Meanwhile, in Markarth. We find the Dragonborn of Skyrim within the great walls of Markarth attempting to get directions from one of the local guards; and is co skyrim markarth guards thief sweetroll Shopkeepers Dragons Fiddling arrow Knee lollygaggin
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Meanwhile, in Markarth

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Meanwhile, in Markarth. We find the Dragonborn of Skyrim within the great walls of Markarth attempting to get directions from one of the local guards; and is co

We find the Dragonborn of Skyrim within the great walls of Markarth attempting to get directions from one of the local guards; and is constantly met with blatant remarks by the guard about the Dragonborn's career choices while whining about the stone cold beds. The Dragonborn, being frustrated, tries to step away from the guardsmen as the guard talks about once being an adventurer until an arrow in the knee changed his life forever. and that his cousin is out fighting dragons while he gets stuck with guard duty. The Dragonborn slips away and warns another guard about the previous one, just to be warned that he shouldn't be lollygaggin.

[Detailed description as asked by Admin]

THIS LOCAL M P
I' LL HAVE TO ASK FOP
A IS A MESS.
DIRECTIONS O?
I' M NEVER’ GOING TO GET ANYWHERE...
AHEM... EXCUSE ME,
GUARDSMAN, COULD YOU“?
WHOAA, EASY NOW/ I' LL KEEP MY
HANDS RIGHT WHIPE YOU CAN SEE
WHAT? NO, I WAS JUST
WONDERING IF YOU COULD...
FINE, I ADMIT " You
omen's ME. NOW PLEASE
K I no
an I JUST SAID...
I USED TO BE AN ADVENTURER? LIKE YOU BUT
THEN I TOOK AN IN THE KNEE,
my SW To A
LET ME GUESS, SOMEONE
STOKE YOU? SWEETROLLS’
DON' T TQY TO BAXTER
WITH ME LIKE I' M ONE
THOSE DAMNED
SHOPKEEPER'S
it KNOW %' GUILD
WHEN I SEE ONE! YOU' PE NOT
FOOLING ANYONE.’
TO HIDE IT ALL YOU WANT.
AND SO 00 THE OTHER .
I KNOW vow:
mo, ALWAYS
ABOUT.
MY ’ S OUT FIGHTING
DRAGONS AND WHAT
DO I GET? GUARD DUTY!
CAN' T BEL
IEVE I' M
TED HOPE. EVEN
THE BEDS APE MADE
OF STONE. 'SOB'
GOT ME THINKING. MAYBE I AM THE DRAGONBORN
AND I JUST DON' T KNOW IT YET.
YALI' LIKE ME, gm
DON' T FANCY THOSE CLUNKY
WEAPONS.
BUT YOU' RE EQUIPPING... A BATTLE an
OH, FORGET ABOUT " ON A SECOND
THOUGHT MAYBE I' LL JUST... GO.
YOU GO FIDDLING ANY
LOCKS ABOUND HERE AND
WE' GOING TO HAVE A
DEAL PEOBLEM!
DISRESPECT
THE LAW AND YOU
DISRESPECT ME!!!
YOU KNOW, I THINK
THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH YOU?
PARTNER OVER THEQK...
CE LINDA KINDA 9019
...
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Views: 61481
Favorited: 130
Submitted: 01/12/2014
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Comments(176):

