Awkward 1st times. Tell your awkard 1st times FJ. ffirst time having sex met an top ether Thrusting away in an awkward position an my knees doeesn' t feel that  never 4get
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Comments(509):

[ 509 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#34 - graknab (04/10/2014) [-]
Move over everyone, best story coming through;
>last summer
>mutual friend tells me the schools valedictorian is into me
>never been within 20 feet of her, she looks like a solid 6
>agree to a date, we go on a hike
>up closer shes more like a 3
>whatever, I already came this far
>walking down the trail, shes not laughing at any of my jokes and barely responds to my questions
>about to give up when she jumps on me and starts making out
>first kiss, but even I know that its bad
>like a cow with rigor mortis
>tell her we should move off the trail
>we go a ways into the woods and find branches laid against a tree, prolly some kids play area
>go inside, she starts sucking my dick
>drags her teeth along the shaft
>suggest we have sex
>"okay but I'm on my period"
> **** it, its already up
>takes off panties
>vag looks like osama bin laden, after he was shot
>put it in, **** for like 40 minutes, neither of us come (her because I suck, me for obvious reasons)
>get bored, she offers to give me a hand job
>not very good, I try to finish myself off but shes staring at me, so I don;t
>leave bloody condom in children's play area,walk back in basically silence
>she drives me to my car, kiss her goodbye, never talk to her again
#207 to #34 - peyko (04/10/2014) [-]
**peyko rolled image** Is this a true story? If it is, then MFW
#369 to #207 - damnfaithlessdogs (04/10/2014) [-]
This constant rolling is retarded
#431 to #369 - anon (04/11/2014) [-]
**anonymous rolled image** *roll 4*

Suck it, anonymous user.
#433 to #431 - anon (04/11/2014) [-]
**anonymous rolled image** *roll 4*
That roll was awful.
User avatar #509 to #34 - Amaze (05/06/2014) [-]
More like valedictwhorian.
Heh..
User avatar #325 to #34 - lronman (04/10/2014) [-]
if that actually happened.. im so sorry
#344 to #34 - moggycore (04/10/2014) [-]
You basically 			******		 this, 			*****
You basically ****** this, *****
#408 to #34 - zeusx (04/10/2014) [-]
>drags her teeth along the shaft
>drags her teeth along the shaft
#37 to #34 - midgettitwank (04/10/2014) [-]
"like a cow with rigor mortis"
"like a cow with rigor mortis"
#198 to #34 - shmikechm (04/10/2014) [-]
Kudos to you for remaining straight (I'm assuming) after that dreadful experience.
#35 to #34 - dildodude (04/10/2014) [-]
how desperate could you possibly be to suggest sex at that point?
how desperate could you possibly be to suggest sex at that point?
User avatar #54 to #35 - graknab (04/10/2014) [-]
a man with a boner is a force to be reckoned with
#97 to #54 - upsiepoopsie (04/10/2014) [-]
That's a bitch slap of truth right there.
#136 to #35 - ftsfts (04/10/2014) [-]
I don't think its desperation, I think its more like **** it might as well. I've been through some dark tunnels for that same reason my friend.
#112 - manirock ONLINE (04/10/2014) [-]
>Be me, senior year at a tiny Christian high school
>Like 15 girls in my class
>Known them for at least 6 years
>All of them annoy the **** out of me
>Prom rolls around
>Don't ask anyone to go with me
>Decide to go anyways because I want to win prizes at the after prom
>During dance someone asks the DJ to play "smooth criminal"
>One of my favs, so I go out to the floor and breakdance
>I'm not anything special at it, but I have a few cool moves memorized
>Do them and then walk back to my table cool as a cucumber
>Fast forward to end of the after prom
>Friend, his date, and me decide to go back to my place to spend the night
>Friend's date is a sophomore
>They were just friends and not in a relationship
>We are all chilling in my living room watching South Park on DVD
>Friend runs out of cigarettes and goes out to buy more
>32% sure that friend's date had a crush on me
>Blurt out "Wanna get it on"
>Smooth Dylan, smooth, you nailed it
>She replies in a hushed tone "yeah"
>Super excited, freak out internally, mind racing, intensely confused
>Say "just kidding"
>No no no no what have I done?!?
>Fast forward five years, still virgin, living a life of regret
#302 to #112 - selfdenyingbeggar (04/10/2014) [-]
yyyyyyyyoouuuuchhh....
User avatar #348 to #112 - dross (04/10/2014) [-]
Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal Lyrics

But hey **** you can breakdance.
#352 to #112 - hybridxproject (04/10/2014) [-]
lol'd so hard, this is the best one i've ******* read so far.
User avatar #222 to #112 - peyko (04/10/2014) [-]
Its better to do it and then regret it, than regret you didnt do it.



