Making TSA agents uncomfortable. source: So me and my buddy are flying Vegas for a poker by the way my friend is slightly nuts in a good way.

Making TSA agents uncomfortable

So me and my buddy are flying Vegas for a poker
by the way my friend is slightly nuts in a
good way. He decides go in the bathroom and and
slap it until he has a complete hard on right before
the TSA pat drawn. It was dawn cne leg and his
unders kept it w his thigh SD it wasen' t pitching a
tent... it was a "stealth boner" he called it, The
gentleman patting him down did the same "slide up
the thigh" move we saw in this .... and to his
utter dismay he had a handful of hard madjunk. He
asked him what is this with a suspicious tone, my
buddy replied "my dick" The agent asked "sir, why
would you have an erection in an airport ata
security checkpoint?" Without skipping a beat he
replied. ' I love a man in uniform and you rub me so
firmly, yet gently" The horror on the TSA agents face
was priceless... he was 3 shades of red and promptly
cleared my friend and moved en. It was nice to see
the man that rubs crutches all day, putting people in
uncomfortable situations repeatedly, having the
tables turned on him. He was the one blushing while
crawling out cf his skin instead ofthe passenger
getting his nuts fondled."
Jesus Christ, my sides.
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Views: 66404
Favorited: 448
Submitted: 05/29/2013
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#25 - nock **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #3 - fasthink (05/29/2013) [-]
"aw man, I have to rub down 10 480lb. fat men that pant when I touch them per hour... Oh, what's this? A normal person? Finally I can stop being so uncomfortable and do my jo- that's a penis..."
#86 to #3 - johnserrano **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#40 to #3 - blokrokker (05/30/2013) [-]
#169 to #74 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
There's no need to respond with this gif every time the other one is posted, you know.
User avatar #171 to #169 - infamoustrapper (05/30/2013) [-]
It's true.
#184 to #169 - ghostlytaco **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#200 to #169 - josephkirk (05/30/2013) [-]
i post it for the people that want to add it to their reaction folder...
User avatar #2 - awesomedewd (05/29/2013) [-]
I just love people who do this stuff.
They make the world a bit funnier with every action.
#6 to #2 - finding has deleted their comment [-]
#26 to #2 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
*every erection
#179 to #2 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
although it's not so cool to be that guy
User avatar #187 to #2 - awesomedewd (05/30/2013) [-]
mfw thumbs
User avatar #126 to #2 - deescalation (05/30/2013) [-]
your profile picture made this comment so much better
User avatar #7 to #2 - finding (05/30/2013) [-]
They make the world a bit funnier with every erection.
#4 - lordpercival (05/29/2013) [-]
Way to ** STICK** it to the system, Make it HARD on security and
they will stop RUBBING us he wrong way. They had to see it CUMING
User avatar #56 to #4 - myanusisready (05/30/2013) [-]
#5 to #4 - haloinblue (05/30/2013) [-]
I swear to god.... I will ******* find you.... I will take a iron dagger..... and.... make you a tasty afternoon snack.
#186 to #5 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
#67 - triggathepirate (05/30/2013) [-]
Friend's face when
Friend's face when
User avatar #49 - deathcampforjewtie (05/30/2013) [-]
Wait, so if I go to the airport, a man will fondle my junk?
Sign me up.
#147 - FudgeCannon (05/30/2013) [-]
Men in uniform you say
#121 - brothergrimm ONLINE (05/30/2013) [-]
that was one of the best stories i've ever read
that was one of the best stories i've ever read
User avatar #59 - crazyeyedbioll (05/30/2013) [-]
HA! that asshole was trying to make everyone's flight safe! got what he deserved
User avatar #115 to #59 - Crusader (05/30/2013) [-]
The TSA has yet to catch any "terrorists"
They suck, my friend went on over half a dozen flights in a row with a punch knife, if he wanted to, he could have taken over the plane.
#119 to #115 - crazyeyedbioll (05/30/2013) [-]
Implying 1 guy with a knife can overpower an entire plane full of passengers, not to mention the armed security most planes have disguised among passengers for that very reason
User avatar #120 to #119 - Crusader (05/30/2013) [-]
Implying that a man who exercises can easily overpower stewardesses and get past security if they don't realize he's a threat.
User avatar #123 to #120 - crazyeyedbioll (05/30/2013) [-]

