Redneck EMT Story. Redneck A and B get into an argument over who gets to bang their cousin first. Redneck A beats the living hell out of Redneck B, but Redneck  rednecks EMT stab Shot scarier than nig
Upload
Login or register

Redneck EMT Story

 
Redneck EMT Story. Redneck A and B get into an argument over who gets to bang their cousin first. Redneck A beats the living hell out of Redneck B, but Redneck

Redneck A and B get into an argument over who gets to bang their cousin first. Redneck A beats the living hell out of Redneck B, but Redneck B filets Redneck A with a buck knife. Redneck A isn't quite yet dead though, as he pulls out a rifle and shoots Redneck B.

Still awake. Might as well.
2 call fer shooting and stabbing semes in
2 "Well, which is WA shooting er a stabbing?"
2 "Both. We' re sending you and the . Si). is en scene and theme screaming fortwo ambulances."
2 get an scene of epic redneck family dispute gene horribly wrong
2 Rednecky is slumped against wheel of
2 a huge gash runs his right nipple almost to his right shoulder blade, exposing the lung
2 he' about dead
2 there' s a /30-/ 30 en the heed guarded by a deputy
2 Redneck B is facedown about yards away
2 well, he would be facedown if he had a face
2 Redneck B' s head has been explosively redistributed fer several feet in all directions
2 oh my god, what the ****, barbecue
2 ignore headless cerise, help first unit en scene work Redneck A, whe predictably doesn' t make it
2 having a completely bisected lung tends to severely impact one' s survival potential
2 we still have ******* idea what transpired out there
Later that day-.
2 everybody gets to write statements forthe DA, which is typical fer homicides
2 deputy fills us in en what went down
2 Rednecky and Redneck B had a tiff ever same cute little machette
2 defending both his haner and hers, Rednecky pummels the unholy **** out of Redneck B
2 thinking the matter settled, toward his truck
2 Redneck B picks himself up, dusts himself off and runs up behind Redneckasian a ******* huge buck knife
2 Redneck B proceeds to fillet Redneck A
2 Redneck A collapses, as is the custom when fatally stabbed
2 thinking the matter settled, Redneck B begins to walk away
2 unbeknownst to Redneck B, nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it
2 his waite his feet, retrieves his dun rams his truck and fires a single round befire collapsing
2 boom, headshot and the crowd gees wild
Rednecks ******* scare me way worse than redguards.
...
+1168
Views: 52450 Submitted: 04/01/2014
Leave a comment Refresh Comments (90)
[ 90 comments ]
Anonymous comments allowed.
55 comments displayed.
#4 - marlton
Reply +270
(04/02/2014) [-]
>unbeknownst to Redneck B, nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it   
>Redneck A collapses, as is the custom when fatally stabbed   
>boom, headshot and the crowd goes wild
>unbeknownst to Redneck B, nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it
>Redneck A collapses, as is the custom when fatally stabbed
>boom, headshot and the crowd goes wild
#72 to #4 - gitanisme
Reply +16
(04/02/2014) [-]
Wow, it's almost like we saw the same content.
Wow, it's almost like we saw the same content.
#1 - dsgjoker ONLINE
Reply +178
(04/01/2014) [-]
the way this dude phrases ****   
   
my sides are damaged
the way this dude phrases ****

my sides are damaged
#2 to #1 - theaznreclaimer [OP]
Reply +16
(04/01/2014) [-]
my sides are in orbit
my sides are in orbit
#45 to #1 - announcement
Reply +39
(04/02/2014) [-]
How badly damaged were they, on a scale from 1 to Redneck A?
How badly damaged were they, on a scale from 1 to Redneck A?
#49 to #45 - lesolan
Reply +5
(04/02/2014) [-]
Stop, stop, for ****** sake I'm gonna die here! xD
#76 to #49 - russianexplain
Reply +6
(04/02/2014) [-]
#78 to #45 - welliguessitsaname
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
On a scale of 1 to announcement, how much do you get mentioned?
#80 to #78 - announcement
Reply +4
(04/02/2014) [-]
Somewhere between Announcement and ************
#21 - mattdoggy
Reply +91
(04/02/2014) [-]
nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it   
   
I have read this story at least 50 times over the years and i can't make it past that part without losing my crap
nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it

I have read this story at least 50 times over the years and i can't make it past that part without losing my crap
#26 to #21 - timelordeternal
+1
has deleted their comment [-]
#29 to #26 - warlordstuart
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
as a dude that was hit by a car last december and still alive to talk about it. thanks to you and your buddies
#30 to #29 - timelordeternal ONLINE
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
Glad you're alive, what was the extent of the injuries?
#33 to #30 - warlordstuart
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
honestly....i kinda exagerated. dont know if im just a big fat **** (which i kinda am) and that protected me. but surprisingly i got hit by a car going 45mph and i received a bunch of cuts and bruises mostly from glass. the road shattered my elbow when i landed on it.

