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User avatar #175602 - xclayrx (02/22/2015) [-]
Hey guys. I'm looking for a comic that was on front page a few weeks ago. It was that really depressing one where a guy is in a hot air balloon and tells the other guy that his life sucks and to go on an adventure, then at the bottom it says jump a lot. It's a metaphor for suicide. I can't find it anywhere.
#175601 - kuqsi ONLINE (02/22/2015) [-]
Hey guys. I am nervous as fck ^^
This is botherin me alot. Pls, I need serious advide ;(

There is this awesome girl at my new school (started this week). I need your help, I want to date her so badly. Normally, that wouldn't be a problem. I would say that whole shit I write in a few seconds right into her face, but there is this one problem: she have a boyfriend. Well fck.
I already noticed her the first time i came to the classroom. She has unbelievable, pretty green eyes. A little more color and they would glow, I shit you not. She's funny, has similar hobby's (sports for the win!), same taste in music (!!) and her body is just perfect. It feels like she's my first big love. In short: she's the woman of my dreams.
I'm 19 atm, she is almost 19. Her boyfriend looks like up to 24. I wish he would die suddenly.
Advice pls, I really NEED this woman in my life!
#175603 to #175601 - John Cena (02/22/2015) [-]
First off you need to recognize you have an illness and its clouding your judgement. We call it one-itis. Where you are fixed on just one. Dude...you don't need her. She's just pennies under the couch. Stuck your hand under there and dig out one more. But if if you don't take this advice or you do but still want this chick . Just know the odds are against you. I'm in the same situation. Just do your thing m, be alpha and if you can read her and see she is inst you then go for it...i still wouldn't recommend it
#175607 to #175603 - kuqsi ONLINE (02/22/2015) [-]
My friends say the same. But man... i don't want to forget her. We hang out ALOT since we know each other. And yeah, maybe i am fixed, but that isn't a thing I always do. I only had that feel for my first girlfriend till now. So, i guess that's a good sign?
Maybe you are right. I don't know.
User avatar #175605 to #175603 - SOUL CRUSHER (02/22/2015) [-]
Forgot to sign in
#175608 to #175605 - kuqsi ONLINE (02/22/2015) [-]
Whoops, wrong reply ^^
User avatar #175599 - bobvonbobby (02/22/2015) [-]
Guys guys guys. I was at a bar last night with my friends. (We're all in college, so it's college bars.) I ended up dancing/talking to this girl all night and things were getting hot. But somehow. I fucked it up? I don't even know. She left with some other guy, I think her guy friend, but I know they're fucking....

What I'd like to know from you professional seducers is... How do I close an evening like that?
#175604 to #175599 - John Cena (02/22/2015) [-]
You already blew it. We can't help you. If you have any chance you need someone where you are who can give you a play by play.

in general get in the mind set that you don't need her, she needs you and make sure your your behavior shows this. If you already blew it and still chasing her then you show that you need her....you don't.... If you feel you do need her i reccomend you go to the bar again and see all the other hot chicks
User avatar #175606 to #175604 - SOUL CRUSHER (02/22/2015) [-]
Forgot to sign in
User avatar #175592 - crimzonhazard (02/22/2015) [-]
I finally got a girls number who is interested in me probably since like 1999, I didn't wanna come off too strong so I fapped before contacting her and now I've lost all interest. But seriously, i don't know how to not be cringey. Probably become asexual or something via chemical castration.
#175598 to #175592 - John Cena (02/22/2015) [-]
I don't know but it sounds like your thinking too much about this. Seriously you better be 45 years old otherwise that 1999thing don't mean nothing. It's hard to help you cuz it sounds like you don't even know what you want
User avatar #175593 to #175592 - Shole (02/22/2015) [-]
Why not try to have a conversation with her and see how it goes. Might regain your interest..
#175591 - meierme has deleted their comment [-]
#175597 to #175591 - swiggityswooty (02/22/2015) [-]
think about your mother. imagine her having to bury you, imagine the toll that would take on her. thats the only reason i havent yet, hope it works for you bro
#175596 to #175591 - John Cena (02/22/2015) [-]
If you don't want your life, why not spend it helping other people? That's what I'd do. That and travel.
User avatar #175594 to #175591 - Shole (02/22/2015) [-]
Going out the easy way is something not really good. Try to change yourself, maybe try to play a sport or do some meditation. Do something that we'll keep your mind and body occupied and try to change your way. I know it's hard since I went through the same thing. Basically my gf of two years left me because I was in the hospital to long....I had the same thoughts, Ill end myself but then I thought that it wouldn't be worth it. It is more worth to live and try and find something that it is worth living than to end it. Just keep looking forward, one day it will be better.
#175590 - fappening (02/22/2015) [-]
If I go to right click or highlight something in someone's comment, it comes up with the reply box?

