to doubt your legitimacy of being a woman.
#179462 to #179456 - confusedasian
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
There's a difference between a joke and being a dick. I was being a dick.
#179457 to #179456 - womanexplain
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has deleted their comment [-]
#179479 to #179457 - anon id: bb817414
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
>Bringing a situation such as this to a place full of pricks and expect them to take it seriously

You kind of dug yourself into this one.
User avatar #179545 to #179479 - confusedasian
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(03/30/2015) [-]
We/ a lot of people do try to help. I'm just not one of them most of the time.
#179511 to #179479 - womanexplain
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has deleted their comment [-]
#179450 to #179448 - confusedasian
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
K. I don't care for her reason, but it would have helped a little to know why. It's not really poor humor. I'm just a sort of crude person when it comes to people self harming, depressed, and especially those that are suicidal. Mostly because of past experience and knowledge.   
   
   
Obviously since you call yourself her best friend, you're the closet to her I'm assuming. You also mentioned her mother being an ass, yet I don't see any where in your main post or replies, as I'm typing this, about a father. I'm assuming he's not in the picture for whatever reason. You do mention a psychiatrist, and the fact that you used to self harm for depressive tendencies, I will just assume your friend is upset/depressed about stuff. I see that you also said you were busy. What is she doing? Or was my crude humor too much and you won't relinquish that information with me as well? Whatever the case, keep her busy and her mind at ease. Yeah, it's true that she may need your help/ you do need to help her, but honestly it all comes down to your friend and her will. Don't give up on her, that isn't a very smart choice for obvious reasons. Though, you are her best friend as you said, so you already know the consequences.    
   
Since I don't know her reasoning, I'm going to take pot shots.    
   
Maybe she feels like she's being controlled too much. That could be the reality of things, or it could just be something in her head. Find the source and work things out. Maybe she feels overwhelmed by something, a death, a loss of something. Unless she was born depressed (doubtful), something caused it. Self harming may be her way of dealing with something. You already know she can't continue on with that. Go forth with her and help her confront whatever it is causing her pain. Ideally she should confront it on her own. Kind of a "strong enough to face my fears" kind of ordeal. You can support her, but, again, it all comes down with her.    
   
You mentioned her mother was a bitch, perhaps that could be it. Is there a way you can have her move in with you? Probably not because I'm assuming if she lives with her mom, she's still a child, but I have no where to talk since I'm 20 and also live with my parents.     
   
Or perhaps it's a neglect of a mother and her not getting the attention she needs/wants. You're busy as stated before. Does your friend have a significant other? Probably not, or if she does why aren't you telling him? If he loves her/cares about her, he'll for damn sure be as helpful as he can. If she's feeling alone take her out whenever you can. Show her to some of your other friends. Let her know that there are other people out there that are friendly. Make her feel like she's not alone.
K. I don't care for her reason, but it would have helped a little to know why. It's not really poor humor. I'm just a sort of crude person when it comes to people self harming, depressed, and especially those that are suicidal. Mostly because of past experience and knowledge.


Obviously since you call yourself her best friend, you're the closet to her I'm assuming. You also mentioned her mother being an ass, yet I don't see any where in your main post or replies, as I'm typing this, about a father. I'm assuming he's not in the picture for whatever reason. You do mention a psychiatrist, and the fact that you used to self harm for depressive tendencies, I will just assume your friend is upset/depressed about stuff. I see that you also said you were busy. What is she doing? Or was my crude humor too much and you won't relinquish that information with me as well? Whatever the case, keep her busy and her mind at ease. Yeah, it's true that she may need your help/ you do need to help her, but honestly it all comes down to your friend and her will. Don't give up on her, that isn't a very smart choice for obvious reasons. Though, you are her best friend as you said, so you already know the consequences.

Since I don't know her reasoning, I'm going to take pot shots.

Maybe she feels like she's being controlled too much. That could be the reality of things, or it could just be something in her head. Find the source and work things out. Maybe she feels overwhelmed by something, a death, a loss of something. Unless she was born depressed (doubtful), something caused it. Self harming may be her way of dealing with something. You already know she can't continue on with that. Go forth with her and help her confront whatever it is causing her pain. Ideally she should confront it on her own. Kind of a "strong enough to face my fears" kind of ordeal. You can support her, but, again, it all comes down with her.

You mentioned her mother was a bitch, perhaps that could be it. Is there a way you can have her move in with you? Probably not because I'm assuming if she lives with her mom, she's still a child, but I have no where to talk since I'm 20 and also live with my parents.

