Satan Baby. . can Taday, my mather kept nagging at me because my daughter only calms dawn when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will tu

Satan Baby

can Taday, my mather kept nagging at me because my daughter only calms dawn when I play her
metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a " lunatic like her mather". PML
2091 5351 I agree. your life sucks { B) - you deserved it 1772) ., Like l El
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Submitted: 10/11/2013
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User avatar #11 - kevinipples (10/11/2013) [-]
>satan worshiping lunatic
pick one
#35 to #11 - danster (10/12/2013) [-]
Why choose between music you like and awesome anal sex with the devil?
#130 to #11 - anon (10/12/2013) [-]
I'm the devil I love metal!

Check this riff it's ******* tasty!
#29 to #11 - istrollid (10/12/2013) [-]
>MFW this thread
#115 to #29 - myshipsailedwoutme (10/12/2013) [-]
Are you implying that Varg is a Satanist? Cause he's not.
#150 to #115 - skilgannon (10/12/2013) [-]
He is not indeed, however THIS ************ ... King Diamond, a LaVeyan Satanist, bloody fantastic vocalist
User avatar #16 to #11 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/11/2013) [-]
>Implying Satanists can't listen to a certain genre
User avatar #17 to #16 - kevinipples (10/11/2013) [-]
>satan worshiping lunatic
pick one
User avatar #18 to #17 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/11/2013) [-]
I see your hand and I choose to fold, good sir.

Actually, there is a branch of Satanism called Theistic Satanism, and another called Spiritual Satanism, both of which believe Satan to be a real being and worship him as such. However, they believe him to be a good man who is only spoken ill of because 'Victors write the history books', and actually consider him to be a god of Justice, Truth, Empowerment, and Freedom. They also hate Devil-Worshipers, the guys who believe Satan is evil, and have them banned from all their meetings and sometimes even physical fights break-out between the groups. The only reason many people consider all 'Good' Satanists as Levayan is because Levayan Satanism is the most popular. But nobody cares for a religious lesson on Funnyjunk.
User avatar #28 to #18 - basicargentinian (10/12/2013) [-]
I'm actually very thankfull you wrote that. It was quite interesting.
#117 to #18 - myshipsailedwoutme (10/12/2013) [-]
Yeah, I'm not a Satanist at all, but I respect all sects of the religion (except for the "evil" ones you mentioned) and it pisses me off when people talk about like some kind of joke. It's a perfectly valid religion and deserves as much respect as Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, etc. It seems that Satanists are denied most of the privileges/rights that practically every other religion had. It's okay for a teacher to say Satanists are bad, but if they say that about any other religion they risk losing their job, and most people (even those who are all for separation of church and state) think that's completely okay.
User avatar #152 to #18 - treepump (10/12/2013) [-]
I usually don't learn things on FJ.

Take my thumb and do naughty things with it. That's how Funnyjunk works, right?
User avatar #156 to #152 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
I'm unsure, but I'll be sure to sensually violate your thumb in ways you never dreamed.
User avatar #151 to #18 - boydaranga (10/12/2013) [-]
is that luciferainism?
User avatar #154 to #151 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
The bad Satanists? Maybe they identify with a certain branch of it, but Lucifarianism itself is just mixing ancient mythologies with Satanism and adhering to such principles. The last time I checked, the ones who worship the (evil) devil called themselves 'Devil-Worshipers', but I could be wrong.
#157 to #154 - boydaranga (10/12/2013) [-]
I was meaning the good/nonevil theistic satanists.
One of my ex-Favourite Artists was Luciferian. Dani Filth from Cradle of Filth, I don't like his music anymore but Hes still pretty cool
User avatar #159 to #157 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
It would depend on what they identify as. The problem with Satanism is that (as odd as it may sound) is that it's honestly more of a way of life than a religion. Basically, you look it up, find what sects suit you personally or what don't, find what lore you like and don't like, sort it out, and make it into your own personal code to constantly compare yourself to and stand by.

