Asshole Stories. .. >At daycare >Retarded ass little adhd 3 year old >Playing on playground >Feel building up >Ask lady to use bathroom >She says no > pants a  Four chan
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#3 - hueyfreeman (12/13/2012) [-]
This image has expired
>At daycare
>Retarded ass little adhd 3 year old
>Playing on playground
>Feel **** building up
>Ask lady to use bathroom
>She says no
> **** pants a few minutes later
>Don't know what to do, so being a 3 year old I decide it would help to put sand in my pants with the ****
>Doesn't help at all
>Sneak inside, get to bathroom
>Get naked, clean self leaving **** everywhere, leave underwear hidden behind toilet
>Proceed with day
>MFW I discovered the next day that the underwear had my name written on the tag
#11 to #3 - clapex (12/13/2012) [-]
oh god that picture
#35 - togekiss (12/14/2012) [-]
>Be in 3rd grade
>Still had baby teeth
>Fat Greek kid teases me about it
>One day throws ball in my face on purpose
>"Maybe that will get rid of your baby teeth"
Superpissedmodeactivate.jpg
>Grab my food bag (was a poorfag and used plastic bag for lunch box)
>Grab biggest ******* rock in playground and out it in the bag
>Swing that **** as hard as a i can and hit him in the face
>Face covered in blood on the ground
****** .png
>Walk over and offer hand to help him back up, didn't mean to **** him up that bad
>Grabs my whole arm and pulls me down towards him
>As falling headbutt his face
>Get up and teacher comes over
"what happened?"
"he fell over and hit his face on the concrete"
>MFW he loses both his front teeth (adult) and gets a broken nose
>MFW i get out scott free because fat ****** couldn't even talk
User avatar #122 to #35 - dolandickbutt (12/14/2012) [-]
Wait when were we supposed to loose all our baby teeth? I'm a ninth grader and i have a majority of baby teeth
User avatar #246 to #122 - togekiss (12/14/2012) [-]
I lost mine when I was 7 - 13 years old. I live in Australian so grades are probably different in other countries.
User avatar #181 to #122 - ienjoyrofling (12/14/2012) [-]
There's no set age to lose your baby teeth but at grade 9 you should have lost all of them by now. Not to worry though, you'll be fine, be thankful you don't have wisdom teeth growing in! It ******* blows. But I lost all my baby teeth in either the summer of fifth grade or sixth grade year.
#176 to #122 - longboarding (12/14/2012) [-]
Lost my last one in 5th grade I think
#33 - Squonky (12/14/2012) [-]
>Be in 2nd grade   
>Dickhole Swedish kid in my class named Peter   
>Peter always makes fun of me for having bad haircuts (my mom didn't believe in paying people to cut your hair or whatever)   
>Everybody loves Peter the dickhole even though he's a bully   
>Gonna enjoy the big tube slide at recess one day   
>Climb ladder, about to go down   
>Oh look, it's dickhole Peter   
>Pushes me aside, wants to go first because apparently he's the 			****		   
>Get fed up with Peter's 			********		   
>Push all my weight into Peter's back, he falls down the slide like a boulder   
>Sounds like someone banging a steel drum as he goes down   
>			******************		   
>Hide for the rest of recess    
>convinced I'm gonna get called to principal's office   
>half hour later in class, no Peter   
>Still haven't been called in   
>Turns out Peter told them he fell because he didn't want everyone to think I beat him up   
>I get off scott free while Peter has two broken arms   
>Has to get help from the teacher every time he goes to the bathroom for the next 6 weeks because of his two broken arms   
>All the kids call Peter stupid for the rest of elementary school for falling and breaking both of his arms   
>Peter's face when he can't tell anyone it wasn't his fault
>Be in 2nd grade
>Dickhole Swedish kid in my class named Peter
>Peter always makes fun of me for having bad haircuts (my mom didn't believe in paying people to cut your hair or whatever)
>Everybody loves Peter the dickhole even though he's a bully
>Gonna enjoy the big tube slide at recess one day
>Climb ladder, about to go down
>Oh look, it's dickhole Peter
>Pushes me aside, wants to go first because apparently he's the ****
>Get fed up with Peter's ********
>Push all my weight into Peter's back, he falls down the slide like a boulder
>Sounds like someone banging a steel drum as he goes down
> ******************
>Hide for the rest of recess
>convinced I'm gonna get called to principal's office
>half hour later in class, no Peter
>Still haven't been called in
>Turns out Peter told them he fell because he didn't want everyone to think I beat him up
>I get off scott free while Peter has two broken arms
>Has to get help from the teacher every time he goes to the bathroom for the next 6 weeks because of his two broken arms
>All the kids call Peter stupid for the rest of elementary school for falling and breaking both of his arms
>Peter's face when he can't tell anyone it wasn't his fault
#196 to #33 - wiredrage (12/14/2012) [-]
so a teacher touched his dick every time he had to pee?
nice.jpg
User avatar #57 to #33 - ainoninom (12/14/2012) [-]
....that gif slows down when you look at it from the corner of your eyes.
#22 - that random guy (12/13/2012) [-]
>be in 5th grade, Betafag
>have bad gas holding rectum or gas will fill room
>I loosen my asshole (mistake) have a huge fart everyone looks around room laughing
>this weird smelly kid named Doug says "everyone needs to calm down its just passing gas"
> they think Doug did it
>thank you Doug...
#91 - knifingninjakat (12/14/2012) [-]
>Be in grade 2
>Betafag in grade 2 chess tournament
>Facing genius kid
>After 10 moves he can beat me
>I ask him to play out a couple moves so I don't look like a *******
>He agrees
>MFW I somehow win, he starts crying.
#66 - funstorage (12/14/2012) [-]
>Be in 4th grade   
>Finally getting fed up with all the 			********		 spewing out of this cunts mouth. We'll call him Leo.   
>One day Leo decides to take this kids pencil and almost break it.   
>The kid got the pencil from his grandmother that lived in Oregon and had passed away a few weeks ago.   
>Watch 			****		 storm ensue while sharpening my own pencil with my pencil sharpener that had a curved edge.   
>Take pencil from Leo.   
>Leo says "Why do you care!? It's just a dumb pencil! Who would care if something happened to it!?"   
>Leo has anger issues.   
>I retort with something uncreative "Yeah, well you're a just a dumb person, who would care if something happened to you.   
>He flips 			****		 and throws my pencil sharpener on the ground then tries to step on it   
>He ends up slipping and falling on the ground, almost in tears   
