TV. . I we at commercial an it said,' Nyrgel everything you new atat slipcovers. did. " it was a lead nit my mind. Then the to sell me slipcovers and I didn' t
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Comments(51):

[ 51 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #3 - althalus (10/11/2013) [-]
My favourite joke of his "They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that."
User avatar #36 to #3 - EnemySpy ONLINE (10/11/2013) [-]
"This is what I do all day, I sit around and think of funny stuff with a pad and a pencil. If the pencil is too far away, then I sit there and convince myself that 'that isn't funny.'"
#50 to #36 - hsawryt (10/12/2013) [-]
that made me giggle like an idiot i think i woke up my sister
User avatar #8 to #3 - Sacrarment (10/11/2013) [-]
"Want some more homemade Sprite?"
"Not till you figure out what the **** else is in it!"
Love me some Mitch Hedburg.
#9 - anon (10/11/2013) [-]
"An escalator can't be broken; it can only become stairs. 'Escalator temporarily out of order'. It should be 'Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience'."
User avatar #15 - AWalrusFirst (10/11/2013) [-]
"On a traffic light, red means stop, yellow means slow down, and green means go. However, on a banana, it is exactly the opposite. Green means, 'woah hold up a second', yellow means go ahead, and red means 'where did you get that banana'". -Mitch Headberg RIP
User avatar #1 - ihatem (10/11/2013) [-]
"Dogs are forever in the pushup position" -Mitch Hedberg
User avatar #14 - jrondeau **User deleted account** (10/11/2013) [-]
"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."
#4 - anon (10/11/2013) [-]
Whats a slipcover?
User avatar #5 to #4 - Zeigh (10/11/2013) [-]
I DON'T KNOW!
#7 to #4 - katha (10/11/2013) [-]
It's a fitted protective cover that may be slipped off and on a piece of upholstered furniture. And yes, I simply googled it to find out. Here's a picture of one.

A couple of months from now, I will look through my pictures and wonder why the **** I have a picture of slipcovers.
User avatar #6 to #4 - demigodofmadness (10/11/2013) [-]
Exactly
User avatar #45 to #6 - heisenberger (10/12/2013) [-]
He knows the score
#25 - ABNREACH (10/11/2013) [-]
"My fake plants died because I didn't pretend to water them" Rip Mr. Hedberg. I salute you.
"My fake plants died because I didn't pretend to water them" Rip Mr. Hedberg. I salute you.
#24 - richhtwo (10/11/2013) [-]
"the depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get I'll never be as good as a wall"
User avatar #2 - lacklusterpelican (10/11/2013) [-]
Sad he died, happy he died the way he wanted
User avatar #10 to #2 - ellokitehsixtynine (10/11/2013) [-]
How did he die?
User avatar #12 to #10 - jrondeau **User deleted account** (10/11/2013) [-]
Lots and lots of cocaine.
User avatar #13 to #12 - ellokitehsixtynine (10/11/2013) [-]
I would love to go out that way.
User avatar #26 to #13 - lacklusterpelican (10/11/2013) [-]
*cocaine and heroine, powerball **** yo
#28 to #26 - tender (10/11/2013) [-]
Dat speedball
User avatar #29 to #28 - lacklusterpelican (10/11/2013) [-]
Same thing
#30 to #29 - tender (10/11/2013) [-]
I know it is, thats what a speedball is. Just saying the steet name. You could have called it methyl (1R,2R,3S,5S)-3- (benzoyloxy)-8-methyl-8-azabicyclo[3.2.1] octane-2-carboxylate - (5α,6α)-7,8-didehydro-4,5-epoxy-17-methylmorphinan-3,6-diol diacetate And it would still be a speedball
User avatar #31 to #30 - lacklusterpelican (10/11/2013) [-]
Well i am sorry and thank you for giving me the correct word <3
User avatar #23 - hopetheworm (10/11/2013) [-]
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"
#18 - rabidaardvark (10/11/2013) [-]
'Imagine if you saw a Forklift lifting a crate of forks. It would be some damn literal'
#39 - crazymannequin (10/11/2013) [-]
"I was at a casino I was standing by the door and a security guard came over and said 'you're going to have to move you're blocking a fire exit' like so if there was a fire I wasn't going to run. If you're flammable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit"
#22 - ReptaurLOLL (10/11/2013) [-]
6 Lemons
6 limes
1/2 litre soda water
1/2 cup white sugar

