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User avatar #110588 - unncommon (01/06/2014) [-]
**unncommon rolls 27** Okay you guys I'm gonna stop masturbating for a while now. Roll decides how long.
User avatar #110599 to #110588 - makotoitou ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
**makotoitou rolls 663,244,499** Don't fap for this long
User avatar #110590 to #110588 - nigalthornberry (01/06/2014) [-]
Don't do it too long stress and shit builds up
Go 3 days
User avatar #110596 to #110590 - unncommon (01/06/2014) [-]
I'm still having sex, just not fapping.
User avatar #110597 to #110596 - nigalthornberry (01/06/2014) [-]
**nigalthornberry rolls 769,657,110**Oh then
User avatar #110587 - nigalthornberry (01/06/2014) [-]
So what finishing move should i use to try to get this girl
"I've known you half my life,we've talked pretty much all day every day through that time,i've been there for you whenever you need it and you have for me too,would be weirder if we didn't give it a try"

Song Well, you're my friend
And you can see
May times we've been out drinking
Many times we've shared our thoughts
Did you ever, ever notice, the kind of thoughts I got
Well you know I have a love, for everyone I know
And you know I have a drive, for life that won't let go
But sometimes the opposition come rising up in me
This terrible imposition, comes blacking through my mind

And then I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
Do you know how much I love you
Cause I'm hoping some day soon
You'll save me from this darkness Well, I hope that someday soon We'll find peace in our lives Together or apart Alone or with our wives And we can stop our whoring And draw the smiles inside And light it up forever And never go to sleep My best unbeaten brother That isn't all I see And then I see a darkness Oh no, I see a darkness Do you know how much I love you Cause I'm hoping someday soon You'll save me from this darkness


Or something you guys come up with
User avatar #110661 to #110587 - ihatecarltonbanks (01/07/2014) [-]
you seem to talk about yourself a lot in it. try talking about her more. not the way she makes you feel. but just her specifically
User avatar #110607 to #110587 - rebornpooper (01/06/2014) [-]
I advise you to eat poop.
Fuck extensive lines. There's too much room for error, and if she says no, then the effort is a waste.
User avatar #110601 to #110587 - makotoitou ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
Do a body slam into a judo flip.
User avatar #110602 to #110601 - nigalthornberry (01/06/2014) [-]
That comes during da fuk
User avatar #110583 - nigalthornberry (01/06/2014) [-]
Is audacity a good program for layering my guitar over the lyrics of a song
User avatar #110609 to #110583 - dragondust (01/06/2014) [-]
Yeah it works pretty well.
User avatar #110608 to #110583 - derpityhurr (01/06/2014) [-]
yeah its good enough for basic stuff
User avatar #110571 - oxybeans (01/06/2014) [-]
This might sound wrong to some, but i didn't come here to be judged
Any tips on convincing dumb girls into having sex, making out those sorta things?
User avatar #110666 to #110571 - alstorp (01/07/2014) [-]
You could buy alcohol and drink until she's barely conscious. Or if you're that kinda guy, you could drug her...
User avatar #110585 to #110571 - unncommon (01/06/2014) [-]
Tell her that is loaded.
User avatar #110586 to #110585 - oxybeans (01/06/2014) [-]