[ 176 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#115 - infamoustrapper (01/13/2014) [-]
Some guards can be pretty weird, but I mean it's stressful life. It gets to your head. Like take this one instance I had really scarred me.
>Be guard at whiterun
>would quit, but only thing I can get because of knee injury
>hear Dragonborn becomes thane
>See him coming in full iron armor.
>keep it cool
>comment on his iron armor, doesn't respond
>then I got idea to stay updated in all the late news to keep him in the loop
>nobody ever breaks any laws anyways
>find out the craziest **** like dark brotherhood, and thieves guild
>one day he looks more flustered than usual
>stops in his tracks
>suddenly draws weapons and starts slaughtering everybody
>no one is spared
>shoots me in knee with arrow (guess he thought it would be ironic with my injury, sick bastard)
>no one left besides me
>about to bleed out
>he stops in his tracks again
>suddenly find myself at beginning of shift
>entire town looks as if nothing had happened
>wtf.jpg
>Dragonborn looks like he just blew off some steam
>to this day do not know what the **** happened.
#13 - yologdog (01/13/2014) [-]
I'll Gag whatever Loli I want.
User avatar #39 to #13 - voltkills (01/13/2014) [-]
source? for... eerrrr.. science n **** .
#154 to #13 - thebaker ONLINE (01/13/2014) [-]
Is that Sakura from Sakura Card Captors?
#179 to #13 - anon (06/20/2015) [-]
User avatar #141 to #13 - jaggedherp ONLINE (01/13/2014) [-]
I thumbed you up because of your clever joke, but I felt bad inside.
#109 to #13 - applescryatnight ONLINE (01/13/2014) [-]
this should not expand dong.
but it does.
User avatar #32 to #13 - demacianhooker (01/13/2014) [-]
I did this on facebook and BOY did I get a response
There was a picture of a Skyrim guard saying "No lollygaggin' "
Some guy asked for source in broken English
#6 - kcwsooners (01/13/2014) [-]
THANK YOU FUNNYJUNK POSTING HUMAN!!!

IT"S 'IN THE KNEE' NOT 'TO THE KNEE'

YOU GOT IT RIGHT!
#1 - burdensomebucket (01/12/2014) [-]
**burdensomebucket rolls 58**
User avatar #23 to #1 - connordude (01/13/2014) [-]
**connordude rolls 61**...
#24 to #1 - oyes (01/13/2014) [-]
**oyes rolls 09** for you
0
#117 to #1 - purity has deleted their comment [-]
0
#118 to #1 - purity has deleted their comment [-]
#135 to #1 - linkofdf (01/13/2014) [-]
**linkofdf rolls 32**
#4 to #1 - awesemo (01/13/2014) [-]
**awesemo rolls 18**
#17 to #2 - arlax (01/13/2014) [-]
You still got thumbs, though.
You still got thumbs, though.
#8 to #2 - kaboomz (01/13/2014) [-]
**kaboomz rolls 64**
User avatar #40 to #8 - sabcy (01/13/2014) [-]
**sabcy rolls 33** Fus
User avatar #41 to #40 - sabcy (01/13/2014) [-]
**sabcy rolls 02** ro
User avatar #44 to #41 - sabcy (01/13/2014) [-]
**sabcy rolls 01** Dah
0
#43 to #41 - sabcy has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #122 to #8 - Haentar (01/13/2014) [-]
**Haentar rolls 91** Fas
User avatar #123 to #122 - Haentar (01/13/2014) [-]
**Haentar rolls 70** raye
User avatar #124 to #123 - Haentar (01/13/2014) [-]
**Haentar rolls 81** d--
User avatar #125 to #124 - Haentar (01/13/2014) [-]
**Haentar rolls 06** --uh
User avatar #150 to #2 - gorilladinn (01/13/2014) [-]
stop abusing the retardation of this site
User avatar #15 - alphagex (01/13/2014) [-]
fiddle with some cock and we're have a real party around here

