Some helpful advices. . Your Father Probably Told You A Few Things, But Just In Case He Wasn' t Around Enough, Here Are Some Words Of Wisdom You Might Have Miss tips help advices
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Some helpful advices

Your Father Probably Told You A Few
Things, But Just In Case He Wasn' t
Around Enough, Here Are Some Words
Of Wisdom You Might Have Missed Out On:
l, Go for women you perceive to be "out of your
league," Who' ll surprise yourself.
2, Never have sex with anyone that doesn' t want it
as much as you.
T, Never hit anyone unless they are an immediate threat.
4, Every hat should serve a purpose.
5. Never take her to the movies on the first date.
6., Learn to wet shave.
T, Nothing looks more badass than a suit.
8, Shave with the grain on the first hoveround.
El. Always look a person in the eye when you talk to
them.
IO. Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.
11. Exercise makes you happy. Ru n, lift, and play
sports,
12. Brush your teeth before you put on your tie.
small amount of your paycheck should go
directly to your savings account every month.
14, Call your parents every week,
15. Never wear a tie.,
16. Give a firm handshake.
17. Compliment her shoes.
13. Never leave a pint unfinished.
19. If you aren' t confident, fake it.. it will come.
20. You can tell the size of a man by the size of things
that bother him.
21. Be conscious of your body language.
22, The only reason to ever point a gun at someone is
if you intend to shoot them.
23. Always stand to shake someone’: hand,
lit. Never lend anything you can' t afford to lose.
25. Ask more than you answer. Everybody likes to talk
about themselves.
26. Keep a change of clothes at the office-
27. Buy high quality tools, so you only have to buy them
donce,
28. Manliness is not only being able to take care of
yourself, but others as well.
29. Ga with the decision that will make for a good
story.
30. when you walk, look straight ahead, not at your
feet.
31. Nice guys don' t finish last., Boring guys do.
32. Find your passion and figure out how to get paid
for it.
33. Don' t let the little head do the thinking for the big
head.
34, No matter their job or status in life, everyone
deserves your respect.
35. The most important thing you can learn is
personal responsibility., Bad things happen, it' s your
job to overcome them.
36. The first one to get angry loses.
37. Do what needs to be done without complaining, it
won' t help speed things up.
38. Never stop learning,
39. Always go out into public dressed like you' re
about to meet the love of your life.
AD. Don' t change yourself just to make someone
happy, unless that someone is you.
41. If you' re the smartest person in the room, you' re
in the wrong room.
all Luck favors the prepared.
Women find confidence sexy as hell.
44. Do whatever you want to do in the life, but be the
best at it.
45, No one is on their deathbed wishing they spent
more time at work. Enjoy your life.
...
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Views: 62264
Favorited: 1535
Submitted: 03/19/2014
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Comments(542):

[ 542 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #1 - thewulfman (03/19/2014) [+] (87 replies)
stickied by markmauster
Okay, while I like the majority of these, I want to call out some ******** .

2) Never have sex with someone who doesn't want it as much as you.
Really? How do you even measure that? What is the acceptable margin of error? This one is just too vague and it's crap.
3) Never hit anyone unless they're an immediate threat.
Yeah no. Again, what is even defined as an "immediate threat?" It's too vague and by the basis. Here's a better one. Never hit the innocent.
4) Every hat should serve a purpose.
Uh. Okay? Sure, fine then. What if a hat just serves the purpose of making the wearer happy?
5) Never take her to the movies on the first date.
While I mostly agree with this, there should be some exceptions to this rule. If you just met the girl and invited her out, then movies is a terrible idea. If you've known her for awhile and you decided to date, then I feel it's acceptable.
22) Never point a gun at someone unless you intend to shoot them.
Who the **** thought this up? Seriously what the **** . So every time cops draw their firearm to get a suspect to surrender, they're in the wrong because they don't actually intend to shoot someone? This is so stupid. A gun's best use is to deter violence, not to create it. I'd gladly point a firearm at someone to diffuse a situation, doesn't mean I intend to shoot them.
29) Go with the decision that will make a good story.
Lol what. Yeah, **** the sensible choice, just go with whatever would sound good in a story you tell your bar buddies or in a green text post on 4chan.
34) No matter their job or status in life, everyone deserves your respect.
Respect is not a right. Respect is a commodity, which is earned. I get what this is trying to say, it's anti-classism. That's fine and all, I hate elitism myself, but that's simply not how it works. I'm not going to respect someone's if their job goes against my ideology. I don't respect members of the WBC. Continued->
#37 - rzkruspe (03/19/2014) [-]
#41
#41
User avatar #24 - I Am Monkey (03/19/2014) [-]
29. Go with the decision that will make for a good story

Idk about that one. Some of the best greentexts sound like they were horrible for the person involved. Beta threads and whatnot.
0
#404 to #24 - theronmasteh has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #406 to #24 - theronmasteh (03/20/2014) [-]
Along with N° 29 goes the saying: "Bad decisions makes good stories".