>I instinctively walk over to him and slam his head into the side of a desk, returned the pencil to its owner, and sat down.   
>MFW I never got in trouble and Leo got suspended for 3 weeks for the destruction of someone elses property
>Be in 4th grade
>Finally getting fed up with all the ******** spewing out of this cunts mouth. We'll call him Leo.
>One day Leo decides to take this kids pencil and almost break it.
>The kid got the pencil from his grandmother that lived in Oregon and had passed away a few weeks ago.
>Watch **** storm ensue while sharpening my own pencil with my pencil sharpener that had a curved edge.
>Take pencil from Leo.
>Leo says "Why do you care!? It's just a dumb pencil! Who would care if something happened to it!?"
>Leo has anger issues.
>I retort with something uncreative "Yeah, well you're a just a dumb person, who would care if something happened to you.
>He flips **** and throws my pencil sharpener on the ground then tries to step on it
>He ends up slipping and falling on the ground, almost in tears
>I instinctively walk over to him and slam his head into the side of a desk, returned the pencil to its owner, and sat down.
>MFW I never got in trouble and Leo got suspended for 3 weeks for the destruction of someone elses property
#78 to #66 - funstorage (12/14/2012) [-]
Another one with the same kid.
>We all go outside for recess and decide to get a big game of kick ball going
>Leo is a sore loser and whines all the time
>He's up to kick and their team has 2 outs already
>No one else is on the bases
>He kicks it
>Ball bounces around like a mother ****** and he's almost to home base
>He's rounding 3rd
>I get the ball and whip it as hard and fast as I can
>Ball bounces and lodges right inbetween his feet
>He face plants onto the cement and starts bawling.
>All the while denying that he's out "I'M NOT OUT! I'M NOT OUT!"
>I've already jogged over to him to be a nicer person and help him up
>I offer him my hand he throws the ball at me
>I catch it
>Look down at him for a second and let him realize what I'm about to do
>Aim the ball directly at his face
>He goes to cover it
>I quickly change my aim and whip it right at his balls
>Nail him with it right in the testis
>Say "You're out now"
>Recess ends and he still isn't inside
>Leo went home because he could barely walk.
>MFW good.
#192 to #78 - ienjoyrofling (12/14/2012) [-]
Can I share my kickball story? Thanks.   
>dumb bitch in class   
>landwhalemodeactivated   
>no one likes her   
>literally gives away free 			****		 for friends   
>gets conceded and starts to make fun of the 'popular' girls to her small posse   
>gym class   
>teams are the most balanced they've ever been'   
>game gets heated as 			****		   
>			*******		 warzone out there   
>some kid on my team kicks the ball   
>lazily drops into the most athletic kid in the schools hands   
>team yells at kicker   
>fat-bitch is up   
>stubby bunt kick like a 			*******		 paraplegic   
>rolls to redneck with a masturbating-power right arm   
>fat-bitch is WALKING to first   
>ZOOM   
>ball makes perfect contacts to the face   
>everyone is in tears laughing and she stats laughing too   
>realizes it's about her   
>bawls   
>everyone in the class had to watch a seminar on bullying while we chuckled about fat-bitch until it broke into an uproar of laughter.   
Good times.
Can I share my kickball story? Thanks.
>dumb bitch in class
>landwhalemodeactivated
>no one likes her
>literally gives away free **** for friends
>gets conceded and starts to make fun of the 'popular' girls to her small posse
>gym class
>teams are the most balanced they've ever been'
>game gets heated as ****
> ******* warzone out there
>some kid on my team kicks the ball
>lazily drops into the most athletic kid in the schools hands
>team yells at kicker
>fat-bitch is up
>stubby bunt kick like a ******* paraplegic
>rolls to redneck with a masturbating-power right arm
>fat-bitch is WALKING to first
>ZOOM
>ball makes perfect contacts to the face
>everyone is in tears laughing and she stats laughing too
>realizes it's about her
>bawls
>everyone in the class had to watch a seminar on bullying while we chuckled about fat-bitch until it broke into an uproar of laughter.
Good times.
User avatar #128 to #78 - angelmatvey (12/14/2012) [-]
That was glorious
#114 to #78 - derpyhuman ONLINE (12/14/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #19 - optimistchime (12/13/2012) [-]
>be in 3rd grade
>chilling on the playground
>guy tells stories
>whatsallthisthen
>he says when his grandpa died all the clocks in the world stopped
>i call him out on it
> ******** .jpg
>he cries and runs to the teacher
>something about strawberries
>i get in trouble
>what the **** was that strawberry thing about...
User avatar #125 to #19 - gravitystereo (12/14/2012) [-]
>whatsallthisthen
+1
#118 to #19 - fourthusername (12/14/2012) [-]
Kid's face when he gets you in trouble after telling BS story
#15 - fukyouto (12/13/2012) [-]
>be in grade 2
>playing soccer on field at recess
>be mad at kid who always gets past me
>coming right at me with ball
>straight up clothesline the **** out of him
>starts screaming with blood coming out of his nose
>mfw
#84 - thisotherdude (12/14/2012) [-]
>5th grade (or maybe 4th, not entirely sure)   
>All the kids building snow forts   
>They cut bricks with plastic saw (this snow is borderline ice, none of that pussy powdery 			****		)   
>Join a fort with a few buddies in it   
>Get job as one of the guys who runs to steal other forts snow bricks while they're not there yet   
>Doing good job   
>One recess period right as I grab the brick see kid standing   
>Probably in 2/3rd grade    
>Starts yelling at me   
>Think fast   
>Toss snow brick right at his face and run   
>Get sent to principles office   
>Get in some major 			****		 with parents   
>Back at school   
>Resume the snow brick stealing
>5th grade (or maybe 4th, not entirely sure)
>All the kids building snow forts
>They cut bricks with plastic saw (this snow is borderline ice, none of that pussy powdery **** )
>Join a fort with a few buddies in it
>Get job as one of the guys who runs to steal other forts snow bricks while they're not there yet
>Doing good job
>One recess period right as I grab the brick see kid standing
>Probably in 2/3rd grade
>Starts yelling at me
>Think fast
>Toss snow brick right at his face and run
>Get sent to principles office
>Get in some major **** with parents
>Back at school
>Resume the snow brick stealing
#111 to #84 - trollofhalo (12/14/2012) [-]
All I can do is picture Jack Sparrow throwing a snow brick at a 7 year old's face now.
User avatar #117 to #84 - ulvetid (12/14/2012) [-]
We used to do that at my school, but instead of stealing bricks we would get little kids to piss on the other forts.