thank u internet
User avatar #143 to #15 - jaggedherp ONLINE (01/13/2014) [-]
These boys work hard and they play harder
#22 to #15 - yowutis (01/13/2014) [-]
No thank Manslayer
No thank Manslayer
#18 to #15 - murpmurp (01/13/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #26 to #18 - darkoblivion ONLINE (01/13/2014) [-]
how about we invite some women?
User avatar #7 - cubanwhiteman (01/13/2014) [-]
Makes me miss the oblivion guards. You could ask them for directions to different buildings in town. Now they just sort of... well look at the ******* post again.
User avatar #50 to #7 - chimpaflimp (01/13/2014) [-]
It still follows the rule of having, like, 10 voice actors for the entire ******* game as well. You'd have thought that they'd use more than that, given how many different people you need to talk to.
User avatar #56 to #50 - manofiron ONLINE (01/13/2014) [-]
It's like Fallout:NV. Yuri Lowenthal, and Liam O' Brien voice like half of all the NPCs in the game.
User avatar #113 to #50 - cubanwhiteman (01/13/2014) [-]
That was impressive about skyrim too. It went from 10 to 50 voice actors. I really liked that, made it more fun to talk with the npc's
User avatar #120 to #113 - chimpaflimp (01/13/2014) [-]
Despite the guards only having, like, 15 lines in total, yeah.
#78 - eiramart (01/13/2014) [-]
I lost so much time
User avatar #83 to #78 - whyamieventrying (01/13/2014) [-]
Can someone make this, but exchange "lollygaggin'" with "ninegagin'"?

I'd give you one of my wise words as a revard for it...
#119 to #98 - whyamieventrying (01/13/2014) [-]
Thanks! Too cool man... O.k.; here I go:

1. If you add 2 + 2 and then kill yourself, you'll die.
2. Women have a much higher chance getting pregnant than men.
3. If you wake up dead you know you've died.

May these wise words guide you through your life.
#121 to #119 - nuclearderp (01/13/2014) [-]
no wai u lie
no wai u lie
#173 to #121 - whyamieventrying (01/15/2014) [-]
Maiq may lie... or he may not - but does it make a difference?
#29 - toguro (01/13/2014) [-]
User avatar #38 to #29 - sabcy (01/13/2014) [-]
source?
+1
#54 to #38 - chillybilly has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #102 to #58 - seras (01/13/2014) [-]
Sakuya x Meiling all the way.
User avatar #168 to #29 - confusedwolf ONLINE (01/14/2014) [-]
this oddly make me want to make a skyrim mod.....
#64 to #29 - dudenectar (01/13/2014) [-]
no pls
no pls
User avatar #36 to #29 - mindsculptorjace (01/13/2014) [-]
You really think someone who would do that?
Just post a lewd picture on the internet?
#45 to #30 - mindsculptorjace (01/13/2014) [-]
shhhh...no tears now.
#97 - intenso (01/13/2014) [-]
**intenso rolled a random image posted in comment #9 at I just had a similar conversation **
#101 to #97 - intenso (01/13/2014) [-]
I don't know.
User avatar #10 - kirkbot (01/13/2014) [-]
wow after all these years, finally someone gets the joke right
iit's an arrow IN the knee, not TO the knee
#156 - moewolf (01/13/2014) [-]
"don't go fiddling around with any cocks around here or we'll have a real BIG party."
User avatar #176 to #156 - levonmazode (01/23/2014) [-]
"What manner of sissynes is this?" "GET YOUR GROOVE ON SOLDIER!"
#88 - jellykuba ONLINE (01/13/2014) [-]
I hear the "I might be the Dragonborn" a lot more then any of the others.
User avatar #94 to #88 - seras (01/13/2014) [-]
Go and advance the plot, it will stop.
User avatar #96 to #88 - bonlino (01/13/2014) [-]
ive never heard it before. my gaurds alway complain about 'those damn dragons'
User avatar #99 to #88 - bonlino (01/13/2014) [-]
secondly, do you know who the two on the horse are? i know one i dragon born (not sure which one) and the other is somebody im not sure i know. basically, i cant identify either of them.
User avatar #104 to #99 - jellykuba ONLINE (01/13/2014) [-]
The one in front is the Dragonborn, the one in back is Cicero, and the horse is Shadowmere.
User avatar #105 to #104 - bonlino (01/13/2014) [-]
but cicero isnt female [small]hes still sexy though[small]
User avatar #106 to #105 - jellykuba ONLINE (01/13/2014) [-]
He isn't in the comic either. It's just the artists style.
User avatar #111 to #88 - kolya (01/13/2014) [-]
is that the song from Blackadder ? ))))
User avatar #112 to #111 - jellykuba ONLINE (01/13/2014) [-]
Yes it is.
User avatar #174 to #88 - jonathankitty (01/19/2014) [-]
Cicero is getting a nice grope in.
#52 - numbertwozeldafan (01/13/2014) [-]
I ******* Hate Markarth so ******* MUCH that I make it my personal mission to kill everyone who can be killed in that town and set it ablaze. Seriously; **** Markarth.