Can I disable this? It is so annoying, especially when i just wanna highlight to google it
#175570 - John Cena (02/22/2015) [-]
can a mod unban me damn it

every time i go to post it says "wait 15 mins" when it has been an hour

username - thinkharder
#175569 - mexicaninja (02/22/2015) [-]
Alright i dont know where to post this but il try here. Im going to start going to the gym and eat healthy for awhile til i get to a desirable weight and wanted to do a last hurrah for the unhealthy shit im not going to touch for awhile. So what do you guys think i should eat and how much of it will i eat in these last days as a free fat guy
User avatar #175575 to #175569 - SOUL CRUSHER (02/22/2015) [-]
it's gonna be hard at first. Just start by reducing the food you eat to about half, you just cut down unneeded snacking
#175577 to #175575 - mexicaninja (02/22/2015) [-]
its not the eating im worried about its what i should eat as my last supper or suppers
User avatar #175589 to #175577 - spaceking (02/22/2015) [-]
Macaroni and cheese, and a 32 oz Coke.
User avatar #175579 to #175577 - SOUL CRUSHER (02/22/2015) [-]
Oh I read that wrong.... I don't have a clue. I've been eating healthy for so long I can't remember what it was like to go crazy with food
#175581 to #175579 - mexicaninja (02/22/2015) [-]
sorry i worded it weirdly and its alright man just tell me the things youve wanted to eat
User avatar #175584 to #175581 - SOUL CRUSHER (02/22/2015) [-]
Enchiladas.... BBQ ribs, corn dogs and your mom
#175585 to #175584 - mexicaninja (02/22/2015) [-]
My mom makes so kick ass enchiladas so il kill 2 birds with one stone there
#175572 to #175569 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
just dont touch gluten! That shit makes your dick fly off!!!
#175573 to #175572 - mexicaninja (02/22/2015) [-]
i work at a pizza place/italian restaurant so too late...
User avatar #175578 to #175573 - sugoi (02/22/2015) [-]
He's joking, pretty sure its a southpark reference.

A very important thing is counting calories, losing weight is all about them calories. Around 1800 per day is good for losing weight, each meal should be around 450 which is 3 meals plus 450 to spare if you want a snack or something.

As for what to eat specifically it's up to you, you can eat anything you want as long as you count your calories. It's HIGHLY recommended to cut out soft drinks all together at least until you get to a reasonable weight, drink water or if the blandness is getting to you, lemonade or tea (not the store bought lipton shit cause of them sugars).