Or perhaps it's a neglect of a mother and her not getting the attention she needs/wants. You're busy as stated before. Does your friend have a significant other? Probably not, or if she does why aren't you telling him? If he loves her/cares about her, he'll for damn sure be as helpful as he can. If she's feeling alone take her out whenever you can. Show her to some of your other friends. Let her know that there are other people out there that are friendly. Make her feel like she's not alone.
#179452 to #179450 - womanexplain
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#179454 to #179452 - confusedasian
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I took guesses and was right. I should be in the Scooby Doo gang.   
   
The last thing I will say is that you should find a way for your friend to see the good in life. Every failure is a lesson learned to pave the way to success. That's all I will say because as insinuated before, I feel nothing towards depressed and especially suicidal people. You, however, confirmed your loyalty to a friend. Best of luck with that.
I took guesses and was right. I should be in the Scooby Doo gang.

The last thing I will say is that you should find a way for your friend to see the good in life. Every failure is a lesson learned to pave the way to success. That's all I will say because as insinuated before, I feel nothing towards depressed and especially suicidal people. You, however, confirmed your loyalty to a friend. Best of luck with that.
User avatar #179444 to #179437 - icefried
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
that's a huge-ass problem she has there. It's turned into an addiction, which is bad considering the fact that prolonged cutting can and lead to heart problems.. among other things.
Physical activity would do wonders, but if she doesn't want that, try and help her find a hobby or something to take her mind off things. Talk with her as much as you can, the company can really take the edge off some of the harder days.
Treat it as if you were dealing with an addict, which she is. Just be there for her, she's gonna suffer a lot in the beginning but gradually it's going to be easier and easier until she can finally let go completely.
Again, it's very important for her to find something she can focus on. Books, movies, vidya, studying... anything.

The sad part is that despite all the effort she is going to go through, all it takes is just one bad day and a knife and it's back to square one.
#179446 to #179444 - womanexplain
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User avatar #179443 to #179437 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Sorry, cutting is a bit out of my range. The most you can do is help her feel loved. Don't take this the wrong way but she needs help. Professional help, which she is getting. Really no matter what anyone does no progress can be made until she recognizes that this is a problem and that she needs help.

#179445 to #179443 - womanexplain
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#179440 to #179437 - anon id: d8af0c7b
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
How on earth is her mom a bitch for actually taking the time to address the situation and preventing her from harming herself? If your friend doesn't already,how about they try physical activities such add working out or sports. If they go into it with an open mind at all it'll greatly help by providing a means of distraction but won't end with them mutilating their fucking body.
#179442 to #179440 - womanexplain
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has deleted their comment [-]
#179428 - anon id: a7394c19
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I want to join the Marines or special forces but no one in my family wants me to even go into the army
What do?
#179430 to #179428 - confusedasian
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Tell that you're not joining the army. You're joining the marines/special forces.

I thought it was pretty straight forward.
#179421 - anon id: a7394c19
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Does anybody know of a free resume builder?
All the ones I find say they're free but end up requiring a subscription
Also I applied to 2 different stores at the same company how fucked am i now...
User avatar #179482 to #179421 - hoponthefeelstrain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
if you have office word they have resume templates. If not I can send you some blank templates from office word and you can just open them and fill them out.
#179415 - anon id: 6c03e47d
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
So had a gay online RP, it was gonna be straight, maybe a bit bi, but the girls left, so i thought fuck it, but i got more excited than i do with regular straight porn. I dont find guys hot though, was it just because it was something different?
User avatar #179483 to #179415 - ultaguide
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
It's the idea of eroticism. Things that are taboo feel a lot more sexy, it's a forbidden fruit. A lot of girls (And bro, I mean a LOT) of girls watch lesbian porn, but wouldn't want to fuck another girl. It's just the idea of taboo. And hey, nothing wrong with watching dudes fuck. If it get's you off and it doesn't hurt anybody or are lolis or some shit then go for it. It doesn't make you gay, or bi, or whatever; those things aren't bad, but just because you fapped to two dudes doesn't make you those things. Like take for example any porn: Sure it seems cool to see the chick banging the pizza guy, but that doesn't mean you are a pizza guy sexual. Same thing with gay porn. It's MEANT to make you horny, that's the whole purpose. So don't feel weird, it's your fap. Ponies? That's fine. Gay, Bi, Shemale? No problem. Doesn't mean anything more then you had a good fap to something you enjoyed. Hope this helps anon!
#179418 to #179415 - anon id: eb82afdb
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
If you were gay
That'd be okay
I mean cause hey
You like dicks any-way ♫
#179409 - anon id: eb82afdb
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Anyone here is Scottish? Any tips for a European tourist? Going to Edinburgh this week.
User avatar #179436 to #179409 - serhiy
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
90% of all scottish people are druken casual racists
the further south you get the healthier it is
just watch frankie boyle to get an idea of what scotland is.
User avatar #179425 to #179409 - beatmasterz
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Sit with your legs crossed.
#179408 - anon id: 6c03e47d
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
So what is sexual frustration and how do you know if you have it?
Because im thinking it constantly but not only that i really really wish for all the other relationship stuff and just being with someone, currently a 22 year never had a girlfriend virgin....
User avatar #179484 to #179408 - ultaguide
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
Sex is pretty chill, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. Like if were gonna be honest, the fap you had last week is probably gonna be just as pleasurable as sex. The difference with sex is that's it's with someone you care about, so it means more. Thing is, don'y worry about how old you are, or anything dumb like that. You're young, you have a lot of time to find the right one. You'll meet a lot of not the right ones, but eventually you'll meet that right one. It won't hit you like a ton of bricks, but after awhile of being with them, you'll know. If you want, I could give you a lot of advice on how to find a girl. Never had an issue myself, and I'm gonna be proposing to mine in about 3 weeks. I'd be happy to help a bro out if you want?
#179441 to #179408 - anon id: d8af0c7b
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
How to relieve your sexual frustration in five easy ways.