It's not even a random hatred: I genuinely detest that town (mostly because of the conspiracy) more than any other in that game, or any Elder Scrolls game for that matter.
User avatar #53 to #52 - sanguinesolitude (01/13/2014) [-]
how could you hate markarth? the coolest looking city and has the best house.
User avatar #55 to #53 - numbertwozeldafan (01/13/2014) [-]
Probably has something to do with the guards arresting me and throwing me into a ******* mine for trying to help.
User avatar #59 to #55 - sanguinesolitude (01/13/2014) [-]
psht i got out of the mine and now the forsworn like me and markarth also likes me.
User avatar #61 to #59 - numbertwozeldafan (01/13/2014) [-]
I never learned the Forsworn's opinion of me; I was too busy murdering the city guard as violently as possible to care.
User avatar #63 to #61 - sanguinesolitude (01/13/2014) [-]
lol. I never depopulate cities in the main game, i mean sure after saving and then i go back to before. I need those sweet sweet merchants to keep giving me gold. Now dont ask what at this point i need gold for, that is irrelevant.
User avatar #66 to #63 - numbertwozeldafan (01/13/2014) [-]
Don't get me wrong: after the first file I made sure to NOT turn Markarth into a crater until after every major quest involving the town was finished. I'm a practical man, after all.

Still, so long as I breathe, Markarth is marked.
User avatar #71 to #66 - sanguinesolitude (01/13/2014) [-]
markarth is home to my favorite house. cant have corpses stinking up the place. And My house is so full of loot that i need a couple good shopkeepers around
User avatar #73 to #71 - numbertwozeldafan (01/13/2014) [-]
I'm actually rather fond of MAKING my own house, usually the plot near Riverwood.
User avatar #74 to #73 - sanguinesolitude (01/13/2014) [-]
wait... what do you mean?
User avatar #79 to #74 - numbertwozeldafan (01/13/2014) [-]
Hearthfire? Making your own house?
User avatar #89 to #79 - sanguinesolitude (01/13/2014) [-]
i havent played skyrim in like a year, you can make your own house? Since when? is this a mod?
User avatar #128 to #89 - ishallsmiteyou (01/13/2014) [-]
Hearthfire is a small DLC that lets you buy plots of land to build your own house. not a mod, it's an official DLC.
User avatar #129 to #128 - sanguinesolitude (01/13/2014) [-]
gotcha. i played skyrim every day starting at the midnight release for like 4 months and basically burned myself out on it. I havent played it since. I probably should.
User avatar #130 to #129 - ishallsmiteyou (01/13/2014) [-]
If you want any good mods for it, you should check out some of the LoTR ones. The tend to be very high quality.
User avatar #133 to #130 - sanguinesolitude (01/13/2014) [-]
interesting. i might have to.
User avatar #134 to #133 - ishallsmiteyou (01/13/2014) [-]
And if you like great views and towers, try Nilheim as a Player Home mod. It's beautiful.
User avatar #67 to #52 - sergeantnovak (01/13/2014) [-]
Markarth is actually my favorite hold capital. The people are the worst, but I love the Dwemer and their architecture.
User avatar #70 to #67 - numbertwozeldafan (01/13/2014) [-]
Friendly reminder that the Dwemer quite literally STUPIDED themselves into extinction.
User avatar #155 to #70 - IAmManbearpig (01/13/2014) [-]
also douchebagged the Snow Elves into the Falmer
User avatar #166 to #155 - numbertwozeldafan (01/14/2014) [-]
I completely forgot about that.

