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Submitted: 07/12/2012
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#204 - ShamanMaster (07/13/2012) [-]
>Be me, 16, fapping in room
>Someone knocks on door
>Dad walks in right before i finish pulling pants up completely
>He saw nothing, but it was obvious what i was doing
>I just wait there until he finally opens his mouth...
>"So... what were you doing?"
>I say "looking at porn"
>"Ok then" he closes door
>I wait a bit
>Dad opens door with a smirk " can i see?"
>He closes door with a chuckle and leaves
> ******* dad...always after my porn

<------MFW After that
User avatar #230 to #204 - anotherjoenobody (07/13/2012) [-]
he's always after me nookie charms.
#29 - stevestevestevetwo (07/13/2012) [-]
>Be in 8th grade science class
>Learning about sperm and egg
>Think about porn
>Realize my rocket is getting hard
>try to stop it
>have a half chub boner
>Realize im wearing sweatpants
>Panic and try to wasteband half-boner
>try to wasteband boner to high and it comes out a little
>girl in class sees boner and yells "OH GOD" in a digusted fasion
>says in class says I have a tiny penis
>get remembered as the kid with the tiny penis
>it was only a half boner
#304 to #29 - Carnictus (07/13/2012) [-]
For some odd reason I always got boners in science too man, I know that feel. I had to walk up to the front of the room for some vocabulary game with an obvious boner. God I felt like jumping off a cliff that day..
#628 to #304 - htcamaze (07/15/2012) [-]
do you live in ky by any chance? my teacher was bragging about how she made agame like that and only she had permission by the board to play i\t
User avatar #629 to #628 - Carnictus (07/15/2012) [-]
nope sorry mate :/
User avatar #518 to #29 - thewhimsicalfox (07/13/2012) [-]
If it makes you feel any better... She was only comparing yours to her fathers.
#186 to #29 - hollyfries (07/13/2012) [-]
You should've told her: "Bitch, if you think I have a tiny penis, come to the bathroom and I'll show ya."

User avatar #36 to #29 - axeul (07/13/2012) [-]
The last line just made me laugh too hard, I'm sorry.
#288 to #36 - Rascal (07/13/2012) [-]
#73 to #36 - IncarceratedNinja (07/13/2012) [-]
me too xD   
MFW when when when
me too xD
MFW when when when
#42 to #36 - knickfury has deleted their comment [-]
#75 to #29 - jrondeau **User deleted account** (07/13/2012) [-]
The worst part about your post is that an 8th grade girl is able to accurately gauge penis size with just a glimpse of one...
User avatar #39 to #29 - chexmex (07/13/2012) [-]
so you don't have a tiny penis, you have a little penis.
User avatar #80 to #39 - stevestevestevetwo (07/13/2012) [-]
Hey now I have an average penis. It's just that it was a half boner...
#225 - ainsley (07/13/2012) [-]
> About a year ago
> Never been caught watching porn
> Finish
> Close the browser
> Go to bathroom
> Hear mom walk in
> ************************
> Wait I closed the browser
> By the beard of zeus that was close
> Walk out
> She's standing by the computer pissed
> ************* LiveJasmine advertisement
#268 to #225 - mcrubxpcod (07/13/2012) [-]
I have 2 brothers and a sister, and it has happened to all of us including my sister, with Livejasmin popup, embarrassing as **** , worst part was that i was the first one had the biggest piece of the cake...
User avatar #335 to #225 - hrstg (07/13/2012) [-]
Everytime livejasmine pops up i close it the seconds it shows so i can avoid such awkward moments .Well even though u can get caught I dont really see a reason the get nagged at about it, it is after all a natural process .
User avatar #243 to #225 - fukkendragonite (07/13/2012) [-]
#206 - spudge (07/13/2012) [-]
>Me, about 12
>have absolute ripper of a wank
>laying naked on my bed naked, cum everywhere
>dad walks next to my door
>"dinner is ready"
> ****************************
>please don't come in
>Have 6 heart attacks at once
>he didn't come in
>from then i had the hearing of a ******* spastic rabbit from then on

Account name related.