Not much apparently.
User avatar #38 - stormtrooperbob (10/11/2013) [-]
I used to like Mitch Headberg, i still do, but i used to, too
User avatar #11 - annand (10/11/2013) [-]
I thought this man was Billy Ray Cyrus for a good 5 minutes... I am not a smart person
#17 to #11 - docvolto (10/11/2013) [-]
He doesn't look nearly disappointed enough to be Billy Ray.
User avatar #19 - jackmanagan (10/11/2013) [-]
Filed it under D...for doughnut.
User avatar #46 - MRfunnyFACE (10/12/2013) [-]
"at 3 of the morning I saw a dry cleaners with a sign that says "sorry we are closed." I was like dude you don't need to apologize to me, its 3 of the morning! it would be weird if you guys were open."
User avatar #40 - Lintutu (10/12/2013) [-]
I love this guy's comedy style. The "on-the-spot' observation
#21 - decoyoctopus (10/11/2013) [-]
Mitch Hedberg, he was a drug enthusiast, he was a drug connoisseur...    
Drugs killed him, yes, but they didn't ruin his life   
by any stretch, he really enjoyed them, he was good at it. He wasn't    
someone who faltered at it. He didn't wake up and go &quot;oh 			****		, I should    
really work on myself&quot; or &quot;I need to rethink this&quot;... that guy 			*******		    
loved being on drugs the entire time he was alive! Well, maybe not right    
up until that very last minute, where he was like *hnnnnnnnnng*...   
That might of not been as much fun, but still...    
And now, his family have set up a Mitch Hedberg    
charity? its the &quot;Mitch Hedberg Golf Tournament&quot; to go to support a    
rehabilitation facility... I mean, they took everything he was about,    
and turned it on it's ass. He hated sports... he loved drugs!    
and you have a 			*******		 charity sponsoring it?. it's like how if the guy that    
died on the Luge in the Olympics, had his whole family come out and have    
like a...    
Charity pie eating contest to keep kids outta sports...    
yeah, lets just stay on the couch, and get fat kids...    
   
It was literally for everything he was against, for everything he loved.    
and they did that i guess, because it would have been too tasteless to have    
a charity event where you get to actually, for a buck a shovel, literally    
dig up his grave, and turn him upside down... and then bury it back?
Mitch Hedberg, he was a drug enthusiast, he was a drug connoisseur...
Drugs killed him, yes, but they didn't ruin his life
by any stretch, he really enjoyed them, he was good at it. He wasn't
someone who faltered at it. He didn't wake up and go "oh **** , I should
really work on myself" or "I need to rethink this"... that guy *******
loved being on drugs the entire time he was alive! Well, maybe not right
up until that very last minute, where he was like *hnnnnnnnnng*...
That might of not been as much fun, but still...
And now, his family have set up a Mitch Hedberg
charity? its the "Mitch Hedberg Golf Tournament" to go to support a
rehabilitation facility... I mean, they took everything he was about,
and turned it on it's ass. He hated sports... he loved drugs!
and you have a ******* charity sponsoring it?. it's like how if the guy that
died on the Luge in the Olympics, had his whole family come out and have
like a...
Charity pie eating contest to keep kids outta sports...
yeah, lets just stay on the couch, and get fat kids...

It was literally for everything he was against, for everything he loved.
and they did that i guess, because it would have been too tasteless to have
a charity event where you get to actually, for a buck a shovel, literally
dig up his grave, and turn him upside down... and then bury it back?
User avatar #43 to #21 - jackmanagan (10/12/2013) [-]
you are my spirit animal
#27 - cloooud (10/11/2013) [-]
Is this Miley Cyrus' dad?   
im half asleep so i thought it was jennifer anniston
Is this Miley Cyrus' dad?
im half asleep so i thought it was jennifer anniston
User avatar #33 to #27 - weinerdick (10/11/2013) [-]
Mitch Hedberg, look him up and laugh and then be sad because he's dead now
User avatar #47 to #33 - fatajani (10/12/2013) [-]
True story I wanted to see Mitch and Richard Pryor but alas two legendary comedians are no longer with us QQ
User avatar #37 to #33 - cloooud (10/11/2013) [-]
I know it's not Bill Ray, just looks a lot like him.
#34 to #33 - greenbracelet ONLINE (10/11/2013) [-]
fact: he was the best there ever was.
User avatar #41 to #35 - rdangerdash ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
I think Carlin was more of a philosopher than a comedian. No offence to the guy but every "joke" of his that I have heard was more insightful than it was funny.
User avatar #42 to #41 - jackmanagan (10/12/2013) [-]
agreed. love his material wouldnt change a thing. but christopher titus, tosh,(before the show) mitch H all made me laugh harder
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