Faggot.
#117 to #112 - dildodude (04/10/2014) [-]
hahahaha faggot
hahahaha faggot
#127 to #112 - thorandahalf (04/10/2014) [-]
this is you with your past self
this is you with your past self
User avatar #44 - midgettitwank (04/10/2014) [-]
>Be 15
>With this girl for a couple months
>BIt of a slut, but had ******* issues, was touched by her mums bf etc
>I had taken care of her and **** , her other boyfriends had hated her apparently
>She had some black gang members as ex boyfriends
>black
>I was expecting her to feel nothing
>The time came to dance the dance
>She put the condom on for me because i saw that **** in the inbetweeners and it was cash
>We try missionary on her tiny bed
>It was **** , i probs wasnt doing it right
>20 minutes and meh
>She opens a karma sutra book thing and picks a random page
>We end up ploughing in her daddy's bathroom, on the counter. The "counter tap"
>This was alright actually
>Going for about 20 minutes, absolutely exhausted
>Sweating like a malaysian in an airport
>Not climaxing, she claims she had already had a few orgasms
>Change position to the cowgirl on her bedroom floor
>This is more like it
>10 minutes in we're going quickly
>about to cum
>Her kitten jumps and sits on my face just as I ejaculate
>I came looking at a kitten's penis
To this day I wonder if I am a gay furry
User avatar #191 to #44 - niggernazi (04/10/2014) [-]
can you shorten down hat a little? there is no way in hell that im reading all that ****
User avatar #467 to #191 - midgettitwank (04/11/2014) [-]
TL;DR i ****** somebody
User avatar #472 to #458 - niggernazi (04/11/2014) [-]
faggot
User avatar #107 to #44 - KINGOFTHESTARS (04/10/2014) [-]
half of that had nothing to do with anything
#343 to #44 - hybridxproject (04/10/2014) [-]
>black
>black
User avatar #462 to #343 - dscrim (04/11/2014) [-]
do you have the version of that gif where his face gets really small?
User avatar #182 to #44 - sharklazers (04/10/2014) [-]
"the inbetweeners"

automatic thumb up, not done reading
#204 to #44 - notaboss (04/10/2014) [-]
">sweating like a malaysian in an airport"
#362 to #44 - icelandicjesus (04/10/2014) [-]
>Sweating like a malaysian in an airport
>Sweating like a malaysian in an airport
User avatar #64 to #44 - fuzzyballs (04/10/2014) [-]
">BIt of a slut, but had ******* issues, was touched by her mums bf etc "
" >I had taken care of her and **** , her other boyfriends had hated her apparently "

I had one of those, bitches be crazy
and then they hate you for not replying to texts for a few hours and threaten to go tell the cops you raped her

good times though
User avatar #65 to #64 - midgettitwank (04/10/2014) [-]
my one wasnt an aggressive type thank god she would just threaten/attempt suicide.
User avatar #67 to #65 - fuzzyballs (04/10/2014) [-]
she wasn't agressive
the was the most clingy girl ever, until you crossed her
every day she texted me about how she punched one of the employees in the insitution she was in
both parents in jail, biological dad in Germany doesn't want her, all 3 halfbrothers so ****** up they will always have to live in an institution)
User avatar #158 to #67 - kotetsulovesfj (04/10/2014) [-]
Yep. I knew one of these girls. No one gave her any time cause they didn't want to deal with her, but I tried to be a good friend. I had a job, school, and studying for driver's license. She was constantly upset with me that I was always busy. On my birthday, she texted me (you know, the usual birthday cheers) at 7:00. Got another text at around 7:45. She cussed me out, and basically ended our friendship. I woke up that morning at 9:30.
User avatar #69 to #67 - midgettitwank (04/10/2014) [-]
fuuck man. yeah mine was so clingy, my mates referred to her as film- as in cling-film
#131 to #69 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
Not to be a white knight, but you're a complete dick. You go with someone with clear baggage problems, then make fun of them.