1: kill yourself (the least fun option)
2: chop your balls off with a sharp instrument of some sort (second least fun option)
3: stop being a beta as duck weeaboo faggot ( most difficult option but yields good results)
4: find a magic lamp and ask the genie for a prostitute since you're too beta to go and get one yourself (most depressing option and least likely to happen)
5: ask your mom for a quickie (probably your best bet as it's convenient and reliable. She fucks everyone else anyways so I don't see why you'd be a problem for her)
#179423 to #179408 - anon id: bb817414
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
If you're a 13-97 year old male, yeah you're sexually frustrated.
#179397 - fistpump
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Does anyone here know how to program using Python3? I have no idea why Y is an invalid syntax, and it's really starting to bug me. Can anyone shed any light on the situation?
I already posted this in the technology board, but it's much quieter than this one, so I thought I'd try both, I hope nobody minds.
Thanks peeps.
User avatar #179402 to #179397 - deltaspace
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Or you could add a third closing bracket to each statement, but it doesn't look like you need three brackets for each of those satements
#179403 to #179402 - fistpump
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Oh good god.
How am I that fucking dense.

I have been stuck with this for two hours, I've gone around and around trying to work out what was up and I didn't even see that bracket.

Thank you, brother! Dog with plant on head for you!
User avatar #179404 to #179403 - deltaspace
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
No problem, good thing about making errors in programming is once you've made it once, you know what to look out for when you get that error again
User avatar #179398 to #179397 - deltaspace
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I'm not sure if it'll fix that, but on the line with X and Y you have 3 opening brackets, but only 2 of them are being closed at the end of the statement, try removing the bracket closest to int on both of those statements so it looks like:

X = int(input("Enter things here: "))
Y = int(input("Enter more things here: "))
User avatar #179396 - grimgrey
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Fellas, I really need your help on this. I don't mean to spam but, I just submitted a video of me freestyling to a rap audition. I'd really like it if you guys could take a view.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsURrVid-wI
User avatar #179405 to #179396 - confusedasian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I hate rap, hip hop, r and b, all that, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

Change the background music. Doesn't fit how you're singing or rapping. Whatever it's called.
User avatar #179433 to #179405 - grimgrey
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
cool, but, the auditions only provided a select amount of instrumentals.
User avatar #179434 to #179433 - confusedasian
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(03/29/2015) [-]
Try changing your tone/how you would rap with the background music. I'm not much of a judge since, as mentioned before, I hate that kind of stuff. I figured more people would have responded, but I guess it's a slow day. It is Sunday after all.
User avatar #179439 to #179434 - grimgrey
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
right man, honestly everybody tells mw the same thing. thanks for the help though.
User avatar #179376 - WhereMehSammich
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(03/29/2015) [-]
I got in an accident and got all information of the other guy except for his policy number. Is his other info enough or did I fuck up?
#179378 to #179376 - anon id: e1d2d992
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Nothing you can do about it now. Did you report the accident? Did you call the police? IMHO you're screwed. Why the hell are you here and not on the phone with an insurance agent?
User avatar #179372 - skoldpaddacommala
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(03/29/2015) [-]
Trying to find a suitable career path...
Let's say I really abhor disease, suffering, etc. to the point where I want to help combat it.

What would be some appropriate professions to take interest in? A little more specific than "doctor" would be nice.