Good times.
#18 - Thenewguygunther (12/13/2012) [-]
>be in first grade
>week before aunts wedding
>im in the wedding as some "stand there and look cute **** "
>playing in gym
>teacher gets out the little scooters
>start riding
>racing fattest kid down room
>start to overtake him
>bitch rides up next to me
>crashes scooter into my finger
>large mass + good push from other kid= lots of force
>breaks my finger
>i collapse off scooter in pain, he finishes race and "beats" me
>says it was an accident
>i know it wasn't an accident
>go to wedding, with big broken finger
>see him there
> ************ never apologizes
#56 - xascarletskyx (12/14/2012) [-]
>be 6th grade
>always picked on for being fat
>one girl always gave me the hardest time, and i never did anything because she was a chick
>one day she takes my water bottle and stuffs it down her shirt
>i reach for it and she moves so i touch her boob
>wat.jpg
>called to office, get in trouble, you know the drill
>next day, she tries to do the same thing
>i'm angry because my mom took away my gamecube, only thing i had because fat and no friends
>i punch her straight in the jaw, end up breaking it
>rip my water bottle from her shirt and throw it in the trash
>leave school
>known as "jawbreaker" for the rest of the year
#68 to #56 - anon (12/14/2012) [-]
cool story bro
User avatar #130 to #56 - gravitystereo (12/14/2012) [-]
she totally deserved it tbh
#29 - TitsburghFeelers (12/14/2012) [-]
Here's one I'll never forget