Whether you honestly believe the old lore and legends is not as important as learning and gaining perspective from them. For example, when you're having a rough day you could say "Hey, Prometheus got his innards eaten by an eagle every day for thousands of years. This pain I'm going through now is nothing" and it's supposed to give you perspective, guidance, and support, all coming from you personally and your personal relationships with the gods rather than what a preacher or book says.
#94 to #18 - newforomador (10/12/2013) [-]
To add upon what you're saying, what Satanism is when you boil it down this is just from what I've heard from FJ and a little bit of research on google is the acceptance that humans are animals, and that you should not try to stop your instinctual behavior, as long as it harms nobody but those who might deserve it. This is a picture I saved off of here awhile ago that gives a real quick description of Satanism.

Note: The last part of the 11th Satanic law doesn't literally mean to destroy them, or as most people interpret, kill them. It actually means to make them in one way or another, stop doing whatever it is they are doing that is bad, typically through the means of something like a fight, or even calling the police.
User avatar #97 to #94 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
Yes and no. It may be different in LaVeyan Satanism, but in Spiritual and Theistic Satanism it teaches, in one sentence "Just because you cannot reach perfection is no excuse not to strive for it". It promotes the absolute growth and power of those who deserve it and strive for it, as it deems everyone is destined to become a god, even if very few truly will.

This involves anything that makes you grow as a person, and in this way, LaVeyan Satanism is quite similar because both condemn lying to yourself, limiting yourself, or stopping yourself in any way, and at the same time, both promote being true to yourself and what you are and refining it to your greatest ability.
User avatar #57 to #18 - folkflunky (10/12/2013) [-]
Well Satan punishes bad people. People that rob, that kill, that rape. He can't be THAT bad...
User avatar #60 to #57 - thepsycho (10/12/2013) [-]
It's said that he's just... Stuck there with them, I guess. Can't recall exactly.
User avatar #65 to #60 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
In Christianity, he punishes all. In Catholicism, he's punished with them. Theistic Satanists subscribe to neither of those beliefs.
#106 to #65 - recognize ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
Well in christianity he's given power of "this world" as in the physical realm we live in for a period of time, trying to screw with God's children. But ultimately he's gonna be punished at the end as well.
#58 to #57 - hoskins (10/12/2013) [-]
I see your logic, but that implies putting a sadistic cannibal who eats his victims that's employed by the state to end prisoners would be a good person.
User avatar #67 to #58 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
It would depend why, wouldn't it? If he was truly against evil and wanted to help the world, what does it matter whether he's a cannibal or sadistic? You should judge someone by their morality, ethics, and actions, not hobbies.
User avatar #59 to #58 - folkflunky (10/12/2013) [-]
Have you tasted human meat? I mean, it might taste like chicken.
User avatar #69 to #59 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
It tastes like pork, except a bit harsher: As taken from the journal of Armin Miewes, a German Cannibal and "real life Hannibal Lector"
User avatar #70 to #69 - folkflunky (10/12/2013) [-]
Well eating humans seems like a plan.
User avatar #64 to #57 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
Depends on your version. Spiritual and Theistic Satanists believe in reincarnation, although you can be punished depending upon your favour with Satan and other gods (Protip: Most gods, including Satan, are against generally evil behaviour).
User avatar #71 to #16 - popnotes (10/12/2013) [-]
I seriously know a Satanist who listens to Bach.