I said an entire plane full of passengers. not everyone is a chicken **** as you think, if you try to take a plane by yourself with nothing but a knife everyone will kick the **** out of you
#131 to #123 - pokerdog (05/30/2013) [-]
You don't have to overpower the entire plane, just the stewardesses and maybe a security guard or two, and then the flight crew.
User avatar #132 to #131 - crazyeyedbioll (05/30/2013) [-]
And you really think 1 person with a knife can take plane security armed with guns? I find this incredibly stupid. but you are free to have an opinion.
#136 to #132 - pokerdog (05/30/2013) [-]
No, I think one man with a knife can discreetly walk up to an air marshal sitting with the people, stab him and take a gun.
Crusader's plan is a little out there.
User avatar #142 to #136 - crazyeyedbioll (05/30/2013) [-]
There is no point in continuing this, it's ovbious Im set in my opinion and you are set to yours, I think this way because I know for a fact if some asshole stabs an air marshal sitting with the passengers I will do everything in my power to take him down. and I'd expect any other military members whether on duty or off duty, including police. to do the same
User avatar #124 to #123 - Crusader (05/30/2013) [-]
He doesn't need to take on an entire plane.
He can easily walk up to the front, when the stewardesses ask him to sit down, he stabs them and then moves on to the cockpit.
It's not as if he's going to be marching up to the front with a dagger and people are going to heroically jump out and say "Stop, criminal scum"
They won't realize what's happening.
User avatar #125 to #124 - crazyeyedbioll (05/30/2013) [-]
Because nobody would notice a dead steward, plus blood, plus staff rolecalls/check-ins.
User avatar #127 to #125 - Crusader (05/30/2013) [-]
My god, did you even read my comment?
Step 1 - Head to the front discreetly
Step 2 - Stab any stewardesses in your path that try to stop you
Step 3 - Enter Cockpit, since it would be right there

The entire thing would take literally 5 minutes to get from your seat to the cockpit, if that, it's not going to be someone assassin movie where you are hiding bodies in the cupboards and sneaking up.

Not to mention if you fly first class, they give your a knife, like a steak knife, and half the time they are right behind the cockpit making it easier.

I realize that you were being sarcastic earlier, but it's not as hard as you think to take over a plane, if you really wanted to you could take it over with a sharpened piece of plastic.
User avatar #129 to #127 - crazyeyedbioll (05/30/2013) [-]
Go try it then master criminal. Show me just how wrong I am, please.
User avatar #134 to #129 - Crusader (05/30/2013) [-]
You're assuming that I would want to, but I don't.
I'm just saying theoretically, it's not as hard as people think.
People think that planes are these flying fortresses now, have you seen air marshals?
They sit with the passengers, meaning you could easily walk up, stab one and take their gun and now you are able to really **** **** up, because now all you have to do is shoot out a window and **** hits the fan.

I'm not able to do that, I'm not heartless enough to kill in cold blood, but theoretically it's possible.
User avatar #138 to #134 - crazyeyedbioll (05/30/2013) [-]
Okay so after what you just said, they sit WITH the passengers, right? then everyone would imediatly know some asshole is stabbing people and the braver ones usually off duty police/military would attack the terrorist.
#139 to #138 - Crusader has deleted their comment [-]
#188 to #127 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
inb4 fbi watchlist
#201 to #115 - soulterminatorm has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #202 to #201 - Crusader (06/15/2013) [-]
Until one of the stewardesses enters to take them food/coffee
Or they go to their quarters to sleep on long flights
User avatar #64 to #59 - drewbridge (05/30/2013) [-]
What a dickhead. I can't believe they hire people for the sole purpose of inconveniencing everyone. If I want to fly 5 miles about the earth going 600mph with several hundred other people for a few hours, I should be able to without being thoroughly checked out.
User avatar #73 to #64 - crazyeyedbioll (05/30/2013) [-]
minor inconvenience > terrorist attack.
User avatar #75 to #73 - drewbridge (05/30/2013) [-]
I was being sarcastic with you.
User avatar #76 to #75 - crazyeyedbioll (05/30/2013) [-]
so was I
#42 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
Yea!!!! That guy who's probably working a job he hates just to put food on the table for his family really deserved that one!!!
#61 to #42 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
people who work for the government deserve to be hated
these are tax payers' hard earned dollars and they are going to waste
User avatar #44 to #42 - redneckhokage (05/30/2013) [-]
shouldnt have chose that job then
#46 to #44 - mistahlegend (05/30/2013) [-]
These days, you don't get the luxury of picking and choosing your jobs.
#63 to #46 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
that's because the government subsidizes inactivity and business can't grow and create new jobs.
User avatar #47 to #46 - redneckhokage (05/30/2013) [-]
yea you can. . .and thats why im unemployed
User avatar #62 to #47 - hairyjonson (05/30/2013) [-]
and living off your mom and dad right
User avatar #106 - malific (05/30/2013) [-]
You realize that man has exactly as much say as we do about doing that search?
User avatar #114 to #106 - Crusader (05/30/2013) [-]
Yes, No, Kind of.
Legally, yes you are correct, but the alternatives, and the likelihood of the TSA using an alternative that is more embarrassing is pretty high.
The TSA doesn't even know it's own rules, they pat down little kids, they refuse liquids that should be allowed (ie. breast milk) and they do a crappy job of checking you, my friend went on like 8 planes in a row with a punch knife.
User avatar #130 to #114 - malific (05/30/2013) [-]
That's what happens when you introduce a very large amount of overly tight, unneeded regulations to a bunch of wage earning employees.
User avatar #108 to #106 - noodlelover (05/30/2013) [-]
I was angrily scrolling down to make that comment...thanks for doing it for me though
#51 - snaresinger (05/30/2013) [-]
but yeah that is 			*******		 hilarious

