Asshole Stories. .. >At daycare >Retarded ass little adhd 3 year old >Playing on playground >Feel building up >Ask lady to use bathroom >She says no > pants a  Four chan
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> hey anon, wanna give your opinion?
asd
#3 - hueyfreeman
Reply +67 123456789123345869
(12/13/2012) [-]
This image has expired
>At daycare
>Retarded ass little adhd 3 year old
>Playing on playground
>Feel **** building up
>Ask lady to use bathroom
>She says no
>**** pants a few minutes later
>Don't know what to do, so being a 3 year old I decide it would help to put sand in my pants with the ****
>Doesn't help at all
>Sneak inside, get to bathroom
>Get naked, clean self leaving **** everywhere, leave underwear hidden behind toilet
>Proceed with day
>MFW I discovered the next day that the underwear had my name written on the tag
#11 to #3 - clapex
Reply +16 123456789123345869
(12/13/2012) [-]
oh god that picture
#35 - togekiss
Reply +55 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
>Be in 3rd grade
>Still had baby teeth
>Fat Greek kid teases me about it
>One day throws ball in my face on purpose
>"Maybe that will get rid of your baby teeth"
Superpissedmodeactivate.jpg
>Grab my food bag (was a poorfag and used plastic bag for lunch box)
>Grab biggest ******* rock in playground and out it in the bag
>Swing that **** as hard as a i can and hit him in the face
>Face covered in blood on the ground
******.png
>Walk over and offer hand to help him back up, didn't mean to **** him up that bad
>Grabs my whole arm and pulls me down towards him
>As falling headbutt his face
>Get up and teacher comes over
"what happened?"
"he fell over and hit his face on the concrete"
>MFW he loses both his front teeth (adult) and gets a broken nose
>MFW i get out scott free because fat ****** couldn't even talk
User avatar #122 to #35 - dolandickbutt
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
Wait when were we supposed to loose all our baby teeth? I'm a ninth grader and i have a majority of baby teeth
User avatar #246 to #122 - togekiss
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
I lost mine when I was 7 - 13 years old. I live in Australian so grades are probably different in other countries.
User avatar #181 to #122 - ienjoyrofling
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
There's no set age to lose your baby teeth but at grade 9 you should have lost all of them by now. Not to worry though, you'll be fine, be thankful you don't have wisdom teeth growing in! It ******* blows. But I lost all my baby teeth in either the summer of fifth grade or sixth grade year.
#176 to #122 - longboarding
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
Lost my last one in 5th grade I think
#33 - Squonky
Reply +48 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
>Be in 2nd grade   
>Dickhole Swedish kid in my class named Peter   
>Peter always makes fun of me for having bad haircuts (my mom didn't believe in paying people to cut your hair or whatever)   
>Everybody loves Peter the dickhole even though he's a bully   
>Gonna enjoy the big tube slide at recess one day   
>Climb ladder, about to go down   
>Oh look, it's dickhole Peter   
>Pushes me aside, wants to go first because apparently he's the ****   
>Get fed up with Peter's ********   
>Push all my weight into Peter's back, he falls down the slide like a boulder   
>Sounds like someone banging a steel drum as he goes down   
>******************   
>Hide for the rest of recess    
>convinced I'm gonna get called to principal's office   
>half hour later in class, no Peter   
>Still haven't been called in   
>Turns out Peter told them he fell because he didn't want everyone to think I beat him up   
>I get off scott free while Peter has two broken arms   
>Has to get help from the teacher every time he goes to the bathroom for the next 6 weeks because of his two broken arms   
>All the kids call Peter stupid for the rest of elementary school for falling and breaking both of his arms   
>Peter's face when he can't tell anyone it wasn't his fault
>Be in 2nd grade