So it's up to the person to be risky and having a strong liking of stupid risky things.
User avatar #70 to #24 - basicargentinian (03/20/2014) [-]
I vouch for 29, I've done some pretty stupid stuff but i'm damn glad I did them.
User avatar #28 - samxdaxman (03/19/2014) [-]
>#41
In this case, the smartest person leaves, making the second smartest person in the room the smartest. They then follow suit and leave. This continues until everyone has left the room. Soon all rooms become obsolete since nobody wants to be the smartest person in one. We all live in the woods and die from exposure.
I'm very fun at parties. Just kidding, I don't get invited to parties.
User avatar #358 to #28 - perform (03/20/2014) [-]
Well if you don't realize you're the smartest in the room, you're not the smartest anymore. And that's the threshold for the amount of people in the room.
#486 to #28 - mindset (03/20/2014) [-]
Now all people will know of this rule, and even if they do, they won't act upon it.
If you're in a work environment, within a team, try to become the best and most knowledgeable at what the team does, if you can no longer learn from anyone in the room, than it's time to ask for that promotion, and leave to a room where you'll learn more from it's crew, and so on...
#487 to #486 - mindset (03/20/2014) [-]
Not* all people...
User avatar #188 to #28 - tenboxes (03/20/2014) [-]
Everybody's smart in their own way, so there will always be someone that is smarter than you in a certain way in the room. You will also be smarter than them, it goes both ways, but if somehow you enter a room where you are smarter than everyone in every way you should leave. This rule connects to rule 38. If you're smarter than everyone there, how will you learn anything?
#214 to #28 - stillnotbob (03/20/2014) [-]
I don't either
User avatar #223 to #214 - samxdaxman (03/20/2014) [-]
Don't worry, we'll be uninvited together.
User avatar #351 to #28 - jaggedherp ONLINE (03/20/2014) [-]
>Live inna woods
/k/ approves
User avatar #66 to #28 - moonkitty (03/20/2014) [-]
I'd invite you to parties
#108 to #66 - samxdaxman (03/20/2014) [-]
Well that automatically makes you cool in my book.
#138 to #28 - Rascal (03/20/2014) [-]
I think it means that you should never think you're the smartest person in the room.
#463 to #138 - Rascal (03/20/2014) [-]
It means that if the people you are hanging out with are even with humility, below your own modest level of intellect, you should find more mentally stimulating company.
#114 - betta (03/20/2014) [-]
#20: You can tell the size of a man by the size of things that bother him.   
   
This one couldn't be any more true. Get ready for a semi long story...   
   
I've only ever had one girlfriend. 9th grade. It was awesome. I loved every single moment of my life; Really; I did. Her name was Marina. There was never a moment that she wasn't smiling. I naturally hate my smile, even today, but I couldn't stop smiling anytime we ever hung out. It truly felt like the perfect relationship. We didn't date for long, but we had plans to hang out. I hope she felt the same way I did about her. But she didn't. I know she didn't. She committed suicide. She didn't love me. She didn't care about me. I wanted to be there for her, but she didn't want me there for her. She knew she could've talked to me, but didn't. I want her back. I wouldn't even want her back here for me. She had so many caring and loving friends. We wanted to help, we just didn't know she needed it. Maybe we needed to ask her more often if she was okay. I didn't lose a girlfriend. I lost the ability to find someone to fill that void. I don't ever want to date anyone. I don't want to go through this again.    
   
Maybe I need a tougher shell. Maybe I need to help others more. Who knows...
#20: You can tell the size of a man by the size of things that bother him.

This one couldn't be any more true. Get ready for a semi long story...

