Ways to die. . The mid who' s We [Haw MS "Into tiity ues u? read: - wakes u? Dinosaurs are back Aliens (with guns!) r' . reeson. Ok that's bad. I went so far into funnyjunk I ended up finding my own content.
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#6 - drbubbles (10/31/2013) [-]
Ok that's bad. I went so far into funnyjunk I ended up finding my own content.
Ok that's bad. I went so far into funnyjunk I ended up finding my own content.
User avatar #20 to #6 - marshalldteach (10/31/2013) [-]
what is that from ?
#22 to #20 - gigzara (10/31/2013) [-]
Cowboy Bebop, one of the best animes ever created
#8 - freespeech (10/31/2013) [-]
Not just any kind of guns...
Not just any kind of guns...
#1 - John Cena (10/30/2013) [-]
The picture in robot uprising is of a die pod
#3 to #1 - karlthemarxist **User deleted account** (10/30/2013) [-]
that's a terrible pun.
that's a terrible pun.
#4 to #3 - drbubbles (10/30/2013) [-]
It's so terrible it's funny.
User avatar #12 - ZeDoodler (10/31/2013) [-]
You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
#33 to #12 - nightmareschild (10/31/2013) [-]
Save you the trouble of typing it next time.
User avatar #13 to #12 - ZeDoodler (10/31/2013) [-]
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
User avatar #14 to #13 - ZeDoodler (10/31/2013) [-]
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
User avatar #15 to #14 - ZeDoodler (10/31/2013) [-]
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.



Story: "The Egg"
by: Andy Weir
User avatar #16 to #15 - jackmanagan (10/31/2013) [-]
thats a cool story (sincerely) and its on the feels channel. it would been easier just to link it lol.
User avatar #17 to #16 - ZeDoodler (10/31/2013) [-]
Like in the last 24 hours? I just read this a while ago and thought it was relevant lol

And if I would've linked it... nobody ever follows the link lol Maybe one or two people, but you're motivated to read something if it's staring you right in the face
User avatar #19 to #17 - jackmanagan (10/31/2013) [-]
i see the logic in that.
User avatar #18 to #17 - FlyingCaribou (10/31/2013) [-]
It's been on here quite a few times, but nothing against you for posting it, it's a great story. Also, not everyone sees everything that gets posted on here. Even though I've seen it a lot, I still enjoy the read, so thank you.
User avatar #37 to #15 - dambusta (10/31/2013) [-]
when this begun i thought it would be a retelling of 'The Black Button', but no this was a nice surprise
User avatar #28 to #15 - ColeTheUber (10/31/2013) [-]
You were on your way home when you died.
Its the police mam your son has been killed by a hit and run driver, the driver was an alcohol
User avatar #29 to #14 - kjoni (10/31/2013) [-]
And then we ****** .
User avatar #7 - trisketthebiskit (10/31/2013) [-]
or mabey a god damn dinosaur lazer fight
User avatar #9 to #7 - sexyhimself (10/31/2013) [-]
NSP, hell yeah
#39 - theshadowed (10/31/2013) [-]
But the valiant dinosaurs sacrificed themselves for us
User avatar #30 - lordofthesea (10/31/2013) [-]
Dinosaur's can't come back with guns... How would a T-Rex clean his weapon? Or RELOAD? he has a big head, and little arms...

I don't think that plan was thought out very well
#10 - shaturnex (10/31/2013) [-]
**shaturnex rolled a random image posted in comment #198 at why must you hurt me in this way ** how the world will end
User avatar #38 to #10 - awesomanium (10/31/2013) [-]
<insert "Travis made a pun so bad blah blah" image here>
#27 - takemythumb (10/31/2013) [-]
Or a meteor.
Or mankind destroys each other.
Or dark holes
Or because of those ******* trying to create a new universe with their new technology
User avatar #41 to #27 - brotherhood (10/31/2013) [-]
*ahem* we blow ourselves up. . . black holes.
which ******* ?
User avatar #43 - twdeathnote (10/31/2013) [-]
The Earth would be a great candy. Crunchy on the outside, and gooey liquid center.
#40 - bleeduntildeath ONLINE (10/31/2013) [-]
this didn't seem to kill rayman's world....
#36 - solarisofcelestia ONLINE (10/31/2013) [-]
Dinosaurs with guns?
#31 - Ekans (10/31/2013) [-]
Might be useful
User avatar #23 - pokemonstheshiz ONLINE (10/31/2013) [-]
There would never be a zombie apocalypse. Any conceivable biological phenomenon that would cause something like that would never get the chance to spread quickly enough.
#32 to #23 - infinitereaper (10/31/2013) [-]
Great, just because people said it could never happen means it's probably going to happen.
Great, just because people said it could never happen means it's probably going to happen.
#26 to #23 - endospore (10/31/2013) [-]
Yes, we've all read that Cracked article.
#21 to #11 - John Cena (10/31/2013) [-]
dude, that fistyBUDS......hence the ear bu........oh nevermind
#2 - nagafever (10/30/2013) [-]
**nagafever rolled a random image posted in comment #40 at I laughed for way too long at the girl ** I'm more concerned about bees soon going extinct. if that happens alot of **** is bound to go down.
User avatar #25 to #2 - enpootis (10/31/2013) [-]
if someone could photoshop this and put the yaranaika face...
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