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I'd like to make a request

Tags: feels | dump
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Views: 6629
Favorited: 12
Submitted: 02/17/2013
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#1 - yunogasaii (02/17/2013) [-]
>Browsing through FJ, just clicking the next button over and over again
>Am really comfy
>Leaning against chair and putting feet on desk
>Accidentally click "random button"
>Have to get up and click the back button
#97 to #1 - John Cena (02/20/2013) [-]
Press Backspace. In most browsers it almost always works as a back button.
User avatar #92 - fukkenchaos (02/19/2013) [-]
I was born with a chest deformity (pectus excavatum), and after multiple corrective surgeries, my chest no longer threatened to crush my lungs or heart. Shortly after my last surgery, I was 7 years old, the ribs on the right side of my body began to grow faster. The bones began to stretch and tear the flesh surrounding them, causing me immense amounts of pain. The pain became a 24/7 experience, and it started to effect me psychologically. I developed schizophrenia, which then progressed into multiple personality disorder.
When I was 12, I met a girl. Her name was Tatiana, and she quickly became my best friend. Unfortunately, her father got a job in Oregon (we lived in California), and she had to move.
Spend the next year drifting apart, then stop talking altogether.
I get a phone call from her one night. She had been crying a lot, and her voice was so quiet. Her only words to me were: "I'm so sorry. I can't take this. I love you." Then there was a loud bang, and everything was quiet. I said her name a hundred times before I heard her bedroom door open and her mother started screaming. The phone she called me on died after her mom found her body.
I fell into a deep depression and I started cutting myself. I would bottle my emotions from that night until I was 17.
Fast forward 4 years. I'm 17, 3 suicide attempts already, still severely depressed, 3 personalities (myself, Ace, and Tyler), occasional cutting. My girlfriend at the time calls me and tells me she cheated on me. That was it. I snapped and broke down. Complete blackout and suicide attempt.
I woke up in my living room; my mom and sister crying and my dad rushing from his place (my parents divorced when I was 8) to see me.
I spend the next 40 days in mental facilities.
While I was in my various hospitals, I learned something that almost sent me into complete insanity: Tatiana never existed. I had hallucinated my best friend, because I didn't have anyone real. I felt more alone than I ever had.
User avatar #101 to #92 - hitlerwillrapejew (02/22/2013) [-]
only one i actually read.
made me cry like a bitch.
User avatar #103 to #92 - paintballgun (02/23/2013) [-]
User avatar #110 to #92 - awralrus (03/01/2013) [-]
Holy...holy **** ...
#112 to #92 - imostlyroll (09/17/2013) [-]
This is all I can do.
This is all I can do.
User avatar #113 to #112 - fukkenchaos (09/17/2013) [-]
thanks, bro
User avatar #93 to #92 - fukkenchaos (02/19/2013) [-]
On February 23, 2013 (Saturday), it will be the first time since I was 12 that I will have gone a full year without cutting.

