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User avatar #249 - subaqueousreach (05/26/2012) [-]
So here's what you do:

First you slap that dead bird out of the snakes mouth, pick it up and eat it yourself while the snake watches.

You've just established a challenge for dominance. The snake will likely try to psych you out with subtle movements. Ignore this. The snake is trying to use it's mind powers.

Now while it's trying to hypnotize you, reverse the effects by mirroring it's every movement until the two of you are in total sync. The snake won't know what the fuck is going on, so it will just keep up the routine.

This is the time to strike. The snake will be so mesmerized by your movements that it won't have the time to react. You must briskly grab the snake by the head, but be wary of it's teeth. You don't want to get bit if it's poisonous.

The tail may be a problem. Judging from the size of this snake it can probably get a vice grip on your arm or leg or even your waist and may cut off circulation to certain appendages.

To avoid this you must insert your finger into the snakes anus. This will cause the snake to force a bowel movement. As gross as it may be, keep your finger in that anus at all costs. I mean it.

The snake will be so overwhelmed by this forced penetration that it may begin to thrash wildly. This is what you want.

Without losing grip on the snake (both head and anus) raise it into the air above your head and proclaim loudly "I am Serpentor!"

The snake will pass out and fall limp. After a couple hours it will awake and be ready to serve you, its new master. You can now send it off as a missionary and it will indoctrinate new, more powerful snakes to your cause.
#252 to #249 - betothetroll (05/26/2012) [-]
Good point, my friend. if only i had bacon for your intelligence. heres a thumb.
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