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Back to the content 'Anon becomes an alcoholic'
This gave me a ******* panic attack.
I'm doing this. I'm doing all of this right now.
>18 year old KV
>meet a girl online on a mental health forum
>we both feel suicidal, talk for a while, eventually meet up
>take her virginity and she takes mine etc
>tell her I love her
>start dating her
>realise six months in I don't love her
>am still with her 2 and a half years later
I'm terrified. I'm awful. I'm a ******* dreadful person. She says she'd kill herself if I left, but not only that, I'm afraid of being all alone again. I don't want to leave the only person I have despite lying to her. She is an angel who would die for me, and I lie to her.
This story is me right down to the poem. She has a framed one I wrote for her in her room.
I ******* hate myself so much.
why cant life be so simple...
I dated this one girl for a while. I told her I loved her and then I started to have a lot of doubts. However, I did my best because I didn't want to be alone and because maybe I was just zoning out of my feelings (which it's something that happens to me a lot). She told me this wouldn't work and that I should look for someone like she did (she said they were "just friends" but I knew the truth). I thought for a while that I didn't love her but I think I did. Now I feel nothing for nobody.
Be very sure if it's the case. If you aren't 100% sure you don't love her, maybe it was something like what happened to me. If it's not the case.. well. Are you happy with her? Or are you unhappy? Maybe you think you don't love her because you don't feel all that passion you felt the few first months. But you aren't supposed to feel that all the time. You should know yourself better than I do, of course, just my two cents. If you don't love her, it's unfair for both her and you to be together. Even if things are hard, you should really consider to break up. Not only for you, but for her. The longer she is with someone who doesn't love her back, the worse it'll be. Same thing goes for you.
get the **** out *****
i have only a few regrets in my life so far, one of them is not breaking up with my psycho ex sooner
**** went on for 4 years, and boy oh boy are there consequences,
but i am so much happier, its gonna suck for a while but never be afraid of being alone
just a sidenote, my ex told me if i left her she would end herself and slit her wrists,
guess what? didnt happen, instead she ****** another dude and got over me, still sucks
but a much better option IMO
bite the bullet and do it, its gonna be worth it in the long run
listen to yourself. You might not love her but you enjoy her company. Does a relationship have to be more?
Maybe you could tell her this, that you might not love her, but you would enjoy keeping things the way they are, like some sort of ****** up friendship
I care about her more than anyone on the planet. This content and me finally opening up about it made me tell her today that I'm no longer in love with her. She wants to try and save it. She says she cares about me too much. I told her she deserves more than someone who isn't in love with her. She says she thinks I can fall back in love with her.
I don't really know what to do but I feel less like human trash now.
You two have spent at least 2 and a half years of your lives together to get to know each other. By this point you should be really comfortable with speaking your mind to her, and vice versa. You should be transparent with one another, it's how people learn to trust. Do you trust her, and does she trust you? If either of these are a serious no, you should consider trying to find the source of the distrust and see if you can find a way to fix it before resorting to quitting on the relationship. If the distrust is stemmed from her fear of being left and subsequently killing herself, you need to tell her that you are scared of that but most importantly why you are scared. By that I mean if you are scared that if she dies it will have physical ramification on your life or if it will have emotional ramifications. Of course it can be both, and there isn't a wrong answer, but what's important is that she knows why you feel the way you do, not just how you feel. This should help you talk things out.
You say you want her to be happy and find someone better. This self-loathing isn't healthy. You make it sound like you don't think you're good enough for her, but you are. You are more than that. She sounds like she'd go to the ends of the Earth for you. You need to ask yourself if would you do the same. There's a bold line between pushing someone away because you really think you are a detriment to their well-being and then there's pushing someone away because you think they are a detriment to yours. Which is it really?
What is it about her that you used to love? You'll say that it was just instinct and you just needed to have someone to feel less lonely? Guess what - she's in the same boat. You'd both tell each other you were in love until one day she knew she was and you didn't. Since you still don't know, ask yourself what you would do if you had never met her. The experiences you had together would never had happened. Is that something you'd honestly want? You both gave each other your time and care so that you'd both not be alone. That in essence is love, it's a dependency.
Sorry if this sounds like a lecturing but it's just my way of trying to help. Please think about what she really means to you. I'm sure it's more than what you say.
That first statement sounds to me like you might actually love her. Love isn't all roses and kisses you know
She needs to understand that both of you can do better. But don't be too hard on her.
has deleted their comment
Good. 2.5 years is pretty horrible but you're doing what's right now, good luck
I mean, the way you describe her she sounds like a time bomb. She is going to lose it no matter what you do. People that are that obsessed with someone are never stable, try to get some help somehow or things might go very bad
She isn't all that stable, but she survived a breakup as a teenager before we got together. My prayers are that she will be OK without me. If we do end.
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