Imagine going through that every time.... ... not just whene you're in the hospital. A lessen I learned in the B! ! liltle! yen while attached iri'. a heart ngu wank hospital nurse sides cant breathe done
x
Click to expand

Imagine going through that every time...

Imagine going through that every time.... ... not just whene you're in the hospital. A lessen I learned in the B! ! liltle! yen while attached iri'. a heart ngu

... not just whene you're in the hospital

A lessen I learned in the B! ! liltle! yen
while attached iri'. a heart ngunit: ',
it scares I: he nurses rt] let.
doctormaniac.
No, we don' t understand.
This actually happens.
We got a he year old boy en eur unit ems, because Pediatrics was full,
and it' s abouta in the morning and all the nurses are at the nurses
station having a break and we' re all talking and having a laugh and then
all eta sudden this kids heart gees CRAZY.
So we call the cede and I grab the crash cart and about (ii) of isjust take
off running down the hall and we bust in the mere and this kid isjust
sitting there with his hand around hotjunk booking MORTIFIED.
So gewust sen of backed out ofthe mere quietly, walked calmly to the
stairwell, and had a total and complete hysterical breakdown.
It was the funniest **** aver.
Orr/ god SC) many nurses have told me stories like these.
...
  • Recommend tagsx
+2688
Views: 84235
Favorited: 363
Submitted: 05/23/2013
Share On Facebook
Add to favorites Subscribe to jonnyfunk Subscribe to fucking-tumblr submit to reddit

Comments(254):

[ 254 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#5 - martiini (05/23/2013) [-]
So the guy didn't have a 6-way with the nurses?   
   
Oh yeah, this is real life.
So the guy didn't have a 6-way with the nurses?

Oh yeah, this is real life.
User avatar #14 to #5 - yunablade (05/23/2013) [-]
a six dash way with the nurses?
User avatar #127 to #5 - kaitheguy (05/24/2013) [-]
that would make it a 7 way, kind sir
#21 to #5 - anon (05/23/2013) [-]
Dude it's Xander. He was lucky to HAVE a girlfriend. Ever.
User avatar #66 to #21 - condormcninja (05/24/2013) [-]
He had almost relations with a bunch of demons though. And he made it with Anya, the lucky bastard.
#27 to #5 - mooghens (05/23/2013) [-]
Nuff said
User avatar #37 to #27 - huntergriff ONLINE (05/23/2013) [-]
...i'd **** both.
#49 to #37 - anon (05/24/2013) [-]
careful i seen a guy get over 100 red thumbs because he said he prefers fat chicks before. didn't say anything bad just that he liked the fat chicks in a video and everyone went crazy on him because he didn't like skinny bitches..
#47 to #27 - anon (05/24/2013) [-]
thats ok i don't like blondes.
#3 - mattdoggy ONLINE (05/23/2013) [-]
>Went into hospital for a simple Endoscopy to check me out   
>they hook me up to all the crap and give me some powerful cocktails to get me prepped for the surgeons   
>i'm sitting in a room that is so cold the icecubes i was given to eat weren't melting for over 4 hours   
>the entire time, i'm alone in a gown with no ability to get up or a tv or anything   
>i eventually just start screwing around with my fingers and toes and hair to pass the time   
>just weird crap like that   
>after a while i went to see how long i could hold my breath   
>i take a few deep and quick breathes and try holding   
>after a minute i hear a loud crash and then several nurses and doctors slam through the door   
>they thought the drugs they gave me had made me crash and i had set off an alarm   
>they had knocked over some random person and tipped over the crash cart on the way to me dropping and breaking some things   
>apparently it was worth quite a lot   
>everyone except their chief of surgery who was working with me thought it was funny   
>they drew a frowny face on my forehead to show they weren't happy when i was under   
>me and the chiefs faces as i left the hospital later
>Went into hospital for a simple Endoscopy to check me out
>they hook me up to all the crap and give me some powerful cocktails to get me prepped for the surgeons
>i'm sitting in a room that is so cold the icecubes i was given to eat weren't melting for over 4 hours
>the entire time, i'm alone in a gown with no ability to get up or a tv or anything
>i eventually just start screwing around with my fingers and toes and hair to pass the time
>just weird crap like that
>after a while i went to see how long i could hold my breath
>i take a few deep and quick breathes and try holding
>after a minute i hear a loud crash and then several nurses and doctors slam through the door
>they thought the drugs they gave me had made me crash and i had set off an alarm
>they had knocked over some random person and tipped over the crash cart on the way to me dropping and breaking some things
>apparently it was worth quite a lot
>everyone except their chief of surgery who was working with me thought it was funny
>they drew a frowny face on my forehead to show they weren't happy when i was under
>me and the chiefs faces as i left the hospital later
User avatar #130 to #3 - kaitheguy (05/24/2013) [-]
hah.. the crash cart.. crashed
User avatar #18 to #3 - BowChickaBowWow (05/23/2013) [-]
My endoscopy wasn't nearly that eventful. Gave me an IV in the hand, heard ringing in my ears, and the next thing I know, it's been half an hour and I'm asking for my pants.
#1 - gunnay (05/23/2013) [-]
and from that day on little johny never masturbated again...
User avatar #15 to #1 - yunablade (05/23/2013) [-]
...on the hospital.
User avatar #61 to #15 - edwardyeap (05/24/2013) [-]
Wait, you masturbate on the roof? Never done that before.
User avatar #138 to #61 - josephwolfe (05/24/2013) [-]
I actually sat out a window of the hospital and did it, but hey, I guess there are two different types of people in this worled
#56 - shazmo (05/24/2013) [-]
When I had testicular torsion I had to go to the ER for surgery and as I get into the operating room (anesthesia already DJ 4DM1Nistered) I see my old baby sitter and then I pass out. MFW my old baby sitter operated on my ball sack and there was nothing I could do about it
When I had testicular torsion I had to go to the ER for surgery and as I get into the operating room (anesthesia already DJ 4DM1Nistered) I see my old baby sitter and then I pass out. MFW my old baby sitter operated on my ball sack and there was nothing I could do about it
#208 to #56 - rieskimo (05/24/2013) [-]
MFW "testicular torsion"
#131 to #56 - aerosol (05/24/2013) [-]
"DJ 4DM1Nistered"
User avatar #31 - deathcampforjewtie (05/23/2013) [-]
I have a nurse story.