I've only ever had one girlfriend. 9th grade. It was awesome. I loved every single moment of my life; Really; I did. Her name was Marina. There was never a moment that she wasn't smiling. I naturally hate my smile, even today, but I couldn't stop smiling anytime we ever hung out. It truly felt like the perfect relationship. We didn't date for long, but we had plans to hang out. I hope she felt the same way I did about her. But she didn't. I know she didn't. She committed suicide. She didn't love me. She didn't care about me. I wanted to be there for her, but she didn't want me there for her. She knew she could've talked to me, but didn't. I want her back. I wouldn't even want her back here for me. She had so many caring and loving friends. We wanted to help, we just didn't know she needed it. Maybe we needed to ask her more often if she was okay. I didn't lose a girlfriend. I lost the ability to find someone to fill that void. I don't ever want to date anyone. I don't want to go through this again.

Maybe I need a tougher shell. Maybe I need to help others more. Who knows...
#502 to #114 - Rascal (03/20/2014) [-]
The world is for the living, carry on mate even though it is hard

I have lost people too, in the beginning it's hard but you have to put your head up and face another day
User avatar #544 to #114 - kanaka (07/20/2014) [-]
How are you doing now?
User avatar #546 to #544 - betta (07/20/2014) [-]
I'm doing better man, thank you (:

There was a girl actually that started to have a crush on me and I felt like I should tell her about it before she gets any ideas, and the first thing that she said was "Let's talk about it" so we did that and it was really nice of her. I'm not dating her or anything but she's a close friend now so I'm happy about that.

Oh, and thank you for revisiting this post. I've had some hard times just as of lately and Marina's birthday just passed not too long ago, so I appreciate you caring enough to come back to this post. Truly, thank you.
#249 to #114 - spoonnome (03/20/2014) [-]
I know it may sound stupid, but have you ever thought she didn't tell you that she wasn't okay because loved you? Maybe she thought so highly of you, and loved your smile so much that she didn't want to see you frown. Just a thought.
User avatar #258 to #249 - betta (03/20/2014) [-]
Maybe. That'd be a nice thought.

I wish I could've done something, but I shouldn't dwell on the past.
User avatar #442 to #258 - nicoquitemad (03/20/2014) [-]
I'm a guy with a little too much experience in how people act when they mix love and respect with depression, and What spoonnome said, is pretty much fact. That's how 9 out of 10 people act in these situations. They don't want to bother anyone else because of their extremely low confidence or whichever name you might give it.
#261 to #258 - spoonnome (03/20/2014) [-]
There's no way to fix it, but embrace it and keep looking forward. Life gets better man, I promise.
User avatar #267 to #261 - betta (03/20/2014) [-]
Thanks. I'll find solace sometime, but I'll fair off fine for now.
#250 to #114 - Rascal (03/20/2014) [-]
OP is a faggot. You should have known. You should have been able to tell. You really must not have paid attention to her as much as you thought you did, just because you felt good.

Haters gonna hate, people don't kill themselves out of the blue.
User avatar #322 to #114 - nigastix (03/20/2014) [-]
I understand/feel your pain and where you're coming from bro.. more than you know and more than I'd like to admit.

Happiness is something to strive for; just keep on living and you'll find it.
#434 to #114 - Rascal (03/20/2014) [-]
As someone who is painfully suicidal this story hit me hard.

The people around me are the only reason I'm not offing myself, but I can't even get up in the mornings
User avatar #448 to #114 - Animalkilla (03/20/2014) [-]
He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man... Although no man should go through that, my previous words serve large meaning.
User avatar #362 to #114 - perform (03/20/2014) [-]
You know dude, **** happens. It happens to the people who least deserve it and it ain't fair. But if you stay strong and hang in there, I swear by everything I value that it will get better. Look on the bright side. You have a story to tell. You have the experience to help people with their troubles. I for one can't say I have experience in that field but you can. If you always look back at it and cry about it, that's the only thing that will remain of your memories of her. I wouldn't want that. I'm not telling you to forget it because it defines who you are, but I want you to remember the good times along with the bad times. That might make it sadder, but when you look back a few years from now, you'll remember that you didn't regret a single thing. And if you did, well, you know what to do next time to make it right.

tl;dr sok lil' nig u can do eet
#453 to #114 - phyoke (03/20/2014) [-]
I'm so sorry. I almost have the same story, bro. My ex girlfriend is only alive because she didn't take quite enough pills to do the job. She tried to OD on sleeping pills, but once she passed out, her dad found her and took her right to the hospital. I found out about it way after the fact, and I broke down. Since then she's seen therapists and counselors and everything, but I've still had to talk her out of killing herself twice since then. I keep checking in with her every now and then, making sure she's okay. Even though it hurts every time I talk to her because of the rocky way we broke up, it would hurt more, much more, if I couldn't talk to her. I can't imagine what you've gone through, and hope I never have to know.    
   