my fat 250lb ass ****** up her car though. i ended up with about 32 stiches. the EMT said i looked like i got out of a bad bar fight. I couldnt walk properly for a week or so but i took out her windshield and both her headlights somehow
#34 to #33 - timelordeternal ONLINE
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
It's a lot better for the car to be damaged than you. I bet the bills sucked though.
#36 to #34 - warlordstuart
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
good coverage. i had 3-4 layers of insurance. the car insurances are arguing about stuff though. I got super lucky about the whole thing really. especially living in america where the medical bills can pile up super quick
#38 to #36 - timelordeternal ONLINE
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
Yeah, I am in America. Medical bills here are outrageous. Short ambulance rides are around 800 here.
#48 to #38 - wheretheheartroams
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
are ambulances really charged on the bill??? (i live in america too but i never knew this)
#79 to #48 - timelordeternal ONLINE
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
Oh yeah, it's like 750 just for the call here, then it's like 15$ per mile for BLS care and like 30$ per mile for ALS care, plus medications, needles, treatments rendered. It blows.
#89 to #79 - wheretheheartroams
Reply 0
(04/03/2014) [-]
daaaaamn, i feel bad for my parents now since i had to ride the ambulance after a skateboarding accident i had :'(
#85 to #21 - oxYKellark
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
Same here hahaha.
#74 to #21 - schneidend
Reply +7
(04/02/2014) [-]
First time reader, also my favorite part.
First time reader, also my favorite part.
#42 - I Am Monkey
Reply +59
(04/02/2014) [-]
My town once experienced a massive snow storm extremely early in the season when all the trees still had their leaves. The leaves held much more snow than usual and the weight collapsed hundreds of trees all over town. My neighborhood was hit the worst out all of them. There were so many trees down and so much snow that the government roped off our block and declared it a no-go-zone. Just when all hope was lost we heard the sound of engines revving in the distance. A group of a dozen or so drunken rednecks came down the road with chain-saws and a plow. They just sawed each tree in half and threw each half to the side as they went. They blew right through the entire block in about an hour. When they reached the end they took down the barricades themselves and told the town to just clear the logs they had thrown to the side because they had already done their job for them.
Thank God for rednecks.
#51 to #42 - karson
Reply +7
(04/02/2014) [-]
not a redneck, but I have a 1994 4x4 F250 and live in a town where it usually doesn't snow. when it snows, i just drive around in my truck with a chain and pull people out of ditches or if they're stuck in their yard or something. Sometimes they randomly give me money, but I usually do it for free.
#77 to #51 - hektoroftroy
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
**** bruh, I live at the bottom of a steep hill in an area that doesn't normally get snow, but when it does snow people still try and drive up/down the hill. Most of them don't make it and slide off into ditches.
In February it started snowing at like 5pm and kept snowing until the next morning. Me and my brother spent about 8 hours using my dad's Bronco and my brother's explorer to pull people out of ditches.
#5 - kulamia
Reply +58
(04/02/2014) [-]
Hit shot at someone 75 yards away. Hit him in the head. WHILE DYING. This man is one hardcore ************!
#18 to #5 - miwauturu
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
Was. Was one hardcore ************.
#16 to #5 - dastuke
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
Was. Was one hardcore ************.
#43 to #5 - ubergoatman
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
Was. Was one hardcore ************.
#15 to #5 - demandsgayversion
Reply +4
(04/02/2014) [-]
Was. Was one hardcore ************.
#23 to #5 - psykobear
Reply +4
(04/02/2014) [-]
Anger and various drugs will do that to you.
Oh, and was. Was one hardcore ************.
#65 to #23 - akrasial
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
"Rage is a helluva anasthetic."
#20 to #5 - ugottanked
Reply +15
(04/02/2014) [-]
Was. Was one hardcore ************.
#7 - tittylovin
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
I love EMT threads. Got any more OP?
#8 to #7 - theaznreclaimer [OP]
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
To be honest, I just reposted. I'll try to find some more though
#9 to #7 - theaznreclaimer [OP]
Reply +36
(04/02/2014) [-]
Isn't really an EMT, but it's close enough right?
#41 to #9 - weepingpancakes
Reply +3
(04/02/2014) [-]
"Oxygen thief of an E1"
"Oxygen thief of an E1"
#75 to #9 - cmilanes
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
>"****** one guy in the ass just to prove my point" What the ****?
#10 to #9 - tittylovin
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
Seen it a thousand times, it's the classic.
In fact, I think I even posted it once.
#12 to #10 - theaznreclaimer [OP]
Reply +8
(04/02/2014) [-]
I don't know how to like, post them. So I'm just going to copy paste.