I'm a hands on kind of person. Into engineering and the like. If that helps.
User avatar #179406 to #179372 - confusedasian
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Become a scientist and create a shrink ray or growth ray. Change your size or the viruses size, beat their bitch ass into submission.
User avatar #179399 to #179372 - amonahan
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Join the military -> Combat Medic.
#179386 to #179372 - minutes
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Chemical engineering, biological medicin, water science, toxicology and countless other engineering fields that focus on medical stuff. Just pick a few university websites and go through their offered studys.

At my university, you can study like 5 different things that got to do with medicin (i live in germany though).
#179374 to #179372 - anon id: e1d2d992
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
ReSearch, building medical systems, chemist, these are general things.
#179362 - notred
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I just started working in the town I grew up in. There is a girl named mary there that I used to hang out with when I was a kid. We used to be good friends when we were kids before I moved. She used to have a crush with me back then. She only told me when I was moving cause she wanted to I guess.

Thing is, even when she was a kid she didn't talk much. Really quiet girl. I don't think she is shy, but she just is careful with what she says I guess? Or thats what I think anyway.

Anyway this is the first time I've seen her in about 7 years and she has changed a lot. She is really good looking and the same type of personality. Reserved and quiet. Single too.

I wanna ask her out, but with that much time going by seems like things could of changed a lot. She could be a totally different person from when I knew her. She might not even like me like that anymore.

Any advice would be nice, I never have a shift with her and I work midnights so I only see her when I first come in or when I leave.
User avatar #179400 to #179362 - amonahan
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Ask her to catch up over coffee/tea/hot chocolate. At least after half an hour of catching up you can determine if you're still interested or not.
User avatar #179401 to #179400 - notred
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
That is true. I might do that.
User avatar #179388 to #179362 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
tut tut,
Going after the ladies I see, at least she's a cute one this time.
Approach her with small talk about when you were kids, ask to meet again if it works out, get her number. Text her and then ask to meet again, at lunch time somewhere. At that point ask her on a date.
If you don't still hate me, drop me a message Miku.
User avatar #179520 to #179388 - chitogekirisaki
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
Don't worry, I argued some bullshit like a year and a half ago with him, and he's still pissy
User avatar #179523 to #179520 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
He's a turd, I'm not worried.
User avatar #179389 to #179388 - notred
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
No thanks.
User avatar #179390 to #179389 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Aw c'mon miku, stop being a sour puss, we both said nasty stuff. I already sent a message apologising
User avatar #179391 to #179390 - notred
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
No actually you didn't.

Also, I'm not desperate for being a crutch. Go talk with your lesbian friends.
User avatar #179392 to #179391 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I did, I sent you a skype message, you must've not read it.
I have a single lesbian frond, and you're bi so I don't know why you'd throw around a sexuality like it's an insult?
User avatar #179393 to #179392 - notred
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
No, what you said was "Everything I said was true except your sister"

That's not an apology. You're retarded.

Go talk to your lesbian friends because no guy would want a person with the way you think and how you act.

I don't give a shit if I look like a cunt here either. Please stop talking to me.
User avatar #179394 to #179393 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
That was meant to be an apology for how I spoke about your sister, you were a dick to me during that argument which is why I don't take back what I said other than the sister comments because they were too far.
You're only furthering that by saying futile shit. As I said, I only have one lesbian friend, I don't know why you keep trying to use this as an insult? And I think you'll find that there are people for all types of people, so yes there are guys who would want me? Plus you did? HAHA.. Anyway, listen Miku, I'm not up for little petty games. If you don't want to talk, say that don't overshadow it with petty shit.
If I were a dick to you, you'd act the same, no? That's why I was rude to you.
Anyway, fine. I don't really care either way, but if you want to carry on being a loser who pursues anything with a pulse go ahead.
Later chump.
Now we both look like cunts
User avatar #179413 to #179394 - focalanemo
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
gg
User avatar #179414 to #179413 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
wat
User avatar #179373 to #179362 - skoldpaddacommala
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
People can change but still be awesome. Go for it man. You're not putting a ring on her yet, so jump in and see where it goes. She seems like a nice girl, at least from your description. It could be the greatest experience ever or the worst. It's still experience though, and that's how we grow and learn to love.
User avatar #179364 to #179362 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
First off I'm sure you're not going to assume that just becuase she had a thing for you seven years ago that she still does. Cuzthat only happens in anime.

So really just treat her as if she was any other girl no need to play any angles. And if she does somehow still have feelings for you then it just makes easier for you and you are her senpai cuz seriosly? Seven years? There maybe some phychologic stuff behind this but don't bank on that. Trust I. Your studly self and ask her out
User avatar #179365 to #179364 - notred
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I know that already. I'm just saying if she had a thing for me once then I'm sure it's not a leap to say she could again.