This gif is basically her every time I say good bye.   
   
Stay strong, neighbor.
I'm so sorry. I almost have the same story, bro. My ex girlfriend is only alive because she didn't take quite enough pills to do the job. She tried to OD on sleeping pills, but once she passed out, her dad found her and took her right to the hospital. I found out about it way after the fact, and I broke down. Since then she's seen therapists and counselors and everything, but I've still had to talk her out of killing herself twice since then. I keep checking in with her every now and then, making sure she's okay. Even though it hurts every time I talk to her because of the rocky way we broke up, it would hurt more, much more, if I couldn't talk to her. I can't imagine what you've gone through, and hope I never have to know.

This gif is basically her every time I say good bye.

Stay strong, neighbor.
User avatar #172 to #114 - civilizedwasteland (03/20/2014) [-]
Out of all of the feely things ive ever read on the internet that comment is competing for top 10
User avatar #266 to #114 - fapfapclapclap (03/20/2014) [-]
I understand your fears, and what you went through was horrible. But you can't be afraid to love again. You will find someone some day and she will make you extremely happy, but whatever you do make sure you're making her happy. I don't mean that in a dick way, i mean it in the way that one sided love always hurts. Just hang in there man. And don't be afraid to love.
User avatar #283 to #266 - betta (03/20/2014) [-]
I'm going to care for whoever it is, with all my heart, and I want them to see how much I care.
#386 to #114 - infinitereaper (03/20/2014) [-]
I don't even have the words bro.   
Losing my own love was the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life,   
but I can't even imagine, not like that, I'm so sorry bro   
   
I wish you well.   
Maybe we can't always choose what life throws at us,   
and maybe every life that has a beginning has an end,   
but it doesn't change the fact she was here, alive   
even with pain I hope you cherish those memories and emotions    
   
See them as a light that can guide you through the dark
I don't even have the words bro.
Losing my own love was the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life,
but I can't even imagine, not like that, I'm so sorry bro

I wish you well.
Maybe we can't always choose what life throws at us,
and maybe every life that has a beginning has an end,
but it doesn't change the fact she was here, alive
even with pain I hope you cherish those memories and emotions

See them as a light that can guide you through the dark
User avatar #155 to #114 - hektoroftroy (03/20/2014) [-]
This is the first time I've ever actually shed a tear while reading something on the internet.
If you ever need something bro, I'll be there for you. We'll be there for you. FJ has your back. Godspeed you magnificent man.
User avatar #158 to #155 - betta (03/20/2014) [-]
Oh man, I didn't want to turn this into a feels post. You got me a bit watery eyed myself. Thank you for the support, it really means a lot.

I'll be fine, I just have to keep going with my life.
User avatar #165 to #114 - peekabeast (03/20/2014) [-]
In your situation, someone is going to find you. It may take a while, but eventually you'll find a girl who will dig through your baggage and get you to smile again. You probably won't even notice her at first, she'll just be a coworker you drove home one day, and before you know it you're telling her this story, thinking it will drive her away. But it won't. She'll see that you're broken and want to fix you, and eventually, she will. Hang in there bro, I believe in you.
User avatar #171 to #165 - betta (03/20/2014) [-]
I've only ever told 5 people. I didn't even mean to tell anyone. I didn't want anyone to feel like I need help. I'm okay. I want others to know that there is happiness in everyone at all times.

