The truth was spoken. . You ever set dawn and read this thing? Technically, we' re not allowed to we be the. Season 5, Episode 22; "Secrets of a Successful Marriage"
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[ 115 comments ]
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#8 - underporches (06/11/2014) [-]
Season 5, Episode 22; "Secrets of a Successful Marriage"
Season 5, Episode 22; "Secrets of a Successful Marriage"
#14 to #8 - anon (06/11/2014) [-]
I love you (no homo)
User avatar #20 to #8 - niimajneb ONLINE (06/11/2014) [-]
What episode is it where we hear about Principal Skinners time in the army? I know it's not the one where we find out he's an impostor, but a different one.
User avatar #21 to #20 - underporches (06/11/2014) [-]
They've talked about it a few times, was there any specific instance you were thinking of?
User avatar #22 to #21 - niimajneb ONLINE (06/11/2014) [-]
I can't remember but I'm pretty sure there were 'flashbacks' of sorts where they'd show various scenes of Skinner being in the war, and there may or may not have been an elephant involved. Also, I think Skinner was with a dying soldier who was laying down while resting against a wall or something.
User avatar #23 to #22 - underporches (06/11/2014) [-]
You might be thinking of S12E8, "Skinner's Sense of Snow." It's the one where the kids get snowed in at school and Skinner has the war flashback where an elephant eats a fellow soldier.

"That elephant ate my entire platoon."
User avatar #25 to #23 - niimajneb ONLINE (06/11/2014) [-]
Yeah I think that's it. Also, since you mentioned it, what other episodes have stories from Skinners war times?
#58 to #25 - underporches (06/12/2014) [-]
Oh, you mentioned "Principal and the Pauper (S9E02)" already.  The only other notable one that comes to mind (besides the one charagrin mentioned) was in S5E01, "Homer's Barbershop Quartet," when Skinner is reunited with his prisoner helmet at the swap meet.  I'm sure there are others, though.
Oh, you mentioned "Principal and the Pauper (S9E02)" already. The only other notable one that comes to mind (besides the one charagrin mentioned) was in S5E01, "Homer's Barbershop Quartet," when Skinner is reunited with his prisoner helmet at the swap meet. I'm sure there are others, though.
User avatar #59 to #58 - charagrin (06/12/2014) [-]
You know, I have been on this site 3 years, I am one of the most prolific posters on the **** board, and I am one of the highest ranked accounts on this site, and that is only the second time I can recall that anyone has ever mentioned me by name. Have a thumb.
User avatar #57 to #25 - charagrin (06/12/2014) [-]
S23E02 Skinner finally snaps from Chalmers abuse and tells him that his shoulders are lopsided because he was hung upside down from hooks in a Vietnamese Prison Camp.
User avatar #1 - malhaloc (06/11/2014) [-]
Is that a joke or is that legit?
User avatar #105 to #1 - herculespower (06/12/2014) [-]
yes
User avatar #9 to #1 - icameheretotroll (06/11/2014) [-]
Yeah pretty much
#13 to #1 - anon (06/11/2014) [-]
wow I had no idea fedoras didn't even read the book and just sling hate comments about it , seems kinda insecure. fookin heretics.
User avatar #15 to #13 - malhaloc (06/11/2014) [-]
Well first off fedoras are hats. They don't read. Second which part of that is hate? And third I was actually asking a question. Being a Christian myself I'm not familiar with the passage "thou shalt not moveth thy bowels. So sayeth thy lord, God."
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#51 to #13 - jukuku has deleted their comment [-]
#11 to #1 - blancka (06/11/2014) [-]
Legit basically. You're allowed to poop/pee. But you have to do it in a hole in the ground. So a toilet is a no no.
User avatar #44 to #11 - arenaferox (06/12/2014) [-]
but it goes to a hole in the ground.
#45 to #44 - blancka (06/12/2014) [-]
But you're not pooping in a hole in the ground, which the bible says you have to do. The bible asks for you to follow rules, not achieve results. It's about means, not ends.
User avatar #85 to #45 - deathstare (06/12/2014) [-]
It's a hole in the ground vs flat ground. It requires you to hide your feces, out of sight, and away from offending others. Toilet, or hole in the ground, same result
#5 to #1 - mrgreatgod (06/11/2014) [-]
Yes.
Yes.
#19 to #1 - haeckal (06/11/2014) [-]
It's not legit.