>be 6 in kindergarten
>me and a few other kids are standing around a wall-mounted pencil sharpener
>it didn't have the metal cover on it - **** was cool
>little faggot kid is standing next to me
>his name was Gordon, still remember his face
>he puts his finger in the sharpener hole, joking around
>asshole mode activate
>start cranking the sharpener, his finger's caught
>look of horror on his face
>ohgodwhathaveidone
>pulls his finger out, bloody as ****
>like, fingering on a heavy flow bloody
>basically sharpened his ******* finger.
>starts screaming as any 6 year old would
>teacher comes over
>"HOLY **** "
>"Will did it Will did it!"
>"....nuh uh."
>get sent to timeout (it was the early 90's, **** was cool)
>see the image of his finger whenever I see a pencil sharpener
#48 to #29 - anon (12/14/2012) [-]
that is so funny. i laughed for like 7 minutes straight
#55 to #29 - anon (12/14/2012) [-]
Oh my ******* god. Some kid had something similar happen to him when i was in 3rd grade.

>Beta kid is dared to sharpen his pinky so he can be a member of the "cool kids club"
> ******* does it
>blood pouring down his hand
>keeps going
>crying his eyes out, ******* bawling
>doesnt stop until teacher comes over
>blood covering his whole hand and sleeve
>pinky a ******* mangled mess
>teacher gets this kid in trouble for sharpening his finger
>"GO SIT IN THE TIME OUT CORNER YOUNG MAN"
>POOL OF ******* BLOOD IN THE TIME OUT CORNER
>kid passes out from blood loss
>we all had to leave the room so they could get paramedics or some **** in there

Teacher got fired, obviously. ******* bitch.