Satanism doesn't necessarily mean a person goes out and murders everyone like in CSI dang it
User avatar #74 to #71 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
Indeed, Satanism is misjudged in modern day media due to a predominance of christianity and news reports (few and far between) of ritual sacrifice that include entirely different sects of Satanism (whom most Satanists do not even consider 'real Satanists')
User avatar #75 to #74 - popnotes (10/12/2013) [-]
It just means you pray to a different floating man. Countless disturbing rituals have been carried out in the name of Christianity, Judaism, Islamism, and many others, whereas Atheism has given us euphoria
User avatar #99 to #75 - deadlywarrior (10/12/2013) [-]
Euphoria? As an atheist, I can say that's....inaccurate.
#12 - anon (10/11/2013) [-]
Keep the retarted cunt mother away from the child. Dont let her influence your child's raising
#124 to #12 - anon (10/12/2013) [-]
The husband is the one that got her hooked on metal...
#134 to #12 - anon (10/12/2013) [-]
thanks for all the thumbs guise
User avatar #148 to #12 - teoferrazzi (10/12/2013) [-]
oops forgot to log in
just kidding I hate metal

I could stand to lose a few thumbs anyway
User avatar #87 to #12 - luvtokill (10/12/2013) [-]
I stopped reading at "retarted"
#1 - johrny (10/11/2013) [-]
She truly deserve this!
User avatar #9 to #1 - harala (10/11/2013) [-]
Well we don't know if it is a woman or man. Maybe the grandmother (mother of poster) is just nagging that his wife is a metalhead.
#76 to #9 - anon (10/12/2013) [-]
#119 to #76 - myshipsailedwoutme (10/12/2013) [-]
He's saying that the poster could be the father of the child, while his mother was calling the child's mother a "devil-worshipping lunatic".
#8 - thatonenerd (10/11/2013) [-]
Metal is like gospel...just for Oðin...
User avatar #77 to #8 - strikingeight (10/12/2013) [-]
My mom wanted me to start listening to more Christian music. Thanks to her, she introduced me to Lamb of God and God Smack
#27 to #8 - reallybatman (10/12/2013) [-]
**** yeah Bathory
#3 - harryhai (10/11/2013) [-]
one likeable baby
#98 - phantomzombie (10/12/2013) [-]
Mom's fw
#121 to #98 - myshipsailedwoutme (10/12/2013) [-]
And 1, 2, 3... and left and right... you can do it!
#82 - elsuperburrito (10/12/2013) [-]
But then how will she learn to windmill and head bang if she only listens to gospel music?   
Metal = 1   
Gospel = 0
But then how will she learn to windmill and head bang if she only listens to gospel music?

Metal = 1
Gospel = 0
User avatar #153 to #82 - commontroll (10/12/2013) [-]
I don't know man. Black gospel goes pretty hardcore.

I guess she could always **** with the mom by playing christian metal.
#86 - pivotmasterdm (10/12/2013) [-]
This image has expired
>MFW someone tells me they listen to "death metal" but they actually just listen to "Asking Alexandria"
#128 to #86 - sjhvalks (10/12/2013) [-]
When Asking Alexandria is called any kind of metal exept emo-metalcore.
User avatar #135 to #128 - vikingfaen (10/12/2013) [-]
I think it's called Deathcore or something. Because Metalcore is usually quite enjoyable.
#136 to #135 - sjhvalks (10/12/2013) [-]
Naaah deathcore doesn't have the electronic and poor singing bits, also it's quite technical music and there's more to it then chugging 1 chord.

Asking Alexandria is just a cancerous growth on heavy music.
User avatar #146 to #136 - martmart (10/12/2013) [-]
i think they are post hardcore
User avatar #139 to #86 - rackniuz (10/12/2013) [-]
I like to think that they're sort of a branch for teenage chicks that might lead them to listening to other bands in the metal genre, which is good.

