Redneck EMT Story. Redneck A and B get into an argument over who gets to bang their cousin first. Redneck A beats the living hell out of Redneck B, but Redneck  rednecks EMT stab Shot scarier than nig
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Redneck EMT Story

Redneck EMT Story. Redneck A and B get into an argument over who gets to bang their cousin first. Redneck A beats the living hell out of Redneck B, but Redneck

Redneck A and B get into an argument over who gets to bang their cousin first. Redneck A beats the living hell out of Redneck B, but Redneck B filets Redneck A with a buck knife. Redneck A isn't quite yet dead though, as he pulls out a rifle and shoots Redneck B.

Still awake. Might as well.
2 call fer shooting and stabbing semes in
2 "Well, which is WA shooting er a stabbing?"
2 "Both. We' re sending you and the . Si). is en scene and theme screaming fortwo ambulances."
2 get an scene of epic redneck family dispute gene horribly wrong
2 Rednecky is slumped against wheel of
2 a huge gash runs his right nipple almost to his right shoulder blade, exposing the lung
2 he' about dead
2 there' s a /30-/ 30 en the heed guarded by a deputy
2 Redneck B is facedown about yards away
2 well, he would be facedown if he had a face
2 Redneck B' s head has been explosively redistributed fer several feet in all directions
2 oh my god, what the **** , barbecue
2 ignore headless cerise, help first unit en scene work Redneck A, whe predictably doesn' t make it
2 having a completely bisected lung tends to severely impact one' s survival potential
2 we still have ******* idea what transpired out there
Later that day-.
2 everybody gets to write statements forthe DA, which is typical fer homicides
2 deputy fills us in en what went down
2 Rednecky and Redneck B had a tiff ever same cute little machette
2 defending both his haner and hers, Rednecky pummels the unholy **** out of Redneck B
2 thinking the matter settled, toward his truck
2 Redneck B picks himself up, dusts himself off and runs up behind Redneckasian a ******* huge buck knife
2 Redneck B proceeds to fillet Redneck A
2 Redneck A collapses, as is the custom when fatally stabbed
2 thinking the matter settled, Redneck B begins to walk away
2 unbeknownst to Redneck B, nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it
2 his waite his feet, retrieves his dun rams his truck and fires a single round befire collapsing
2 boom, headshot and the crowd gees wild
Rednecks ******* scare me way worse than redguards.
...
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Views: 52011
Favorited: 188
Submitted: 04/01/2014
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Comments(90):

[ 90 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#1 - dsgjoker (04/01/2014) [-]
the way this dude phrases 			****		   
   