I feel as though the only reason you mention anime is cause I posted a picture. Don't treat me like a retard. Thanks.
User avatar #179366 to #179365 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I'm on a mobile and I didn't see that pic. I just thought it would be funny. Also fuck you, lighten up. You're on an /advice/ board and you said any advice would be nice.
#179367 to #179366 - notred
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Treating me like I'm socially inept isn't exactly advice.

I know how to ask a girl out and all that shit. The only reason I'm even here is because she works with me.
User avatar #179522 to #179367 - chitogekirisaki
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
wow you're still a dick
I can't possibly imagine you know how to ask a girl out, since you're asking for advice, and you don't seem to know how to talk to people in general
User avatar #179525 to #179522 - notred
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
lolk
User avatar #179370 to #179367 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Lol then you gave a lot of pointless background info just for dealing with a girl you work with . BecuAse of the extra info lead to believe you want help on different aspect. So I'm sorry about that. And please stop thinking you're a victim here, I'm not trying to attack you
User avatar #179349 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
So I leave for a week and I find that dehumanizer is gone and womanexplain took my place as advice giver. Womanexlpain explain this
User avatar #179354 to #179349 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I haven't taken your place, I've been an advice giver for a long time on this site. I just took a long hiatus.
User avatar #179358 to #179354 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Oh okay, well nice to meet you. I'll be a lot less active starting next month so I'm glad we'll have a well staffed crew here still.
User avatar #179369 to #179358 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Haha hopefully!
User avatar #179355 to #179354 - advice
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
you're almost a year old, your name should be getting a bit more blue soon
User avatar #179368 to #179355 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Indeed!
#179351 to #179349 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I've been gone for like two months.
User avatar #179360 to #179351 - sugoi
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
You should come back and harass more people!
#179375 to #179360 - dehumanizer
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
holy shit there is even a womanexplain now? damn this place really needs a purge

unfortionally i wont be returning any time soon as im buisy preparing the beta uprising, the guy that crashed the plane last week was one of my boys
#179438 to #179375 - serhiy
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
isnt a beta uprising an oxymoron, like literally at the site of a female wouldn't the drop everything and run?
#179499 to #179438 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
maybe drop a bullet then run her over, praise Elliot
#179387 to #179375 - minutes
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
He was in a long relationship with an actual female human being, they even talked about mariage and kids. How is that beta?

He was a perfectly normal guy, with a lot of psychological problems. He didn't kill all these people cause of the internet, he didn't do it for any kind of beta uprising. He was just pissed because he could never be a captain, because his gf left him and cause of his depression.
Fuck you and your beta uprising.
#179419 to #179387 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
NO HE WAS NOT HE WAS AN ORBITER LIKE ME, I BET SHE WAS A USED UP NONVIRGIN WHORE

EXACTLY HE WAS PISSED OFF BECASUE HE COUDL BE CAPTAIN = ALPHA, THUS HE KILLED THEM IN THE NAME OF THE BETA UPRISING. ONE BY ONE THE ROBOTS ARE RISING!
User avatar #179381 to #179375 - sugoi
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
B-but we need you dehumanizer!
#179383 to #179381 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Im afraid that can not happen.
#179395 to #179383 - sugoi
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I will wait for you sweet prince.   
One day you will return and lead us to the promised land, until then we shall wait for you for you are our only lemonhope.
I will wait for you sweet prince.
One day you will return and lead us to the promised land, until then we shall wait for you for you are our only lemonhope.
#179416 to #179395 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
perhaps one day...
User avatar #179377 to #179375 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
You've already met me bby
#179379 to #179377 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Diffrent name? I dont recal otherwise.
#179384 to #179379 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
DARLING HOW COULD YOU FORGET ME, AFTER ALL THAT TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER...   
I'M HURT.
DARLING HOW COULD YOU FORGET ME, AFTER ALL THAT TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER...
I'M HURT.
#179417 to #179384 - dehumanizer
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Oh now i remember.

No I do not, who the hell are you?
User avatar #179420 to #179417 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
... JUST FORGET IT PUMPKIN
#179422 to #179420 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
GET THE FUCK OUT AND LEAVE ME ALONE YOU DIRTY FAT PICE OF SHIT REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEE
User avatar #179429 to #179422 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Cupcake don't talk dirty like that
#179431 to #179429 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
your magic wont work on me you normie dyke whore
User avatar #179432 to #179431 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Baby don't be like that, come on smile for mama!
#179500 to #179432 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
get gassed whore
User avatar #179512 to #179500 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
Awwww, is pumpkin sleepy? How about a nap?
#179514 to #179512 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
how about you go take a long dirtnap
#179515 to #179514 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
But then I'd miss time with you sweet cheeks
#179518 to #179515 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
w/e your kind is obsolete and will soon dissapear, take a look at the future
User avatar #179524 to #179518 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
Darling don't try and hurt me, I just want to love you <3
#179530 to #179524 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
no fuck this, talking to girls assuming you are one is for normies