>be me
>my pet loves to fight with the neighborhood pets
>always going to vet
>go to vet one day
>meet cute and really nice nurse
>nothing else really happened, leave
>go to a different place two weeks later
>she's working there
>"oh hey, long time no see."
>she doesn't remember me
>claims to never have worked there
>think I did something wrong
>get sad
>she keeps working there
>start seeing her around the old place now too
>wat.jpg
>seriously getting disturbed
>the worst part is that my Oddish is underleveled.
User avatar #51 to #31 - captiancook ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
That took me too long to figure out. I'm gonna go sit in the corner.
#219 to #31 - Eleatperson (05/24/2013) [-]
my god...
my god...
#203 to #31 - monkeybrains ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
0
#220 to #31 - lolphantomx has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #223 to #31 - murdtugget (05/24/2013) [-]
Man if I ever played pokémon I am sure this would've been funnier
User avatar #231 to #223 - diverdee (05/24/2013) [-]
What are you?
#109 to #31 - androiddxx (05/24/2013) [-]
You. 			*******		. Had me.   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
Cheeky bastard.
You. ******* . Had me.











Cheeky bastard.
#234 to #31 - deathcampforjewtie (05/24/2013) [-]
I will never ever get an opportunity to use this again.
I will never ever get an opportunity to use this again.
#58 to #31 - anon (05/24/2013) [-]
You are one glorious bastard.
#65 to #31 - bighairyfart (05/24/2013) [-]
That took me way too long to understand.
#90 to #31 - dafuckisthisshit (05/24/2013) [-]
theres been so much pokemon stuff on here lately, i was actually thinking nurse joy but halfway through the story i was convinced it had nothing to do with her.
MRW the last line
User avatar #95 to #90 - upyourarsinal (05/24/2013) [-]
hey there!
User avatar #159 to #90 - pandasarekawai (05/24/2013) [-]
yeah dude, i mean like da **** is this **** . Am i right?=
#238 to #159 - anon (05/24/2013) [-]
no
User avatar #68 to #31 - brettyoke ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
I really don't understand it. I know what an Oddish is. What am I missing?
User avatar #69 to #68 - deathcampforjewtie (05/24/2013) [-]
It was Nurse Joy.....
User avatar #71 to #69 - brettyoke ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
Ohhhhhhh. Bless your soul. I guess the oddish is just a way to bring pokemon into it, or does it have some significanse besides what I noticed?
User avatar #84 to #71 - deathcampforjewtie (05/24/2013) [-]
No significance to the story, it really was just the way to bring Pokémon into it, but it was, up until 10 minutes ago, somewhat true. I now have a pretty good Gloom.
User avatar #76 to #71 - toosexyforyou (05/24/2013) [-]
Now that you mention it, it would've been funnier if he said a different pokemon like pikachu.
User avatar #75 to #71 - newforomador ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
The point of it was that you think this random chick is ******* with this dude or something weird is going on. Instead, by saying about the oddish at the end, it signifies that it was nurse joy, who looks the same all the time but is a different person.
User avatar #92 to #68 - samjamfan (05/24/2013) [-]
pokemon
#163 to #31 - scouts (05/24/2013) [-]
god dammit   
   