There is a line in Deuteronomy which says the Israelites (who were nomads at the time) should defecate outside the camp and bury it with a shovel to keep the camp clean. A couple commentators are trying to say that that means Christians aren't supposed to use a modern toilet. But that's retarded. No one has ever made that claim, ever.

#39 to #19 - anon (06/12/2014) [-]
So it is outdated? Just like a lot of the guidelines in the book?
User avatar #48 to #39 - xplosevdiarrhea (06/12/2014) [-]
Outdated, misinterpreted, and over analysed. Everybody thinks they know it as if they wrote it.
#42 to #19 - anon (06/12/2014) [-]
And then you remember that people get to interpret the bible however they want and still call it Christianity.
User avatar #67 to #19 - playerdous (06/12/2014) [-]
Just wanna say thank you for teaching me something.
#55 to #19 - anon (06/12/2014) [-]
You know what else is retarded? The Bible. BOOM you just for rekt son!
#2 to #1 - reptilec (06/11/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#62 to #2 - brettyht (06/12/2014) [-]
This man looks like Xerxes if he beefed up a little
#50 - xcoreyx (06/12/2014) [-]
Okay this just sounds like a misunderstanding of the term. I'm not Christian myself, but the way I understand it is that sin is unavoidable. They hold the belief that all humans are born sinners, and you have to redeem yourself through other ways. So just because something is considered a sin does not mean that you're expected to fully abstain from it. Because that's just the human nature: to sin. Again I could be wrong, but that's what it seems like from what I've heard.
User avatar #56 to #50 - WozzaBuddha (06/12/2014) [-]
I think you're correct there. Original sin is what's supposed to be passed down from Adam and Eve and you're born with it.
#66 to #50 - anon (06/12/2014) [-]
Actually it is not quite right. Human nature is not to sin. We are constantly presented with temptation to do things that, put simply, are not good, but it is in out free will to determine if this is good, better, or bad, and thus sin is when you willingly succumb to this "offer" to do wrong. So our nature is not to sin, it's just that we are constantly being pushed into it.

Also it is important to understand that the people of the time of the texts have a very different culture and believe in different ways to "remain pure", so they considered other things as sins.
#68 to #66 - anon (06/12/2014) [-]
Also many quotes form the Bible are taken out of context in order to try and make religion look bad, but if the text was read you would understand the full message.
#17 - unusualember (06/11/2014) [-]
**unusualember rolled image** what I'm going to hell for
User avatar #77 to #17 - douthit (06/12/2014) [-]
I preferred Cassius, although he wasn't a housebot.
User avatar #18 to #17 - unusualember (06/11/2014) [-]
Worth it.
#52 - catburglarpenis (06/12/2014) [-]
You gotta kill all the magicians. There was a Tumblr post about how if you follow the Old Testament you're invalidating Jesus' sacrifice, but I'm too tired to look it up. For now, just read A.J. Jacob's book "A Year of Living Biblically".

Also Leviticus 19:19. We can't wear clothes of mixed fibers. Throw out all your cotton/polyester blends. Some people have uniforms they can't wear, honestly.

Pic unrelated.
User avatar #70 to #52 - stringfingerable (06/12/2014) [-]
Leviticus is a dick.
User avatar #101 to #70 - RiflemanFunny (06/12/2014) [-]
The roots of the Jews is Leviticus, now people can see how the Jews are the target of everything. Even Jesus Christ himself broke some Levitican laws and refuted logic into the breaking of it.
User avatar #109 to #101 - catburglarpenis (06/12/2014) [-]
They have people you can go to that will inspect the fibers of your clothing. They even have a word for "God's laws that make no sense".

