Old is Gold. . FIRST TIME HAVING SEX I know REALLY Long, but it is worth the read. ‘foo will be very glad you read it When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time wa Old is Gold FIRST TIME HAVING SEX I know REALLY Long but it worth the read ‘foo will be very glad you When was 17 my girlfriend at time wa
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Old is Gold

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I know REALLY Long, but it is worth the read. ‘foo will be very glad you read it
When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect
of a " year old, was excited. Neither hell not high water was going to stand between me and
my final destination.
I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also
an issue, I have a digestion's disorder that sometimes cause my shit to become large and quite
solid while still inside me. I wasn' t aware it was a treatable problem and, in fact, lust thought
everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a
mighty one which had been loaded into the gun for several days.
Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. We have her house to ourselves. She was always
a little kinky so she demands we do it in her parents bed. I walk in to a candle holocaust, She' s
been working on this all day apparently, and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights
off. Which is good, because she proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little dance for me. At Iti, she
was AMAZING. For those of you who never experienced a female at that age, t pity the fool.
Now I' m sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her how good she looks.
Unfortunately, most of my attention is focused on the dull throbbing from my sphincter and
the large amount of Intestinal discomfort associated with not dropping dime in days. But
somehow I still get hard and we go to town. She starts out on top, than we switch. I bend her
over the bed, and I even smack her ass la ballsy move atthe time, but she loved it]. Due to my
built up distraction, I last for what seems like FOREVER. She can' t stop moaning and telling me
how good it feels, and then she says what every man wants to hear "I want to make you cum
in my mouth." i fucking love women.
so she goes down on me. She was always average at best In the head department but " least
she tried. She pops my cock out of her mouth long enough to look up at me and say "tell me if
you like this". Then I feel it.
She stuck her finger up my ass.
My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks up tighter than a three
year old virgin. Baths too late.
I take a massive, PAINFULL, PAINFULL shit, all over her parents comforter.
No, you aren' t understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your largest shit and
multiple It by and you' ll have an idea of what flew out of me.
And gents, when I say thm, I don' t mean "I pooped." I mean "projectile". I mean "hurricane
force winds hitting an umbrella stand". And due to my condition, it comes out as a large, dark
brown, smelly harpoon.
I know it hit her. I didn' t see it. She ran screaming "OH MY GOD
but I always imagined that, due to her position,
It hit her right in the chin. or at least the tits. I would like to say I got up to go after her. But I
heard the bathroom door shut and Ijust lied there. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It
smelled like someone rolled a cat in shit and threw it into a tire fire. I looked down and saw, to
date, the largest bowel movement I' ever heard of laying on the bed. Then I noticed the
blood, and when I did, I noticed the pain.
Apparently the fact that It was so large caused it to rip my ass a little bit {thought I was
bleeding from the inside. This little doctors trip the next day is what taught me of my
condition]. There was a small pool of blood where my ass had been. A final reminder of the
exact place and moment I lost my virginity. I will treasure this memory for all my days.
I grab my shit with my hands and go to the downstairs bathroom. I throw around Ha Into the
toilet and flush, fee ring any more will clog it and only add to my already significant woes, I
stand there, holding of my biggest shit of all time, feeling a trickle of blood flow down my
leg, trying to Ignore the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I find myself wishing I had a photo of
Anyway, I finish flushing my baby, clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between my cheeks "
skipped the madam] and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend sobbing from behind the
bathroom door, I decided not to say anything to her and just keep moving, The smell in her
parents room was abysmal. Its like when you take a shit and walk out of the bathroom you
think "hey not so bad today," but then you walk back in to grab your magazine and go "HOLY
Sorrt.", It was one of those moments.
The scene is bu med behind my eyelids for all time. My life. My shame. My very first time
smelled like a pile of dead babies. I quickly got dressed since the heat from ten thousand
candles was making the room feel more like a , I was aware enough to grab the
comforter on my way out and drag it down stairs to their wash er. Also the top and bottom
sheets since the blood had leaked on through all the way to mattress. Still no sign of the but
at this point I considered it a blessing.
clammed in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing that not
even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Tide and Snuggles. Then I left. I
avoided my (H' s calls for days until she came to my house. We had a long talk about what
happened. Talk being synonymous with "breaking up with me because I shit on her", And it
was all over. She promised not to tell a soul and I don' t THINK she ever did. She was probably
as ashamed as I was about the whole deed. But I will always this happening as the most
embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me,
Hey, if all this time reading it you probably have enough time to thumb J .
Views: 25452 Submitted: 07/11/2014
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> hey anon, wanna give your opinion?
User avatar #8 - sweetsighlullaby
Reply +118 123456789123345869
(07/11/2014) [-]
Had sex with this guy in college
He asked if he could finger my ass
Before I gave the ok he punched me in the asshole as hard as he could
He thought that was how fisting worked
That is not how fisting works.
User avatar #11 to #8 - ninjaroo
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
Why would you even try that, even if that WAS how fisting works there is a difference between fingering and fisting.
Also, Inb4 someone calls you an attention whore for talking about sex.
#53 to #11 - aerosol
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
The fact that it's been 9 hours, and it still hasn't happened yet, amazes me. Things have been different ever since peanutbitter's contests. I guess it's okay.
The fact that it's been 9 hours, and it still hasn't happened yet, amazes me. Things have been different ever since peanutbitter's contests. I guess it's okay.
#13 to #11 - poppies
-7 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #20 to #13 - ninjaroo
Reply +10 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
Am I mistaken as to what "Inb4" means? I was pointing out that people call girls attention whores for no reason, and that it was strange it hadn't happened yet.
#36 to #13 - anon id: 8e907736
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
inb4 some faggot whitename doesn't know what inb4 mea-oh, wait, too late.
#48 to #8 - adr
Reply +10 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
Hey Captain Falcon had a hard time experimenting in college like every one else.
#1 - bootylicker
Reply +62 123456789123345869
(07/11/2014) [-]
HFW she put her finger in his ass.
#6 to #1 - ezombio
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(07/11/2014) [-]
No man, that's really kinky.
#4 - nerdiestjockever
Reply +43 123456789123345869
(07/11/2014) [-]
It's relevant if you think about it.
It's relevant if you think about it.
User avatar #10 to #4 - redwrench
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
I'd rather not.
User avatar #7 - tittylovin
Reply +22 123456789123345869
(07/11/2014) [-]
Why are there so many 4chan stories that have been un-greentexted lately? This is ******** man, give credit where it's due.
#16 to #7 - vymastenaochechula
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
do you have an original?
"unfortunately there was also an issue. i have digestional disorder..." i can't read 4chan story turned this gay
#21 - xcoreyx
Reply +16 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
I hate the fact that people break up with each other over **** heh like this. I mean yeah it was traumatizing, but what the ****? It's not like it was his fault, or he did it on purpose, or it's likely to happen again. Just talk about it, apologize for the bad time, and try again at a later date. To end a relationship based on a single event that was unintentional and caused no significant long-term damage is idiotic if you ask me.
User avatar #60 to #21 - levelninetynine
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
I almost married a woman who passed out and pissed all over me while we were having sex. I'm very understanding if someone has an accident or something else goes awry.
User avatar #40 to #21 - TheHutchie
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
You have to remember the mental effects an event like this can have. I'm not talking PTSD or anything so dramatic, but it's a hugely significant incident and in most relationships, it would be massive defining factor. If I couldn't look at my girlfriend without seeing some kind of ********* memory in my mind, I'd probably get the **** out of there too. You have to look out for yourself sometimes.
#51 to #40 - ftsfts
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
The first time I attempted at having sex turned out to be a failure because I could not get it in and started laughing quite hard. The next day the girl felt like we had rushed our relationship so we became just friends. I think my situation may not be as bad but it still doesn't prevent me from trying to have a relationship with this girl although that moment will probably not be forgotten by either of us.
User avatar #52 to #51 - TheHutchie
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
It would never be a dominant factor of your relationship though. That's the difference. You had a minor slip-up, not a traumatic incident.