I hope she was ******* crazy and not just a chick with baggage to deserve that.
User avatar #466 to #131 - midgettitwank (04/11/2014) [-]
***** you dont know the strain of being responsible for somebody's mental health
User avatar #72 to #69 - fuzzyballs (04/10/2014) [-]
one of those girls that are emotionally messed up, they don't know the difference between flirting and just being friendly

all I wanted to do was play video games goddamnit, stop trying to kiss me! (yes, I'm autistic)
meh, it was fun while it lasted
User avatar #74 to #72 - midgettitwank (04/10/2014) [-]
YES! you're ******* nice to them and then they think you're in something.
lol for the autism, was she at least hot?
User avatar #83 to #74 - fuzzyballs (04/10/2014) [-]
I was serious about the autism, and I'll have you know I'm ******* ugly
the only chances I ever have of getting close to a girl, and they're either ugly or emotionally unstable
at least this one was a hot petite one
User avatar #385 to #83 - jsereturns (04/10/2014) [-]
I had one too my only GF she was pretty clingy, always wanted me to go out of my way to go to her house and got super pissed at me when I couldn't. after 2 years she wanted me to run away with her, but I wanted to stay in school. So she just gave up on me I guess. So many BS reasons why she would get angry at me, at that point I just let her break up with me. Probably won't ever get another girl though, beta as ****
User avatar #464 to #385 - midgettitwank (04/11/2014) [-]
Well i'm sure you will
User avatar #465 to #83 - midgettitwank (04/11/2014) [-]
just saw this, well nobody is as ugly or as attractive as they think- there's a fairly popular theory that if we saw ourselves properly we wouldn't recognise ourselves. Also a fairly hot chick i know is going out with a very ugly guy, who is quite aspergersy, but she likes him because he is sweet and **** so always try
User avatar #481 to #465 - fuzzyballs (04/11/2014) [-]
don't tell me what to do
#47 to #44 - dildodude (04/10/2014) [-]
>malasian in an airport
>malasian in an airport
User avatar #15 - sexyhimself (04/10/2014) [-]
>
>
>
>

and that's my first time story
User avatar #237 to #15 - basicargentinian (04/10/2014) [-]
MINE'S EXACTLY THE SAME OH MY GOD
#66 to #15 - connorjay (04/10/2014) [-]
Look on the bright side man, one day you will lose your virginity and have a horrible cringey thing to post on FunnyJunk   
   
 Unless you become a wizard
Look on the bright side man, one day you will lose your virginity and have a horrible cringey thing to post on FunnyJunk

Unless you become a wizard
#166 to #15 - kotetsulovesfj (04/10/2014) [-]
My first time.
>Be me, 20
>Have a really sexy friend that I work with.
>Literally everyone is nice to her, we say it's because everyone wants to screw her perfect ass
>I spend at least $60 to get tickets to buy her a big ass teddy bear
>She thanks me for weeks
>
>
>
that's it.
User avatar #2 - charagrin (04/10/2014) [-]
>be 16
>be at slutty girls house
>be about to lose virginity to slutty girl
>Slutty girl suggest doggystyle for first time and bends over
>ram dick in hard
>wrong hole
>6 inches deep
>slutty girl screams
>Slutty girl's older jock brother runs in
>leave slutty girls house with black eye and virginity intact
#295 to #2 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
BBBBBBB.....AAAAAAAA....CCCCCCCCC...OOOOOOOO.....NNNN............NN
BB........BB . .. .AA........AA....CCCCCCCCC...OOOOOOOO....NN.NNN.......NN
BB........BB.....AA... . ....AA...CC........................OO............OO......NN..NNN.....NN
BBBBBBB B..AAAAAAAA..CC................ .... ..OO. ..........OO......NN...NNN.....NN
BBBBBBBB..AAAAAAAA..CC...................... ..OO. ... .......OO.....NN....NNN....NN
BB........BB....AA........AA....CC............. ... .......OO............OO......NN.....NNN..NN
BB........BB....AA....... AA....CCCCCCCCC....OOOOOOOO.....NN......NNN....NN
BBBBBBB....AA....... AA...CCCCCCCCC....OOOOOOOO......NN.......NNNNNN
#393 to #295 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
Okay I see why one would thumb this down...but who really can thumb down Bacon? I mean come on, it's legit
#442 to #393 - anon (04/11/2014) [-]
**** you I do what I want
#195 to #2 - araell (04/10/2014) [-]
yep, that counts congratulations
#31 to #2 - lot (04/10/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#21 to #2 - minutes (04/10/2014) [-]
I think penetration = no virginity anymore
That's a view point thing though.
#43 to #2 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
There is no way you could accidentally ram your dick in someones arse like that, especially dry
User avatar #137 to #43 - hjgamer (04/10/2014) [-]
He was most likely wearing a lubed condom though...
#333 to #137 - fuckedbyapony (04/10/2014) [-]
I'm still doubtful I'm afraid
#387 to #333 - atma (04/10/2014) [-]
Depends how much of a slut she really was
#3 to #2 - dildodude (04/10/2014) [-]
I think that counts
User avatar #241 to #3 - sindrifreyr (04/10/2014) [-]
A++ use of that picture
#391 to #3 - lamarisagoodname (04/10/2014) [-]
11.67/10