#220 to #206 - Rascal (07/13/2012) [-]
You were 12 I doubt you even you even came white
User avatar #256 to #220 - dengekisushi (07/13/2012) [-]
What other color would guys cum at that age? O_______o
User avatar #313 to #256 - koppmelk (07/13/2012) [-]
i remember the cum actually did'nt really have a color in the beginning, almost like water, see-trough, just a little bit white.
User avatar #226 to #220 - ainsley (07/13/2012) [-]
I started puberty at 10
User avatar #240 to #226 - fukkendragonite (07/13/2012) [-]
Thanks for that ainsley. Mental images I could have easily lived without.
#248 to #246 - fukkendragonite (07/13/2012) [-]
I started puberty at 10...

And I haven't stopped since...
#251 to #226 - aiur **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #222 to #220 - spudge (07/13/2012) [-]
It's not impossible to go through puberty at an early age :l?
User avatar #347 to #206 - hproductions (07/13/2012) [-]
Laying naked on my bed naked,cum everywhere
Laying naked on my bed naked
Naked on my bed naked
#211 to #206 - Rascal (07/13/2012) [-]
thumbing "ripper of a wank"
User avatar #209 to #206 - axry (07/13/2012) [-]
thumb up for 'ripper of a wank'
User avatar #215 to #206 - kusipaa (07/13/2012) [-]
Thumbed up for "have 6 heart attacks at once"
#77 - spacefield (07/13/2012) [-]
>fap session
>about to release glory
>don't feel like releasing in my hand
>no tissue ****
>no paper towel ****
>no nearby clothing ****
>can't hold it in
>grab a piece of paper from printer
>MFW paper cut on side of my dick
#430 to #77 - localcatbarber has deleted their comment [-]
#435 to #77 - localcatbarber (07/13/2012) [-]
This kills the man.
#121 to #77 - guzzball (07/13/2012) [-]
my whole body tensed up when I read that last line
User avatar #125 to #121 - spacefield (07/13/2012) [-]
That was the weirdest mess to clean up. I'm scared to get a boner again in case it were to open the wound.
#126 to #125 - guzzball (07/13/2012) [-]
AHH! Stop it!!
#13 - SpidaChris **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #37 to #13 - axeul (07/13/2012) [-]
Neither have I but it was close this one time.
User avatar #33 to #13 - slootyslooot (07/13/2012) [-]
I know, I even did it in my parents bed and didn't get caught.
User avatar #19 to #13 - iamnottaco (07/13/2012) [-]
I am too. But still I have dirty storys too
User avatar #62 to #13 - CrownedClown (07/13/2012) [-]
Getting caught is not really that awesome, I been caught a few times and my family just pretends that nothing happened and we don't talk about it. But you feel it, you feel the akward, you feel the shame and disappointment from your parents. You feel it deep in your soul...
#22 - thriteenkid (07/13/2012) [-]
Imagine what you could be doing if you lied to the social worker
Imagine what you could be doing if you lied to the social worker
#5 - stripeygreenhat (07/12/2012) [-]
Wait, why the hell would your mom call your dad in?
#244 to #5 - ibewhite **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#30 to #5 - finishhimlarry (07/13/2012) [-]
This image has expired
Why wouldn't she?
#261 - kodex (07/13/2012) [-]
Am I the only person that never used or uses lube?
User avatar #267 to #261 - shakus (07/13/2012) [-]
I'm with you brah
User avatar #271 to #261 - sorrowofdaedalus (07/13/2012) [-]
I'm a dry guy too, actually.
User avatar #301 to #261 - littlenish (07/13/2012) [-]
Dry rubbing is less messy. Plus, it's easier to open doorknobs w/ hands that arent covered in semen, baby oil, lotion, and vaseline mixed.
User avatar #266 to #261 - unncommon (07/13/2012) [-]
My hands have are rough from rope (don't ask why) so it'll rub my dick skin off if I don't use something.
#618 - zapgod (07/13/2012) [-]
> i once fingered my 12 year old cousin
> she jerked me off too
>got caught and blamed it on sleepwalking (since i have a history of doing stuff in my sleep)
>they bought it but they can't look at me the same
> cousin scared for life, will probably grow up to be a stripper