You may remember it from time to time, and you and the girl could have laughed about it.

So to summarise, in this case I'd say the girl overreacted, but in OP's case I'd argue that his girl didn't necessarily do the same.
#22 to #21 - catburglarpenis
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
Had to thumb you back up. I agree. Plus he had a condition. Do you have to apologize for being mentally handicapped? Having PTSD? Chronic huge dick syndrome?

I shouldn't think so.
User avatar #12 - levelninetynine
Reply +15 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
My first time story

>Getting stoned with two lesbians in a car behind some random apartment
>One fatty sits at 8.9 on the richter scale the other 11.7
>Notice the odd sexual tension but shrug it off as lesbian infatuation
>They ask if they can both can give me head
>Being 14 I was more than ready to bust a nut
>Walk into the apartment and go into the laundry room
>Feel like a king with these two going down on me like my dick was the last twinkie in existence
>They pull out a condom that was way too small and try to shove it on my dick
>Break condom along with a couple blood vessels
>For some reason we decided to back to the car
>Start ******* 11.7 in the back seat
>Her lover is masturbating in the front which kind of turned me on
>Blow my cream filling into the beast
>Up next is 8.9
>Start ******* her semi flaccid
>I start getting hard again and notice her innards are getting a little solid
>Feels like my dick is riding a cobble stone road
>Make point by comparing her lady parts to a dry corncob
>She then admits her and her lover shared the clap with each other
>I cried a lot

I have a few more to share
User avatar #24 to #12 - catburglarpenis
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
Clap's treatable. Consider it a win.