Seriously though you'd get much better advice from the fitness board.
#175580 to #175578 - mexicaninja (02/22/2015) [-]
yea i got the south park reference and one of my coworkers is a nutritionist so ive been trying to work out a meal plan with her its just i need ideas for unhealthy eating before i go into it
User avatar #175586 to #175580 - sugoi (02/22/2015) [-]
Just remember that you can always make up for lack of nutrients with supplements.
It's definitely not the best idea but it is an option if you have problems with your diet.
#175574 to #175573 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
lets all have a moment of silence for mexininja.... may it follow it's dreams
#175576 to #175574 - mexicaninja (02/22/2015) [-]
Dude you spelled my name wrong
#175582 to #175576 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
shamefur dispray i know. but seriously good luck with the diet bro.
#175583 to #175582 - mexicaninja (02/22/2015) [-]
thanks man i will need it
#175544 - hidanfangirl (02/22/2015) [-]
Is this considered a threat or no? This person has been harassing me and my friend Jaden. They told him to go kill himself a few times because he was defending me.
User avatar #175595 to #175544 - Shole (02/22/2015) [-]
Can't you block/report him?
It should help. Also ignore it, a troll on the internet is not worth the burning/damaging of your brain cells.
#175546 to #175544 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
Well if thats the you wondering if thats fine tosay to the troll. well if you know who the troll is then sure. if not then i'd say dont feed em, he'll get bored. if ur deadset on sending it then maybe go a little harsher
User avatar #175547 to #175546 - hidanfangirl (02/22/2015) [-]
I know who they are. They pretty much ruined my life, and because of them I have extreme trust issues.
#175548 to #175547 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
that sound heavy sorry bro. i'd like to think that they will understand the "fuck off" but hey. people are shit heads including me. that should be good. good luck.
#175552 to #175548 - hidanfangirl (02/22/2015) [-]
This is what THEY said to ME, not what I said to them. All I asked was for them to leave me alone. This was their excuse as to why they told my friend to kill himself.
#175559 to #175552 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
well not exactly sure which profile is which but it sounds a little hypocritical. if they really fucked up and dude was just trying to get them to see it... but you know it doesnt sound like they're up for a long term argument. if you try and get them to own up and continue to tell them that theyre being dicks. you'll probably just get more dickish responses. its unfair to let it go but if you dont want more then they will probably drop it if you do. if they continue after that then keep going until they don't see the point of continuing. might not be the best advice but hey good luck
User avatar #175560 to #175559 - hidanfangirl (02/22/2015) [-]
I just feel like I CAN'T drop it because they told my best friend to do something as awful as that. My friend has saved me from committing suicide about 5 times and he's the only person I really trust anymore. I will not let this asshole get away with telling him to die.
#175563 to #175560 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
I creeped on ur profile for a sec btw. Nice drawing!! jesus christ in a chicken basket you got talent.
User avatar #175566 to #175563 - hidanfangirl (02/22/2015) [-]
Thank you
#175568 to #175566 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
yep. give credit where its due.
#175562 to #175560 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
huh. Well idk. ur probably not going to get them to take responsibility. If ur looking for some measure of owning up then maybe you could get it by mirroring their actions and asking how cool that experience was. honestly doubt that will work. if you just want some sort of revenge well shit man you'll end up showing off the worst human you can be. maybe they deserve it. i dont really see any decent outcome. It seems like the more that happens the more fucked it gets. just be strait and say why he wouldnt leave them alone. If their gonna be douchey then their gonna get fucked with. doesnt mean they should just be more shitty in response. in the end just find what you want to get from it. then use ur judgement to make it happen. I hope you can reason with em.
User avatar #175565 to #175562 - hidanfangirl (02/22/2015) [-]
We ended up sorting it out. The person in question was reasonable and listened to me. The friend however is still harassing me
#175567 to #175565 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
thats some shit man. cant win em all. Really glad it worked out. dude will probably talk to his bro soon enough and tell him to drop it. Btw you should totally try trusting people sometimes. But not the outside... its evil...