>So cal
>get called
>rush in at guys house
>see a naked black guy (the ones you see in fighter tourny skinny/fat not obese) standing still eyes wide open
>whats the problem
>he says he went balls deep12x3 dildo up his ass and can't get it out, slipped or something now its lodge up there pretty good.


long story short it was purple.
#13 to #12 - theaznreclaimer [OP]
Reply +13
(04/02/2014) [-]
> be last shift, get call for stabbing to the neck
> oh, ******* goody
> get on scene, find local crackhead.. let's call him "Tyrone"
> Tyrone and old lady got *********, as is their custom
> then, Tyrone threw a tennis ball at old lady's head
> old lady slashed him with her 40oz bottle, cutting neatly through Tyrone's left earlobe
> "Ok, Tyrone. Let's go to the ER."
> "Nah, man. I'm good."
> "Tyrone, your ******* ear is cut through. You are pretty much the opposite of 'good' right now. Let's go."
> "Nah, man. I'm good. I'll get my moms to take me in."
> "Tyrone, your moms is in the nursing home. I took her to dialysis the other day."
> "I'm fine, man. I don't wanna go."
> "Whatever, man. Sign here."
> Tyrone signs refusal and away we go.... until an hour later
> Tyrone walks TWO ******* MILES to PD, has them call us because he has ****** with that ear until a small artery opened and now he's bleeding AIDS blood everywhere
> we walk up, see Tyrone sheepishly standing there covered in blood
> "Aw, man.... you were right. I should have gone."
> "Ayup. Get in the truck, Tyrone."
#40 to #13 - tittylovin
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
Good **** man, good ****.
#14 to #13 - theaznreclaimer [OP]
Reply 0
(04/02/2014) [-]
I'm really **** at finding this... if anything, go on /k/ and search up (idk if you can do that) the user OHGODTHEBEES he's a real EMT and he posts pretty regularly. He's also the one that wrote the redneck story. Sorry
#11 to #10 - theaznreclaimer [OP]
Reply 0
(04/02/2014) [-]
lmao alright then, gimme a minute
#46 - anaphase
Reply +29
(04/02/2014) [-]
"Collapses to the ground, as is the custom when fatally stabbed"
#50 - greenimp
Reply +22
(04/02/2014) [-]
I dunno man, Redguards used to have a sword stroke that split an atom. They literally had sword masters capable of letting off an H-bomb.



Ever wonder what happened to Yokuda? Now you know. A bunch of Sword Saints basically decided the entire populace of the continent had dishonoured themselves beyond redemption.
#59 to #50 - thegamegestapo
Reply +10
(04/02/2014) [-]
Redguard is old Internet slang for black people.
#47 - severepwner
Reply +20
(04/02/2014) [-]
Redneck A's fw
Redneck A's fw
#17 - miwauturu
Reply +18
(04/02/2014) [-]
I am not an EMT, but I know a paramedic / firefighter (they are put together here), and have heard a few of his stories, so I will rewrite a good one.

>Gets a call, from an area where "Marie-Lynn" is known to frequent
>She is a known hypochondriac, fakes illness all the time for attention
>Her number was 911 blacklisted, so she gets others to call for her now
>Is a MtF Trans
>He arrives on scene, finds girl and her boyfriend freaking out over passed out body.
>Big surprise, passed out body is Marie-Lynn
>He heads over, opens his equipment, grabs a tongue clip
>Clip used to prevent unconscious patients from having their tongue flap back and cover their trachea
>In normal conditions (i.e. used on someone unconscious) clip proves no problem. When used on unconscious person, clip triggers gag reflex.
>He takes clip, shoves roughly down Mary-Lynn's throat
>She immediately freaks, rolling over to get away, just about puking.
>Gets up and starts to run away, nobody pursues her, since they all know her already, know nothing will happen even if they did catch her.
>Friend calls to her "Leaving so soon [Mary-Lynn's male birth name]?"
>She turns around, flips them the bird and keeps running.
#24 to #17 - psykobear
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
You mean when used on a conscious person, it triggers the gag reflex, right?
#25 to #24 - miwauturu
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
Yes, that is what I meant.
#27 to #17 - timelordeternal ONLINE
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
Tongue clips are called oropharyngeal airways.
#28 to #27 - timelordeternal ONLINE
Reply +2
(04/02/2014) [-]
AKA oral airways.
#37 to #28 - miwauturu
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
Thank you sir, I do not believe my friend ever used the name, just explained more or less their purpose, although it was quite a while ago I heard this story.
#39 to #37 - timelordeternal ONLINE
Reply +1
(04/02/2014) [-]
You're welcome, and nose ones are nasopharyngeal airways, AKA nasal airways.