The Dwemer managed to wipe out TWO species. Good going, you bearded assholes.
User avatar #76 to #70 - sergeantnovak (01/13/2014) [-]
The disappearance of the Dwemer had to do with only one of them, Kagrenac.
User avatar #80 to #76 - numbertwozeldafan (01/13/2014) [-]
It's largely implied (by other races) that the Dwemer collectively attempted to attain divinity...and we know how that worked out for them.
User avatar #87 to #80 - sergeantnovak (01/13/2014) [-]
No, you're correct. The Dwemer race collectively wanted to ascend into their own creation. To bind themselves with their creation, the brass god Numidium. Though I believe Kagrenac's ambition and haste without precautions is what doomed them at the end.

And having that happened doesn't make what the Dwemer built not less great in my opinion. They harnessed the knowledge of stone working and metallurgy like no other race. It makes you wonder what could have been. They present an interesting enigma in the lore.
User avatar #90 to #87 - numbertwozeldafan (01/13/2014) [-]
It doesn't help that the one Dwemer that wasn't erased from reality itself went and made it impossible for the race to survive (on account of having no penis).
User avatar #91 to #90 - sergeantnovak (01/13/2014) [-]
Corpus is a bitch
User avatar #158 to #52 - thesovereigngrave (01/13/2014) [-]
I agree, it's why I kinda like the Forsworn.
#175 to #52 - anon (01/23/2014) [-]
I thought it was just me. When I got out of the prison and the fight broke out, killed everyone, including the annoying shopkeeper that was helping them. Lured the obnoxious priest to the cannibals, killed everyone(as a werewolf and ate them to add insult to injury). The new guy in the shop that says he's there until she comes back is much nicer to me(I think he knows something). Sneak from far away, killed the bum near the entrance. Only wish I had known to buy the dog before I killed the stable guy in the cannibal destruction. Delivered the girl, but something inside me said that the temple needed a cleansing, so all of the women up top were dealt with. Everyone seems pretty chill in the town now, except a couple douches in the tavern, but I'll figure out how to deal with them later. I seem to have glitched being thane(even though the Jarl is happy I found the traitors, and seem to have glitched the bum's quest, even before I killed him, but oh well.
User avatar #57 to #52 - zdawg (01/13/2014) [-]
How can you set stone on fire?
User avatar #60 to #57 - numbertwozeldafan (01/13/2014) [-]
By using the "Dragon Fire Breath" console command spell. It lasts a while.
User avatar #148 to #60 - ohmeghon (01/13/2014) [-]
thats dedication man. ****
User avatar #100 to #52 - seras (01/13/2014) [-]
I don't like the town either. Hidden in some mountain side, in their own little world, don't care about anything other then themselves, currupt up the ass... But I find it great that the game really has such a place. Normally you hate a place in a game because of how it looks, or maybe cause it's boring, but one can really hate Markath because of the lore and people there. Very well done.
#21 - redstonealchemist (01/13/2014) [-]
but... but...
User avatar #65 to #21 - admiralen (01/13/2014) [-]
sorry to break your bubble man, but hinata isnt even close to a loli
User avatar #68 to #65 - redstonealchemist (01/13/2014) [-]
she's under 18, her breasts are far smaller than the typical hot female anime character, she's shy, she's innocent... so far she seems to be exactly like a loli character
User avatar #82 to #68 - adu (01/13/2014) [-]
Yoko is 14 and not a loli. By technical standards, all lolis are prepubescent, no older than late 12. Don't ask me how I know this.
User avatar #127 to #68 - schneidend ONLINE (01/13/2014) [-]
Doesn't Hinata have pretty big breasts? They were just hidden in here jacket, and they only get bigger in Shippuden.
User avatar #169 to #127 - redstonealchemist (01/14/2014) [-]
i've not gotten to shippuden. the early episode where she takes her coat off, i estimate her breasts to be approximately C cup and i've come acroos a lot of underage people who have big breasts.
hell, i know a girl who hit puberty so hard that she had DD boobs and weighed less than 11 stone (154lb)
User avatar #171 to #169 - schneidend ONLINE (01/14/2014) [-]
Definitely pushes her out of loli territory, imo.
User avatar #72 to #68 - admiralen (01/13/2014) [-]
do you even know what loli means? a loli looks more like a 12 year old...
hinata looks like a mature girl thus not like a loli
User avatar #81 to #72 - redstonealchemist (01/13/2014) [-]
loli literally means 'cute and innocent'
User avatar #92 to #81 - admiralen (01/13/2014) [-]
even though its not used for that.
loli is used for people who look underage but arent, hinata looks mature
#27 to #21 - legitlymature (01/13/2014) [-]
Hinata...
User avatar #51 to #27 - redstonealchemist (01/13/2014) [-]
the hinata hentai is surprisingly scarce and what hinata hentai DOES exist, it's usually a remake from a different hentai game
#116 - anon (01/13/2014) [-]
the most ridiculous thing was, right after a dragon landed and me and a few guards killed it, i spoke to him and he was like "my cousins out fighting dragons and what do i get? guard duty" i'm like ffs you just killed one you dumb twat
#14 - newdevyx (01/13/2014) [-]
**newdevyx rolled a random image posted in comment #7196427 at Safe For Work Random Board **
>the safest city in the reach