What is loaded?
User avatar #110592 to #110586 - unncommon (01/06/2014) [-]
But nahh girls like confidence. Never ask a girl if you can kiss her.
Just look into her eyes and you should be able to tell whether she's open to it or not.
User avatar #110594 to #110592 - oxybeans (01/06/2014) [-]
inb4 pepper spray or kick to nuts or embarrassed as fuck
User avatar #110595 to #110594 - unncommon (01/06/2014) [-]
That's not going to happen.
User avatar #110598 to #110595 - oxybeans (01/06/2014) [-]
I was talking to this girl at a party once, we were both a little tipsy, i'm beta btw
so i was complementing her she was laughing and i though she's in the mood,
So i dived on her, took her a sec or two but she pushed me back and asked me "what are you doing"
now tell that isn't embarrassing
User avatar #110636 to #110598 - angelodlt (01/07/2014) [-]
First of all, dont call your self beta
seriously
stahp
right nao
User avatar #110677 to #110636 - oxybeans (01/07/2014) [-]
Not calling myself Beta does not make me not Beta
User avatar #110600 to #110598 - unncommon (01/06/2014) [-]
You fucking dived on her? Oh my...
Next time that you "think" that a girl's in the mood, get closer to her, look deep into her eyes without breaking eye contact, look at her lips for a couple seconds, then look back into get eyes and bite your lip a little bit. This whole time you should be making physical contact btw, but you haven't kissed her yet. This will let her know that you're interested and will make you more interesting to her because you seem confident. If she goes silent and is looking into your eyes and at your mouth and is inviting, then you slowly lean in and kiss that bitch. No tongue yet, this is just a first kiss. Don't make it a peck either, kiss that slut for a good 3 seconds, 5 seconds tops. Then you take it from there.
User avatar #110604 to #110600 - oxybeans (01/06/2014) [-]
I think she chocked, i just apologized and said it's because i was drunk
User avatar #110605 to #110604 - unncommon (01/06/2014) [-]
Fuck her in the mouth hole dude. It works everytime.
User avatar #110589 to #110586 - unncommon (01/06/2014) [-]
Your gun, Jesus bro do you not know how dating works?
User avatar #110591 to #110589 - oxybeans (01/06/2014) [-]
#110585 to #110571 - unncommon ONLINE (2 minutes ago) [-]
Tell her that is loaded.
Well if i read gun....
User avatar #110577 to #110571 - soupkittenagain ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
Say you're rich.
User avatar #110579 to #110577 - oxybeans (01/06/2014) [-]
Yeah could work, but the fact that i don't have a car would suggest otherwise.
User avatar #110580 to #110579 - soupkittenagain ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
Then:
>obtain car
>fuck bitches
User avatar #110581 to #110580 - oxybeans (01/06/2014) [-]
lol i love your tip
User avatar #110574 to #110571 - makotoitou ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
Roofies
User avatar #110576 to #110574 - oxybeans (01/06/2014) [-]
lol nah
User avatar #110572 to #110571 - ScottP (01/06/2014) [-]
Well make sure that your serotonin levels are very low and your dopamine levels are very high.
User avatar #110575 to #110572 - oxybeans (01/06/2014) [-]
I really have no idea what are those ^^
User avatar #110582 to #110575 - ScottP (01/06/2014) [-]
They're the chemicals that (in conjunction with your hormones) get you in the mood.