but yeah that is ******* hilarious
User avatar #97 to #51 - greenbabycake (05/30/2013) [-]
I don't even wanna think about what's gonna happen when the lawn mower lands
User avatar #116 to #51 - Crusader (05/30/2013) [-]
They don't make it safer if they don't do their job.
You can easily hide a weapon.
User avatar #149 to #116 - capslockrage (05/30/2013) [-]
No you can't.
User avatar #150 to #149 - Crusader (05/30/2013) [-]
My friend carried a punch knife on over half a dozen flights in a row.

If you opt out of them actually frisking you and go through the visual scanner, it uses contrast against flesh to highlight objects, meaning if you have a baggy shirt you can sew a pocket into it and hide a weapon in the area beneath your arm.

My brother had a box of cigars, a cigar cutter/ trimmer/ lighter in his carry on and they never stopped him.

Sure it stops guns, but they lack in terms of stopping small weapons.
User avatar #172 to #150 - admiralen ONLINE (05/30/2013) [-]
one would think a crusader would stop his friends from commiting such villainy
User avatar #199 to #172 - Crusader (05/30/2013) [-]
The crusaders often committed such villainy themselves.
It's not what is legal, it is what they see as just and moral.
User avatar #164 to #150 - snaresinger (05/30/2013) [-]
"Sure it stops guns"

Kind of a ****** way of conceding the point, but I'll take it.