this convo is over, go get shot
#179543 to #179530 - womanexplain
0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
User avatar #179531 to #179530 - womanexplain
0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
I will stalk you my love, please love me!!!!
#179527 to #179524 - dehumanizer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
but you're too fat
#179529 to #179527 - womanexplain
0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
u no u luv it
User avatar #179528 to #179527 - womanexplain
0 123456789123345869
(03/30/2015) [-]
mmm keep talkin dirty bbe mama luvs it
User avatar #179350 to #179349 - advice
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
wow no love for me </3
User avatar #179352 to #179350 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Oh yeah. I forgot you were a thing. Feels like a reunion up in here
User avatar #179353 to #179352 - advice
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I mostly stay off of /advice/ because everytime I get mentioned here it's usually you, silver, or the new explainer of the week. btw you and silver are the two who summon me the most, oddly enough, because you always summon me while answering/giving advice instead of asking for it
User avatar #179356 to #179353 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Lol sry. Ill use a code word for advice from now on.
User avatar #179357 to #179356 - advice
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
lol don't, always good to see other people giving advice ;p
User avatar #179359 to #179357 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Too late, from now on I'll be giving people my crushing melody or my soul candy
User avatar #179361 to #179359 - advice
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
LOL trademark that shit ;p
#179343 - WhereMehSammich
0 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #179336 - hoponthefeelstrain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I met my boyfriends family and they absolutely love me. Even the dad who only hugs my boyfriend's sisters hugged me the first time we met and the mom kissed my cheek. I love his family and they're all great but I still have to introduce him to my mom and that's so scary. My mom is so mean and she's generally a negative person and always assumes the worst of people. What's the best way to introduce my boyfriend to her?
User avatar #179339 to #179336 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
lol I'm in the same situation. I'll let you know how it goes. I'll be introducing my girlfriend to my parents soon. MY dad is cool (i hope) but my mom is SUPER old fashioned. Anyways just prepare you boyfriend a little by telling him what your mom likes and most importantly what she dislikes. It's mostly in the first impression. prepare the best you can but you can't control how your mom feels.
User avatar #179337 to #179336 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Take them somewhere with limited conversation, a play, a theatre etc.
Or take them somewhere your mum enjoys so she's distracted, if she likes art galleries, take her to one and let her do the talking. Forewarn your partner, and if it's really a problem talk to your mother.
User avatar #179338 to #179337 - hoponthefeelstrain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
He knows. And me and my mom have never been close. She's really not feminine at all and her first emotion is always anger. Honestly I think I'll just tell her through a text or something...
User avatar #179344 to #179338 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Yeah that's fine, maybe even a letter to make it more personal?
User avatar #179410 to #179344 - hoponthefeelstrain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
tried a letter once, she later threw it in my face..
User avatar #179411 to #179410 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Yeah text then. What a nasty sounding mama (no offense).
User avatar #179412 to #179411 - hoponthefeelstrain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
none taken, it is what it is lol.
#179333 - anon id: b736aacb
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I need help with a riddle:
A fire dispatcher received a 9-1-1 call for a house fire, and when the firefighters arrived they figured out it was arson
The three suspects were a man in a suit, a homeless man, and an ex fire-dispatcher.
They instantly knew it was the man in the suit and arrested him
HOW DID THEY KNOW
User avatar #179340 to #179333 - makotoitou
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
>house fire
can't be homeless, he has no house
>call from house
dispatchers radio the firefighters to alert them of fires, so the ex-dispatcher would've just radio'd. (I think, not sure on this part of the riddle)
User avatar #179324 - iliekcereal
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
i need someone to talk to
#179329 to #179324 - confusedasian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Comment Picture
Jim Carrey - Cuban Pete from The Mask [HD]
User avatar #179331 to #179329 - iliekcereal
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I don't have headphones. What's the video?
#179332 to #179331 - confusedasian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the rhumba beat.   
When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom   
Yes sir, I'm Cuban Pete. I'm the craze of my native street.   
When I start to dance, everything goes chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom   
   
The senoritas they sing and how they swing with this rumbero,   
It's very nice, so full of spice.   
And when they're dancing they bring a happy ring the maraquero,   
El maraquero singin' a song, all the day long.   
   
So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete   
And I'll teach you to chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom.   
   
   
He's really a modest guy, although he's the hottest guy   
In Havana, in Havana.   
   