>Dickhole Swedish kid in my class named Peter
>Peter always makes fun of me for having bad haircuts (my mom didn't believe in paying people to cut your hair or whatever)
>Everybody loves Peter the dickhole even though he's a bully
>Gonna enjoy the big tube slide at recess one day
>Climb ladder, about to go down
>Oh look, it's dickhole Peter
>Pushes me aside, wants to go first because apparently he's the ****
>Get fed up with Peter's ********
>Push all my weight into Peter's back, he falls down the slide like a boulder
>Sounds like someone banging a steel drum as he goes down
>******************
>Hide for the rest of recess
>convinced I'm gonna get called to principal's office
>half hour later in class, no Peter
>Still haven't been called in
>Turns out Peter told them he fell because he didn't want everyone to think I beat him up
>I get off scott free while Peter has two broken arms
>Has to get help from the teacher every time he goes to the bathroom for the next 6 weeks because of his two broken arms
>All the kids call Peter stupid for the rest of elementary school for falling and breaking both of his arms
>Peter's face when he can't tell anyone it wasn't his fault
#196 to #33 - wiredrage
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
so a teacher touched his dick every time he had to pee?
nice.jpg
User avatar #57 to #33 - ainoninom
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
....that gif slows down when you look at it from the corner of your eyes.
#34 - herefortheporno
Reply +41 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
>used to know this girl   
>Conceded as ****   
>2.5/10 but she thought she was a 75/10   
>Had to study 6 hours a day to make straight B's, but she was definitely smarter than anyone she knew   
>she never had any close friends so she forced herself into my group   
>we never insulted each other directly, but we did definitely insult each other   
>one day she snaps   
>come to school, hang out in the usual area we hang out in before the bell rings   
>"Hey, ____"   
>"Oh my God **** off. No one likes you because you're ugly.   
>dude wat   
>she surely cannot be that stupid   
>"...Are you talking to me?"   
>"Yes, you beached whale."   
>I just stand there while insults are being thrown at me   
>everyone's looking at me and her, a circle has formed around us   
>I decide to stop her mid-sentence   
>"Well, you know what _____? At least I have a dad."   
>ONE PUNCH K.O.   
>Bitch shuts up and then throws herself on the ground to cry   
>Bell rings, go inside like nothing happened   
>mfw going inside
>used to know this girl
>Conceded as ****
>2.5/10 but she thought she was a 75/10
>Had to study 6 hours a day to make straight B's, but she was definitely smarter than anyone she knew
>she never had any close friends so she forced herself into my group
>we never insulted each other directly, but we did definitely insult each other
>one day she snaps
>come to school, hang out in the usual area we hang out in before the bell rings
>"Hey, ____"
>"Oh my God **** off. No one likes you because you're ugly.
>dude wat
>she surely cannot be that stupid
>"...Are you talking to me?"
>"Yes, you beached whale."
>I just stand there while insults are being thrown at me
>everyone's looking at me and her, a circle has formed around us
>I decide to stop her mid-sentence
>"Well, you know what _____? At least I have a dad."
>ONE PUNCH K.O.
>Bitch shuts up and then throws herself on the ground to cry
>Bell rings, go inside like nothing happened
>mfw going inside
User avatar #64 to #34 - rokkarokkaali
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
>Knew this girl
>She was smarter than anyone she knew.
User avatar #65 to #64 - herefortheporno
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
There was obvious sarcasm there. I can't see how you didn't get that.
User avatar #67 to #65 - rokkarokkaali
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
I feel stupid. Take whatever porno you came here for as a token of my appreciation.
#70 to #67 - herefortheporno
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
Will do.   
   
