Tumblr on the English Language

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When they discovered English words can be very misleading.

And when they realized English is quite a violent language, too.

And that other time when rhyming proved to be more challenging than anyone expected.

When they couldn’t decide whether it’s tomato or tomato.

And when they discovered the way some English words are pronounced makes no sense to the point of despair.

When they found out the U.K. and the U.S. are two countries separated by a common language.

When they discovered translating between American and British English can be extremely tricky.

And that these differences can be the beginning of a deep hatred.

When they finally found out the animosities are groundless.

When they realized that this is a correct sentence.

And when all these sentences turned out to make sense, too.

When they discovered how English does the thing.

When they came to a conclusion that contractions make no sense.

And that there are exceptions to every rule.

Just to finally decide there are no rules to the English language whatsoever.

When they deemed English flawed as it’s not fair that this happens.

When this English game drove everyone crazy.

When they pointed out the ridiculous abuse of letters in the English language.

When they decided the academic style of writing is ridiculous.

And finally, when they admitted it’s impossible to English well all the time.

And that no one can really speak English, if you come to think of it.

Tags: tumblr | comp | funny

i: clement mean what you think it mes "
adjective British ,
delighted; phased; satisfied,
Otitis;
see mi, jg:
adjective British Informal,
annoyed; displeased; disgruntled.
it means exactly what i think it mes its just same stupid ward that literally has
two definition's that mean the op pignite thing
This makes me really chug'% d.
This post is quite
Adjective
l. bod; shatking.
2. good,
Well I' m nonplussed by this whole post.
non . pl Leased
Adjective
1. (tif e ( and mined are much thatboy are unsure how Le meet.

...

+372

Views:	20067
Favorited:	87
Submitted:	03/03/2015

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[ 115 comments ]

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76 comments displayed.

+22

#35 - guinessguy (03/04/2015) [+] (1 reply)

stickied by joshlol

One more.

+63

#20 - DilBov (03/03/2015) [-]

'She told him thonlyat she loved him'

#36 to #20 - miwauturu (03/04/2015) [-]

Cheeky cunt you are.

#63 to #20 - SuperSixONE (03/04/2015) [-]

His name is Thonlyat

The plot twist never happens

#72 to #63 - hightechlowlife ONLINE (03/04/2015) [-]

Why is that still a gif if it doesn't twist? Also, what's with the influx of single-frame gifs on FJ lately?

#73 to #72 - SuperSixONE (03/04/2015) [-]

I couldn't find the working one, thus the hidden text

#75 to #73 - hightechlowlife ONLINE (03/04/2015) [-]

Here ya go. 4 seconds on Google.

#86 to #75 - SuperSixONE (03/04/2015) [-]

Does it look like I have four seconds?

#71 to #20 - choobe ONLINE (03/04/2015) [-]

What you just did.

+17

#24 - fogglebeast (03/04/2015) [-]

"Shakespeare sounds better in an American accent."

I wonder if people actually believe that the modern American accent sounds the same as Olde English. First of all, what evidence is there? But ultimately, there many many American accents, and there are many many English accents, too, some of which will sound similar to each other. To claim that the (because according to this insufferable oaf, there's only one) American accent didn't change and the English one did (again, such a mental invalid to imply that there's only one) is simply retarded.

#29 to #24 - LordBlackforest (03/04/2015) [-]

New York , Boston, and Philly is what they mean, I think. The New England accent really. I personally find the idea that americans, the last country using the british measurement and not the french metric, would be the one change too be retarded. We simple hate change

#30 to #29 - auburntigerses (03/04/2015) [-]

Well Jamestown Virginia was founded in 1607 so they might have had southern accents.

#32 to #30 - LordBlackforest (03/04/2015) [-]

You know, that... actually works. The mannerism are different the but they sound alike

#65 to #32 - someoneforamoment (03/04/2015) [-]

Oi Bloody Hell! Candance still has my casserole dish!

Ehhhh

#59 to #24 - damping (03/04/2015) [-]

It's not the same, but it is a hell of a lot closer than the modern day English Accent.

#83 to #59 - bojesus (03/04/2015) [-]

Well when England was first settled, the people living their were a mix of German and French with a lot of Scandinavian people living up north and Celts living towards the west of England. So I don't think it's correct to say there is one accent today that reflects on the original accent, and indeed there probably never was an original accent.

#100 to #83 - internetexplain (03/04/2015) [-]

No , here is a brief history of ENGLAND , not the UK.

The Saxons (not anglo-saxons yet) Invaded Britannia (a roman province) and at first ended up servinbg the Natives (celts) who adopted Roman culture as mercenaries.

Then the Saxons brought their families over , meanwhile these Saxons at home already mixed with another tribe living in the area : the Anglos , who later gave the namesake to England.

So now , the Anglo-Saxons are in Western England , establishing several kingdoms and driving the Romanized celts further and further west until they managaed to hold their kingdom against the Anglo-Saxons.

The Anglo-Saxons thought these Romanized celts were weird as **** , so they literally called their people " weird " in Saxon : "Welsh".