Also, I really don't give a **** , I was just commenting.
User avatar #151 to #150 - capslockrage (05/30/2013) [-]
Did you get the first half of that from kyle on painkiller already?
User avatar #153 to #151 - Crusader (05/30/2013) [-]
No*, But I found it funny he did too.
Kyle's was plastic, my friend had a stone one.
#152 to #151 - Crusader has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #154 to #152 - capslockrage (05/30/2013) [-]
Ah, so you do watch it?
I could tell by the way you described the pocket
User avatar #155 to #154 - Crusader (05/30/2013) [-]
That I got from the show.
#91 to #51 - clemolo (05/30/2013) [-]
am i the only one that finds this gif terrifying?
#21 - cullenatorguy (05/30/2013) [-]
**cullenatorguy rolled a random image posted in comment #2272972 at Friendly **
It always pisses me off when TSA agents are potrayed as the handymen of Satan. They're ******* people who need a job. You think they want to rub your crotch all day? **** no. I bet most of them hate their jobs, I know I would, but if I needed the money, I'd do it. I bet it's easy as **** to be a TSA agent. Quit getting pissed off at the agents and ******* with them (if you do), and get angry at the agency itself. The guy with the erection was a major prick.
User avatar #23 to #21 - sketchE (05/30/2013) [-]
ha pun.
but i agreewhen i was going through security training (B&G not TSA) we did proper search techniques. that includes some very uncomfortable places that i had to grab and be grabbed. tsa serves a very important job.
User avatar #41 to #21 - blokrokker (05/30/2013) [-]
Eh, pranks are pranks. Especially ones like that, simply causing a privately embarrassing moment for him. Now if the pranker had made a scene about it, THEN I'd consider him a douche. Besides, the TSA agent now has a story to tell, if he ever wants to tell it.
User avatar #65 - ReaLCooLGuY (05/30/2013) [-]
He was just doing his job. Those TSA agents probably get more abuse then they deserve.
#9 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
So a man who works to secure passengers is a twat for making people uncomfortable? Wow.
User avatar #50 to #9 - akkere (05/30/2013) [-]
The TSA has done some pretty blatantly incompetent things that it'd be considered a miracle if they secured anything at all.
And not for nothing, but why would the person who is working for an agency that constantly pushed the complete-see-thru-your-clothes-so-you're-naked, the same agency that tells you that you either have to go through this machine or get felt up completely, be embarrassed because some jack-wad decided to bring in a wood export to the airport?
Just because they have a position that's supposed to be one of authority doesn't immunize them from twat status.
User avatar #11 to #9 - dikslapping (05/30/2013) [-]
they pat down small children and elderly, hell even soldiers getting deployed while they carry their weapons. **** TSA.
User avatar #24 to #11 - sketchE (05/30/2013) [-]
a knife fits in grandmas belt just as easily as little susys
User avatar #28 to #24 - dikslapping (05/30/2013) [-]
Why would an old woman try to sneak in a knife when the plane gives you a knife for your in flight meal?
User avatar #29 to #28 - sketchE (05/30/2013) [-]
not a proper kninfe. and grandmas not the one who wants it
User avatar #31 to #29 - dikslapping (05/30/2013) [-]
I could kill a person with a plastic spoon how is a metal butter knife any different?
#34 to #31 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
I could kill you 37 different ways with my pinkie alone.
User avatar #57 to #9 - osimonmagus (05/30/2013) [-]
The TSA is a complete violation of personal and human rights if you ask me. They are completely useless. They have never found anything. They once made a crippled old lady get out of her wheel chair and strip down to her diaper....
User avatar #66 to #57 - fallenoffacliff (05/30/2013) [-]
54 loaded guns this week alone
User avatar #70 to #66 - osimonmagus (05/30/2013) [-]
Those would be found without the TSA when the passengers go through metal detectors. No one planning on shooting up a plane is going to be ignorant enough to try and get a fully loaded gun into an airport. You see how those reports skew reality?
User avatar #77 to #70 - fallenoffacliff (05/30/2013) [-]
One was found in a prosthetic leg using full body scanning. Not to mention the recently 3D printed guns that a metal detector wouldn't catch.

Can we leave thumbs out of this?
User avatar #79 to #77 - osimonmagus (05/30/2013) [-]
It would have been found if they did a simple wand.
3D printed guns are a joke. They are not a plausible danger.
User avatar #81 to #79 - fallenoffacliff (05/30/2013) [-]
The threat of 3D guns is fairly real. with current technology, they may be only semi-decent weapons, but in a small, enclosed space, they could easily be dangerous.