User avatar #175571 to #175567 - hidanfangirl (02/22/2015) [-]
My trust issues make that kinda hard but I'll try.
#175539 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
is there ever a time when nobody has said you're dating, nobody's agreed to it, and suddenly somehow you are? I always thought that you would know when ur dating someone.
User avatar #175549 to #175539 - SOUL CRUSHER (02/22/2015) [-]
that...sometime that happen but that why you gotta stepback and have a define-the-relationship talk.
#175551 to #175549 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
right, dont want to hurt people but it would probably be better if we talked about it.
User avatar #175553 to #175551 - SOUL CRUSHER (02/22/2015) [-]
Yea you just gotta talk it out, it could honestly be cleared up in 1 minute.
#175564 to #175553 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
yeah hope so bro. idk if you want some streaming sites but [url deleted] and [url deleted] are pretty awesome.
#175541 to #175539 - John Cena (02/22/2015) [-]
That person is probably crazy or mistaken your friendship/kindness for something more. If you're not friends then they're definitely crazy.
#175542 to #175541 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
haha anonexplains. nice. yeah i met these chicks and they were cool. liked hangin with them. but suddenly they hate/think i'm "cheating" because i watch porn... i'm just confused at this point. well thanks for letting me rant a bit.
#175543 to #175542 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
yeah probably just having a misunderstanding myself. speaking of porn: here ya go [url deleted]
#175545 to #175543 - vnstupidity has deleted their comment [-]
#175531 - cacti (02/22/2015) [-]
I have a project that i'm working on. It isn't too hard. It's for a friend for her birthday and she really likes instruments. Her main one is the violin. So I thought I would do something cool with a violin bridge. (Refer to the picture) I want to somehow carve the center hole into the shape of a heart. After that i want to spruce up the design a little and make it look kind of fancy around the edges. I'm then gonna drill a hole through the top and put lace/leather/string through it, thus successfully creating a (hopefully) kickass necklace. Can anyone give me advice on what tools I should use and how to hollow the center into a heart? It'd be great if any of you could help me.
User avatar #175532 to #175531 - sineztro (02/22/2015) [-]
Dremmel esque tools are nice and definitely go to a hard ware store for better tips
User avatar #175533 to #175532 - cacti (02/22/2015) [-]
Okay thanks. I suppose I can always get help from my father too. He's 70 and fairly experienced with this kind of stuff.
User avatar #175536 to #175533 - fruzzinoid (02/22/2015) [-]
Measure twice, cut first. Use a pencil. Make LIGHT LIGHT LIGHT marks before you cut anything, or you can use a stencil or a copy to figure out how to cut first.
My point is, be careful as fuck. Don't you dare rush.
User avatar #175554 to #175536 - cacti (02/22/2015) [-]
As it turns out, the baroque style of violin bridge has a little heart shape in the middle, so I may not have to cut anything at all.
User avatar #175555 to #175554 - fruzzinoid (02/22/2015) [-]
Sweet! Personalize it if you want. Add a dick.
User avatar #175556 to #175555 - cacti (02/22/2015) [-]
I think she may not like the idea of having a dick shape on it too much, considering i've been on skype with her for the past hour making dick jokes. And she says she wants to stab me. Any other ideas?
User avatar #175557 to #175556 - fruzzinoid (02/22/2015) [-]
Let her stab you.
User avatar #175558 to #175557 - cacti (02/22/2015) [-]
I like the way you think.
#175529 - John Cena (02/22/2015) [-]
**anonymous used "*roll 1, 0-99*"**
**anonymous rolls 35**
User avatar #175515 - SOUL CRUSHER (02/22/2015) [-]
I'm scared
User avatar #175537 to #175515 - fruzzinoid (02/22/2015) [-]
Dear Jim,
I am afraid
User avatar #175600 to #175537 - bobvonbobby (02/22/2015) [-]
I get this reference. Nice.
User avatar #175516 to #175515 - fappening (02/22/2015) [-]
what of fam?
#175510 - John Cena (02/22/2015) [-]
At what point should I ask this girl for her kik?
We've known of each other for a while buy never really talked until the start of this school quarter. We talk a in class more about each other now and get a few small laughs in and share food. 2 weeks left in the quarter when should I do it and how.
User avatar #175517 to #175510 - fappening (02/22/2015) [-]
you are now friendzoned, even if you get her kik, do not expect anything imo
#175526 to #175517 - John Cena (02/22/2015) [-]
I feel like I have a small window to not fall into it
User avatar #175530 to #175526 - fappening (02/22/2015) [-]
you need to ask her indirectly what she thinks of you