#637 to #618 - Rascal (07/18/2012) [-]
<3 My hero
#53 - goobdol (07/13/2012) [-]
This story is false... you don't need your hand to be wet to have a good fap.
#55 to #53 - Rascal (07/13/2012) [-]
you do if your circumcised
#68 to #55 - colehaffner (07/13/2012) [-]
ive never used lube in my life, and im circumcised, dont understand the need for it, it just seems like an added mess to an already unnecessarily large cleanup
User avatar #58 to #55 - spankyy (07/13/2012) [-]
I don't use lube every time and i'm circumcised.
User avatar #63 to #55 - lolkeetanlol (07/13/2012) [-]
I just tickle my pickle until a little juice comes out and its enough to stop the friction, Circumcised bitch
User avatar #66 to #63 - mrevitcartta (07/13/2012) [-]
Professor lolkeetanlol on the subject of quantum fap mechanics and theories.
#505 to #66 - sacredmagic (07/13/2012) [-]
mfw this entire thread.
#122 to #55 - guzzball (07/13/2012) [-]
User avatar #133 - tehdubstepman (07/13/2012) [-]
>Freshman year
>Taking midterms
>Chilling with 2 friends in class, one dude and a girl
>random boner approaches, i think i may have moved him or some ****
>He starts to do his thing
>I stand up to stretch
>Girl says "Whats that?"
>She pokes my dick.
>Oh god, why.
User avatar #242 to #133 - fukkendragonite (07/13/2012) [-]
>pokes the dick.
>"Yep, that's a boner alright"
>She's not going far in life.
#341 - skonlyn (07/13/2012) [-]
**skonlyn rolled a random image posted in comment #185 at Spiderman is crazy ** mfw this type of story is too common
**skonlyn rolled a random image posted in comment #185 at Spiderman is crazy ** mfw this type of story is too common
#197 - ayebro (07/13/2012) [-]
Both hands you say?
Both hands you say?
User avatar #181 - kusipaa (07/13/2012) [-]
Why do parents get upset when they find their kids pleasuring themselves? I'd rather my kid beat his meat than go out and get some slut pregnant.
User avatar #59 - CrownedClown (07/13/2012) [-]
Why do people use vaseline to masturbate? I always do it with my hands dry and it works out fine :l.
#70 to #59 - trollxmaster has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #146 to #59 - rhc ONLINE (07/13/2012) [-]
people who are circumcised have to use lube, i think. i always used to wonder too.
User avatar #72 to #59 - rdangerdash ONLINE (07/13/2012) [-]
I'm pretty sure it's for if you have been circumcised.
User avatar #78 to #72 - theavatarspupil (07/13/2012) [-]
i'm circumcised and dry works fine for me
#103 to #78 - Rascal (07/13/2012) [-]
Same here. It is easy.
User avatar #69 to #59 - JesuschristofAZ (07/13/2012) [-]
It's supposed to feel better, I can never use it because I ejaculate wicked early when I use it. I hope that isn't an indication of how long I'll perform when it comes to sex.
#27 - jasonmcd (07/13/2012) [-]
**jasonmcd rolled a random image posted in comment #186 at double broglasses **
#221 - Rascal (07/13/2012) [-]
"I may have told this story when I was an Anon."

Translation: I saw an anon post this
User avatar #216 - kusipaa (07/13/2012) [-]
Moral of the story, kids: Don't get completely naked to have a wank.
User avatar #175 - wewilldinealone (07/13/2012) [-]
>Be me
>Be in ****
>Fapping like a pro
>Grandma walks in
>Close tab
>Have the chair tilted away from her
>She ask what I am doing
>Say "Oh just tying my pajama strings"
>She says "Oh, okay."

And that is why you do not fap when your grandma comes over to visit.
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