My bros I have been doing a lot of reading about Wacky WWII Filings lately and
I want to tell you a story Because I love it okay
once upon a time there was a dude in Spain named Juan Puyol Garcia. Puyol
was a chicken farmer. Puyol hated him some goddamn fascists-
See Spain had recently ended its civil war, with the fascists taking power. So
when WWII broke out in Europe, Spain technically remained neutral but in
practice was buddy buddy with the Nazis. Juan Puyol Garcia thought this was
so soon after war breaks out Puyol travels to his local British embassy and goes
hey I wanna spy on the Nazis for you"
who the fuck are you?" say the British, and kick him out
but Puyol is not deterred! He still wants to dunk on some fascists, so now he
goes to his local German embassy instead. "hey" he says, ''I wanna spy on the
British for you, I sure do hate them"
yeah okay" say the Germans "that seems pretty legit”
and just like that Puyol now offcially works for the Abate hr, the German
intelligence agency. They hand him some spy gear (invisible ink and such) and
instruct him to travel to Lisbon, and from there make his way into the UH. So
Puyol heads to Lisbon, and a little while later writes to his German handlers
telling them he' s made it to England
Puyol had not made it it] England. He had, in fact, made it to the Lisbon public
library, where he checked out a number of English guide books and set about
Just wholesale making shit up
this is slightly try the fact that, for example, he completely are not
understand British currency and all his expense reports were basically gibberish.
He also reported things like bribing Scotsman, because the people of Glasgow
would "do anything for a litre of wine” (an actual quote) because, hey, people in
Spain like wine so that' s probably the same right?
Here is where it starts to get really crazy, because the Alweer loves this. "wow
this dude is a great spy" they say, because apparently none of them had ever
Been the England either. In tact, they are so pumped about this new awesome
spy that the British start to get worried
you see, by this time the British had cracked German' s supposedly unbreakable
Enigma code and were totally dunking on the Nazis by reading basically all of
their 'super top secret- radio transmissions. And, crucially, they' d become so
good at breaking and reading dramtic that there were literally no German spies in
England. The Germans would set up a spy drop (usually dropping dudes in by
parachute in the middle of the night), the British would intercept the message
and then just scoop the dudes up as soon as they landed in a move that must
have been SUPER embarrassing to the spies
so there are no German spies in the UK because they' re all sitting in a prison
run by this (although some are being run under supervision as double agents,
feeding Germany bullshit}- But suddenly Mla is picking up all this traffic item the
Germans talking about their super great ETY- a spy the British do not have in
oh shit" says Mia, and starts rereading all the transmissions they have to and
from this mysterious super spy.
hey wait" says Mla, upon actually reading the shit the spy was sending.
someone is playing silly buggers, pip pip cheerio"'
At this point, Pujols, still in Lisbon, had actually been approaching the British
embassy again, repeatedly, but apparently "l am literally an Alweer agent and
would like to after you my services" wasn' t interesting enough, because he was
repeatedly turned away, again. it wasn' t until Mia started asking around that one
of the embassy staff was like "oh yeah we know that guy"
so in 1942 the British finally make contact with Puyol and he officially becomes a
spy for wild. They move him to London and assign him a case Wheat so he can
start making up even better bullshit
and he does. Once actually in London, Puyol reports to the Alweer that he' d
recruited a whole slew at informants- from a bunch of Welsh Aryans to
disaffected army emcee. He ends up with a network of , all
feeding him information from around the UK
none of these people actually exist
Puyol just straight up invented like 20 people, keeping careful track of their fake
personalities, names, and activities. With the help of wile, the infin" reation he
sends becomes even Defter- a mix of true but ultimately useless facts and
actually important inlet timed to arrive in Germany just slightly too late to be of
any use. He and his "spy network' become the Alweer' s most trusted agents
Puyol, now codenamed Agent Garbo [for his acting skills), ends up playing a
huge role in the tuneup to , where the Allies mounted a huge intelligence
campaign to convince Hitlertime the planned site of attack was going to be
Calais and not Normandy (this was Operation Fortitude and you should
absolutely look it up for more Wacky WWII Adventures). previously you know
how this ended
crazily enough, the Alweer never figured out that Puyol was a double agent.
After the war he received both the Iron Cross Second Class (which require
personal authorization from Hitler), and a Member of the larder of the British
Empire [from King George VI)
unable to resist being totally fucking ridiculous, Puyol tuned down Mia' s
offer to continue spying, but this time against the USSR. "no," he said "just help
me take my own death and then I' m moving to Venezuela"
and mate exactly what he did. Juan Garcia Puyol died in 1988, at the age of 76
may I' m just editing my reblog to add this picture of Juan Puyol Garcia because
I feel that it adds so much it] the story to picture him doing ALL THE ABOVE
with this expression:
What a legend.