why can't we all be as creative as you
#392 to #391 - dildodude (04/10/2014) [-]
srsly
srsly
User avatar #395 to #392 - lamarisagoodname (04/10/2014) [-]
it's like the joke wasn't clever enough to praise or something
User avatar #275 to #3 - shabadaka (04/10/2014) [-]
Your username and picture just makes this perfect
#326 to #3 - yuukoku (04/10/2014) [-]
Yes, perfect...
Yes, perfect...
#49 - gux (04/10/2014) [-]
Story time bitches.
>Be 14
> Friend says a girl in his class likes me (we were in paralell classes)
> Introduce me to her
> atleast a 7.5
> Being a beta fag at that point i didn't talk much to her
> She mistakes my faggotry for being shy
> A couple of weeks go by start talking to her a bit more
> Time for the school prom (it works diffrently here)
> Had a bottle of vodka hidden outside in the school yard (Most people hid their alcohol there)
> The night passes and after drinking most of the vodka i felt confident enough to talk to her
> Alphamodeengaged.jpg
> "It's hot in here want to take a walk with me?"
> She says yes
> after going out a bit on the schoolyard things are getting pretty heavy
> Were glued together like your asscheeks after a couple of hours down in the gym.
> Expanddong.exe
> About to have sex, **** yeah.png
> we decide to **** against a wall
> After about 10 minutes a teacher comes out (They were looking for people who snuck out drinking)
> Shines his flashlight at us
> I don't know what to do she just pulls up her pants and starts legging it
> Get caught with my pants down against a wall with a raging boner
> They call my über-christian parents
MFW i had to walk to the teacher lounge with a trouser tent and getting grounded by my parents
#351 to #49 - explositationer (04/10/2014) [-]
9/10   
I Loled
9/10
I Loled
#224 to #49 - peyko (04/10/2014) [-]
**peyko rolled image** Doesnt matter, had sex.
#77 to #49 - themysticmage (04/10/2014) [-]
**themysticmage rolled image**
I feel your feel, man. I feel those feels.
#51 to #49 - dildodude (04/10/2014) [-]
well...det är synd
#394 to #51 - cannibalvegan ONLINE (04/10/2014) [-]
Inte säker på om Svensk eller inte. Not sure if Swede or not.
User avatar #473 to #394 - gux (04/11/2014) [-]
svensk som fan
#495 to #473 - cannibalvegan ONLINE (04/11/2014) [-]
****		 yeah.
**** yeah.
#38 - Ulric (04/10/2014) [-]
>be me
>be 15
>at gf house
>parents at some ****** antiques fair
>go go sexy time
>condom on, dick in
>last a decent time
> ******** .jpg
>pull out, condom broke
> ****** .jpg
>gf loses her ****
>super religious parents, would flay me if they knew
>all her tears and what-ifs
>desperately try to calm her (and myself)
>30 mins later gets her period