Thank you for the support (:
User avatar #175 to #171 - peekabeast (03/20/2014) [-]
I try. You guys are my bros and have helped me through a couple tough times. I owe it to this site to return the favor every once in a while.
#490 to #114 - ilikeducks (03/20/2014) [-]
This is what makes you strong man, take all of this and may it help you when the going gets rough. Known that you can take this man, you got this homie. Best of luck
#460 to #114 - Rascal (03/20/2014) [-]
Her father probably raped her and she didn't want to share it with some beta **** who would just tell "everything is fine because you make me smile".
User avatar #228 to #114 - icameisawilostit ONLINE (03/20/2014) [-]
That's the kind of thing that should bother everyone. Feeling it is what makes us human.
#441 to #114 - thenikohero (03/20/2014) [-]
But what if you could feel something like that love again? The feeling of being accepted and that you could be yourself with someone else and they love you for who you are   
   
Don't you wanna feel that again mate? And I'm sorry about Marina, she sounded like a great girl (of those little facts you told about her)   
   
   
Point is, don't you want to feel accepted again? Don't be afriad my friend, love is the strongest thing out there, and yes.. It scares me too.
But what if you could feel something like that love again? The feeling of being accepted and that you could be yourself with someone else and they love you for who you are

Don't you wanna feel that again mate? And I'm sorry about Marina, she sounded like a great girl (of those little facts you told about her)


Point is, don't you want to feel accepted again? Don't be afriad my friend, love is the strongest thing out there, and yes.. It scares me too.
#163 to #114 - skorchy (03/20/2014) [-]
The feels are strong q.q
-insert long story about my love life here-
User avatar #388 to #114 - FightClub (03/20/2014) [-]
i smell feces
User avatar #159 to #114 - kanaka (03/20/2014) [-]
I wish I could hug people through the internet.
Why aren't we funding this?
In all seriousness, I can understand your feels bro. I've never personally experienced suicide in a close circle of people, but I have had a large number of loved ones pass away over the last few years. The only advice I can offer is that it will take a long time to heal from the emotional damage. But you never know, you may find the right person one day. If you find yourself wanting to have a person in your life, you have to sit down and have a heart to heart with yourself to ask if you are truly ready to be in a relationship. If you are not comfortable with the relationship and you feel guilty, then either not enough time has passed, or you really are not able to have that companion in your life. That's just how psychology works.
User avatar #176 to #159 - betta (03/20/2014) [-]
Death is a hard thing to deal with, in any form. Everything heals eventually though.
#296 to #114 - sposadox (03/20/2014) [-]
Man.. I've had this happen too, in a slightly different way. I'll be honest about it, my girlfriend was transgender. She was a man, but with a lot of hormone therapy she was essentially a woman.. I didn't care that she wasn't "real". I loved her dearly. When she broke up with me because she thought she was keeping me from finding a better girl, I stayed single for all the 6 months we were broken up.

I knew when she came back that she'd leave again, but I just wanted to believe that something in life could be good enough and still be true. I was happy for the next 5 months, and I thought we could last. We started to argue (it was mostly her telling me that she wasn't good enough and her own self-doubts) but I was always there to reassure her. Then one morning, she leaves me a message over facebook. She told me to find a real girl, someone that I deserved, and that she was ending her life. By the time I got the message, it was too late to reply.

**** . First this post makes me feel like I've lived my life wrong, now the tears are coming. I thought time would heal it (its been 2 and half years) but I just keep getting reminded and remembering things weren't as good back then as I wish they were.
#166 to #114 - Rascal (03/20/2014) [-]
It´s easy to tell lies on the interwebzzz ^o^

neway i hope she died a fckn painful death lolz
User avatar #173 to #166 - betta (03/20/2014) [-]
You want attention.

I urge anyone looking at your comment to not thumb it either way, nor reply to it.
#464 to #173 - saxplaya ONLINE (03/20/2014) [-]
I gotta say, betta, your username doesn't seem to fit your words.
#178 to #173 - Rascal (03/20/2014) [-]
It's funny you're telling me I want attention. First of all, I'm posting of an anonymous account, so I wouldn't give two ***** what people think about me.

It is you on the other hand who is looking for attention. Little ******** 'boohoo my gf killed herself ;_; i will never get over it ;________; :------( not posi' story.

**** you emo cunt.
User avatar #458 to #178 - phyoke (03/20/2014) [-]
I really hope nothing like what happened with betta and Marina ever happens to you, because there is no way you would be as composed or controlled as betta.
#361 to #178 - Rascal (03/20/2014) [-]
you're a ******* piece of **** , I hope you know that
User avatar #545 to #114 - kanaka (07/20/2014) [-]
sorry if you don't remember me. view comment #159 if you still care. i do, that;s why i'm trying to contact you
#152 to #114 - foxranger (03/20/2014) [-]
Hang in there bud. Life gets better. Everyone deserves to be happy and at the end of the day thats what she would want for you. Its easy to trick ourselves otherwise but the best way to honor her is to live a full and happy life.
Hang in there bud. Life gets better. Everyone deserves to be happy and at the end of the day thats what she would want for you. Its easy to trick ourselves otherwise but the best way to honor her is to live a full and happy life.
User avatar #156 to #152 - betta (03/20/2014) [-]
I'm trying. Thank you for the support. It means a lot.