1. First time double head
2. Creampie
3. Threesome
4. Lesbians
5. Starter Pokemon STD
6. 2 Girls 1 Night
7. 14 years old (I was 18 before I first made the beast w/2 backs)

You win harder than Germany's win over Brasil lololololol topical joke
User avatar #29 to #12 - levelninetynine
Reply +9 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
First time anal story
>Be 17
>Best friends with a group of four guys and we meet two sluts at the air base
>One girl is cute but doesn't have tits or ass and the other girl is pretty fine looking
>We pass these girls around in our group for a few months
>I'm hanging with the fine female solo dolo and recovering from an all nighter
>I offer to smoke plenty of pot with her and a good **** before taking her home
>Out in the middle of know where and a few grams later I initiate the intercourse
>I go straight to blasting her from behind since it that was my favorite position then
>I had forcibly insert my average sized sausage into her auditorium
>Starting to become aware something is awry after 30 seconds
>Look her in the eyes and notice she's crying and gritting her teeth
>Look down at my dick and find out it was in her ass
>Look closer and notice some blood some is bit of an understatement
>Not thinking I pull out as fast as I can and pull a good 4 inches of rectum out
>Bleeding **** all over my wincing phallus
>Bitch pushes prolapsed rectum back in
>Says it's fine and wants to keep going and by this point I tell her this was the worst sexual experience ever
Fast forward four years. I've started talking to her a month ago and now we are starting to form an actual relationship. She's one the nicest, most quirky, honest girls I know of and that's a nice refreshment after what happened in my last relationship.
#32 to #29 - applesdontpee
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
1. holy **** that's ********** with a side of Jesus ******* Christ.

2. fine female solo dolo
#14 - evebishop
Reply +11 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#49 to #14 - adr
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
Third time in 24 hours I have seen this and it has been relevant every time.
User avatar #64 to #49 - evebishop
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(07/13/2014) [-]
Three times in a day...? I usually try to not post stuff that everyone else is using. To be honest, I feel bad when I use this gif but thanks
User avatar #37 - wrocky
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
my first time:

>2nd year college
>go on random social boards, post my number
>i'd say i'm okay looking, as in above average as far as looks compared to the rest in my area but has underage written all over my face(i have young boy features even now) but some girls were still into that ****
>get this girl, 17
>we flirt
>says i'm cute
>tell her we hook up in her place,
>says no because parents
>watch dvd
>chairs apart
>me anxiously clueless thinking "how do i tell her that we do it"
>says she suddenly feels sleepy
>make bed
>but still clueless on how to proceed because the dvd was still running
>say "hey uh, i'll just finish the movie okay?"
>she says "uhuh"..
>heart beating fast
User avatar #38 to #37 - wrocky
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
>waiting minutes for i have no ******* clue
>sum up courage to come in..
>lie next to her
>she feels it
>we make out
>she starts tugging my dick while i hurriedly grab her boobs as if i it was on sale
>she moans while we make out
>on top of her, take off her blouse
>perkyperkytits..i reeally felt lucky
>she takes control, goes on top of me.. and does the blowy
>it hurt at first, her mouth was small or she wasn't opening her mouth well
>start to enjoy it..
>let her lay
>put condom on
>indiana jones time
>finally iwas llike "fck yes i'm no virgin anymore. yay"
>start humping while she digs her fingers in my back
>notice phone ringing non-stop
User avatar #41 to #38 - wrocky
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
>it was from mom
>oh no..
>see messages
>also from mom
>oh god no
>reads "anon! gtfo of there! this is coolbro, i used mom's number and pretended to text someone.. you and your date should leave we are about to head back!"
>internal panic but continues to hump
>she notices
>"sumthing wrong?"
>*continued humping* uh no...
>hear gate open
>it was annoying youngest bro
>youngest bro went straight to my room and started knocking loudly
>anon! anon! mom is here! *went to the window side of my room and peeked while continuesly tapping on the glass*
>brilliant idea hit me
>in a weak voice as if i just woke up i said "uhhh.. hey.. wat.. we are sleeping"(yes. i was bad at acting)
User avatar #42 to #41 - wrocky
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
>get off of her.. did not cum.
>mom furious for some reason
>"anon! get out of there, what your doing is not right blablabla"
>weak voice "okay mom, we were just sleeping.. i just woke up"
>does not sound convinced
>"hi this is anon girl who i was 'sleeping' beside-with"
>she then continues to interrogate my date as if we were about to marry for doing it
>i say we were about to leave
>mom insists we do after dinner
>endure the shame of her unecessary interrogation >_>
User avatar #43 to #42 - wrocky
Reply +7 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
>i take her home
>we ride the bus
>it was dark, not so many people inside
>about to pass lonng ass tunnel
>put my arm around her while jokingly tell her that it sucked we didn't finish
>then got the idea that she blow me inside while the next passenger was in front of us
>try best to be discreet
>tunnel about to end, too much lightness and exposure ahead..
>blow load insider her mouth
>did not expect her to swallow @_@
>i said we should do this again
>we did... maybe 2 more times but then.. we lost communication, she has a kid now with some guy
#45 to #43 - skorpius
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
MFW girls swallow
MFW girls swallow
#3 - teranin
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(07/11/2014) [-]
My first time on that went a bit... better.
#56 - yuh
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(07/12/2014) [-]
Comment Picture