Also they make you feel like you're in love.
#110567 - akigon ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
Where should I spread the word, that I'm going to stream?
User avatar #110569 to #110567 - Timmietim ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
if a videogame
not the video games board
User avatar #110568 to #110567 - herbolifee (01/06/2014) [-]
Depends entirely on what you plan to stream.
#110565 - youdontknoeme ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
So for quite a while now (An exact length of time is unaccountable for memory like mine) as I browse through FunnyJunk, every now and then every single picture just stops loading. (Even loading up the print screen into my comment, it doesn't show the preview)

Anyone else have this problem or have an idea as to how I fix it?
All comments are loved and appreciated <3

User avatar #110566 to #110565 - youdontknoeme ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
Even the purple lines do not show. T'is quite aggravating.
#110562 - gappie (01/06/2014) [-]
Okay I might seem pretty stupid, but can some1 explain met how to make content with a normal text and then to add a picture to it? I've been a long time funnyjunker and I feel it is time that I will post stuff on this site as well, but I actually don't know how to do said thing >.>
User avatar #110578 to #110562 - soupkittenagain ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
By adding a picture to it do you mean having the description being said normal text? Not sure what you're asking but just go to the top left corner of the website and click upload. You'll find your options of the kind of content you want to upload there.
#110667 to #110578 - gappie (01/07/2014) [-]
Well like people making a compilation of stuff, saying some words and then add a picture for prove to it. The words are white and the background is the normal background of FJ. Probably photoshopping or something like that, but Im not good at that (lets just say never ever done that without advice)
User avatar #110549 - iliekcereal (01/06/2014) [-]
Hi, I've never been in a real relationship before, and now that I am, I'm kinda freaking out constantly. The girl I'm dating is my best friend, and I really care about her, and I think I love her, but I'm scared that I don't. We've only been dating for a few days, but the friendship we had before we got together was different. We literally know everything about each other, and it's so easy to talk to her, and idk, she's just great. The reason my last relationships failed was because after I got a few weeks into them, I realized I was still in love with another girl I knew, but never dated. Things with me and that girl aren't so great right now, although we're still on good terms, we're just not as close as we were in the past. But I'm worried that I'm not as over her as I think I am. I've never met a girl so easy to talk to as the one I'm dating, and idk, she's so loving and loyal and seemingly perfect, and she loves me so much. But Idk, I'm just scared that I can't make this work. Can someone help me please? I would talk to someone, but I don't really have anyone to go to right now.
User avatar #110573 to #110549 - ScottP (01/06/2014) [-]
Don't think about love right now. Feel what you're feeling and don't put labels on it.
User avatar #110803 to #110573 - iliekcereal (01/08/2014) [-]
Thank you.
User avatar #110564 to #110549 - MrDeadiron (01/06/2014) [-]
You need to slooooooowwwww way the fuck down dude. You are completely over thinking it, you need to just calm down and enjoy your relationship as is. In my experience over thinking and rushing just make things a big mess.
User avatar #110804 to #110564 - iliekcereal (01/08/2014) [-]
I'm trying. Thank you
#110561 to #110549 - unncommon (01/06/2014) [-]
Yeah bro I'm 99% sure that the girl that I'm with is madly in love with me.  After you've been in a few relationships you don't worry that you're not in love with your partner you worry that you're falling in love with them.   
I'd recommend that you cut ties entirely with your ex.  Also if you're ever questioning your &quot;love&quot; (or what ever the fuck) just remind yourself that you'd miss her like hell after a while if she'd leave you or you left her.
Yeah bro I'm 99% sure that the girl that I'm with is madly in love with me. After you've been in a few relationships you don't worry that you're not in love with your partner you worry that you're falling in love with them.
I'd recommend that you cut ties entirely with your ex. Also if you're ever questioning your "love" (or what ever the fuck) just remind yourself that you'd miss her like hell after a while if she'd leave you or you left her.
User avatar #110805 to #110561 - iliekcereal (01/08/2014) [-]
Thank you. I'm doing better now. Me and her are going great
User avatar #110551 to #110549 - delphine (01/06/2014) [-]
You're focusing on the_ what if_ instead of what is. The other gal is in your past for a reason. Treasure what you have now.
User avatar #110807 to #110551 - iliekcereal (01/08/2014) [-]
Thank you. You're right. I honestly haven't thought much about her over the last few days
User avatar #110550 to #110549 - wydell (01/06/2014) [-]
You're thinking too much about that girl you think you're not over. Focus on your gf that you have now and most likely you'll forget about those feelings
User avatar #110808 to #110550 - iliekcereal (01/08/2014) [-]
Thanks man. I'll try.
User avatar #110544 - arcadegannon (01/06/2014) [-]
I have a virus called SafeSaver on my PC. Anyone know how to get it away PERMANATLEY?
User avatar #110548 to #110544 - herbolifee (01/06/2014) [-]
I don't know the particular virus but try booting your PC in safemode and scan it thoroughly with Malware Bytes (it's free and pretty damn good).
User avatar #110547 to #110544 - makotoitou ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
git gud
User avatar #110538 - justaperson (01/06/2014) [-]
I start College tommorow and I can't sleep because I'm starving. Should I skate through my sketchy neighborhood to the 7/11 and buy a snack. It's a 4 minutes skate tops.
#110563 to #110538 - unncommon (01/06/2014) [-]
Don't be a bitch bro.
User avatar #110541 to #110538 - danield (01/06/2014) [-]
bring a knife
User avatar #110543 to #110541 - justaperson (01/06/2014) [-]
Funny you say that. I just got back but when i was half way there i thought to myself "I really should've grabbed my pocket knife before I left". And to add to my paranoia when I got there, there was this car just sitting at the sonic's across the street. Sonic has been closed for almost 2 hours.
User avatar #110545 to #110543 - danield (01/06/2014) [-]
Probably a bunch of 420 blaze it fags hotboxing in the car
#110527 - swiggityswooty ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
Come on dudes, I no longer have any classes with my crush, I need good fake excuses to talk to her that don't make me sound like a creep.
User avatar #110584 to #110527 - nsfwcontent (01/06/2014) [-]
If you chat with her enough to be her friend then ask if she's wants to exchange numbers so you can still coz you have no classes together anymore.