my sides are damaged
the way this dude phrases ****

my sides are damaged
#2 to #1 - theaznreclaimer (04/01/2014) [-]
my sides are in orbit
my sides are in orbit
#45 to #1 - announcement (04/02/2014) [-]
How badly damaged were they, on a scale from 1 to Redneck A?
How badly damaged were they, on a scale from 1 to Redneck A?
User avatar #49 to #45 - lesolan (04/02/2014) [-]
Stop, stop, for ****** sake I'm gonna die here! xD
User avatar #78 to #45 - welliguessitsaname (04/02/2014) [-]
On a scale of 1 to announcement, how much do you get mentioned?
User avatar #80 to #78 - announcement (04/02/2014) [-]
Somewhere between Announcement and ************
#42 - I Am Monkey (04/02/2014) [-]
My town once experienced a massive snow storm extremely early in the season when all the trees still had their leaves. The leaves held much more snow than usual and the weight collapsed hundreds of trees all over town. My neighborhood was hit the worst out all of them. There were so many trees down and so much snow that the government roped off our block and declared it a no-go-zone. Just when all hope was lost we heard the sound of engines revving in the distance. A group of a dozen or so drunken rednecks came down the road with chain-saws and a plow. They just sawed each tree in half and threw each half to the side as they went. They blew right through the entire block in about an hour. When they reached the end they took down the barricades themselves and told the town to just clear the logs they had thrown to the side because they had already done their job for them.
Thank God for rednecks.
User avatar #51 to #42 - karson (04/02/2014) [-]
not a redneck, but I have a 1994 4x4 F250 and live in a town where it usually doesn't snow. when it snows, i just drive around in my truck with a chain and pull people out of ditches or if they're stuck in their yard or something. Sometimes they randomly give me money, but I usually do it for free.
User avatar #77 to #51 - hektoroftroy (04/02/2014) [-]
**** bruh, I live at the bottom of a steep hill in an area that doesn't normally get snow, but when it does snow people still try and drive up/down the hill. Most of them don't make it and slide off into ditches.
In February it started snowing at like 5pm and kept snowing until the next morning. Me and my brother spent about 8 hours using my dad's Bronco and my brother's explorer to pull people out of ditches.
#5 - kulamia (04/02/2014) [-]
Hit shot at someone 75 yards away. Hit him in the head. WHILE DYING. This man is one hardcore ************ !
#18 to #5 - miwauturu (04/02/2014) [-]
Was. Was one hardcore ************ .
User avatar #16 to #5 - dastuke (04/02/2014) [-]
Was. Was one hardcore ************ .
User avatar #43 to #5 - ubergoatman (04/02/2014) [-]
Was. Was one hardcore ************ .
User avatar #15 to #5 - demandsgayversion (04/02/2014) [-]
Was. Was one hardcore ************ .
User avatar #23 to #5 - psykobear (04/02/2014) [-]
Anger and various drugs will do that to you.
Oh, and was. Was one hardcore ************ .
User avatar #65 to #23 - akrasial (04/02/2014) [-]
"Rage is a helluva anasthetic."
User avatar #20 to #5 - ugottanked (04/02/2014) [-]
Was. Was one hardcore ************ .
#21 - mattdoggy (04/02/2014) [-]
nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it   
   
I have read this story at least 50 times over the years and i can't make it past that part without losing my crap
nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it

I have read this story at least 50 times over the years and i can't make it past that part without losing my crap
+1
#26 to #21 - timelordeternal has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #29 to #26 - warlordstuart ONLINE (04/02/2014) [-]
as a dude that was hit by a car last december and still alive to talk about it. thanks to you and your buddies
User avatar #30 to #29 - timelordeternal (04/02/2014) [-]
Glad you're alive, what was the extent of the injuries?
User avatar #33 to #30 - warlordstuart ONLINE (04/02/2014) [-]
honestly....i kinda exagerated. dont know if im just a big fat **** (which i kinda am) and that protected me. but surprisingly i got hit by a car going 45mph and i received a bunch of cuts and bruises mostly from glass. the road shattered my elbow when i landed on it.