Also, thank you for the gif. I lol'd (:
#34 - vlademitrius (03/19/2014) [-]
reminds me of this.
User avatar #438 to #34 - bookyle (03/20/2014) [-]
OMG. I have been looking for this forever. Thanks a lot
User avatar #472 to #34 - beldepinda (03/20/2014) [-]
But the question is, what if there's a slow dance coming up. You don't have a girl and you are sitting on a bench. (at the end of the list)
#527 to #34 - Rascal (03/20/2014) [-]
Alright guys! We all know #91 is true. See you on monday
#286 to #34 - kingpongthedon (03/20/2014) [-]
That's way more than 100 words.
User avatar #121 to #34 - asdflkjhg ONLINE (03/20/2014) [-]
Thank you so much for finding this. I glanced at it once, and by the time I realized how important it was, I couldn't find it.
User avatar #368 to #121 - vlademitrius (03/20/2014) [-]
Welcome!
User avatar #124 - ferndizzle (03/20/2014) [-]
#41

>teacher walks into classoom
>immediately walks out
>the end
#130 to #124 - DrPeppir (03/20/2014) [-]
*You follow the teacher into the hallway and proceed to throw a sandwich at her before walking back into class, pulling your pants aside to expose your genitals before masturbating on an empty chair.*
#136 to #134 - DrPeppir (03/20/2014) [-]
Well...


why not?
#85 - afroadam (03/20/2014) [-]
looking a person in the eye while we are talking is absolute torture for me. talking to people isnt the problem but i have to dart my eyes in other directions for the most part. it's this weird anxiety problem. but im trying hard to be able to look at people in the eye as i talk to them. now it's really only when i right next to them. kinda proud of myself
User avatar #440 to #85 - bookyle (03/20/2014) [-]
also try looking at the eyebrow.
User avatar #98 to #85 - bodasion (03/20/2014) [-]
Then don't look them in the eye. Focus your attention on the spot right above the nose and directly in between the eyes.

You'll experience far less anxiety and the other person will believe you're looking them square in the eye.

(Please remember to blink and occasionally avert your gaze for a moment or two.)
User avatar #153 to #85 - yoandrefj (03/20/2014) [-]
try looking at their mouth, it works for me, i don't get nervous from looking at them directly but it looks like you are.
#119 to #85 - allinallout **User deleted account** (03/20/2014) [-]
I can't look people in the eye for too long. Not because I can't handle it but because I'm told my gaze is very very intense and a lot of people get uncomfortable when i stare into the very fabric of their soul that is the gateway of the pupil
User avatar #244 to #119 - vedomajkatrololol (03/20/2014) [-]
Same here, ive been told when i look into other's eyes i seem to steal their soul right out of them and proceed to sacrifice it to the dark lord right then and there
#101 to #85 - CaptainPugwash (03/20/2014) [-]
Have you tried looking at the bridge of their nose instead? It may not be as intimidating for you as looking them in the eyes but they won't be able to tell the difference.   
But hats off for the progress.
Have you tried looking at the bridge of their nose instead? It may not be as intimidating for you as looking them in the eyes but they won't be able to tell the difference.
But hats off for the progress.
User avatar #248 to #101 - tkuja (03/20/2014) [-]
that's what i started doing many years ago, it definitely helped gain more confidence to start looking people in the eyes
#311 - Freelon (03/20/2014) [-]
"If she has dirty hair, she has a dirty body because if you shower your hair gets wet too."   
                                                                                                        -My Dad
"If she has dirty hair, she has a dirty body because if you shower your hair gets wet too."
-My Dad
User avatar #518 to #311 - bigmanfifty (03/20/2014) [-]
Apparently long hair takes 10milion years to dry so girls just avoid it altogether
User avatar #545 to #518 - thesinful (04/04/2014) [-]
Huh. When I had long hair, I just dried it first. By the time I got it dry, the rest of me was dry too. Cut it short because it was more maintenance than I was interested in and far too hot for work.
#268 - typeonegative (03/20/2014) [-]
my dad's advice to me
my dad's advice to me
#162 - syutsu (03/20/2014) [-]
Considering I never knew my Dad and therefore I never had a father figure this post has actually helped me out a lot. A special thanks to you OP!
User avatar #237 to #162 - ecomp (03/20/2014) [-]
lol you're black
#325 - pwap (03/20/2014) [-]
Thanks
#196 - tastycrisps (03/20/2014) [-]
These are all good except for probably 19