you sly bastard
god dammit

you sly bastard
#272 to #31 - anon (05/27/2013) [-]
10/10
#67 to #31 - megustan (05/24/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#41 to #31 - myfist (05/23/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#230 to #31 - rprol (05/24/2013) [-]
YFW all these thumbs
+10
#116 to #31 - Blackyy **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #166 to #31 - astrozombies **User deleted account** (05/24/2013) [-]
You earned it. You got me. God dammit.
#100 to #31 - doodnotheface (05/24/2013) [-]
Oh man that was good ...
#237 to #31 - markusantonius ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#239 to #237 - deathcampforjewtie (05/24/2013) [-]
That loops almost perfectly.
That loops almost perfectly.
#242 to #239 - articulate (05/24/2013) [-]
Loop thread?
Loop thread?
#210 to #31 - heeveejeevees (05/24/2013) [-]
Dear god i love this
Dear god i love this
#222 to #31 - cupotruth ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
THAT WAS AWESOME
THAT WAS AWESOME
User avatar #229 to #31 - stringfingerable ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
You sneaky son of a ****
User avatar #54 to #31 - onmitsukido (05/24/2013) [-]
i was completely lost. was never into pokemon. had to google what an Oddish was, then i understood...i suppose its kind of funny though
User avatar #48 to #31 - anonefgthree (05/24/2013) [-]
How is this not top comment? That was real good
User avatar #50 to #48 - kabageguy (05/24/2013) [-]
Because its only 55 minutes old
#236 to #31 - anon (05/24/2013) [-]
ASIANS CAN ACTUALLY READ MINDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They can hear, and see what you're visually thinking. This is the absolute complete truth!!!!!

The reason a lot of Asians have completely expressionless faces is so they don't accidentally show facial expressions when people think things they don't like, find funny, astonishing, etc, and Asians segregate so their not nearly as susceptible to that happening.
Asians also segregate, and are untalkative to avoid accidentally saying things that are similar to what people are thinking and going to say.

Try thinking, and visually picturing things that are as wild as you can when you are around Asians, and look for Asians who give people dirty/particular looks for what appears to be for completely no reason.

PLEASE SPREAD THE MESSAGE!!!!! THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW THIS!!!!!
#221 to #31 - hellsjester (05/24/2013) [-]
you sir earned your thumbs
you sir earned your thumbs
#244 to #31 - anon (05/24/2013) [-]
ASIANS CAN ACTUALLY READ MINDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They can hear, and see what you're visually thinking. This is the absolute complete truth!!!!!

The reason a lot of Asians have completely expressionless faces is so they don't accidentally show facial expressions when people think things they don't like, find funny, astonishing, etc, and Asians segregate so their not nearly as susceptible to that happening.
Asians also segregate, and are untalkative to avoid accidentally saying things that are similar to what people are thinking and going to say.

Try thinking, and visually picturing things that are as wild as you can when you are around Asians, and look for Asians who give people dirty/particular looks for what appears to be for completely no reason.

PLEASE SPREAD THE MESSAGE!!!!! THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW THIS!!!!!
#201 to #31 - holololland (05/24/2013) [-]
good... good...
good... good...
#243 to #201 - anon (05/24/2013) [-]
who is that?
-1
#46 to #31 - iespls has deleted their comment [-]
#224 to #31 - drainbramage (05/24/2013) [-]
Well, that was unexpected.
Well, that was unexpected.
#39 to #31 - xtremedeath (05/23/2013) [-]
10/10 would read again
User avatar #20 - PacManZilla (05/23/2013) [-]
What would be funnier if it went off again just as they left.
User avatar #29 to #20 - biporch (05/23/2013) [-]
And he died.
#91 to #29 - numbernumbernumber (05/24/2013) [-]
As I sit here wondering how many people died laughing at your perfect, short comment.
As I sit here wondering how many people died laughing at your perfect, short comment.
User avatar #85 to #29 - rsca (05/24/2013) [-]
that escalated quickly.
#4 - vester (05/23/2013) [-]
mortified my arse, he thought his porno fantasies were about to come true. that wasnt horror on his face, he went into horny overdrive.
#22 - pappathethird (05/23/2013) [-]
Another funny hospital boner story, I'm content some of you have heard similar stories:

>Be me
>Hook up with a fat girl on new years eve
>Didn't use protection, yolo, etc.
>Woke up one night with immense pain in penis
>Straight to the hospital
>Bad case of chlamydia
>Nurse comes in
>Starts fondling my crotch
>Stopitboner.jpg
>She says it's ok, happens all the time
>"We have a ... 'way' to deal with that"
>Not sure if I like where this is going
>Firmly grasps shaft of penis
>wtf
> ******* hammers her fist on head of penis with the strength of a thousand nord women
>All blood is literally punched out of penis back in to buddy
>Oh god the pain
>Have nightmares about boner-crushing nurse
>Didn't have a boner for weeks after that
User avatar #96 to #22 - upyourarsinal (05/24/2013) [-]
i can seriously see you cowering in fear under a blanket or something
#23 to #22 - nickmandemon (05/23/2013) [-]
wtf lol this made me laugh so hard. I don't know if she should have done that though...
#181 to #22 - goldhiddan (05/24/2013) [-]
I don't see how it would help with the chlamydia... or the boner...
dis be fake
#25 to #22 - anon (05/23/2013) [-]
yeah, this didn't happen
User avatar #26 to #25 - pappathethird (05/23/2013) [-]
Yeah, it did. I can confirm it. I was there
#83 to #26 - anon (05/24/2013) [-]
Yeah, this didn't happen.
#206 to #83 - anon (05/24/2013) [-]
Yeah, it did. I can confirm it. I was there
User avatar #24 to #22 - pappathethird (05/23/2013) [-]
I obviously meant to write 'body'



... i really should go to bed
User avatar #113 to #22 - YllekNayr ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
Thumbed up for "yolo, etc"
#245 to #22 - gudwurkspongeob (05/24/2013) [-]
>			*******		 hammers her fist on head of penis with the strength of a thousand nord women
> ******* hammers her fist on head of penis with the strength of a thousand nord women
User avatar #136 to #22 - chickenfriednegro (05/24/2013) [-]
Boner was kill?
User avatar #32 to #22 - alexhill (05/23/2013) [-]
I can also confirm this. As I was there
#78 to #32 - anon (05/24/2013) [-]
he was penis
User avatar #87 to #22 - machobeasttwo (05/24/2013) [-]
I thought she was just gonna knock the chlamydia out of your dick
User avatar #33 to #22 - ronyx ONLINE (05/23/2013) [-]
Did she seriously give you a cockslap?
#36 to #22 - anon (05/23/2013) [-]
...Did you get your chlamydia cured?
#43 to #22 - fukyu (05/24/2013) [-]
i find it hard to believe a nurse punched you in the dick.
#2 - pooflinger (05/23/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#19 - EdwardNigma (05/23/2013) [-]
Alas, this is relevant.
#30 to #19 - anon (05/23/2013) [-]
This kills the man
User avatar #55 to #19 - thegrimreaver (05/24/2013) [-]
That man has the dead, soul-less eyes of a guy who has been caught masturbating by nurses.
#125 - WimTehNecro (05/24/2013) [-]
Their face when.........
Their face when.........
#133 - DrollHumor ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
And you can't take it off or you appear to be flat-lining. The poor little 			****		...
And you can't take it off or you appear to be flat-lining. The poor little **** ...
#6 - emberstar (05/23/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#53 - Deavas (05/24/2013) [-]
my grandma used to be a nurse. i should totally ask her if she has any stories like these.


wont that be an interesting convo
User avatar #175 to #53 - bulbakip (05/24/2013) [-]
>grandma
>masturbation

Why would you start this convo?
User avatar #28 - masterfuck (05/23/2013) [-]
My friend watched an Amnesia playthrough while he was in the hospital with a heartrate thingy. He told me the nurses freaked out.
+11
#17 - sabat **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #44 - mrfourtysevenman (05/24/2013) [-]
fun health fact
if you weigh yourself directly after masturbating,

you will still be a fat lonely prick.
#57 - Holyshizznips (05/24/2013) [-]
I had cerebral hemorrhage and was in the hospital for 6 days once... I fapped within the hour of being out of ICU.
I had cerebral hemorrhage and was in the hospital for 6 days once... I fapped within the hour of being out of ICU.
#162 to #57 - anon (05/24/2013) [-]
I honestly thought you said "cerebral hemorrhoid". I'm sorry
#216 to #162 - Holyshizznips (05/24/2013) [-]
I lol'd, thanks anon.
#52 - flipgraham (05/24/2013) [-]
What if it turned out to be...

6 murses?
User avatar #62 to #52 - aldheim (05/24/2013) [-]
It's equally embarrassing either way.
User avatar #77 to #62 - zeroxnight (05/24/2013) [-]
but more homo
User avatar #104 to #77 - urfunnyman ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
A LOT OF HOMO
User avatar #120 to #104 - gavinchase (05/24/2013) [-]
ALL THE HOMO
User avatar #121 to #120 - urfunnyman ONLINE (05/24/2013) [-]
INFINITE HOMO
[ 254 comments ]
Leave a comment
 Friends (0)