Wales remained a stronghold of Roman culture for about 200 more years before the Anglo-Saxon Kingdoms went for another big war of conquest of each other , by then , the Welsh forgot what being Roman was like so they instead kinda became Saxon in culture.

After the last big war among the Saxon Kingdoms , Wessex came out as winner and founded England.

then about 100 - 300 years after England was founded (I'm not sure about the exact time frame of Wessex becoming England) there was a succession issue with the English monarchy.

3 living relatives of the last king laid claim to the Throne - Harald hardrada , William of Normandy and ofc , the actual King of England , whose name I forgot.

So , both the Kingdom of Norway and the Duchy of Normandy invaded England with their full force , William came out as winner and brought a bunch of french nobility with him.

Since neither William nor the nobility he brought with him spoke English (which at the time was more like German or Dutch) they continued speaking french and tried to get their subjects to do the same.

So , Saxon (english) mixed with Normannic (a type of french) over the course of the Rule of William the conqueror and his son / grandson and became the mess we all know now by the name "English"

Also English adopted some Gaellic words from the Celts (welsh) as well , which only contributed to their **** being so messy.

And due to the Kingdom of England going full Empire during the renaisance , more people came to England , from all over the world , speaking their languages and having weird accents upon learning English , which in turn lead to the English accent and pronounciation evolving.
The same thing happened in America , but not AS intense as in England , since England was subject of that linguistic change for like 500 years , while America only had to endure it for 200.

That mess with French and the whole British Empire thing is also the reason , English no longer pronounced " GH " as " SH " (or CH if you're German)

#108 to #100 - bojesus (03/04/2015) [-]

Also bear in mind we're talking about accents here, not culture.

#110 to #108 - internetexplain (03/04/2015) [-]

culture shapes language , language shapes accents , accents shape pronounciation , pronounciation further develops language.

#107 to #100 - bojesus (03/04/2015) [-]

Your right but I was referring to the history of ENGLAND, and not the UK as you seem to think.

People in Cornwall are considered celtic, which also had influence over Somerset and Dorset to some degree. which is why people who live there sound funny

Also, the whole thing I said about people up north especially Yorkshire having Scandinavian influence was correct as well.

So nothing I said was wrong, you just added a lot more detail.

#109 to #107 - internetexplain (03/04/2015) [-]

I definitely made it clear that neither scandinavians nor french were involved in the settlement of Britain , only Anglo-Saxons and Celts.

The amount of french people coming to Britain during william the conqueror amounts to a few thousand , out of several million english people living already there.

The great immigration came with the british Empire.

#111 to #109 - bojesus (03/04/2015) [-]

Danelaw existed far before the british empire.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danelaw

And whilst there weren't many french, they were responsible for a lot of words we have today. like calling the animal "cow" something different to the food "beef"

#112 to #111 - internetexplain (03/04/2015) [-]

fair enough on the scandinavian part , also on the french part , I elaborated that already.

#113 to #112 - bojesus (03/04/2015) [-]

Well thank you for this conversation. I learnt a lot about the UK that I didn't know before.

+18

#25 to #24 - zekeon ONLINE (03/04/2015) [-]

Your comment made me imagine 1700s England speaking like they're from Texas.

+11

#13 - elyiia (03/03/2015) [-]

And yet, English still isn't nearly as bad as any language which assigns masculinity/femininity to inanimate objects.

#14 to #13 - berengar (03/03/2015) [-]

Stupid bloody romance languages.

#22 to #13 - anon (03/03/2015) [-]

and our language has many many many different ways of conjugation but only one word to assign gender to a person

#96 to #13 - nazo (03/04/2015) [-]

I like that way better tbh

#26 - screaming (03/04/2015) [-]

Britfag here, I've NEVER heard a single British person use the word "chuffed" in anything but a positive manner.

#42 to #26 - alexstraza (03/04/2015) [-]

I haven't heard any Brits use it that way, but like every Aussie I've ever met does.

#70 to #26 - vapaus (03/04/2015) [-]

Fun Fact: An antonym to 'Chuffed' could be 'Miffed'.

#104 to #70 - screaming (03/04/2015) [-]

You are absolutely correct, my good fellow.

#1 - mudkipfucker (03/03/2015) [-]

Damn you

+11

#23 - coffinsalesman (03/03/2015) [-]

This is a real Chinese poem

« Shī Shì shí shī shǐ »
Shíshì shīshì Shī Shì, shì shī, shì shí shí shī.
Shì shíshí shì shì shì shī.
Shí shí, shì shí shī shì shì.
Shì shí, shì Shī Shì shì shì.
Shì shì shì shí shī, shì shǐ shì, shǐ shì shí shī shìshì.
Shì shí shì shí shī shī, shì shíshì.
Shíshì shī, Shì shǐ shì shì shíshì.
Shíshì shì, Shì shǐ shì shí shì shí shī.
Shí shí, shǐ shí shì shí shī shī, shí shí shí shī shī.
Shì shì shì shì.

#66 to #23 - someoneforamoment (03/04/2015) [-]

pretty likely. Chinese is the whole language theory pulled inside-out. Intonations are key to word interpretation.