my fat 250lb ass ****** up her car though. i ended up with about 32 stiches. the EMT said i looked like i got out of a bad bar fight. I couldnt walk properly for a week or so but i took out her windshield and both her headlights somehow
User avatar #34 to #33 - timelordeternal (04/02/2014) [-]
It's a lot better for the car to be damaged than you. I bet the bills sucked though.
User avatar #36 to #34 - warlordstuart ONLINE (04/02/2014) [-]
good coverage. i had 3-4 layers of insurance. the car insurances are arguing about stuff though. I got super lucky about the whole thing really. especially living in america where the medical bills can pile up super quick
User avatar #38 to #36 - timelordeternal (04/02/2014) [-]
Yeah, I am in America. Medical bills here are outrageous. Short ambulance rides are around 800 here.
User avatar #48 to #38 - wheretheheartroams (04/02/2014) [-]
are ambulances really charged on the bill??? (i live in america too but i never knew this)
User avatar #79 to #48 - timelordeternal (04/02/2014) [-]
Oh yeah, it's like 750 just for the call here, then it's like 15$ per mile for BLS care and like 30$ per mile for ALS care, plus medications, needles, treatments rendered. It blows.
User avatar #89 to #79 - wheretheheartroams (04/03/2014) [-]
daaaaamn, i feel bad for my parents now since i had to ride the ambulance after a skateboarding accident i had :'(
#85 to #21 - oxYKellark (04/02/2014) [-]
Same here hahaha.
#74 to #21 - schneidend ONLINE (04/02/2014) [-]
First time reader, also my favorite part.
First time reader, also my favorite part.
#4 - marlton (04/02/2014) [-]
>unbeknownst to Redneck B, nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it   
>Redneck A collapses, as is the custom when fatally stabbed   
>boom, headshot and the crowd goes wild
>unbeknownst to Redneck B, nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it
>Redneck A collapses, as is the custom when fatally stabbed
>boom, headshot and the crowd goes wild
#72 to #4 - gitanisme (04/02/2014) [-]
Wow, it's almost like we saw the same content.
Wow, it's almost like we saw the same content.
#50 - greenimp (04/02/2014) [-]
I dunno man, Redguards used to have a sword stroke that split an atom. They literally had sword masters capable of letting off an H-bomb.



Ever wonder what happened to Yokuda? Now you know. A bunch of Sword Saints basically decided the entire populace of the continent had dishonoured themselves beyond redemption.
#59 to #50 - thegamegestapo (04/02/2014) [-]
Redguard is old Internet slang for black people.
#17 - miwauturu (04/02/2014) [-]
I am not an EMT, but I know a paramedic / firefighter (they are put together here), and have heard a few of his stories, so I will rewrite a good one.

>Gets a call, from an area where "Marie-Lynn" is known to frequent
>She is a known hypochondriac, fakes illness all the time for attention
>Her number was 911 blacklisted, so she gets others to call for her now
>Is a MtF Trans
>He arrives on scene, finds girl and her boyfriend freaking out over passed out body.
>Big surprise, passed out body is Marie-Lynn
>He heads over, opens his equipment, grabs a tongue clip
>Clip used to prevent unconscious patients from having their tongue flap back and cover their trachea
>In normal conditions (i.e. used on someone unconscious) clip proves no problem. When used on unconscious person, clip triggers gag reflex.
>He takes clip, shoves roughly down Mary-Lynn's throat
>She immediately freaks, rolling over to get away, just about puking.
>Gets up and starts to run away, nobody pursues her, since they all know her already, know nothing will happen even if they did catch her.
>Friend calls to her "Leaving so soon [Mary-Lynn's male birth name]?"
>She turns around, flips them the bird and keeps running.
User avatar #24 to #17 - psykobear (04/02/2014) [-]
You mean when used on a conscious person, it triggers the gag reflex, right?
#25 to #24 - miwauturu (04/02/2014) [-]
Yes, that is what I meant.
User avatar #27 to #17 - timelordeternal (04/02/2014) [-]
Tongue clips are called oropharyngeal airways.
User avatar #28 to #27 - timelordeternal (04/02/2014) [-]
AKA oral airways.
#37 to #28 - miwauturu (04/02/2014) [-]
Thank you sir, I do not believe my friend ever used the name, just explained more or less their purpose, although it was quite a while ago I heard this story.
User avatar #39 to #37 - timelordeternal (04/02/2014) [-]
You're welcome, and nose ones are nasopharyngeal airways, AKA nasal airways.
#47 - severepwner (04/02/2014) [-]
Redneck A's fw
Redneck A's fw
#46 - anaphase (04/02/2014) [-]
"Collapses to the ground, as is the custom when fatally stabbed"
User avatar #3 - iiiphoenixiii (04/02/2014) [-]
> Methette