User avatar #82 to #81 - osimonmagus (05/30/2013) [-]
It's a paranoid delusion played on by the media to continue putting fear into peoples minds because that's what the media does. They are the real terrorists these days.
User avatar #84 to #82 - fallenoffacliff (05/30/2013) [-]
While I agree that the media overplay things, technology is advancing in such a way that ,be it 3D printing or some other means, ways around a metal detector will be easier and easier to come by. I do agree the TSA is probably overpaid, and that the cases of molestation are unacceptable. But I do think that they serve a necessary role in protection
User avatar #89 to #84 - osimonmagus (05/30/2013) [-]
Then instead of having perverts groping old women and children the government should be focused on having more friendly technology to find these possible threats. Instead, they play it cheap as they can with no regards to the people. They could make it to where the TSA is obsolete but the refuse to. They should be done away with. They are useless.
User avatar #156 to #89 - fuzzysixx ONLINE (05/30/2013) [-]
Well, they have tried the full body scanners, which are 0% invasive, but people still complained about them.
User avatar #157 to #156 - osimonmagus (05/30/2013) [-]
Have you seen the images of people in full body scanners?
I don't want my penis and scrotum exposed to someone sitting behind a desk.
That is an invasion of my privacy.
I don't know if they are snickering or making sexist comments about me. I don't want them thinking about it. Who knows what kind of person is sitting behind that desk looking at those images.
User avatar #158 to #157 - fuzzysixx ONLINE (05/30/2013) [-]
I couldn't care less if someone in a distant location was making jokes about me. After all, we do it all the time with pictures on FJ and the rest of the internet.
User avatar #159 to #158 - osimonmagus (05/30/2013) [-]
I really could care less what jokes they were making if any my point was it's the principle of the matter.
User avatar #161 to #159 - fuzzysixx ONLINE (05/30/2013) [-]
I understand your point. We need to do something to help detect possible threats, even having the systems in place is a deterrence. It is more of a lesser of two evils scenario than what is right and wrong.
User avatar #162 to #161 - osimonmagus (05/30/2013) [-]
There are no threats to deter. Even without the TSA it's damn near impossible to get anything illegal on a plane. In regards to the guy above me who said there were 54 cases of fully loaded guns on passengers is nothing new. There were probably twice as many before 9/11. Who's stupid enough to shoot a gun in a pressurized cabin 30,000ft in the air anyways, especially if they have a goal of crashing it in to a building or holding the passengers for ransom. I know people who used to carry fully loaded pistols, knives, switch blades etc on planes. NOTHING HAS CHANGED EXCEPT FOR THE FEAR FACTOR. Absolutely nothing has changed except for the fact that their terror attacks worked. They terrorized, they forced a change in our lifestyle, and it's caused complications. No one understands that the goal didn't end with 3,000 people dead. They are still laughing their asses off because people walk around and see a dark skinned middle eastern and they expect him to pull out a trigger and scream ALLAHU AKBAR! Nothing has changed except the fact that we have lost more freedoms. We let the bastards win.
"Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."-Ben ******* Franklin.
User avatar #83 to #81 - osimonmagus (05/30/2013) [-]
1. 3D printers are extremely expensive. The everyday individual cannot afford one with gun printing capabilities.
2. If a legitimate terrorist organization wants to cause damage they are going to think far beyond a plastic 3D gun. Even so, the look of a 3D gun is not going to be menacing as your standard glock is.
3. There are much more effective ways to harm someone than a 3D gun which will probably be extremely inefficient and more than likely a single shot.
#68 to #66 - osimonmagus has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #20 to #9 - heartlessrobot (05/30/2013) [-]
Considering the TSA has never found anything intended for use in a terrorist attack, I'd say they definitely are Twats.
User avatar #60 to #20 - fallenoffacliff (05/30/2013) [-]
Some evidence to support that claim would be nice
#53 to #20 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
one could argue that that evidence shows the TSA is doing its job
User avatar #58 to #53 - osimonmagus (05/30/2013) [-]
An idiot would argue that, yes.
A logical person would come to the conclusion that the job isn't needed.
#12 to #9 - anon (05/30/2013) [-]
When the 'safety' protocols have been proven useless time and again...yes.
#160 - palindromia ONLINE (05/30/2013) [-]
"jesus christ my sides"

4chan is becoming tumblr
User avatar #191 to #160 - corpsedolly (05/30/2013) [-]
Everything is becoming tumblr.
User avatar #176 to #160 - sheperdofthestars (05/30/2013) [-]
And for how long has FJ been using "my sides" when they think something is funny?

4chan isn't becoming Tumblr. People are just looking for new ways to express themselves.

Embrace the fact that things change, sperglord.
#185 to #176 - palindromia ONLINE (05/30/2013) [-]
And that would be great if they were responding to FUNNY content. the standard for humor is now targeting viewers with double digit IQs.
User avatar #189 to #185 - sheperdofthestars (05/30/2013) [-]
Whether or not something is funny is OPINION. Not fact. Everyone's opinion is different.

This person thought that this was funny. You don't have to agree.
#190 to #189 - palindromia ONLINE (05/30/2013) [-]
It's pretty much fact that it's not funny.
#193 to #190 - sheperdofthestars (05/30/2013) [-]
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH, I'm sorry that answer is INCORRECT. Allow me to slap you with some knowledge.

It is a fact that my shirt is purple. It's something that everyone can see if they are looking at me and can see colors, and it cannot be disputed.

If you were to say my shirt looks nice, THAT would be an opinion. It is an objective statement based on what you like and do not like.

Whether or not something is funny is an objective statement based on an individual's PREFERENCE. This makes it an OPINION, and not a FACT.

Hope you enjoyed your daily slice of the education you appear to have squandered in school by dicking around and not paying any attention.

You may now return your regularly scheduled ********** , you cum-guzzling faggot.
#195 to #193 - palindromia ONLINE (05/30/2013) [-]
also still not funny. that's a fact.
#52 - beefking (05/30/2013) [-]
**beefking rolled a random image posted in comment #385 at Do it for the internet ** I DO SAY!!!!!! JIMMIES WERE RUSTLED!!!!
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