If you don't chat with her much and it's more of a 'hi' in the hallway then your arm brushes hers then you think she's the one then move on.
User avatar #110546 to #110527 - delphine (01/06/2014) [-]
To expand on what goodcheese said...

Tell her you think she seems like an interesting person, and you'd like to ask her out for coffee. Going out for coffee is the perfect first date. You can duck out early if it doesn't go well, or stay as long as you want if it does. Not like dinner, where you have that long awkward wait for food. If you go out to a movie you can't talk or get to know each other. Ask her for coffee. Make sure if she agrees to get the date and time figured out then, or else she might flake out later. Good luck!
User avatar #110542 to #110527 - goodcheese (01/06/2014) [-]
ask her out on a date
User avatar #110539 to #110527 - justaperson (01/06/2014) [-]
Tell her you have cancer.
User avatar #110524 - oborawatabinost (01/06/2014) [-]
Not looking for any life advice, I'd just like to know what you guys think are the best settings to run uTorrent most effectively.
User avatar #110529 to #110524 - rokkarokkaali (01/06/2014) [-]
Have the download cap to unlimited
that usually helps
#110519 - xnotcreative (01/06/2014) [-]
Does anyone know a website I can use Photoshop on without download?

I want to help a friend date a girl older than him... but the thing is, she doesn't date younger guys so I'm trying to make a fake school ID and was wondering if anyone can help me help him by doing this?
User avatar #110525 to #110519 - delphine (01/06/2014) [-]
Agreed with awesomerninjathing.

She's going to find out eventually. If she doesn't date younger guys it's probably for a reason, and your friend should either use his wit and charm to convince her to make an exception or find someone else.
User avatar #110522 to #110519 - awesomerninjathing (01/06/2014) [-]
Don't do that. It's not good to base a relationship off of lies
#110517 - anonymous (01/06/2014) [-]
Is there anywhere I can look at legal pictures of hot <18 teens?
User avatar #110764 to #110517 - noxiouspumpkin (01/08/2014) [-]
Funnyjunk.
User avatar #110530 to #110517 - rokkarokkaali (01/06/2014) [-]
facebook
User avatar #110521 to #110517 - awesomerninjathing (01/06/2014) [-]
nudist websites
User avatar #110504 - salivarocker (01/06/2014) [-]
Ok so in the past two months i've started noticing this girl and after a while we started hanging out. the only problem is she's a cutter when she gets down. Not like full length but it still urks me, i want to help but she won't help me. We've talked about a relationship and i want it to happen and so does she. I just don't like self-harm at all i honestly like her so much but i don't know what to do.
User avatar #110506 to #110504 - hawaiianhappysauce (01/06/2014) [-]
Avoid her. She has problems that you cannot help her with. I can't force you to listen to me, but women who have issues like this are dangerous. Often times they drag you down with them. This is just my opinion of course, but still, you should think hard about this.
User avatar #110509 to #110506 - salivarocker (01/06/2014) [-]
I've helped women with worse problems than this though. I've helped two through suicide and another through just depression and they're all better now. Those i helped because of the friendship before it. I'm wanting to help this one because i like her to an extreme amount.
User avatar #110510 to #110509 - hawaiianhappysauce (01/06/2014) [-]
Well then you are a very good person, and women aren't attracted to good people. Most women enjoy being treated like crap. So the best relationship you can be with her if you want to help her is as a friend.
User avatar #110511 to #110510 - salivarocker (01/06/2014) [-]
If that's what it takes for me to help her through this... that's i'd rather be helpful and not have a relationship than have her miserable and be in one.
User avatar #110512 to #110511 - hawaiianhappysauce (01/06/2014) [-]
Then help her.
User avatar #110513 to #110512 - salivarocker (01/06/2014) [-]
I plan on it, thanks.
#110514 to #110513 - aceonfire (01/06/2014) [-]
Do it. I'm engaged to someone who used to cut, but after we started dating I helped her through it. If you care about her then it is definitely worth it.
User avatar #110520 to #110514 - salivarocker (01/06/2014) [-]
I've only known her for months but even thinking about her cutting makes me tear up, i want to do all i can to help her through it and i will.
User avatar #110496 - revengeforfreeze (01/06/2014) [-]
anyone else ashamed of masturbating or doing things that relate to sex and feel that it's wrong and disgusting alternatively entartete?
User avatar #110540 to #110496 - justaperson (01/06/2014) [-]
Once you jack off in front of a girl and then slap her in the face with your dick. You realize there was never any real shame to start with.
#110570 to #110540 - thegrohltroll (01/06/2014) [-]
Goddamn that made me laugh
Goddamn that made me laugh
User avatar #110515 to #110496 - hawaiianhappysauce (01/06/2014) [-]
Everyone does it, so why be ashamed?
User avatar #110488 - stutterguy (01/06/2014) [-]
How do you get over the feel of guilt?