Simply telling people to be confident isn't really the best way to help them. If they had in them the ability to suddenly gain confidence you wouldn't need to tell them that in the first place.

I prefer to say this: Don't be afraid to make mistakes, people are more forgiving than you might think and trying and failing is better than never trying at all. Unless you're into skydiving
User avatar #509 to #196 - disruptard (03/20/2014) [-]
It actually worked perfectly for me. When I started out in sales I was an anxious, nervous 18 year old. After being tipped that faking confidence actually works, I decided to try it out. At first it was horrible, I was so anxious and almost panicking inside when I tried to act confident, but eventually it led to real confidence coming from the inside.
User avatar #278 to #196 - slugnugget (03/20/2014) [-]
worked for me. pretending to be confident eventually led to me being confident.
#385 to #278 - thecrayzeeman (03/20/2014) [-]
How does one exactly "pretend" to be confident?

Even though I'm a very good liar (you'd be suprised how much skill that takes), I could never figure that out.
User avatar #540 to #385 - niggastolemyname (03/22/2014) [-]
I only lie when I've thought it though, is that what you do except fast?
#543 to #540 - thecrayzeeman (03/22/2014) [-]
Same here, I think everything through.

I've seen countless people try to lie, and fail, because it's so obvious that they are lying.

Truth is, it's simple:
1. Don't go overboard, don't make a complicated story, keep it short, simple and believable.
2. Don't include other people. People complicate things.
3. Make sure you remember your story.
4. Make sure nobody can prove you otherwise.

I think that pretty much covers the basics.




#511 to #385 - disruptard (03/20/2014) [-]
You act like confident people do. You never break eye contact first, stand up tall with your back straight, look straigt ahead while walking and seek eye contact rather than avoiding it. Lower the pitch of your voice, don't dart your eyes around in conversations, don't laugh nervously - just act like you're the man. Don't be cocky though, no one likes someone who's absolutely full of themselves. At first it's absolutely horrifying, acting confident on the outside while being nervous/anxious on the inside, but eventually it will start to feel natural.   
   
   
I started out in a sales job at 18, having been totally anxious and nervous my whole life. I spent SO much time thinking that people probably didn't like me or the way I looked or the way I walked or the way I smiled. I was so self conscious it was horrible, every time I was walking out on the street I would face down to my feet and concentrate on not walking weirdly. "Look normal, look normal, I hope that guy didn't think I looked stupid, oh god that cute girl probably thinks I'm a virgin loser" etc. My first job interview was an absolute nightmare, I felt so small and vulnerable, squirming in the chair and wanting to get out of there ASAP. After learning to behave confidently, you really do become confident. It becomes second nature. I'm 21 now, and yesterday I had a job interview at a very successful Norwegian sales company - the interviewer told me that he had 10-12 people for second interviews tomorrow and the day after, but that it wouldn't be necessary in my case. If I had done that same interview 3 years ago, it would have been an interview with an entirely different person.   
   
   
   
Long story short, if you can act confident for long enough, you'll become confident. I guarantee it, you just have to not give up when it's uncomfortable.
You act like confident people do. You never break eye contact first, stand up tall with your back straight, look straigt ahead while walking and seek eye contact rather than avoiding it. Lower the pitch of your voice, don't dart your eyes around in conversations, don't laugh nervously - just act like you're the man. Don't be cocky though, no one likes someone who's absolutely full of themselves. At first it's absolutely horrifying, acting confident on the outside while being nervous/anxious on the inside, but eventually it will start to feel natural.


