Alcohol.... 1 - 0 Alcohol. funny awesome po
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#16 to #1 - thechosentroll (11/06/2012) [-]
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I love expressions like those.
#13 - SeagalIsGod (11/06/2012) [-]
You don't win friends with salad...
You don't win friends with salad...
#11 - jswain (11/06/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #3 - shadowmaul (11/05/2012) [-]
Apparently Cardboard works even though salad tastes like cardboard
User avatar #18 - frostinius (11/06/2012) [-]
Unless it's a meat salad with bacon and beer dressing. #EpicMealTime bitches
#17 - thechosentroll (11/06/2012) [-]
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A wise man once said "Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither does drinking milk.
User avatar #2 - kirkbot (11/05/2012) [-]
can't argue with that
flawless logic
#7 - anon (11/06/2012) [-]
So, this one time I ordered a salad. And this guy was walking past my table , and he said, “Wow, that looks delicious! I think I might order one of those!”
“OH man, you totally should,” I said.
He walked away. A few minutes later, he returned with his own salad, except he had gotten his with blue cheese dressing, and I had gotten mine with bacon vinaigrette. He said ” I figured that these salads are too good to enjoy alone, so I thought I would come and sit with you.” We proceeded to talk about dressing preferecences, and our favourite crunchy salad toppers (Croutons? walnuts? Sunflower seeds?) .

The conversation moved on to work and family. He asked me what my father did for a living, and I said that he was a sea captain. He said “No way, my dad is a sea captain too!”
“Are you for real?” I asked. “What ships has he been on?”
“Well” he said. and started counting off on his fingers, “There was the RMS Horse Apples, the SS Whistling Pisser, and before that he was a first mate on the USS Rick Springfield –”
When I heard that name, chills moved down my whole body. “The…. the Rick Springfield? My father captained the Rick Springfield. Before I was born.”
WInston’s (the guy’s name was Winston) face grew stony. “Your father” he asked quietly
I nodded.
So you father was Iron Knee McGlee?”
I nodded again
“You know, then, that we can never be together. For ours is a long and bitter enmity which runs in our blood, and will run in the blood of our children and grandchildren.”
I nodded a third time , and pushed my chair back from the table. “This is how it must be, Winston, although I feel have grown to love you during our short conversation. The bond I have to my family obliges me to be your bitter enemy.”
User avatar #8 to #7 - thezishere (11/06/2012) [-]
So, this one time I ordered a salad. And this guy was walking past my table , and he said, “Wow, that looks delicious! I think I might order one of those!”
“OH man, you totally should,” I said.
He walked away. A few minutes later, he returned with his own salad, except he had gotten his with blue cheese dressing, and I had gotten mine with bacon vinaigrette. He said ” I figured that these salads are too good to enjoy alone, so I thought I would come and sit with you.” We proceeded to talk about dressing preferecences, and our favourite crunchy salad toppers (Croutons? walnuts? Sunflower seeds?) .

The conversation moved on to work and family. He asked me what my father did for a living, and I said that he was a sea captain. He said “No way, my dad is a sea captain too!”
“Are you for real?” I asked. “What ships has he been on?”
“Well” he said. and started counting off on his fingers, “There was the RMS Horse Apples, the SS Whistling Pisser, and before that he was a first mate on the USS Rick Springfield –”
When I heard that name, chills moved down my whole body. “The…. the Rick Springfield? My father captained the Rick Springfield. Before I was born.”
WInston’s (the guy’s name was Winston) face grew stony. “Your father” he asked quietly
I nodded.
So you father was Iron Knee McGlee?”
I nodded again
“You know, then, that we can never be together. For ours is a long and bitter enmity which runs in our blood, and will run in the blood of our children and grandchildren.”
I nodded a third time , and pushed my chair back from the table. “This is how it must be, Winston, although I feel have grown to love you during our short conversation. The bond I have to my family obliges me to be your bitter enemy.”
User avatar #9 to #8 - thezishere (11/06/2012) [-]
My father sighed. ” Winston’s father Jebediah and I were in love with the same woman. She was to be my wife, as she was carrying my child. But shortly before we were to be wed, she ran away with Jebediah, and it broke my heart. A couple months later, Winston was born, and Jebediah raised him as his own son.”
“So…” I murmured. So….. he’s my brother?”
My father nodded.
“I want us to be a family,” he said “You see–”
“Wait!” cried another voice, A man walked across the restaurant, and slipped a burly arm around my father. “We need to tell our children togeth.”
My father’s face lit up. “Jeb!” he cried out in joy, and kissed the man.
“WHAT?!” Winston shouted from the floor, and promptly passed out.
“What the **** is going on?” I demanded.
“You see, Ash, we have been in love for years,” my father explained, squeezing the arm of the beaming man next to him. “You can passionately wage war against a person for so many years before you finally realise that it not hate that you feel –”
“It’s love” said both men in unison.
“Excuse me” said a voice. A timid waiter had edged out of the kitchen. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Yes, I will have a large carrot juice,” we all said at once, then looked at each other, and laughed.
THE END ?
User avatar #5 - fapperdefap (11/05/2012) [-]
can i use that pic to post in a comment some day?
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#6 to #5 - powpowryan Comment deleted by powpowryan [-]
#10 - antigravitycake (11/06/2012) [-]
**antigravitycake rolled a random image posted in comment #311474 at Anime & Manga ** >go to pizza hut
>choose salad because healthfag
>order water for drink
>find out i can have as many waters as i want.
>best. day. ever.
#21 - usernamefour (11/06/2012) [-]
I may sound stupid for asking this but what is potato?
User avatar #14 - dontshoot (11/06/2012) [-]
i can do that down an escalator quick hold my beer
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