Basically I was out down town with friends and this guy was being a right dick to my friends, and because I'm a guy he just completely ignored my existence so I did something rather mean without him know.
User avatar #110498 to #110488 - awesomerninjathing (01/06/2014) [-]
what did you do
User avatar #110500 to #110498 - stutterguy (01/06/2014) [-]
I kinda went to the bathroom, ripped a part of my toe nail off, then put it into his drink and watched him drink it. He pulled a funny face when he drank the last bit. I'm guessing he felt it...
#110505 to #110500 - ilikethisusername (01/06/2014) [-]
nice..........
nice..........
User avatar #110502 to #110501 - stutterguy (01/06/2014) [-]
I'm a bad person.
User avatar #110638 to #110502 - angelodlt (01/07/2014) [-]
Holy shit thats nice
User avatar #110475 - contradiction (01/05/2014) [-]
so i'm going to start losing weight for my upcoming football season and for being healthy in general but i have one problem. with all pleasantly plump people comes the man titties, i want to lose them but i want to know if i can without doing chest workouts. the only reason is because i'm getting surgery on my shoulder and i cant do anything with my arms for 6 months. so will eating healthy and just doing cardio be enough to get rid of them( i dont need to have amazing pecs just a flat chest).
User avatar #110483 to #110475 - heraske ONLINE (01/06/2014) [-]
Cardio workouts + eat less = loss of weight.
User avatar #110480 to #110475 - delphine (01/06/2014) [-]
Building muscle under fat tissue is the best way, but if you do enough cardio you'll lose weight all over, and your moobs should decrease in size-- a good fix, at least until you're healed enough to start bench pressing or doing push ups.
User avatar #110484 to #110480 - contradiction (01/06/2014) [-]
ill be able to do push ups during fall and winter but i can really start doing work in the winter again.
as long as i can decrease their size through a proper diet and exercise ill be good.
User avatar #110477 to #110475 - friendlypitbull (01/05/2014) [-]
I don't know if this helps, but my boyfriend had the most whopping pair of man titties 'til he started riding his bike every day to work.
User avatar #110474 - adrilazzaro (01/05/2014) [-]
Well guys, it's been a nice run, It's today in the last few hours before school that i realize how much time i have wasted on funnyjunk, dozens of assignments and homework i leave until later, just overall immense amount of procrastination and lazyness i spend on this site. I do nothing productive. I am going to delete my account, unless there's a way i could block myself for a few years without deleting it.
User avatar #110508 to #110474 - averagewhitekid (01/06/2014) [-]
Disable your account?
#110476 to #110474 - joeofold (01/05/2014) [-]
Don't do it, you will just end up going onto something else and regret stopping yourself from coming here. Just try and work through it ask someone to sit with you when you do the work so you will have to do it (may sound childish but it does work).
#110473 - nigalthornberry (01/05/2014) [-]
Well i got thsi from her now
she also says good morning,goodnight and seems more open now
User avatar #110497 to #110473 - revengeforfreeze (01/06/2014) [-]
this ur vcousin?
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