Lost it. 10/10!
User avatar #22 to #3 - randomwanker (04/02/2014) [-]
read it machete first
#64 - zwartbr (04/02/2014) [-]
"Redneck B's head has been explosively redistributed" hahahahaha
#87 to #64 - nibbero ONLINE (04/02/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#63 - atomicoption (04/02/2014) [-]
"have a bisected lung tends to severely impact one's chances of survival." oh my god
"have a bisected lung tends to severely impact one's chances of survival." oh my god
User avatar #52 - karson (04/02/2014) [-]
this past december I was riding in the back seat of a friends car, and as we were going through an intersection, I heard a horn and tires screeching. we ended up getting T-boned by another car going about 55. in that brieft second, I thought "eyup, this is it, I'm dead now." then when the car stopped moving, I realized I was fine. the window had shattered in my face, and I was yelling out a choice word when it happened, so my mouth was full of shattered glass. turns out our car had been hit right on the B pillar, and the frame of the car was remarkably strong, so I wasn't hurt at all. I started laughing my ass off when I was getting out of the car, and even when all the cops and ambulance arrived. They checked over us in the ambulance at the scene. I told them I felt great and was laughing. they thought I was on drugs, when really I was just ecstatic to be alive.
User avatar #53 to #52 - komandantmirkoo (04/02/2014) [-]
that sounds more like shock to me. i have a friend that was in a car that flipped once. he got out without a scratch and started laughing. he laughed for about 10 minutes straight then started shaking, threw up and almost cried.
User avatar #54 to #53 - karson (04/02/2014) [-]
maybe. but I didn't shake, or throw up, or cry. I had just accepted death when i saw the car, and realizing I was unhurt was like being given a second chance.

I've been in a few car accidents before that one, same type scenario, except someone ran a red in front of me, I was driving my dad's SUV. That one shook me up, but I kept my cool in that too.

I kinda consider myself a level headed person. been on a sinking boat, was with my dad in his airplane and the engine died about 4000 feet up, never lost my cool in those situations either.
User avatar #69 to #54 - Leonidus (04/02/2014) [-]
you have all sorts of bad luck man.
User avatar #70 to #69 - karson (04/02/2014) [-]
ya know, looking back, I guess I do.

#82 - iamchicken (04/02/2014) [-]
Humans are ******* scary **** .
#67 - computeronfire (04/02/2014) [-]
**computeronfire rolled image**
**computeronfire rolled image**
User avatar #84 - oxYKellark (04/02/2014) [-]
"nobody kills Redneck A and gets away with it"
This is it, the post that kills me.
Lordy.
I was on my paramedic internship a few weeks ago where i got the bear hug of my ******* life from some homeless guy who literally could have been an MMA fighter with his crazy ass kung fu grip.
#55 - kcwsooners ONLINE (04/02/2014) [-]
**kcwsooners rolled image**   
Who I kill and get away with it.
**kcwsooners rolled image**
Who I kill and get away with it.
#61 to #55 - thekieran (04/02/2014) [-]
"That's very ambitious of you."
"That's very ambitious of you."
User avatar #57 to #55 - Einsty (04/02/2014) [-]
Hm, don't think so.
User avatar #73 to #55 - schneidend ONLINE (04/02/2014) [-]
You couldn't kill regular Benedict Cumberbatch, much less Benedict Cumberbatch, ******************** Edition.
#88 - Lewx (04/02/2014) [-]
"Well, he would be facedown if he had a face"
#58 - underthefilth (04/02/2014) [-]
**underthefilth rolled image** Who it be that I get killed by only to kill him from the grave.
#60 to #58 - gtfomylawnbish (04/02/2014) [-]
**gtfomylawnbish rolled image**

What will really end up killing you.
#62 to #60 - underthefilth (04/02/2014) [-]
**underthefilth rolled image** The way I will turn out afterwards and get revenge from the grave.
#68 to #62 - wiggylord (04/02/2014) [-]
hm...Doesn't seem to bad.
#90 to #62 - kunterz (04/08/2014) [-]
Is she underage? I can't tell
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