#95 to #93 - yomommabinshoppin (02/19/2013) [-]
Keep yourself clean man, I believe in you, your family loves in you, God loves you, may you find peace and happiness in life
#107 to #93 - John Cena (02/26/2013) [-]
I don't know if this will help or not, but it certainly saved me from a lot of needless stress in high school. Make sure you have about 1.5 hours to listen to it.
www(dot) [url deleted] /watch?v=nyN7WUKRicw&list=PL982D96116E9453E4
#108 to #107 - John Cena (02/26/2013) [-]
It's on youtube.
#2 - John Cena (02/17/2013) [-]
Knowing no matter how much I do love the person that I do that he will never acknowledge me for the person that I want him to see me as
User avatar #100 - xmenfan (02/22/2013) [-]
I always have that feeling that none of my friends are real, that they pretend to be my friends so I don't feel left out. I feel like if I suddenly dissapeared, no one would actually care
#3 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
I have a whole Baww folder. Should I share everything?
#4 to #3 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
Feel free.
#66 to #21 - holyshizle (02/17/2013) [-]
This one just hit me right in the heart.
This one just hit me right in the heart.
#5 to #4 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
It's much.
User avatar #44 to #5 - dickbewt (02/17/2013) [-]
I'm not posting feels, but hear me out guys.
My life is amazing. I have a loving and caring family. a roof over my head, food every day, reasonable sized amount of friends, and an amazing, and caring girlfriend. And I love her more than anything. Yet I always feel depressed. Like there's something missing. A lot of guys flirt with my girlfriend, but she's promised me, she only likes me. And she lets me check through her FB messages, emails, texts and everything, and I actually think she's 'the one'. Yet countless amounts of times, I've cried myself to sleep, and tried to kill myself, because I've felt that **** . My life feels like it's on it's last legs.And I feel worthless. Does anybody here have any idea what's wrong with me? Is it depression, or something more? I've been to try and get help about it, and my doctor says it's normal, but I know for a fact it isn't.
Tl;dr I'm depressed. Somebody, try and cheer me up.
#48 to #44 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
Man, I am in your boat too, aside the gf part, have you tried God, I know that Christianity is kinda looked down upon in this part of the internet, but God gives me hope that I am not useless, that there is a plan for me, and the same goes for you, God has a plan for everybody, and you can fulfill that plan if you choose too when God reveals his plan to you, but sorry for getting preachy. Try doing something that you feel will contribute to society or to something you care about, find what makes you happy and do it, videogames, making your gf happy, sports, writing, something that you enjoy, something that causes you to feel happy in a way that few things can, find out what YOU want.
User avatar #49 to #48 - dickbewt (02/17/2013) [-]
The religion thing is understandable, but I'm religious myself (If you want to know, just ask :P )
I play video games, I'm the head of my schools basketball team, I write poetry (For my girlfriend) but my life still feels unfulfilled.
#52 to #49 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
That is because you are still young, you will have that feeling until you feel like you have done something worth while in life, so find what God is telling you to do, and do it, read the bible, gain more knowledge of Christ and what you need to do, it may seem like a pain, so skip over some of the things that are boring, like the book of numbers where all it talks about is the number of people here and there and everywhere, read the important things like the first four books of the new testament, or if you want something interesting or something to think about you can always read revelations, I find the whole future things fascinating. Share Christ with people, God said to go and make disciples of all nations, follow in Jesus' footsteps and be willing to let go of anything and everything and do what Jesus did, share the love and hope that is in God. Sorry again for my preachiness.
User avatar #53 to #52 - dickbewt (02/17/2013) [-]
Calm down with the religious stuff man! I have my own religion. Doesn't it also say in the bible to treat others as you want to be treated?
Well in that case. I'm a LaVeyan Satanist. You should totally read the satanic verses and bible, and really join my religion. Satan will make it all clear for you!
(Disclaimer, LaVeyan's don't worship satan)
#54 to #53 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
Sorry, when you said you were religious I kinda assumed, my bad man
User avatar #55 to #54 - dickbewt (02/17/2013) [-]
Haha, it's fine bro! It's just I'm always been pestered by parts of my family (I didn't say all of them are loving) who are Catholic to turn to Catholicism, and that I'm a devil worshipper, and it annoys me so much, then when people bring up religion, I get really annoyed >.<
#56 to #55 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
Be sure to tell them that according to their own beliefs, God said "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" and then say "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" Your family cannot judge you for your beliefs when I am sure they have things wrong themselves. Although I am too quick to point out other peoples flaws when I have my own. I am no better person than any other, heck I may even be worse.
User avatar #57 to #56 - dickbewt (02/17/2013) [-]
But the thing is, you don't seem overly judgemental about it. My grandfather on my dads side won't even speak to me, unless I turn to Catholicism.
#58 to #57 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
That is the whole point behind Christianity, not judging, not pointing out flaws "Don't point out the speck in anothers eye when there is a plank in your own" (that wasn't the word for word quote but it is the basic idea) Christianity is love, hope, happiness, Christianity is Jesus basically giving you a gift (lets say, maybe a million bucks), but leaving it up to you to take it, and if you do take it, don't spit in his face and completely disobey him, instead do what he asks, avoid sin, hate the sin love the sinner, and remember that God created everybody equal and he loves everybody equal, and remember when you screw up that it is impossible for you to be perfect, and that is why Christ died, because he loves you, me and everybody. And your grandfather is wrong, Jesus hung out with sinners and even a prostitute at one time, because he was sharing the message with everybody. Dang am I on a preachy streak or what?
User avatar #59 to #58 - dickbewt (02/17/2013) [-]
It's people like you that make me not hate Christianity.
#60 to #59 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
Good, Christians should have never given you a reason to hate, but instead there is protests, judging, rejection, anger, and ignorance. I apologize on behalf of them all.
User avatar #61 to #60 - dickbewt (02/17/2013) [-]
Let's be friends
#62 to #61 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
I already accepted,
#63 to #62 - dickbewt (02/17/2013) [-]
Haha :P
May I just say, you've made me smile, and cheered me up quite a bit tonight man. Thankyou!
#64 to #63 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
No problem, I am glad to have had a conversation with somebody like you, and I enjoy not being the average Christian judgmental a-hole that some of us are.
#31 to #4 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
I'll be stopping with new pics at this point and start uploading the folder. Expect it in about half an hour or so. I've got a damn slow internet connection.
#34 to #31 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
#13 to #4 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
You know what makes a good atmosphere? Darkness. Complete darkness. And music. Not any popular party music. Or Metal. Just something... silent. Me.man.machine, Our Ceasing Voice or Nine Inch Nails. You will be dying of atmosphere if you do it.
User avatar #15 to #10 - celestiasbeard (02/17/2013) [-]
This just hit me in every feel with kilotons of power, it feels strangely good
#9 to #4 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
I personally don't like that folder. Not that the content wasn't good for a nice baww, but... I personally can't find any sense in this anymore. I recently decided that I should change something in my life, yet I'm still sitting here, saturday evening, doing nothing.
I don't want you to be pitiful. And I don't want to blame anyone but myself for what I'm doing here.
#12 to #9 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
I hate myself because I know that everything that causes me to be sad in life is my own fault, and yet I don't change, no matter how hard I try to.
#16 to #12 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
I can feel you. I could blame my parents, I could blame society. But that would all be bad excuses for what I'm doing wrong.
I'm lazy. I don't do sports or anything unpleasurable. You could call me a hedonist. Always trying to experience as much pleasure as possible for the moment. This might sound... well, pleasurable, but it isn't. I'm not going out very much. I'm not talking to many people. I avoid meeting them outside school.
#20 to #16 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
Tell me about it, I do extracurricular things for the sake of my future, like drumline, I do that so I can get into a good college and not have my parents pay for anything, they can't afford it, so I do things that I am good at, but I find joy in fewer and fewer things these days.
#29 to #20 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
You know what?
I hate to hear from people whose situations are even worse than mine. And you know what?
A life worse than mine is just too ******* easy to accomplish.
I've never really been bullied. I don't have parents that couldn't afford a life where I reach all my possibilities. I just feel like a 15 year old girl whining about how ****** her life is despite having everything she wants and actually is living a pretty awesome life compared to others. And maybe I am (well, I'm a boy, but still). And I should ******* enjoy my life. I should just come out of my hole.
A very close friend of mine kind of felt the same. Then he changed - well, at least he's in the process. He does sports, he meets other people, hell he even has a girlfriend. And I? Well, I already explained my situation.