#102 to #23 - angelious (03/04/2015) [-]

all of those words are pronounced differently...fekkin Chinese mon

#12 - xxmemosxx (03/03/2015) [-]

Dear Americans,

Bologna is a town in Italy, pronounced like bolognese. The word you guys are looking for is spelt baloney.

#27 to #12 - cubicalpayload ONLINE (03/04/2015) [-]

Actually, since it's Italian, it would be pronounced with /ny/. Like lasa/ny/a. (Lasagna) So it would actually be Bolonya.

#74 to #27 - xxmemosxx (03/04/2015) [-]

Yes, that's what I said/meant. How do you pronounce bolognese? Bo-lo-nyaise, shortened to Bo-lo-nya... still not baloney tho

#60 to #12 - damping (03/04/2015) [-]

Dear Taco Eater.

Taco Taco Burrito Gordita Chalupa.

#76 to #60 - xxmemosxx (03/04/2015) [-]

I see you've heard my latest stuff

#16 - johmi (03/03/2015) [-]

The last one is part of a longer poem.
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

#17 to #16 - johmi (03/03/2015) [-]

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

#18 to #17 - johmi (03/03/2015) [-]

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

#19 to #18 - johmi (03/03/2015) [-]

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

#39 to #19 - dshayatopkmn (03/04/2015) [-]

Is it bad I read this all out loud? I feel like I got most of the words though.

#2 - yousaygoodbye (03/03/2015) [-]

HIV aladeen

#7 to #2 - vycanismajoris (03/03/2015) [-]

Top kek after reading all that you sure made me laugh

#90 - darthbauernkind (03/04/2015) [-]

Try this one out

#95 to #90 - redstonealchemist (03/04/2015) [-]

a few caught me out there, but i got through it all just fine.

#106 to #90 - xxragnarokxx (03/04/2015) [-]

I can't even...

#92 to #90 - darthbauernkind (03/04/2015) [-]

that's the full version of the poem

#41 - alexstraza (03/04/2015) [-]

that awkward moment when corps is pronounces more like Core than like Corpse

#48 to #41 - corps (03/04/2015) [-]

#49 to #48 - alexstraza (03/04/2015) [-]

I'm trying to interpret that face and I just don't understand.

#50 to #49 - corps (03/04/2015) [-]

#51 to #50 - alexstraza (03/04/2015) [-]

I'm not sure if I should be frightened or not. Either way I'm laughing nervously....

#52 to #51 - corps (03/04/2015) [-]

Well, for future reference, "corps" is not even an English word. It's originating language is Latin.

#53 to #52 - alexstraza (03/04/2015) [-]

Did you actually look at the content or just come because you were called?

#54 to #53 - corps (03/04/2015) [-]

I came because you mentioned me Now I have to change my underwear... but I just looked at the content a minute ago.

#56 to #54 - alexstraza (03/04/2015) [-]

I got so scared of that second one that I turned the video off T-T I kind of new it was latin origin, but that still doesn't change that their claim in one of the posts was wrong and bothered me. Sorry to have bothered you

#57 to #56 - corps (03/04/2015) [-]

No harm done.
Rarely do I get mentioned in an actual comment, usually it's just that "what the **** did you just" copy/paste that I get mentions for.

#58 to #57 - alexstraza (03/04/2015) [-]

He is so amused. I am dying at how amused he is,

#28 - priestoftheoldones (03/04/2015) [-]

#11 - discobleach (03/03/2015) [-]

also fun to think that
"don't let's go there"
is technically correct
[but rarely used]

#43 to #11 - alexstraza (03/04/2015) [-]

I initially read that as "do not let is go there" but let's is like the only contraction (I can think of) where it's actually using 'us' instead of 'is' "Do not let us go there"

#84 to #11 - masdercheef ONLINE (03/04/2015) [-]

That is a rather painfully awkward phrase to read and interpret as correct.

#79 - cheesywilly (03/04/2015) [-]

>"how have I gone through my life as a writer"
>probably 19
>has a blog with 3 followers
>probably writes depressing poems and terrible YA

#80 to #79 - decapitation (03/04/2015) [-]

can't be a good writer

#47 - hektoroftroy (03/04/2015) [-]

I highly doubt that Paul Revere had anywhere near the same accent as Mark Wahlberg.

#105 - xxragnarokxx (03/04/2015) [-]

There is honestly only one word that stumped me in that poem and it was sward I mean who the **** uses that **** and what does it even mean?

#103 - angelious (03/04/2015) [-]

"tuu kattoon kattoon kun kärpänen tapettiin tapettiin" = come look at the ceiling for a fly was killed on the tapestry

"kasvain sanoi kasvain ja kasvoivain miten kasvain kasvaa voi vain kasvaen aina vain kasvaimenlailla ain" =well look at that,said the tumor,and grew, like only a tumor could, forever and ever.

finnish language has these too.

#101 - volksunion (03/04/2015) [-]

i just scrolled through because our language is atrocious and cancer and i did not want to be reminded of it

makes you sound hella smart to speak it though

#15 - johmi has deleted their comment [-]

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[ 115 comments ]