   
Si, senorita I know that you would like to chicky-boom-chick   
It's very nice, so full of spice.   
I'll place my hand on your hip, and if you will just give me your hand   
Then we shall try - just you and I. Aye-aye-aye!   
   
So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete   
And I'll teach you chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom
They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the rhumba beat.
When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom
Yes sir, I'm Cuban Pete. I'm the craze of my native street.
When I start to dance, everything goes chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom

The senoritas they sing and how they swing with this rumbero,
It's very nice, so full of spice.
And when they're dancing they bring a happy ring the maraquero,
El maraquero singin' a song, all the day long.

So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete
And I'll teach you to chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom.


He's really a modest guy, although he's the hottest guy
In Havana, in Havana.


Si, senorita I know that you would like to chicky-boom-chick
It's very nice, so full of spice.
I'll place my hand on your hip, and if you will just give me your hand
Then we shall try - just you and I. Aye-aye-aye!

So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete
And I'll teach you chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom
#179326 to #179324 - thedudeintheshirt
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Watch my video that I posted 2 posts below and we'll talk.
#179315 - anon id: accbee5a
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Okay advice board. I know most of funnyjunk is guys so I need a guys opinion.

My boyfriend has been ignoring me for the past few days, which I don't really mind. I'll happily give him space if he wants it, but today he texts me "I'm sorry I've been so sick these past few days I couldn't even make it to my computer" (My phone's broken and I haven't gotten a new one yet so we communicate mostly through skype since he lives 2 hours away).

Anyways, this bugs me because when I went to play league yesterday he was in a game. and mysteriously when I got out of my game his account was set to away. It just kinda bugs me he lied to me. I dunno, am I just being stupid?
User avatar #179345 to #179315 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
It can be any number of things but don't assume the worst. maybe he really just needs space. Though if he was mature he'd talk to you about it. seriously this always bugs me, why can't ppl just talk? Don't jump down his throat, give him the space he wants but you need to talk to him.
User avatar #179341 to #179315 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I'll try and offer help if I may.
I had a similar experience, and if he's lying to you and doesn't message you for days, it's not that he needs 'space', it could be that he is no longer interested. There are many possibilities, but please keep this one in mind.
I would certainly recommend that you have a serious conversation with your partner, and lay out what you know to be untrue. I would also ask him how he feels about you, and if anything is going on in his life. Don't overwhelm him, but serious conversations are necessary in relationships oftentimes.
#179325 to #179315 - thedudeintheshirt
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Hey, I'm a dude, so I'll try to give you some advice.

Also, if you haven't noticed, I posted a youtube video right below this post of me monologing about my own problems, so if you could watch it and give me some advice in return for me responding to your post, I'd appreciate it.

First, some information would help to give you a realistic response...

How long have you been dating?
Would you describe your relationship as something meaningful?
Are you 'close'?
How old are you?

Personally, I'm semi-ignoring a girl who I had sex with a couple times because I'm not 100% sure if I want to continue seeing her. I know this might not be the smartest thing to do, but it's my way of dealing with things. (I like to be by myself and think things over).

She's asked me to hang out with her a bunch, but I just come up with excuses for why I can't, which has made her a little upset with me.

In summary, I would say that he doesn't feel comfortable with you for some reason or another. Give me more info and I can try to give you my best advice.
#179313 - thedudeintheshirt
0 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #179348 to #179313 - SOUL CRUSHER
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
wow your begging for help so hard it hurts. I barely got 1 minute in your vid. have trouble making friends? feeling down? just be confident, work out, dress nice and tell yourself you can. You think it's hard to be confident? NO it's not. Work out, dress nice, and tell your self you can. I too tired to really deal wth this right now but.......to be blunt you just need to get over yourself. maybe I'll think more tomorrow
#179371 to #179348 - thedudeintheshirt
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
you should have watched the whole video
User avatar #179322 to #179313 - confusedasian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
11/10 you're in a shirt.
#179323 to #179322 - thedudeintheshirt
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Do you have any advice for me?
#179327 to #179323 - confusedasian
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Nope. I'm just a regular idiot that comes by and post meaningless stuff. I did watch your video though. Up into around 4 minutes.

At one point you asked if it was normal to be insecure about recording yourself. Yep, lots or people are a bit quiet/nervous making a video and posting it on youtube. I know a guy of the name Jerma, watching his fist video he was pretty "tamed" after a while and you watch his videos now he's a lot more open loud and the like. So you're fine.

Also you mentioned an ex walking by, and later you mentioned being "depressed". Maybe you're feeling upset about a break up. Doesn't matter if it's recent or not, it probably just now hit you. I graduated High school some years ago. The sadness that I don't know what to do and that I'll never see anyone I used to know didn't hit me until a few months before I started college. (I took a year off after high school.)