MFW all clear
User avatar #120 to #38 - YourName (04/10/2014) [-]
Sperm can stay alive in someone's body for up to 7 days. Even lasting through a period. Just a protip
User avatar #371 to #120 - Ulric (04/10/2014) [-]
5 years on, it's safe to say I really am all clear, although point taken
User avatar #321 to #120 - danniegurl ONLINE (04/10/2014) [-]
Even so, unless she has an extremely short cycle (like, 2 periods a month short, which is highly unlikely and she would probably be put on birth control to regulate her period at that point) she won't be ovulating or even fertile at that time.
Source, I'm a girl and I know how periods and ovulation work.
User avatar #400 to #321 - jsereturns (04/10/2014) [-]
I doubt she was on birth control.
User avatar #406 to #400 - danniegurl ONLINE (04/10/2014) [-]
I wasn't saying she was. I'm saying if her cycle was short enough that she could get pregnant when they had sex on the day her period started, then she probably would have been put on birth control to regulate her period.
Long story short, I was saying it's pretty much impossible for her to get pregnant from having sex the day her period started.
User avatar #407 to #406 - jsereturns (04/10/2014) [-]
Oh, I see.
#203 to #120 - gumavkleci (04/10/2014) [-]
I am pretty sure that it is two days not seven. Sorry man.
#457 to #120 - RonniesCookieLove (04/11/2014) [-]
From what I've learned in Human Sexuality classes, while sperm can last on average 2-3 days, sometimes up to 7 as you said; if the woman has her period right afterwards, in most cases  there's always the exception to the biological rules  the blood and uterus lining will drag the ejaculate out with it with very little chance of pregnancy. A woman's cycle tends to be centered around 28 days, with the period being day one. At around day 14 is generally when an egg will drop and pregnancy can occur. After that is generally thought of as still risky since speed of egg travel depends on the individuals bodies, health, etc. But after the period or on the period is generally safe due to lower risk of implantation of a fertilized egg, and blood pouring out of the vagina like god damn Niagara Falls.    
   
   
   
Not looking to case a war, I'm just trying to share what I know to people who may be worried.     
   
Also, if accidents happen, test yourselves, because nature finds ways to pull weird 			****		 out of its ass.    
   
(.gif unrelated, i just 			*******		 love AH)
From what I've learned in Human Sexuality classes, while sperm can last on average 2-3 days, sometimes up to 7 as you said; if the woman has her period right afterwards, in most cases there's always the exception to the biological rules the blood and uterus lining will drag the ejaculate out with it with very little chance of pregnancy. A woman's cycle tends to be centered around 28 days, with the period being day one. At around day 14 is generally when an egg will drop and pregnancy can occur. After that is generally thought of as still risky since speed of egg travel depends on the individuals bodies, health, etc. But after the period or on the period is generally safe due to lower risk of implantation of a fertilized egg, and blood pouring out of the vagina like god damn Niagara Falls.



Not looking to case a war, I'm just trying to share what I know to people who may be worried.

Also, if accidents happen, test yourselves, because nature finds ways to pull weird **** out of its ass.

(.gif unrelated, i just ******* love AH)
#62 to #38 - connorjay (04/10/2014) [-]
mfw the girl comes on her period during
#86 to #62 - maybehuman (04/10/2014) [-]
me wen i whent on a cuban vacation with my gf for 1 week, guess who else came, aunt flow she was still horny so she grinded me till a came. My dick had a carpet burn and hurt for 4 days.
#134 - Deavas (04/10/2014) [-]
This image has expired
>be me
>be 19
>have sex for the first time
>im 18 now