**** that it ain't safe at all.
#136 to #114 - newdevyx (01/13/2014) [-]
**newdevyx rolled a random image posted in comment #208 at I don't understand ** plsno
#139 to #138 - newdevyx (01/13/2014) [-]
I know, but it doesn't matter.
I know, but it doesn't matter.
0
#137 to #136 - ianmcgunny has deleted their comment [-]
#19 to #14 - groovierpoet (01/13/2014) [-]
duuude..
User avatar #107 - stely (01/13/2014) [-]
I don't care about the red thumbs, tl;dr and "wrong post" incoming, but I think that skyrim's depth is like a water puddle. You'll get the same reactions everywhere you go, even if you just saved the world the third time. "So what do you do, fetch the mead?". I think if they implemented some kind of fame system like in Fable 1, it'd feel much more immersive and you'd actually feel like you make a difference. In its situation it's just too plain and boring. I mean even the pleb farmers take you for a moron. Don't get me wrong, I liked it a lot and I did every quest I found on my 2 year old save, but if they'd implement more immersive stuff and more consequences it could become the greatest RPG ever, maybe surpassing Gothic at a point.
Opinions? Maybe gibe your favourite mods?
User avatar #131 to #107 - fantasma (01/13/2014) [-]
The nude mod.
Oh, wait, you meant in relation to your post....
There's nothing more immersing than watching a naked woman with D cup tits running around ******* everyone's **** up.
User avatar #140 to #107 - kinginyellow (01/13/2014) [-]
Ya the "random" phrases were often repeated to hell or just plain made no sense in the setting, you couldn't even ask some guards for questions which would've been nice. I like the game too, but TLUO showed that you can have scripted conversation and still feel deep.
User avatar #167 to #107 - spidahridah (01/14/2014) [-]
I couldn't agree more. The mod "Guard Dialogue Overhaul" aims to fix that issue. It makes the guards' dialogue more realistic and respectful to the player if he has achieved things that deserves said respect.
User avatar #159 - arnolddusk (01/13/2014) [-]
repost
#160 to #159 - anon (01/13/2014) [-]
You're really trying for this -400 aren't you.
#110 - anon (01/13/2014) [-]
User avatar #145 to #110 - newsuperyoshi (01/13/2014) [-]
-rave music-
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