It's like, they honestly know that it makes no sense but they know that if the guy that created literally everything told them to do it then they're not gonna argue with the guy.

That being said, they break half the rules just to live in society, and another half because they're far too ridiculous. Jacobs talks in the book about a rule that you can't sit where menstruating women have sat so he had to get a cane that turns into a chair and carry it everywhere because menstruating women have probably sat just about everywhere except his cane-chair.
User avatar #110 to #109 - RiflemanFunny (06/12/2014) [-]
I love Jesus' reactions to them.
>YOU ATE WITHOUT WASHING YOUR HANDS
>"WHAT GOES INTO THE MOUTH OF A MAN DOES NOT DEFILE A MAN. WHAT COMES OUT OF THE MOUTH DEFILES THE MAN.

>YOU WORKED ON THE SABBATH!!!
>IF YOUR OX IS IN A DITCH, GET IT

>WE SHOULD STONE HER
>THE ONE WITHOUT SIN SHALL CAST THE FIRST STONE
User avatar #4 - gidmp (06/11/2014) [-]
could someone enlighten me which passage in the bible that said going to the toilet is a sin? you know, just curious...
#6 to #4 - pettdavids (06/11/2014) [-]
He said 'technically', so probably it's just something about genitals
#12 to #4 - blancka (06/11/2014) [-]
Don't have the quote on hand, but remember someone gave on in relevance to this once.

Basically there's a passage that says your "business" should be done in a hole in the ground. Likely as a "hey, don't just poop on the floor" type thing since toilets weren't around back then, but technically you can't use a toilet.
User avatar #80 to #12 - RiflemanFunny (06/12/2014) [-]
I believe that is in Deuteronomy, It was the rules of hygiene in Jewish Law. Ever since hygiene has become a standard for people excluding France and insert 3rd world country here , These rules to Jews were considered the Law of God, even though it was just for hygienic purposes. Got to hand it to the Jews, they were pretty smart until the Babylonian conquests, then they became just the most ignorant bunch ever.
#71 to #12 - kbpilottl (06/12/2014) [-]
you sure they dont mean this?
#40 to #12 - anon (06/12/2014) [-]
Isn't a toilet not more or less a hole in the ground? You **** in it and the bowl has a hole at the bottom of which leads into a pipe which is just a hole really that goes into the ground. I don't think anyone needs this explained to them but here it is
#36 - anon (06/11/2014) [-]
**anonymous rolled image** what I'M going to hell for
#53 to #36 - tmbg (06/12/2014) [-]
heh heh. I get it.
heh heh. I get it.
#60 - mikepetru (06/12/2014) [-]
**mikepetru rolled image** My greatest sin
User avatar #65 to #60 - playerdous (06/12/2014) [-]
agreed
#49 - galkawhm ONLINE (06/12/2014) [-]
**galkawhm rolled image** I'm already going to hell. I'm just trying to get a good seat.
#61 to #49 - anon (06/12/2014) [-]
You've got a good seat with that image *Banhammer in it's way*
#102 - Blackdrama (06/12/2014) [-]
**Blackdrama rolled image** the greatest sin I ever comitted
#79 - anon (06/12/2014) [-]
#37 - brothergrimm (06/11/2014) [-]
**brothergrimm rolled image** i'll give it a try what i'm going to hell for
User avatar #38 to #37 - brothergrimm (06/11/2014) [-]
wut....
#3 - casualbench (06/11/2014) [-]
**casualbench rolled image**
**casualbench rolled image**
User avatar #16 - konradkurze (06/11/2014) [-]
christianity:

where ******** in a toilet is bad and youre supposedto hate gays, but honor killings are okay and incest is okay if you cant find decent partners outside the family
#26 to #16 - anon (06/11/2014) [-]
Yeah, the bible doesn't actually teach of the the things you just said.
User avatar #27 to #26 - konradkurze (06/11/2014) [-]
right