He never got to be in the Cool Kids Club
User avatar #74 to #55 - rokkarokkaali (12/14/2012) [-]
What about the Kool Kids Klub? Was he a part of that?
#116 to #74 - silverslipp (12/14/2012) [-]
Yeah



or something.
#194 - pwnnbwn (12/14/2012) [-]
>5th grade
>waiting in line, special ed. girl starts talking to me
>asks "Did you know there are 13 books in Series of Unfortunate Events?"
>reply "Yeah, I'm not retarded."
>she runs off crying.
+16
#62 - kmbraze **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#59 - alucord (12/14/2012) [-]
I don't know about other people,


But I wouldn't wan't to tease a kid called "Stabber"
User avatar #13 - WindWaker (12/13/2012) [-]
"runs to teacher doesnt say anything just points at me"

God i hated that feeling.
User avatar #6 - evilanakie (12/13/2012) [-]
>at primary school
>walking on the senior jungle gym like a boss
> kids swarm around me
>grabs me
> sticks me into the storm drains
>3 hours later
>teacher finds me
>gets yelled at for playing on the senior side of school and "playing" in the storm drains
#75 - waffies (12/14/2012) [-]
three short stories from me:
>3rd grade
>walking away from a group of bullies who are just following after me and pestering me
>they start throwing rocks, falling intentionally short
>i see a particularly large rock get picked up
>lunge towards them as it lets fly so i take it clean in the face
>get all three suspended with irrefutable evidence.

>5th grade
>'popular' pretty girl giving me **** for my last name (Hooker)
>I bellow so everyone on the playground can hear
>"Well i'm stuck with it! You're dumb enough to wear that ugly hat every day this week!"
>That was the best insult i could think of?
>reach out and swipe hat off of her head and throw it on ground.
>reveal to everyone that her previously pretty long hair has been shaved off due to lice incident a few days before.
User avatar #76 to #75 - waffies (12/14/2012) [-]
>8th grade
>I'm the leader of all the social outcasts
>new kid decides i will be his best friend
>spends every day trying to prove how much smarter he is than me.
>spouts off more military BS than a CoD player
>three days before the end of the school year
>"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! WHY don't you realize i JUST DON'T CARE?!?!? just leave me alone!" (or something to that effect)
>He runs off crying, no contact before school year ends.
> (insert summer interlude)
>9th grade starts, he's nowhere to be found
>"hey have you seen _____?"
>"oh yeah, soon after school got out his mom fell down the stairs in their house and died, so he's living with his dad in another town now"

.... yeah i've never felt worse than that last one
User avatar #83 to #76 - funstorage (12/14/2012) [-]
Why? You had nothing to do with her death.
User avatar #86 to #83 - waffies (12/14/2012) [-]
Imagine having a best friend (also your only friend as nobody else will listen) who never said a SINGLE mean thing to you... like ever! Just was your best friend and listened to every story you told and such.... then suddenly just told you to **** off, so you're suddenly friendless... and soon after motherless.... and in another town.....