this story changes numbers every year
#146 to #134 - catburglarpenis (04/10/2014) [-]
I was 18 before I lost it and slept with like 15 people during my time in the Navy. As soon as I left the Navy the effects wore off. I've only screwed one chick since then, but I have a couple more offers for when she leaves. MFW nobody cared about me until I put on the mask (uniform)
I was 18 before I lost it and slept with like 15 people during my time in the Navy. As soon as I left the Navy the effects wore off. I've only screwed one chick since then, but I have a couple more offers for when she leaves. MFW nobody cared about me until I put on the mask (uniform)
User avatar #16 - crazycommando (04/10/2014) [-]
-be 19
-hanging out in marseille
-decide to chat up some school hottie i knew back in the day
-decide t chill for a bit
-alcohol n' ****
-get tipsy
- go back to her place
- **** for 4 hours straight
-couldn't bust a nut
-gave her an orgasm
-see opportunity, pretend to cum
-roll of her sleep because exhausted
wake up next morning trying to play it cool, while she thinks im really good at sex and i couldn't even cum to save my life....
User avatar #52 to #16 - riggyrigs (04/10/2014) [-]
mon dieu
User avatar #19 to #16 - rocketmanpartybus (04/10/2014) [-]
happens when i drunk **** them feels
User avatar #18 to #16 - theannoyingFJguy (04/10/2014) [-]
wow poor you
#20 to #16 - dildodude (04/10/2014) [-]
c'est...triste
User avatar #105 to #16 - brrigg (04/10/2014) [-]
ahhh, whiskey dick, tis a fine line betwen getting tipsy to last longer, and being too drunk to **** .
#261 - bloorajah (04/10/2014) [-]
>gf wants sexytime
>head over to her house
>shes having a party with a few of her friends
>we get drunk as all holy hell
>i mean really drunk, " im going to die in my sleep" drunk
>start talking in my native german
>so drunk i become a nazi
>gf takes me to her room
(what follows is my exact memory of my first time)
>gf takes me to her room
>too drunk to know what happening
>think about hitler
>wonder why hitler decided to kill jews
>go on crazy wikipedia click spree in my brain
>keep thinking of hitler
>hear gf say "that was great, *yawn*
>probably fall asleep
>wake up next to gf
>"ich heiße Hilter" written across my chest in permanent marker

pic related. mfw i lost my virginity thinking of hitler
#398 to #261 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
THis is the greatest story on this entire thread.
#264 to #261 - dildodude (04/10/2014) [-]
that's metal as phack
#80 - spokengro (04/10/2014) [-]
Well here goes nothing..
>Be 16
>Started dating this girl who I thought had friendzoned me
> *******
>Date for a few months, all good
>Then the day came..The Gods had blessed me and I began my ascendance into manhood.
>Go to bedroom, things start getting hot
>time to get randy.
>Start off missionary, pretty decent. Continue like this for a good 10 minutes
>She suggests we do doggie.
>Odin's beard.. this is pretty damn good... until..
> I slide out by accident and as i thrust forward my dick hits something (a bone or something but definitely not the vagina)
>Honestly felt like my penis had snapped
Good times
#291 to #80 - madnessdude (04/10/2014) [-]
>Good Times
User avatar #32 - sinonyx ONLINE (04/10/2014) [-]
23
virgin
don't give a ****
#474 to #32 - anon (04/11/2014) [-]
I thought I was the only one!
I thought I was the only one!
#212 to #32 - peyko (04/10/2014) [-]
**peyko rolled image** Mfw you are 7 years from a wizard and level up.
User avatar #141 to #32 - datlaugh (04/10/2014) [-]
Are you excited to almost be a wizard?
#111 to #32 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
you secretly do, admit it
User avatar #110 to #32 - fuckyeahxd (04/10/2014) [-]
literaly.
#26 - whycantiusecaps (04/10/2014) [-]
> Be 17
> Been in friend zone with girl for two years
> Best Friend
> Decided to give it a go (Thanks 50 shades)
> Never put condom on before
> Spend too much time dicking about
> Inside out and everything
> Mood goes

> Week later
> Try again
> All's going well
> Lay on top of her
> Try and get it in
> Try and get it in
> Try and get it in
> Give up, eat her out, go to bed

> Months of me giving her oral
> More months later
> Friends Birthday
> Hotel by the sea
> Get drunk
> Find hole
> Came in 30 seconds
User avatar #60 to #26 - flyingfeces (04/10/2014) [-]
How hard can it be to find the hole? Im sure you've seen some pussy in porn before
User avatar #61 to #60 - whycantiusecaps (04/10/2014) [-]
When going by touch alone, supporting my weight on one arm and guiding my dick with my lefty, I will admit, was a problem. Got the hang of it now! Although think my gf may have just split with me. What a downer
User avatar #329 to #61 - danniegurl ONLINE (04/10/2014) [-]
My bf had the problem of accidentally going in when I didn't want him to. we would just kind of rub up on each other and he'd keep going in, but I knew he didn't mean to because he'd be like "oops" and pull back out,
#89 to #61 - granath (04/10/2014) [-]
completely agree with this, it's kinda hard. easier to start off with cowgirl, where the girl can guide it in, so when you switch to missionary she's way more lubcricated and less tight. = easier
User avatar #139 to #89 - catburglarpenis (04/10/2014) [-]
Half the time with a new girl I play it off as a sexy move, but I have her grab my dick and stick it in her to avoid the fumbling around trying to find the hole part. Or I have her climb on top.

