Old is Gold. . FIRST TIME HAVING SEX I know REALLY Long, but it is worth the read. ‘foo will be very glad you read it When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time wa
Home Original Content Funny Pictures Funny GIFs YouTube Funny Text Funny Movies Channels Search

hide menu

Old is Gold

FIRST TIME HAVING SEX
I know REALLY Long, but it is worth the read. ‘foo will be very glad you read it
When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect
of a " year old, was excited. Neither hell not high water was going to stand between me and
my final destination.
I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also
an issue, I have a digestion's disorder that sometimes cause my **** to become large and quite
solid while still inside me. I wasn' t aware it was a treatable problem and, in fact, lust thought
everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a
mighty one which had been loaded into the gun for several days.
Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. We have her house to ourselves. She was always
a little kinky so she demands we do it in her parents bed. I walk in to a candle holocaust, She' s
been working on this all day apparently, and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights
off. Which is good, because she proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little dance for me. At Iti, she
was AMAZING. For those of you who never experienced a female at that age, t pity the fool.
Now I' m sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her how good she looks.
Unfortunately, most of my attention is focused on the dull throbbing from my sphincter and
the large amount of Intestinal discomfort associated with not dropping dime in days. But
somehow I still get hard and we go to town. She starts out on top, than we switch. I bend her
over the bed, and I even smack her ass la ballsy move atthe time, but she loved it]. Due to my
built up distraction, I last for what seems like FOREVER. She can' t stop moaning and telling me
how good it feels, and then she says what every man wants to hear "I want to make you cum
in my mouth." i ******* love women.
so she goes down on me. She was always average at best In the head department but " least
she tried. She pops my cock out of her mouth long enough to look up at me and say "tell me if
you like this". Then I feel it.
She stuck her finger up my ass.
My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks up tighter than a three
year old virgin. Baths too late.
I take a massive, PAINFULL, PAINFULL **** , all over her parents comforter.
No, you aren' t understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your largest **** and
multiple It by and you' ll have an idea of what flew out of me.
And gents, when I say thm, I don' t mean "I pooped." I mean "projectile". I mean "hurricane
force winds hitting an umbrella stand". And due to my condition, it comes out as a large, dark
brown, smelly harpoon.
I know it hit her. I didn' t see it. She ran screaming "OH MY GOD
but I always imagined that, due to her position,
It hit her right in the chin. or at least the tits. I would like to say I got up to go after her. But I
heard the bathroom door shut and Ijust lied there. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It
smelled like someone rolled a cat in **** and threw it into a tire fire. I looked down and saw, to
date, the largest bowel movement I' ever heard of laying on the bed. Then I noticed the
blood, and when I did, I noticed the pain.
Apparently the fact that It was so large caused it to rip my ass a little bit {thought I was
bleeding from the inside. This little doctors trip the next day is what taught me of my
condition]. There was a small pool of blood where my ass had been. A final reminder of the
exact place and moment I lost my virginity. I will treasure this memory for all my days.
I grab my **** with my hands and go to the downstairs bathroom. I throw around Ha Into the
toilet and flush, fee ring any more will clog it and only add to my already significant woes, I
stand there, holding of my biggest **** of all time, feeling a trickle of blood flow down my
leg, trying to Ignore the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I find myself wishing I had a photo of
this.
Anyway, I finish flushing my baby, clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between my cheeks "
skipped the madam] and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend sobbing from behind the
bathroom door, I decided not to say anything to her and just keep moving, The smell in her
parents room was abysmal. Its like when you take a **** and walk out of the bathroom you
think "hey not so bad today," but then you walk back in to grab your magazine and go "HOLY
Sorrt.", It was one of those moments.
The scene is bu med behind my eyelids for all time. My life. My shame. My very first time
smelled like a pile of dead babies. I quickly got dressed since the heat from ten thousand
candles was making the room feel more like a , I was aware enough to grab the
comforter on my way out and drag it down stairs to their wash er. Also the top and bottom
sheets since the blood had leaked on through all the way to mattress. Still no sign of the but
at this point I considered it a blessing.
clammed in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing that not
even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Tide and Snuggles. Then I left. I
avoided my (H' s calls for days until she came to my house. We had a long talk about what
happened. Talk being synonymous with "breaking up with me because I **** on her", And it
was all over. She promised not to tell a soul and I don' t THINK she ever did. She was probably
as ashamed as I was about the whole deed. But I will always this happening as the most
embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me,
Hey, if all this time reading it you probably have enough time to thumb J .
...
+684
Views: 25225
Favorited: 78
Submitted: 07/11/2014
Share On Facebook
Add to favorites Subscribe to katarinaismywaifu E-mail to friend submit to reddit
Share image on facebook Share on StumbleUpon Share on Tumblr Share on Pinterest Share on Google Plus E-mail to friend

Comments(64):

[ 64 comments ]

Show All Replies Show Shortcuts
Show:   Top Rated Controversial Best Lowest Rated Newest Per page:
Order:
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #8 - sweetsighlullaby (07/11/2014) [+] (6 replies)
Had sex with this guy in college
He asked if he could finger my ass
Before I gave the ok he punched me in the asshole as hard as he could
He thought that was how fisting worked
That is not how fisting works.
#1 - bootylicker (07/11/2014) [+] (1 reply)
HFW she put her finger in his ass.
#4 - nerdiestjockever (07/11/2014) [+] (1 reply)
It's relevant if you think about it.
It's relevant if you think about it.
User avatar #7 - tittylovin (07/11/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Why are there so many 4chan stories that have been un-greentexted lately? This is ******** man, give credit where it's due.
#21 - xcoreyx ONLINE (07/12/2014) [+] (5 replies)
I hate the fact that people break up with each other over **** heh like this. I mean yeah it was traumatizing, but what the **** ? It's not like it was his fault, or he did it on purpose, or it's likely to happen again. Just talk about it, apologize for the bad time, and try again at a later date. To end a relationship based on a single event that was unintentional and caused no significant long-term damage is idiotic if you ask me.
User avatar #12 - levelninetynine (07/12/2014) [+] (3 replies)
My first time story