By the way, this picture actually had me crying the first time I saw it.
#32 to #29 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
Exactly, I have parents and friends, and even God, and yet I feel alone and unloved and like a whiny bitch that deserves nothing, but has everything, sure we may be a little poor, but we have shelter, cable, a very nice computer, a loving family, and my mother has a job, my life is nice, and yet I feel unhappy, alone, unloved, and just a burden to everybody, I have no right to be unhappy, and yet I am.
User avatar #39 to #32 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
Hey, you should probably read this article. I discovered it a few weeks ago and I felt like I could've written it. I sent it to a few people and most of them were like "Huh, I don't really care". I printed it out so I could show it to even more people - well, there was only one person, and she was like "Huh, I don't care."
I don't want to fall into my old patterns, whining about humanity and society, so I leave this article and the things I just said to you and let you room for your own interpretation.
#40 to #39 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
It is mindblowing how accurate that article is, God bless you mate, Imma go make a pizza now, see ya later.
User avatar #43 to #40 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
The upload of the folder is done. I'll go to bed then, I'm tired. Good night, mate. You're really one of the good ones. And don't forget that there's always someone feeling the same as you.
#45 to #43 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
Thanks man
#18 to #4 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
I'm skipping some. At the end, I'll give you guys a download link so you can have everything.
#6 to #4 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
But okay.
User avatar #35 to #3 - rudeldenken (02/17/2013) [-]
I'm uploading with about 15 kilobyte per second, so you should only consider downloading if you haven't planned on doing something for the next, let's say, hour.