If you haven't done it before, basically finding the hole is sometimes a bitch. It's not like a goddamn gash in your side, it starts out tiny and expands when you stick your man-meat in there. Then you slip out during sex and feel like a jackass. It's a permanent pain in the ass but you get better at it if you're banging one chick for a long time, but everyone is different.
User avatar #14 - banteringcat (04/10/2014) [-]
Went outdoors to ****
Find rock that will do
Her on bottom get ready legs spread
Can't find the ******* hole
Ended up ******* a rock for 2-3 minutes before she guides me in.

Seriously. WTF was wrong with me.
#310 to #14 - hawkon (04/10/2014) [-]
What the **** is your dick made of? How do you **** a rock for 2-3 minutes without noticing? Im mildly impressed..
User avatar #33 - assassindash (04/10/2014) [-]
>Be 15
>Be at home with lesbian cousin's best friend's little sister.
>Shes 17
>Go to sleep
>Wake up with her on top of me
>Already penetrated
>Too tired to give a ****
>Gives ****
>came outside
>Made sacrifice to glorious leader the next day. Again.
User avatar #217 to #33 - peyko (04/10/2014) [-]
Someone should arrest her for raping you.
#199 to #33 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
I hope she doesn't think it's okay to rape people.
User avatar #220 to #199 - killerliquid (04/10/2014) [-]
It's only rape if he didn't want it
#265 to #220 - rakoom (04/10/2014) [-]
Unconsented sex. The guy was asleep, so it's pretty safe to say that it was rape, and she knew that.
#284 to #33 - lininop (04/10/2014) [-]
"lesbian cousin's best friend's little sister"

...Jesus Chirst
User avatar #463 to #284 - assassindash (04/11/2014) [-]
Lemme rephraze that, cause I missed a part; "Lesbian cousin's GIRLFRIEND'S little sister." I said best friend, I meant her lesbian lover's little sister.

Took me awhile to notice I said that wrong....
User avatar #59 to #33 - shinigamizak (04/10/2014) [-]
sounds like you were raped bro, sorry
User avatar #108 to #59 - assassindash (04/10/2014) [-]
No regrets to be found here.
#13 - fuzzyjred (04/10/2014) [-]
>Be 17
>Get absolutely smashed with my girlfriend of one month
>Drinking all night, later on we make it to my bedroom.
>Lights are out
>Last thing I remember "Are you ready?"
>Wake up next morning on my floor with no pants on girlfriend is no where to be seen
#219 to #13 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
You were technically raped.
User avatar #279 to #219 - fuzzyjred (04/10/2014) [-]
Ah, I didn't really care much. I just put it in the "ha, that was kind of funny" part of my head and moved on.
User avatar #248 to #219 - fukkendragonite (04/10/2014) [-]
It's about whether fuzzjred actually cares. If he/she is bothered about being technically raped, then it's a problem. Believe it or not, there are some people who don't actually care what happened, both males and females.

Majority of course, would be concerned, but there are some...
User avatar #27 - connorjay (04/10/2014) [-]
Seeing as everyone is doing it:

>be 14
>be at gf's house
>she suggests sex
>both virgins
>I put condom on easily (because I practiced so I didn't look like a ******* idiot)
>Put dick in
>thrust for a couple of minutes
>she says it hurt her too much and to stop
>she finishes me with her mouth