eye for an eye tooth for a tooth? killing someone was allowed if it was justifiable

plus i did read a part of the bible where two women were unable to find decent husbands so got their father drunk on wine and ****** him to bear children....and thats okay in christianity?
#30 to #27 - anon (06/11/2014) [-]
I'm not a Bible fanboy nor a Christian, but I do appreciate factual information. First off, the passages to which you are referring are found in the Old Testament. Christianity is a religion based upon the New Testament, so the answer is no, it's not okay in Christianity. With that said, many Christians have selective hearing (or reading, in this case) and pick and choose what they want to follow, from both the Old and New. Is that because they're Christians? No. That's because they're human.

The story about the women seducing their drunken father is that of Lot and his two daughters. I haven't read the Bible extensively, but I believe the story is presented in the Bible simply as an account of what happen (or supposedly happened, if you prefer). To say that recounting this story means incest is okay in Christianity is, in my view, the same as saying because the history books tell of Hitler's genocide, it's okay to kill Jews. It's simply an account, not a "divine" proclamation.
User avatar #108 to #30 - konradkurze (06/12/2014) [-]
ive seen a number of christian bibles with old and new testament in them, so some christians do hold onto both side of their religion

there is tons of contradictions in the bible and even worse, in psalms its pretty much outlined israel is going to end up the one power leading every nation on earth....so it kinda makes the bible look like somewhere between a ******** and a new world order training manual
User avatar #73 to #30 - ogomer (06/12/2014) [-]
"Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 5:17-19

^That's Jesus speaking. In other words; every law in the old testament still counts.
User avatar #100 to #73 - RiflemanFunny (06/12/2014) [-]
Oh and the Laws that Jesus is talking about are the Laws that God gave Moses IE the Ten Commandments, and then there are the prophesy chapters that are also considered law, even though they are not laws. Every thing else is Moses who used the fear tactic that if you didn't do these things, God will smite you, even though God never said that.
#99 to #73 - RiflemanFunny (06/12/2014) [-]
If you read in his context, he was definitely destroying the laws of the prophets by "fulfilling" them. The laws were in place for people to be considered worthy of God. Since Jesus said he would "fulfill" them, there would be no more need to follow the laws. Jesus broke many Jewish laws, and he was being very logical about breaking them. If a law is in place to fulfill a purpose, and someone removed that fulfillment from your shoulders, then you are free from the law.
#29 to #27 - anon (06/11/2014) [-]
It happened so it must be okay.

It happened in the bible so the bible must be saying it is okay.

I should live my life by this logic. By this logic EVERYTHING is okay.
User avatar #28 to #27 - mylazy ONLINE (06/11/2014) [-]
Now you see. Killing someone should be allowed if it is justifiable. In fact in every country in the world, killing someone is allowed if it is justifiable. The only thing is, some places don't see it as justifiable in any circumstances. By definition if something is justifiable it is allowed to some extent.
#41 to #16 - mrvindix ONLINE (06/12/2014) [-]
Umm not even close 0/10.
User avatar #46 to #16 - majormayor (06/12/2014) [-]
It's funny how you got thumbed down although the content itself is on the front page. It reminds me of a comment I saw a few weeks ago stating that the content would have been more likely to have been called "euphoric" if it were in a comment.
User avatar #74 to #46 - kinginyellow (06/12/2014) [-]
ehh...no. This is shot down for just picking and choosing random passages, without any proof or even the bible passage names, to insult the religion in a dry way. The content is a joking picture that's ironic because the preacher himself is taking shots at a misunderstood passage about pooping in a hole in the ground. The comment is just an insult, the content is a joke that doesn't have to be taken with offense.
User avatar #107 to #46 - konradkurze (06/12/2014) [-]
some people are so wired into only ever wanting to hear good news they **** bricks when someone gives them bad
#47 to #16 - nyeeeh (06/12/2014) [-]
I'm pretty sure most if not everything you're claiming stems from Leviticus, which was not only written by a crazy person, but is part of the Old Testament, which you can, for the most part, ignore.
User avatar #106 to #47 - konradkurze (06/12/2014) [-]
nice how some people only want to play along to half the christian faith and ignore the rest
#112 to #106 - nyeeeh (06/12/2014) [-]
I'm not a Christian
Jesus said a quote which is where most people get the idea that the old testament should still be followed, "Not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished."
When Jesus said that, he didn't know he would be crucified. When he was crucified, he had the ability to stop it, and give his captors divine punishment. He didn't so he could make the harsh laws of past moot, so that we don't have to sacrifice multiple animals weekly in order to be forgiven of our sins. Now you're simply forgiven for your sins by accepting God into your heart (if that's your religion).
Finally, how about you do some reading before you spout **** , because pretty much everything you've said so far regarding religion has been completely and utterly wrong. Not "debatable," either. Follow whatever religion you want, debate with followers of any religion you want, but don't debate about stuff you don't understand, because it just makes you look like an ass.
User avatar #113 to #112 - konradkurze (06/12/2014) [-]
well aside from the entire abrahmic religion system being fictional, the whole "live life hos you want, youre pre-forgiven for every sin you commit' has just led to people doing what the **** they want as long as they go to church on sunday they think theeyre cleaned of the sins and can go back to doing **** th other 6 days of the week