I started out in a sales job at 18, having been totally anxious and nervous my whole life. I spent SO much time thinking that people probably didn't like me or the way I looked or the way I walked or the way I smiled. I was so self conscious it was horrible, every time I was walking out on the street I would face down to my feet and concentrate on not walking weirdly. "Look normal, look normal, I hope that guy didn't think I looked stupid, oh god that cute girl probably thinks I'm a virgin loser" etc. My first job interview was an absolute nightmare, I felt so small and vulnerable, squirming in the chair and wanting to get out of there ASAP. After learning to behave confidently, you really do become confident. It becomes second nature. I'm 21 now, and yesterday I had a job interview at a very successful Norwegian sales company - the interviewer told me that he had 10-12 people for second interviews tomorrow and the day after, but that it wouldn't be necessary in my case. If I had done that same interview 3 years ago, it would have been an interview with an entirely different person.



Long story short, if you can act confident for long enough, you'll become confident. I guarantee it, you just have to not give up when it's uncomfortable.
#467 to #385 - captainp (03/20/2014) [-]
Good acting. People often pretend to be brave, intelligent etc. Usually they just mimic those that are what they want to be.
#224 to #196 - dontknowmeatall (03/20/2014) [-]
You don't have to be confident, you just need to let people think you are. Look cocky, but act gentle. Eventually you start believing it too. It has worked for me.
User avatar #106 - lnyanchl (03/20/2014) [-]
Thanks, this'll be useful since my dad died recently. I wasn't even old enough to get this kinda advice.
#149 to #106 - twentyninersaregay (03/20/2014) [-]
no macdonalds for you
User avatar #150 to #149 - lnyanchl (03/20/2014) [-]
Don't thumb this guy down.
I ******* laughed.
#7 - ullapool (03/19/2014) [-]
Some people might have problems with nr 23.

Just saying
#154 to #7 - Rascal (03/20/2014) [-]
Or perhaps you need someone's help too. A gunshot wound won't heal on its own do t let that hole be in your life forever.
User avatar #307 - mechaemperor (03/20/2014) [-]
46. Never stick your dick in crazy
47. Everything done at the right time.
#489 - dinkleiceberg (03/20/2014) [-]
**dinkleiceberg rolls 02**
**dinkleiceberg rolls 02**
#478 - nicoquitemad (03/20/2014) [-]
I had to ask the Google what a wet shave was. I did not realize this is what you call a regular shave.
I had to ask the Google what a wet shave was. I did not realize this is what you call a regular shave.
User avatar #396 - tarnis (03/20/2014) [-]
Funnyjunk is a better dad than my dad.
#301 - KillerBunny (03/20/2014) [-]
I'm just going to add a few of my own points for any interested;

1) If you can pull off a beard, do it. But in most situations, make sure to shave your neck, the beard will help define your jawline.

2) Don't give big compliments out unless they're deserved. Smaller compliments work just fine, but if you give a huge meaningful compliment to someone on a daily basis, it won't seem as sincere to them when they go out of their way and do something fantastic that's deserving of that huge compliment.

3) Make sure you smell good. There are few things more unattractive than someone with terrible body odor or breath. Keep gum with you, and invest in some non-overpowering cologne. (I'd personally recommend Hummer H2 cologne. Smells fantastic and it's pretty cheap in most places.)

4) If you absolutely cannot do something to fix a ****** situation, then simply do nothing, and let it go. If there is genuinely nothing that you can do, then constantly thinking about how bad it is will drive you mental, and it's simply a waste of time.

5) Find what you love, and chase it as relentlessly as you can. Even if you fail, there's no shame in that. And I know a lot of people will think this is bad advice because of the risk, but you only get one life. If you're not doing what you want to do, then you're not going to be happy with it, and it's simply not worth it.
User avatar #402 to #301 - mondominiman (03/20/2014) [-]
Where's the cutoff line between a beard and neck beard
#77 - byobgraffpro (03/20/2014) [-]
"nothing looks more badass than a well tailored suit"
#87 to #77 - afroadam (03/20/2014) [-]
i laughed at this way more than i feel i should have
User avatar #88 to #87 - byobgraffpro (03/20/2014) [-]
no man I understand, I was scrolling through my reaction pics and saw this, laughed for a solid 5 minutes before I posted
#91 to #88 - afroadam (03/20/2014) [-]
i dont know why but this pic in my reaction folder always gets me. i cant pull it up with out laughng
User avatar #93 to #77 - afroadam (03/20/2014) [-]
i just realized, he looks like jabba the hut with facial hair
User avatar #541 to #93 - niggastolemyname (03/22/2014) [-]
you made that pic funny for me
thanks
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