We tried again a couple days later. Her friend told her to "grin through the pain of your first time". Probably lasted a minute. If that.
#383 to #27 - cannibalvegan ONLINE (04/10/2014) [-]
HFW your dick goes in.
HFW your dick goes in.
User avatar #28 to #27 - connorjay (04/10/2014) [-]
To this day my friends still joke about "using her tears as lube"
User avatar #4 - dabronydude (04/10/2014) [-]
this is a thing you know,
people who masterbated so much to the point they find sex less pleasing then rubbing
one out.
User avatar #25 to #4 - nothingatall (04/10/2014) [-]
I am really good at getting myself off...
#311 to #4 - selfdenyingbeggar (04/10/2014) [-]
the first time I put my dick in i was going at it and I thought "so... this is what all the fuzz was about?"
User avatar #346 to #4 - runeception (04/10/2014) [-]
Wow... I hope I'm not the only one..
#29 to #4 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
I once hooked up with a guy who seriously fapped 7 times a day. Some days less, ofcourse but it was around 4-6 times. He did it so much, that to be able to cum during sex, he had to just jam, ram and slam is dick as hard and as fast as he could. This was NOT very stimulating or pleasing at all (mostly akward and uncomfortable) and out of the maybe 5 times we had sex, I only think he managed to cum twice. And of course, he was to busy thrusting away, he never thought about my pleasure, and just assumed it felt great. I guess I should have told him, but we weren't really that close and I just thought it would make things even more weird if I started telling him what I needed to cum.
#42 to #29 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
7 times a day?! How the **** is that even possible? You'd end up ******* ripping parts of your dick open. Not to mention that nobody, and I mean nobody (outside of Mareth, that is), has that kind of cum production. This can't be real. Either that or he started ejaculating blood by round three or four.
User avatar #205 to #42 - xxiixx (04/10/2014) [-]
You get the ghost loads after number 5 normally.
#163 to #42 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
eventually there is no more cum and its just empty semen, also your dick will get raw as **** for awhile. You didn't hear this from me.
User avatar #93 to #42 - tonkkax (04/10/2014) [-]
All im thinking about is how can you rationally get into 7 sessions

like
once in the morning
once after work
once at night
once when in bed

you have to jack off 3 more times after work, how does someone just have so much time on their hands and no other activities?
#45 to #42 - fuckedbyapony (04/10/2014) [-]
One of my friends does too, i have no idea how
he's an animal
#151 to #42 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
You're weak.
User avatar #56 to #42 - reginleif (04/10/2014) [-]
I can jack of 7 times a day, and assuming you know what you're doing you won't damaga your dick.

But just because it can be done, doesn't mean it's to be done.
#22 to #4 - anon (04/10/2014) [-]
I think if the girl is like a corpse in bed and does nothing rubbing one out would feel better.
User avatar #5 to #4 - wba (04/10/2014) [-]
I really hope I don't have this thing.
User avatar #6 to #5 - dabronydude (04/10/2014) [-]
when you have sex you will know,
imagine that, you go through years of being alone, finally get with a girl and...
it feels half decent but not as good as fapping, that would be the worst.
User avatar #24 to #6 - kimjongfine (04/10/2014) [-]
But it's not about the sensations in your dick, so most of the time it's better
User avatar #411 to #6 - jsereturns (04/10/2014) [-]
Happened to me
#7 to #6 - micekill (04/10/2014) [-]
heh, i can't come from sex, but it is still better than rubbing it, have company and all
User avatar #36 - vondraco (04/10/2014) [-]
Am I the only one with a relatively normal story?..
I'm still with the girl I lost my virginity to, and that was over two years ago.
#92 to #36 - granath (04/10/2014) [-]
congrats =)
User avatar #118 to #36 - merdas (04/10/2014) [-]
Same as me. going on the third and I think it's for life. But I'm afraid that when i'll get older i'll regret not knowing/having sex with more women. Has that ever crossed your mind?
User avatar #126 to #118 - vondraco (04/10/2014) [-]
Meh, sometimes, but I'd much rather be in a happy relationship, with meaningful sex, rather than move between girls that are only in it for the sex. Man that's a badly typed sentence.
User avatar #476 to #126 - merdas (04/11/2014) [-]
Absolutely! I meant having a real relationship and getting to know other people like you can only get to know if you're in a relation, not just for the sex.
0
#389 to #118 - skratchythewolf has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #341 to #118 - Kulthozuer (04/10/2014) [-]
Weirdly enough I only want to ever be with one girl, like if I had the choice of having sex with multiple girls and then meeting the love of my life or meeting her first I'd meet her first.
Anyway I've been dating my girlfriend for more than three years now, I'm a virgin she lost her virginity before she met me.
#366 - blynx (04/10/2014) [-]
>Be 18   
>Still a virgin   
>Tonight is the night   
>Tactical wank to help last longer   
>Big error   
>End up going for 2 hours and still did't cum no matter how good it felt
>Be 18
>Still a virgin
>Tonight is the night
>Tactical wank to help last longer
>Big error
>End up going for 2 hours and still did't cum no matter how good it felt

#460 to #366 - anon (04/11/2014) [-]
>tactical wank
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