if he has friendzoned you, then best thing to do is remain as friends and tell her to hook you up with one of her hot friends

if there is a hint (and you need to know how to read her when she gives it) ask her to hang out with you outside school
User avatar #175509 - jokekill (02/22/2015) [-]
Where the hell do i find comments that i've favorited?
#175511 to #175509 - SOUL CRUSHER (02/22/2015) [-]
your favorite bar will have multiple tabs, one for each type of content.

Just click on favorite on the top right of the page and find the tab on the pop up menu
User avatar #175513 to #175511 - jokekill (02/22/2015) [-]
How do i get to that?
User avatar #175507 - darksideofthebeast (02/22/2015) [-]
Anybody that plays drums here.

I just started and I'm trying to cover this song Between The Buried And Me - Bloom (Lyrics Video)
And I have most of it down, but I can't keep my arm stamina (especially right arm)
What are good practices to build up stamina in my arm?
#175550 to #175507 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
well i dont play drums but try isometric exercises. if you do it alot the muscle contractions you can do will be faster. meaning you have more stamina and you can play faster.
User avatar #175587 to #175550 - darksideofthebeast (02/22/2015) [-]
Ah, yea that would be a good idea. I do that with my legs now, it helps with the kick pedal.
But my arms I don't and I seem to run out of stamina fast.
#175588 to #175587 - vnstupidity (02/22/2015) [-]
yeah thats why gyms can be good. at least you'd be workin with bros instead of on your own.
#175506 - John Cena (02/21/2015) [-]
I need your help!
We have like a vacation house a few hours from our home. My neighbour at the vacation house is really, really hot and i feel we have quite good chemistry. She also says she misses me (with hearts) when we chat etc.

I think we are going to have a couple of drinks (not like on a bar doe) the next time we are meeting (in a few weeks). I want to bang her, and my question for you is; how should i proceed? Like how can i naturally get into a topic of this matter and seduce her-ish?

User avatar #175538 to #175506 - fruzzinoid (02/22/2015) [-]
Slip it in her drink. She goes to take a sip, BOOM. Your dick's in her mouth.
You're welcome.
User avatar #175518 to #175506 - fappening (02/22/2015) [-]
dude she already wants the D

all you have to do is have a few drinks with her, somewhere with a nice view, and then kiss her

what ever you do DONT let the drinking part drag on for too long as she will think you just wanna be friends, plus it gets akward if you talk for too long without making a move
User avatar #175503 - nutsfromahippie (02/21/2015) [-]
Right, here's my situation. One of my friends in college is trying to hook me up with one of her friends. So the group of us have all agreed to go out and the person I'm gonna meet will come too. Now here's the thing. Out of the 7 of us only 2 of us are straight, the rest are gay, bi, pan and whatever, so they're going to a gay bar. I don't really know what to make of it all tbh, is it fine for a straight guy to go to a gay bar? Any rules or anything as I have no idea what to expect.
User avatar #175521 to #175503 - fappening (02/22/2015) [-]
as long as there are a few nice traps, you will enjoy yourself
User avatar #175512 to #175503 - SOUL CRUSHER (02/22/2015) [-]
yeah, petty much relax. Let people know your straight but keep and open kind and youll have such a good time you'll want to go to gay bar more often
User avatar #175505 to #175503 - awesomerninjathing (02/21/2015) [-]
it's fine but you're going to get hit on most likely
User avatar #175502 - padorak (02/21/2015) [-]
Dear advice board:
My friend and I made another video a while back and took the advice you gave us to stop recording with the xbox microphones and start using skype and the quality has increased drastically. Though we were wondering, is there anything else we can improve on? I know that's a stupid question because there's always something to make it better but funnyjunk is our favorite community and we were wondering some more advice from the best site on the internet. What do you guys think we should do?

User avatar #175519 to #175502 - fappening (02/22/2015) [-]
some tits every now and then would be nice, apart from that keep up the good work
#175500 - derpityhurr has deleted their comment [-]
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