Got any personal band favorites in the metal genre, sir?
User avatar #125 to #6 - squiresparkle (10/12/2013) [-]
I found this way funnier than I should have
#7 - armageddonite (10/11/2013) [-]
May the blessings of Ormagoden follow your child through their life
#48 to #7 - swagbot (10/12/2013) [-]

You're welcome. i know you needed that right now.
#149 to #7 - gavenjones (10/12/2013) [-]
That came out as the narrators voice in my head.
#90 to #7 - DarkestLink (10/12/2013) [-]
I love this game....
I love this game....
#68 - grimmwaters ONLINE (10/12/2013) [-]
Metal =/= Satan
Metal =/= Satan
User avatar #13 to #10 - tormain ONLINE (10/11/2013) [-]
Burn the priest... I copy of that album because it is awesome
User avatar #46 to #10 - xxanoldladyxx (10/12/2013) [-]
Exactly what i thought of. Kick ass album.
#96 to #49 - thedarkkight (10/12/2013) [-]
really! it's what I've always wanted!
#32 - Lintutu (10/12/2013) [-]
That's when you keep playing the music just to spite her
User avatar #155 to #32 - commontroll (10/12/2013) [-]
Switch it to Christian metal and then chew her out for refusing to accept how you raise your own child, and that you switched to Gospel and she still hates it.
User avatar #140 - chenn (10/12/2013) [-]
If so, who does she think is the reason you turned out to be like this?
#20 - gux (10/11/2013) [-]
This image has expired
The stupidity of people like this amuse me to a great length
User avatar #100 - severepwner (10/12/2013) [-]
I am a dedicated christian and your mother grinds my ******* gears.
#56 - josieabby (10/12/2013) [-]
I have too much time on my hands.
I have too much time on my hands.
#138 - anon (10/12/2013) [-]
Silly mother, La Veyan Satanists don't even believe in the devil.

And even if they did, it beats the "benevolent" guy that murdered tons of children if people didnt slaughter lambs and smear their blood on their doors. tbh some **** god did was pretty metal. "DRAW SIGILS ON YOUR DWELLING WITH THE FETID BLOOD OF A SLAUGHTERED ANIMAL OR I WILL SEND A SWARM OF BUGS TO EAT YOUR CHILDREN ALIVE"
User avatar #141 to #138 - serterazi (10/12/2013) [-]
who is that?
#142 to #141 - jaguarjam (10/12/2013) [-]
That was Jesus
User avatar #143 to #142 - serterazi (10/12/2013) [-]
that can't be true, were's your proof?
#144 to #143 - jaguarjam (10/12/2013) [-]
Read bible, silly. Nah I'm just kidding, it was Hospodin and he did it cause the pharaoh was being a dick to Moses and his clicque and wouldn't free them (they were sorta his slaves). Also he did eight more additional pranks.
#145 to #144 - jaguarjam (10/12/2013) [-]
Also that guy got it all wrong, the bugs (ackshuly waz locust) didn't cause the death of the firstborn, they just sorta died (yeah but Godbro was still behind that).
User avatar #160 to #145 - serterazi (10/12/2013) [-]
but these bibles are all wrong and fake, i thought you know this.
the true words of Jesus is kept hidden because if people know it, they wouldn't abide priests and governors. what we've got as the bible is man-made.
#163 to #160 - jaguarjam (10/12/2013) [-]
Cool, you're not a fundamentalist. But I'm not a Christian, I just take keen interest in religion and philosophy. And sorry if I offended you, I meant all that just as a joke. Anyway, I think if you are non-fundamentalist christian, you should still read both Testaments of the bible to get a perspective (hell, I've read that too. It's a lot of reading, but it can be very interesting at times). Or you should atleast have an idea about who Moses was and how the whole Exodus happened.
User avatar #166 to #163 - serterazi (10/12/2013) [-]
you read a bible.
you see obvious falsehood and contradiction in it.
you lose trust to the whole thing.
you see other people keep on that falsehood.
can't bear them be wrong.
your anger and sorriness(?) leads to mock and laughing at them.
but you think "i'm right and they are wrong" so laugh is OK.
this goes on and on.

what you miss here is that ...

Moses and Jesus were true. but we are told wrong about them.
it's totally OK to follow their word. but where to find their true words?
the old and new testament are both written by (let's think positive) priests (if not politicians). it's advisable to try and find true words of a prophet before calling oneself a follower.

i'm done here.
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