I know i didn't do the last bits, but i'll be damned if i didn't feel bad for just blasting another hole in his life at the same time
User avatar #92 to #86 - funstorage (12/14/2012) [-]
It's still not your fault, man.
How people react towards what you say is their problem.
Albeit it sounded a little harsh the way you said it.
You still should feel guilty over it.
#99 to #92 - funstorage (12/14/2012) [-]
>Should, oops.   
That should be *shouldn't.   
Sorry, sir.
>Should, oops.
That should be *shouldn't.
Sorry, sir.
User avatar #107 to #99 - waffies (12/14/2012) [-]
It's alright, im with ya. I actually did meet him again my Junior year at a ROTC drill meat. we competed in Company drill, he schooled my company effortlessly, made me feel a bit better
User avatar #109 to #107 - funstorage (12/14/2012) [-]
That's why you shouldn't feel guilty.
Because chances are, he'll work twice as hard, and do twice as better than any of us.
User avatar #94 to #76 - ecthelion (12/14/2012) [-]
Why were their stairs in the kitchen?
User avatar #97 to #94 - ecthelion (12/14/2012) [-]
There <_<
#104 to #97 - waffies (12/14/2012) [-]
i know that im the one posting the gif, but i realized that i auto-thumbed you before i realized what i was doing.... this puts some things in perspective!
i know that im the one posting the gif, but i realized that i auto-thumbed you before i realized what i was doing.... this puts some things in perspective!
#164 to #94 - anon (12/14/2012) [-]
Oh ho, boy, aren't you just the most hilarious ******* ever. You should be a standup comedian.
#34 - herefortheporno (12/14/2012) [-]
&gt;used to know this girl   
&gt;Conceded as 			****		   
&gt;2.5/10 but she thought she was a 75/10   
&gt;Had to study 6 hours a day to make straight B's, but she was definitely smarter than anyone she knew   
&gt;she never had any close friends so she forced herself into my group   
&gt;we never insulted each other directly, but we did definitely insult each other   
&gt;one day she snaps   
&gt;come to school, hang out in the usual area we hang out in before the bell rings   
&gt;&quot;Hey, ____&quot;   
&gt;&quot;Oh my God 			****		 off. No one likes you because you're ugly.   
&gt;dude wat   
&gt;she surely cannot be that stupid   
&gt;&quot;...Are you talking to me?&quot;   
&gt;&quot;Yes, you beached whale.&quot;   
&gt;I just stand there while insults are being thrown at me   
&gt;everyone's looking at me and her, a circle has formed around us   
&gt;I decide to stop her mid-sentence   
&gt;&quot;Well, you know what _____? At least I have a dad.&quot;   
&gt;ONE PUNCH K.O.   
&gt;Bitch shuts up and then throws herself on the ground to cry   
&gt;Bell rings, go inside like nothing happened   
&gt;mfw going inside
>used to know this girl
>Conceded as ****
>2.5/10 but she thought she was a 75/10
>Had to study 6 hours a day to make straight B's, but she was definitely smarter than anyone she knew
>she never had any close friends so she forced herself into my group
>we never insulted each other directly, but we did definitely insult each other
>one day she snaps
>come to school, hang out in the usual area we hang out in before the bell rings
>"Hey, ____"
>"Oh my God **** off. No one likes you because you're ugly.
>dude wat
>she surely cannot be that stupid
>"...Are you talking to me?"
>"Yes, you beached whale."
>I just stand there while insults are being thrown at me
>everyone's looking at me and her, a circle has formed around us
>I decide to stop her mid-sentence
>"Well, you know what _____? At least I have a dad."
>ONE PUNCH K.O.
>Bitch shuts up and then throws herself on the ground to cry
>Bell rings, go inside like nothing happened
>mfw going inside
User avatar #64 to #34 - rokkarokkaali (12/14/2012) [-]
>Knew this girl
>She was smarter than anyone she knew.
User avatar #65 to #64 - herefortheporno (12/14/2012) [-]
There was obvious sarcasm there. I can't see how you didn't get that.
User avatar #67 to #65 - rokkarokkaali (12/14/2012) [-]
I feel stupid. Take whatever porno you came here for as a token of my appreciation.
#70 to #67 - herefortheporno (12/14/2012) [-]
Will do.   
   
To 			****		!
Will do.

To **** !
User avatar #72 to #70 - rokkarokkaali (12/14/2012) [-]
May you have the most glorious orgasm ever.
User avatar #26 - xgeneration ONLINE (12/14/2012) [-]
>Be 5th grade
>1st floor
>asshat stole my coke
>licked and spitted in it then gave it back to me
>udungoofed fegit
>followed him with the recess bell rang
>approached the stair
>kicked him down,
srr me no good green text
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