>Getting stoned with two lesbians in a car behind some random apartment
>One fatty sits at 8.9 on the richter scale the other 11.7
>Notice the odd sexual tension but shrug it off as lesbian infatuation
>They ask if they can both can give me head
>Being 14 I was more than ready to bust a nut
>Walk into the apartment and go into the laundry room
>Feel like a king with these two going down on me like my dick was the last twinkie in existence
>They pull out a condom that was way too small and try to shove it on my dick
>Break condom along with a couple blood vessels
>For some reason we decided to back to the car
>Start ******* 11.7 in the back seat
>Her lover is masturbating in the front which kind of turned me on
>Blow my cream filling into the beast
>Up next is 8.9
>Start ******* her semi flaccid
>I start getting hard again and notice her innards are getting a little solid
>Feels like my dick is riding a cobble stone road
>Make point by comparing her lady parts to a dry corncob
>She then admits her and her lover shared the clap with each other
>I cried a lot

I have a few more to share
#14 - evebishop (07/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
Comment Picture
User avatar #37 - wrocky ONLINE (07/12/2014) [+] (5 replies)
my first time:

>18
>2nd year college
>go on random social boards, post my number
>i'd say i'm okay looking, as in above average as far as looks compared to the rest in my area but has underage written all over my face(i have young boy features even now) but some girls were still into that ****
>get this girl, 17
>we flirt
>says i'm cute
>tell her we hook up in her place,
>says no because parents
>ourplacethen.something
>watch dvd
>chairs apart
>me anxiously clueless thinking "how do i tell her that we do it"
>says she suddenly feels sleepy
>omfgomfgomfgomfg.gif
>make bed
>but still clueless on how to proceed because the dvd was still running
>say "hey uh, i'll just finish the movie okay?"
>she says "uhuh"..
>wtfiswrongwithme.avi
>heart beating fast
#45 to #43 - skorpius (07/12/2014) [-]
MFW girls swallow
MFW girls swallow
#3 - teranin ONLINE (07/11/2014) [-]
My first time on that went a bit... better.
#56 - yuh (07/12/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#9 - anonymous (07/11/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Comment Picture
#34 - maxxer (07/12/2014) [-]
Holy **** nuggets I'm in tears right now! Thank you for making my entire week i would give you 25 pinkies if i could!

10/10 would read again
User avatar #33 - lebarricuda (07/12/2014) [+] (4 replies)
tl;dr

I'm ashamed...
User avatar #35 to #33 - cormy ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
You should be. It's actually pretty fast-paced and picks up quickly after the 2nd paragraph.
Pretty hilarious too.
User avatar #18 - thisisspartah ONLINE (07/12/2014) [+] (1 reply)
sounds like you had a, ****** time
User avatar #58 - artyomthefirst (07/12/2014) [+] (1 reply)
My first time
>Be in love with 8/10 qt she was 16 at the time cute as **** petite
>She doesn't want any part of me
>I was a rather good looking guy 16 a little tall and skinny but whatever
>I do everything FOR this girl
>One day invite her over to do a school project and she's known to get a little frisky
>Be in my room writing and **** and she putting her legs over mine
>We finish up the work and I ask my parents to go for a walk with them
>We go but instead just go in the security hut that we have because we live in a gated community
>We're in there ask girl to take off her shirt and bra she does I get a grab of them titties
>I grab them for a long time just talking to her as she lays on my while I'm sitting down
>Mid conversation she stops me from talking and says I shouldn't talk so much and starts making out with me
>Feelsgoodman.jpg
User avatar #59 to #58 - artyomthefirst (07/12/2014) [-]
>Make out with her for what seems like forever
>Then after some persuation I get her to get naked
>We continue kissing as I sit her in a chair she leans back in it and I start fingering her
>She's moaning and ****
>After some more persuation I get her to agree for her to **** me
> ************** .jpg
>I take of my shirt and pants and get down low and try to jerk my cock to get it to become hard it won't
>Loosing my mind silently
> ************* of color.jpg
>She then grabs my dick and starts jacking it saying "that's not the guys job"
>Get hard as soon as she starts and then put my dick in her
>I start pumping feeling good that my first time was with this hotty
>She starts leaning more causing me to squat I literally pull a muscle in my leg trying
>So I move her to a different higher seat and continue *******
>I lasted an ok time and she def came
>We finish we get dressed come back into my house eat and ****
>I kiss her one more time and she leaves
>MFW a few days later I found out she was 5 months preg with an other guy
>Mfw she didn't show at all not at all
>Mfw I am heartbroken
>mfw
#57 - anonymous (07/12/2014) [-]
go to 4chan
#54 - aleksandurr (07/12/2014) [-]
seriously tho who the **** just jams their finger into a mans ass? I know its supposed to feel good or kinky or something when your prostate gets massaged, but at least ******* ask before you just get it in there. there's a reason he has a penis and not a vagina.
#28 - sbjnolongenough (07/12/2014) [-]
Thank you for sharing this story, I laughed and felt a little bad for you.
One of the best stories i have ever heard.
#26 - nudybooty (07/12/2014) [-]
This was just magical. I hope one day you can share this story on the news or something and the whole world can hear of this story
This was just magical. I hope one day you can share this story on the news or something and the whole world can hear of this story
[ 64 comments ]
Leave a comment
 Friends (0)