or how many christians feel killing is wrong except when its the US military bombing civilians in the war on terror

the abrahmic system has contradictions both in the books and amongst the people who interpret it
#114 to #113 - nyeeeh (06/12/2014) [-]
Kill yourself
#103 to #47 - migueldecervantes (06/12/2014) [-]
You can ignore the new one too...
#91 to #47 - RiflemanFunny (06/12/2014) [-]
Moses was definitely not perfect. In fact he was punished that he would never enter the promised land because of his disobedience. There is only 6 books in the Old Testament that are worth reading that have the same clout of the New Testament. Kings, Judges, Daniel, Ezekiel(the most badass one),Psalms, and Proverbs. The Torah is only for Jews (Besides the Ten Commandments).
#115 - watcherdude (06/13/2014) [-]
**watcherdude rolled image** my ticket to hell
#104 - peterbowser (06/12/2014) [-]
**peterbowser rolled image** <--- This is a sin.
#90 - ztwenyeight (06/12/2014) [-]
**ztwenyeight rolled image** this is also a sin
#89 - ssjcarbon (06/12/2014) [-]
**ssjcarbon rolled image** The reason I'm going to hell.
User avatar #81 - chancedavo (06/12/2014) [-]
**chancedavo rolled user bikkie ** is my crush
User avatar #82 to #81 - bikkie (06/12/2014) [-]
I'm everyone's crush bb
#83 to #82 - chancedavo (06/12/2014) [-]
**chancedavo rolled image** pssh, wanna fk?
User avatar #84 to #83 - bikkie (06/12/2014) [-]
You gonna hammer me like Havel?
User avatar #86 to #84 - chancedavo (06/12/2014) [-]
**chancedavo rolled user LazierThanThou ** will join us, ok?
User avatar #87 to #86 - bikkie (06/12/2014) [-]
I can take both of you
User avatar #93 to #87 - captainpickles (06/12/2014) [-]
Oh Bikku
User avatar #95 to #93 - bikkie (06/12/2014) [-]
what, i can
User avatar #96 to #95 - captainpickles (06/12/2014) [-]
Fine!
Do it then!
User avatar #97 to #96 - bikkie (06/12/2014) [-]
I WILL
User avatar #98 to #97 - captainpickles (06/12/2014) [-]
DO IT
User avatar #88 to #87 - chancedavo (06/12/2014) [-]
Let's wait for him
User avatar #92 to #88 - chancedavo (06/12/2014) [-]
**chancedavo rolled user captainpickles ** since he won't come, so this guy will join
User avatar #94 to #92 - captainpickles (06/12/2014) [-]
Works for me
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