To ****!
Will do.

To ****!
User avatar #72 to #70 - rokkarokkaali
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
May you have the most glorious orgasm ever.
#66 - funstorage
Reply +34 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
>Be in 4th grade   
>Finally getting fed up with all the ******** spewing out of this cunts mouth. We'll call him Leo.   
>One day Leo decides to take this kids pencil and almost break it.   
>The kid got the pencil from his grandmother that lived in Oregon and had passed away a few weeks ago.   
>Watch **** storm ensue while sharpening my own pencil with my pencil sharpener that had a curved edge.   
>Take pencil from Leo.   
>Leo says "Why do you care!? It's just a dumb pencil! Who would care if something happened to it!?"   
>Leo has anger issues.   
>I retort with something uncreative "Yeah, well you're a just a dumb person, who would care if something happened to you.   
>He flips **** and throws my pencil sharpener on the ground then tries to step on it   
>He ends up slipping and falling on the ground, almost in tears   
>I instinctively walk over to him and slam his head into the side of a desk, returned the pencil to its owner, and sat down.   
>MFW I never got in trouble and Leo got suspended for 3 weeks for the destruction of someone elses property
>Be in 4th grade
>Finally getting fed up with all the ******** spewing out of this cunts mouth. We'll call him Leo.
>One day Leo decides to take this kids pencil and almost break it.
>The kid got the pencil from his grandmother that lived in Oregon and had passed away a few weeks ago.
>Watch **** storm ensue while sharpening my own pencil with my pencil sharpener that had a curved edge.
>Take pencil from Leo.
>Leo says "Why do you care!? It's just a dumb pencil! Who would care if something happened to it!?"
>Leo has anger issues.
>I retort with something uncreative "Yeah, well you're a just a dumb person, who would care if something happened to you.
>He flips **** and throws my pencil sharpener on the ground then tries to step on it
>He ends up slipping and falling on the ground, almost in tears
>I instinctively walk over to him and slam his head into the side of a desk, returned the pencil to its owner, and sat down.
>MFW I never got in trouble and Leo got suspended for 3 weeks for the destruction of someone elses property
#78 to #66 - funstorage
Reply +38 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
Another one with the same kid.
>We all go outside for recess and decide to get a big game of kick ball going
>Leo is a sore loser and whines all the time
>He's up to kick and their team has 2 outs already
>No one else is on the bases
>He kicks it
>Ball bounces around like a mother ****** and he's almost to home base
>He's rounding 3rd
>I get the ball and whip it as hard and fast as I can
>Ball bounces and lodges right inbetween his feet
>He face plants onto the cement and starts bawling.
>All the while denying that he's out "I'M NOT OUT! I'M NOT OUT!"
>I've already jogged over to him to be a nicer person and help him up
>I offer him my hand he throws the ball at me
>I catch it
>Look down at him for a second and let him realize what I'm about to do
>Aim the ball directly at his face
>He goes to cover it
>I quickly change my aim and whip it right at his balls
>Nail him with it right in the testis
>Say "You're out now"
>Recess ends and he still isn't inside
>Leo went home because he could barely walk.
>MFW good.
#192 to #78 - ienjoyrofling
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
Can I share my kickball story? Thanks.   
>dumb bitch in class   
>landwhalemodeactivated   
>no one likes her   
>literally gives away free **** for friends   
>gets conceded and starts to make fun of the 'popular' girls to her small posse   
>gym class   
>teams are the most balanced they've ever been'   
>game gets heated as ****   
>******* warzone out there   
>some kid on my team kicks the ball   
>lazily drops into the most athletic kid in the schools hands   
>team yells at kicker   
>fat-bitch is up   
>stubby bunt kick like a ******* paraplegic   
>rolls to redneck with a masturbating-power right arm   
>fat-bitch is WALKING to first   
>ZOOM   
>ball makes perfect contacts to the face   
>everyone is in tears laughing and she stats laughing too   
>realizes it's about her   
>bawls   
>everyone in the class had to watch a seminar on bullying while we chuckled about fat-bitch until it broke into an uproar of laughter.   
Good times.
Can I share my kickball story? Thanks.
>dumb bitch in class
>landwhalemodeactivated
>no one likes her
>literally gives away free **** for friends
>gets conceded and starts to make fun of the 'popular' girls to her small posse
>gym class
>teams are the most balanced they've ever been'
>game gets heated as ****
>******* warzone out there
>some kid on my team kicks the ball
>lazily drops into the most athletic kid in the schools hands
>team yells at kicker
>fat-bitch is up
>stubby bunt kick like a ******* paraplegic
>rolls to redneck with a masturbating-power right arm
>fat-bitch is WALKING to first
>ZOOM
>ball makes perfect contacts to the face
>everyone is in tears laughing and she stats laughing too
>realizes it's about her
>bawls
>everyone in the class had to watch a seminar on bullying while we chuckled about fat-bitch until it broke into an uproar of laughter.
Good times.
User avatar #128 to #78 - angelmatvey
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
That was glorious
#114 to #78 - derpyhuman
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
#29 - TitsburghFeelers
Reply +38 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
Here's one I'll never forget