#99 - fritzzle (02/21/2013) [-]
Be me
Served in the Army
Be in State Patrol
"Jeeze Fritzzle how many *********** have you killed?"
they always ask how many people we kill,
never how many we saved.
#90 - John Cena (02/19/2013) [-]
blurry childhood, self harm (everything from scolding to hanging to cutting) at 6 years old, got help at 12 years old, started finding out more about my past, remembering stuff still, step dad used to beat me a lot, starting to fins out about sexual abuse that started when i was very very young, cant deal with this anymore, dont want to find out anything more; just want to crawl up in bed and stay there forever, missing tons of school/work atm. grades slipping etc. not sure what to do anymore. attempted suicide 4 times (all overdoses ranging from 10 - 40 pills of different kinds. need some help guys, i dont want to find anything else out about the sexual abuse. help
User avatar #91 to #90 - problemuser (02/19/2013) [-]
forgot to log in, sorry guys
#96 to #91 - yomommabinshoppin (02/19/2013) [-]
Then just forget it all together, but if you remember, remember to become a better man than your abusers, suicide and self harm is letting all those that have hurt you win, the best way to give them the " **** you" is to kick ass in life and not give a damn about those aholes anymore
User avatar #83 - paintballgun (02/18/2013) [-]
I like being alone, as in relationships and such. I like to be alone because that way i cant hurt the person i really care for. I wouldn't be able to take that pain of seeing her sad or angry with me because i failled or hurt her. I just wouldnt be able to take it. Its for the best anyways..I..I like to be alone.
#86 to #83 - yomommabinshoppin (02/18/2013) [-]
Yeah, sometimes I wish I could just live like a lumberjack in Canada away from everybody just so I couldn't wrong people.
User avatar #84 to #83 - gmaxx (02/18/2013) [-]
Me too... i am in a relationship with a girl.. but we are so cold since 3-4 day ago...
Have i done something wrong?
User avatar #76 - MrsMcDowell (02/18/2013) [-]
I was diagnosed with cervical cancer the day after Thanksgiving. At first, it was an abnormal PAP smear. Then, a biopsy and two weeks later, I found out I had Stage I. After five weeks of radiation, it had spread. I was Stage IIA. So, they did a more aggressive approach. Three weeks later, another carcinoma shows up. My doctor sends the scan to another doctor 1200 miles away. The doctor says it's Stage IIB, and I had surgery to remove tissue. I might not be able to have children.

I am now 1200 miles away from my boyfriend. I'm alone and I'm not sure how long I'll be here. Yesterday, I had another biopsy for an area the doctor was concerned about. I won't know the results for a week.

It's cold in New Mexico.
#72 - skilletpanhead (02/17/2013) [-]
This image has expired
This gives me more feels than anything else.

#71 - ranmikisudia (02/17/2013) [-]

I hope you like this.
#109 to #106 - yomommabinshoppin (02/26/2013) [-]
I do know that feel bro.
#104 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (02/23/2013) [-]
This **** .
#105 to #104 - John Cena (02/24/2013) [-]
#94 - appleyjack **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #89 - NekoFox (02/18/2013) [-]
my mom and dad divorced, and my dad was overseas (Navy) and my mom left me with my 2 brothers, Jasper and Alix (Jasper being 23 and Alix being 16)
i was about 7 or 8 when i went back to my mom
Jasper protected me and raised me, so i was reluctant to leave
my mom told me to just stay with them, since i was "a worthless accident" anyway
Jasper was in the military (cant remember what branch...) and Alix stayed home whit me while Jasper was gone after Alix's 19th birthday
when i turned 9, Jasper came home, hugged me, and went to his room
curious, i went to his room and saw he was crying
the next day, he said he was being shipped off some where and he probably wont be coming back for a while
turn 11
Jasper never comes home, but Alix gives me an envelope with my name on it from Jasper
inside has a letter
read it all, just telling me about whats around him, etcetera etcetera
last line says "Never let the sand run through your fingers without catching the glass."
da fuq
realized about a year ago, after reading it over and over, he meant not to let life pass you by without enjoying the good times in it
Jasper never came back

no, this is not grammatically correct nor is there usually glass in sand, i dont care this made me cry like a bitch when i typed it
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#25 to #24 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
I have played it, all routes except Shizune, her bitchiness is off-putting

May I ask how you traded a girl for a soccer game?
#27 to #25 - guiguito has deleted their comment [-]
#28 to #27 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
Don't worry bro, get up because you have a purpose, God has a purpose for you, even if you haven't seen it yet, keep on getting up....
#30 to #28 - guiguito has deleted their comment [-]
#36 to #30 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
I don't know what a nevermore is, but it is my belief to tell people that they are loved even if there is nobody human that loves them, even if they can't feel it, you are loved, I don't expect you to believe in him, but I wanted to share hope with you, I don't know what I am anymore, I put on a facade everyday to hide the real me, the me that I refuse to show because the last time I showed me I was judged and tortured, you are telling me this because no matter how much you don't want to share your pain, your hurt and suffering, deep down you need release, and you are telling me this because the chances of me meeting you and knowing that it is you is astronomical, and you won't feel shame when revealing yourself to a person that you will never have to look in the eye, knowing that your mask of happiness is useless, you will never have to do that.
#41 to #36 - guiguito has deleted their comment [-]
#42 to #41 - yomommabinshoppin (02/17/2013) [-]
Well you asked why....
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#82 to #81 - yomommabinshoppin (02/18/2013) [-]
Oh **** , that sucks....
User avatar #85 to #24 - gmaxx (02/18/2013) [-]
That sounds bad..
But a girl is a girl.. u are a man, we all can go through that
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