Then near the beginning you said something about not having many friends. While there's nothing wrong with people being alone, people like being a part of something. Find some people and start talking about a common ground. Or start with the internet, build up your speech and then take what you've learned here and apply it to the real world.


Broccoli makes me fart.
#179328 to #179327 - thedudeintheshirt
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
thanks
#179321 to #179313 - thedudeintheshirt
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I recommend watching the video at 2.0 speed (go into the settings to change speed)
User avatar #179301 - Residentpudding
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Over 6 months ago, I was in an accident that was my fault. I didn't have insurance and neither did the other guy. I panicked and said I'd pay for his car. It's only $3,500, which I've been paying $100 a month, so it's not too bad. I did say I would pay it, and well now I'm owning up to it. Thing is, last month he tried to pull a hospital bill on me from his wife taking the ambulance even though she wasn't hurt. The bill is an additional $13k which I'm not willing to pay.

I'm telling him tomorrow that I won't pay that. This happened over 6 months ago and neither one of us had insurance and we didn't sign any paperwork. Is he able to sue me? I've tried asking some lawyers but they didn't seem willing to help. Anyone here have any input?
#179312 to #179301 - anon id: 9649f00a
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
next time you get in an accident just be silent. don't say a word. you both didn't have insurance so the cops can't be involved. just go your seperate ways. I'm not a lawyer, but if he didn't have insurance it seems reasonable to assume he doesn't have grounds to sue because that would make you both liable. But I'd highly consider talking to a lawyer. You may not have to pay him anything at all.
User avatar #179318 to #179312 - Residentpudding
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I panicked. It was my first accident. I'll get a lawyer if I have too, but let's hope it won't come to that.
User avatar #179303 to #179301 - discardedslinky
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
I know nothing about law so take this with a grain of salt, but I think if he did sue you you'd probably have to pay it too since you owned up to it being your fault.
User avatar #179316 to #179303 - Residentpudding
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Yea, but a hospital bill was never part of our agreement. $3,500 isn't bad, at least not with just $100 a month. He wants to ADD $13000 more dollars and he's trying to get me to pay more than 100 a month. It's ridiculous.
User avatar #179298 - supervillian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Holy shit please help me. This sounds like the opening to a fucking creepypasta but my dad went to yardsales , and he went to this old ladies house with a bunch of knickknacks. He got a bunch of old phones and stuff,but he also got a tape recorder. #vintage
The only thing on it is a guy laughing, some numbers,and explosions. The one I remember best is 761099 or 760199 I cant remember and some explosion noises. The only reason I remember that one is because it said South Carolina ( where I live ) before it. Im legitmatly creeped the fuck out , and if enough people get interested I can post a video of it so you know im not bullshitting.

TLR What the fuck does 761099 mean ? Some kind of military code ?
User avatar #179342 to #179298 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Post a video! I love this shit.
User avatar #179712 to #179342 - supervillian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/01/2015) [-]
User avatar #179714 to #179712 - womanexplain
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/01/2015) [-]
Video is private comrade
User avatar #179633 to #179342 - supervillian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/31/2015) [-]
Didn't think i'd be away from the house, but it'll come tomorrow.
Sorry for the wait D:
#179636 to #179633 - confusedasian
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(03/31/2015) [-]
Punch the ghost in it's face if you see one.
User avatar #179637 to #179636 - supervillian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/31/2015) [-]
You got it b0ss !
#179330 to #179298 - confusedasian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Was nice knowing you. RIP in piece.
User avatar #179713 to #179330 - supervillian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/01/2015) [-]
User avatar #179634 to #179330 - supervillian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/31/2015) [-]
Refer to the reply to womanexplain
#179305 to #179298 - thedudeintheshirt
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Chill the fuck out. It's nothing.
User avatar #179307 to #179305 - supervillian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
You should see the video. Im a paranoid guy and it's gonna make me freak out to find something like this because I don't know what the hell it is
#179308 to #179307 - thedudeintheshirt
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
What are you paranoid about? It's literally not related to you at all, even if it was some kind of crazy murderer using fire crackers to kill/torture people.
User avatar #179309 to #179308 - supervillian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
What if it was ? Explosion noises,where you live, creepy guy laughing,numbers. It's spooky stuff mahn. If anything i'm just really curious.
#179310 to #179309 - thedudeintheshirt
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Why do numbers creep you out?
#179311 to #179310 - supervillian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Because I don't know what they mean.
User avatar #179302 to #179298 - supervillian
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(03/29/2015) [-]
Just recorded over five minutes of video, no idea how much longer it goes. Phone is charging, will upload soon
#179299 to #179298 - supervillian
0 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]