>be 6 in kindergarten
>me and a few other kids are standing around a wall-mounted pencil sharpener
>it didn't have the metal cover on it - **** was cool
>little faggot kid is standing next to me
>his name was Gordon, still remember his face
>he puts his finger in the sharpener hole, joking around
>asshole mode activate
>start cranking the sharpener, his finger's caught
>look of horror on his face
>ohgodwhathaveidone
>pulls his finger out, bloody as ****
>like, fingering on a heavy flow bloody
>basically sharpened his ******* finger.
>starts screaming as any 6 year old would
>teacher comes over
>"HOLY ****"
>"Will did it Will did it!"
>"....nuh uh."
>get sent to timeout (it was the early 90's, **** was cool)
>see the image of his finger whenever I see a pencil sharpener
#48 to #29 - anon id: a5d12302
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
that is so funny. i laughed for like 7 minutes straight
#55 to #29 - anon id: a8dbe46a
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
Oh my ******* god. Some kid had something similar happen to him when i was in 3rd grade.

>Beta kid is dared to sharpen his pinky so he can be a member of the "cool kids club"
>******* does it
>blood pouring down his hand
>keeps going
>crying his eyes out, ******* bawling
>doesnt stop until teacher comes over
>blood covering his whole hand and sleeve
>pinky a ******* mangled mess
>teacher gets this kid in trouble for sharpening his finger
>"GO SIT IN THE TIME OUT CORNER YOUNG MAN"
>POOL OF ******* BLOOD IN THE TIME OUT CORNER
>kid passes out from blood loss
>we all had to leave the room so they could get paramedics or some **** in there

Teacher got fired, obviously. ******* bitch.



He never got to be in the Cool Kids Club
User avatar #74 to #55 - rokkarokkaali
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
What about the Kool Kids Klub? Was he a part of that?
#116 to #74 - silverslipp
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
Yeah



or something.
#22 - that random guy
Reply +38 123456789123345869
(12/13/2012) [-]
>be in 5th grade, Betafag
>have bad gas holding rectum or gas will fill room
>I loosen my asshole (mistake) have a huge fart everyone looks around room laughing
>this weird smelly kid named Doug says "everyone needs to calm down its just passing gas"
> they think Doug did it
>thank you Doug...
#15 - fukyouto
Reply +34 123456789123345869
(12/13/2012) [-]
>be in grade 2
>playing soccer on field at recess
>be mad at kid who always gets past me
>coming right at me with ball
>straight up clothesline the **** out of him
>starts screaming with blood coming out of his nose
>mfw
#91 - knifingninjakat
Reply +32 123456789123345869
(12/14/2012) [-]
>Be in grade 2
>Betafag in grade 2 chess tournament
>Facing genius kid
>After 10 moves he can beat me
>I ask him to play out a couple moves so I don't look like a *******
>He agrees
>MFW I somehow win, he starts crying.
#9 - anon id: 94f41d62
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/13/2012) [-]
>on funnyjunk
>everyone trying to green text
>no green texting
>just go to 4chan if you want this
#21 to #9 - anon id: ead1328e
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/13/2012) [-]
it doesn't have to be green to be funny.
#16 to #9 - kazorkthedork
Reply +30 123456789123345869
(12/13/2012) [-]
log in and say that like a man.